2 year relationship going bad..what do I do?

[iqqi]

yo fellas, lets not get into a big cohabitation debate on this guys thread.

i agree hugely with slickster on this one. you should never ever put up with disrespect. why? it leads to loss of respect.

she may be going through some **** right now. so i would say have some sensitivity and tenderness before you put your foot down. if she is acting b!tchy, it may be a defense mechanism, she may be one rude comment away from a hurricane of tears and emotions she may not even understand. if you immediately respond to her defense mechanism offensively, she may get more defensive and resentful.

so try disarming her first. some on here may be like "no, fcuk that, put this chik in her place" but this is your girl. and she has been for 2 years. when she gets all b!tchy, do whatever it is that ususally makes her feel good. maybe rub her back? i don't know, you would know better than me. then when she is calm, ask her. plain and simple. "how do you feel? what are you thinking?"

you have to make her feel like you really care, or she may not even answer you, or blow off the question.

i think she may be having insecurities as to how much she means to you. i think that may be where all of this is coming from. she wonders if things are too serious, what will happen if you leave her, blah blah blah.

or it could be she is falling out of love with you, and doesn't know how to tell you, or how to feel. be prepared for that.

but with all that in mind, keep a fine boundary. if you have tried to disarm her, you were sensitive and patient, and she is just being a biotchhh? then go right up to what slick and cyrano said to do.

peace

 

[entropy]

losing two whole years....

Let's get to the root of the problem.

Our society is getting desensitized on all levels. Sorry guys, but not one of us on here are going to be able to "KEEP IT FRESH" until were 80. Imagine 40 plus years of racking your brain for ideas. It's not realistically going to happen, and it isn't realistic to expect this of anyone. This reminds me of a saying...."show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and i'll show you a guy who is tired of F***ing her". We buy into the myth of variety when 9 times out of 10, the grass isn't greener on the other side.

The problem...

your girlfriends a desensitized little bytch, who demands that you entertain her. she doesn't take into account that relationships are give and get. For example you don't take her like you use to, a little make-up and some lingerie and presto, you just met her again. It's give and get, and anyone who doesn't take this into account aren't going to be successful in a relationship.

The solution.....

get rid of her. even if you do win her interest back, how long until it drops again? do you want to be thinking of shyt to entertain this princess until you drop dead? that's some pressure. cut your loses, and find a women who understands a relationship is give and get. In my experience men and women who act like your gf, are gluttons for punishment. How can you expect for anyone without serious self esteem problems to deal with your bs? These people hardly find any takers, and it is usually short lived with the takers getting abused. This girl is only going to find some a$$hole who plays the bad boy role who's going to use her. She has to realize this on some sub-conscience level, if life hasn't taught her this already. Either way, your not the problem, she is. She demands to be entertained, and in all honesty what's entertaining about this princess other than a moist hole (which coincidently other girls have also!!!).

The problem isn't you, it's her. Don't feel inclined to try and emulate the ALPHA PIMP role, alot of people on here feel will give them validation.

 

[WestCoaster]

I said it once and I'll say it again ...

... NEXT!

Great post entropy ... no one can entertain a woman for a lifetime. He-l, after a couple years together you're usually settling into some kind of routine.

Plus, as I noted, if she's going to b-tch this much in the relationship stages, wait until she's married. It will only get worse.

Find a stable, classy woman who has her own life and doesn't need to be entertained. She can share her hobbies and interests with you, and you can share yours with her. And hopefully you'll have some things to do together, too. You're not her entertainer, you're her boyfriend.

Plus, as I also noted: If you're not engaged by this time you're having second thoughts. After dating a woman for a year it's time to either get married or move on to someone else, otherwise you're wasting your time and hers.

There's no such thing as a soul mate. You could literally fall in love with millions of women on this earth. Usually it's just timing that puts us together and takes people to the alter.

 

[cactus3178]

Re: I said it once and I'll say it again ...

Originally posted by WestCoaster
... NEXT!

There's no such thing as a soul mate. You could literally fall in love with millions of women on this earth. Usually it's just timing that puts us together and takes people to the alter.

This is absolutely profound. And it's 100% true and fact. There was a time in my life that I thought I would die without my ex from about 4.5 years ago. I mean I was literally physically sick from stress and worry. Call me a p*ssy, I don't care. That's how hard I took it. Of course, that's LONG before I found this place too

Then I found another girl who I fell in love with, even more so than the one before her. Too bad I refused to grow up and be responsible, effectively making her dump me. I know she still wants me back, but it's really up to her to make some changes too. -Anyway-, enough about my problems.

