A comment on the Iron Rule of Tomassi #4

[guru1000]

JoPhil , Very well stated. The system does not allow me to rep you until i spread it around.

Rollo, another losing battle. Look at the bright side, at least you have 5 bars.

The greatest indicator of human behavior is the pain/pleasure dynamic. One will most often engage in the action that causes most pleasure and least pain.

That being said, when an OVERT Expectation, Boundary or Ultimatum is positioned, the SO has to make a decision. Is what you are requesting WORTH losing you? She weighs her options and complies with the dynamic that produces more pleasure and less pain.

For example, let us say she is withholding sex. You make an OVERT ASSERTION of what you EXPECT in a relationship. You disclose a sexually satisfying relationship is a MUST for you to be happy. As well, she knows you DO NOT sell yourself short.

She must make a decision; comply to your request like most other healthy relationships OR lose you.

If she chooses the latter, it was in your best interest. After all, if she is willing to lose you , she has shown her true interest level.

Attention MEN:

Do not FEAR expressing your boundaries and expectations. This is what MEN do.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Look at the bright side, at least you have 5 bars.

Oh and I bet that just burns your ass too doesn't it?

You guys are really fighting the wrong guy here. If anything I'm agreeing with your points thus far, I'm just saying they're prompted by a different motivation. I realize everything has to turn into this liberalism vs. conservatism team mentality for you both in order for you to feel validated in your narrow perceptions, but I'm not disagreeing on this point. Ultimatums ARE very effective, no doubt, nothing inspires like a gun to your head, but what makes for a better relationship, one based on fear of retaliation or one based on genuine desire?

 

[Mr.Positive]

Ultimatums ARE very effective, no doubt, nothing inspires like a gun to your head, but what makes for a better relationship, one based on fear of retaliation or one based on genuine desire?

Right..I think perhaps everyones thinking of different contexts.

Think of why laws, like Jophil posted, are in place. They are in place because there was a problem, that needed to be fixed. It was fixed, by placing restrictions on our actions. If everyone drove safely, we wouldn't need speed limits.

Ultimatums are the same way..fixing problems. Damage control. Not a good place to be in a relationship...constantly preforming damage control.

It's best to lead by example, and reward good behavior by being someone to be looked up to.

To many ultimatums and you are with a woman with low IL.