a distinction i'm trying to make

[DJHoolahoop]

i was talking with a girl tonight about guys meeting girls, relationships and what attraction is about. you know its funny that it felt like what i was asking and talking about was borderline AFC/LBJF type stuff and yet it didn't matter to me if she started making any comments that made it out like i was.

anyways to the meat of what went on, essentially it ended up that we were talking about relationships and how people get clingy, or too closed up (or the type of guy who learns skill to intentionally fvck a chick and leave). so while i asked her about her experience with relationships and where things went badly. i also asked her if when a guy gets "one-itis" for a girl and she makes it harder for him to keep her on a pedastal, that it seems like an act of betrayal on the mans part. and when i explained it further about how that shows weak character in that man, she agreed with me. (why wouldn't she right? but bare with me)

understand that there was no real purpose to tonight other than "research". i mean, my point wasn't to find things to get her to express herself with so that i can get to know her better NOR was it me trying to gain her approval of me so that i can fit "that image" i asked her about. but rather i had a nagging suspicion about relationships and i'm trying to confirm or deny it.

i thought about how all this stuff that we learn plays into it. we become better men in the sense that we start living from our core. we work out, we clean up, shape up, smarten up and begin learning about how to apply ourselves in our life to get what we want out of it. and in turn its through this that allows one to become more familiar with who they are, to make less excuses for being such and to learn who that person is that they want to be.
then once they have learned more about who that is and have developed into that person, naturally its through being themselves that makes the improvement most.

its not "being yourself" as in being on your best behaviour and saying "here, i brought you some flowers" while thinking (isn't this how it works? i buy you flowers, i prove myself to you and that's how i get you?) and its not about "i have to wait 3 days to call her because that will show her i live my own life and am too busy for her until then". but what is it then? what is it that works so well and allows the man to be able to be so effective in the world?

and what makes AFC's so horrible and PUA's so good? the PUA isn't good because he hides his intentions and makes himself of lower status or value because he thinks its what he's supposed to do. and the afc isn't horrible because he makes his intentions known and is upfront with who he is. its because of those things that makes one more favourable than the other. i bet you can figure out which one and why too.

but that's what brings it all home. in the end its amazing how all the BS and crap we put ourselves through is essentially because we put ourselves through it. all the crap we allow to affect us is in our control and is no longer an issue once we live more from within ourselves and less from what's in our environment. like all of it can be so small and pointless its remarkable how its such a big thing. forgive a man for wanting to be a man and forgive a woman for not letting us get away with being a boy. and that's what they're there for. to keep us on top of ourselves and to keep them on top of us.

if my understanding of how to make things work for yourself and how to be effective in both gaming women and in finding a relationship is at all on the right path. it deals with not getting caught up in it. not getting caught up in life and being aware when you are. being able to recognize the signs when you see them and knowing what to do comes from asking in the moment "how is what I'm doing serving myself for the better or my purpose". even though this seems simple enough and is practiced, its important never to lose sight of that. even when it means things don't always work out the way you had hoped, but its through that energy and ever knowing and wanting drive to achieve freedom(well-being) in life that makes asking that all the more important.

and thats the distinction i've been trying to make. and it seems to me that in the end you're still you either way, BUT what makes the key difference here is that one is able to fully give themselves to life in the present and the other is afraid to.

 

[Sean O]

the PUA isn't good because he hides his intentions and makes himself of lower status or value because he thinks its what he's supposed to do. and the afc isn't horrible because he makes his intentions known and is upfront with who he is.

Shouldn't you have switched "PUA" and "AFC" in your statement?

 

[Bvbidd]

AFCs think girls should like them for who they are and are upfront about wanting the girl.

PUAs think girls should not like them for who they are but rather a certain personality they memorize and then pretend to be.

AFC > PUA (They are way at the bottom and probally have the most issues)

He means status in value as in a person, not the pua term.

Both being an average guy who is eager to profess his love, and a creep who memorizes lines because he doesn't feel he deserves women as he is, are both not really the greatest way to go. PUAs on the other hand target drunk chicks and probally get laid a lot more than an AFC though.

Still nobody will get laid as much as the goodlooking guy who has the most friends, money, and social status.

 

[DJHoolahoop]

Shouldn't you have switched "PUA" and "AFC" in your statement?

not exactly cuz i see what you mean guys, but the AFC only is upfront with who he THINKS he's supposed to be, or what he thinks will win the womans approval. the PUA makes no excuses and doesn't need to win their approval in order to move forward.

man i would look at a girl i thought was hot and wanna bang her, but did i go up to her like that? did i act from that core? no i thought i was a creep for wanting that and so i felt i had to be her friend to show i wasn't one. yet it didn't make sense to me at all. i never liked that trade off of having to hide myself and be what i thought the girls were looking for. but that's what made SO MANY PROBLEMS for me. why i was nervous, why i was afraid of approaches, and all the crap i dealt with from women was because i was trying to GET AWAY with not being my true self.

who you end up being is MORE of what they want because the freedom and everything you get in life comes from what you want and put out to get. i agree with what Bvbidd said in that "nobody will get laid as much as the goodlooking guy who has the most friends, money, and social status.", but it ISN'T because he has those things is the product of why he gets that success. but if you look into more about HOW he has those things, THAT is what in the end is attractive to those women. sure they may not actually see it as that and can be attracted to those lesser things like money, glamour, vanity and all that BS, but underneath it all its how he's able to get it.

instead of realizing that its through who you are being that gets you what you want in life one can look at what they don't have and be thinking "man i'd be so happy if i had money, or man if i had a car i'd get women, or man if i looked better i'd be more attractive." then when they see the guy that has those things it CONFIRMS that belief. They see the girl in the car with the guy and think its proof that it gets the woman, sure if that's all she's interested in, but because of how he got that car i'm sure is a reflection of why she's there.

 

[diablo]

DJ Tips is for giving tips. DJD is for discussing questions you have. Moved.