It's true though, it's about timing, righ place at the right time, etc. But it's never about destiny or soul mates. That stuff is b*ll****.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

Well, Next could the solution. She is only 20 afterall which indicates that 5 years from now, she will just be a distant memory to you.

But you owe it to yourself and the 2 years you've invested in this deal, to see if putting your foot down, regaining the upper hand will work.

Do the above first. And then set a deadline of 2 weeks to see if she changes. Set a deadline of 4 weeks to see if she relapses.

You might be surprised by the results (which will certainly benefit you later) or at least you will know that you gave it a second shot and she just didn't pan out.

20 years old comes to mind again. 2 year relationship. She will be thinking about sowing her oats again and will be testing her value to the male sex soon enough regardless to how well you manage the relationship over the next few months anyway.

 

[WestCoaster]

And once more with feeling ...

... NEXT!

She's 20?! What the h-ll are you doing in a LTR at that age?! Here's how many times you have that wonderful decade of the 20's in your life: ONCE. (Also, people change the most from 20-30 so the woman you know now will not be the same woman at 30. Thus the extremely high divorce rate in this age bracket.)

This is the time of your life to travel, explore your career and/or college/grad school, and date tons of women to find out exactly what kind of woman you want. I wish I could have my 20's back because while I dated a bit, I did not date enough.

LTR's in your 20's aren't worth it because you have the rest of your life to be settled down and by the time you're in your 30's you'll be wondering why you settled down in your 20's.

Investment of two years? So what. Not all "investments" are good investments. This investment has run its course and is now dropping in the market. If you have to "put your foot down" or try and "gain the upper hand" you're already in a losing battle. Those things shouldn't be programmed or planned. A relationship should flow naturally.

For God's sake ... NEXT!

If you don't next I'll be one of the many chumps in America paying more taxes for the courts to fund your impending divorce.

 

[drunkenxdj]

I agree with what entropy is saying. Here are more details:

I started putting my foot down, and she said shes been acting *****y because of the way I have been treating her (mean). We agreed we will try to be more respectful and kinder to each other, so lets see what happens there.

To be fair, she does "doll" up, make food, etc but I always gotta entertain her (play songs, make jokes, etc etc).

Routine is not bad in itself; A routine that is BORING is bad, and thats whats going on here Shes bored I am always there to bail her out, always around, etc and I am bored of her whining and *****ing all the time. Theres a certain "fatigue" factor when two people are around together too much (happens between friends, between lovers, etc) and thats whats going on here. It is summertime and we are away from each other for a while so I'll see how it goes. Thanks for the help guys

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Your girl is a hor and you should never tolerate disrespect from a woman let alone a hor!! You should have walked up to her and pimp slapped the ho for talking to you like a child!!

I WOULD HAVE GRAB THE HO BY THE HAIR AND SHOVED HER HEAD IN THE TOILET and then handed her a tissue to wipe the shyt off of her face!! And then I would have backhanded her with a baseball glove on so that I would have hit more facial surface area and then booted the bytch out the door naked - head first to the pavement!!!!

This is how Puerto Ricans treat disrespectful uncouth hos!!! Why you bastards tolerate such disrespect is beyond me!!!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Player_Supreme - I disagree that a man has to constantly entertain or be a 'challenge' or a mystery to a woman. It is your manliness that should keep a woman - anything besides this is superfluous and unnecessary. If the ho wants to leave then let the ho leave - I'm not an entertainer nor am I in a perpetual state of watchfulness to determine if my girl is losing interest!

Good woman don't care if they know too much about a man - in fact, the more a girl knows about me the more she cherishes my existence and begs to know more!

The man is the one who makes the decision of whether he wants to stay with her - the power lies mainly with the man in a LTR/Marriage!! If a woman has a problem with 'masculinity' and all that this entails then say goodbye and look for a feminine woman!

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Seriously Guys...

What's with all this "If you don't know if you want to marry her after a year" and "What are you even doing in an LTR at 20" BS?

You're saying that if we're too young to get married or we know we're not going to end up staying with her forever we're wasting our efforts?

That's like saying you shouldn't have sex until you find the woman you want to have your baby because otherwise you're just 'pissing into the wind'. Seriously guys, WTF?

I hate the lazy approach to dating that says she should do everything and you shouldn't budge an inch, because frankly, it doesn't work.

Sex and relationships are hard work and require personal growth and practice to be any good at either of them. If half the guys on this board had as much performance axiety regarding the latter as they do the former, half of the BS on this site could be avoided. That goes double for certain guys who're in their forties and still can't keep a woman.

-CyranoDeBergerac