Pre-emptively broke up with gf, now she wants closure

Sofomore · Feb 26, 2014

Been dating this girl about a year. She's about 60 miles away so it's pretty much always been "long-distance" but easier than 300 miles away long distance. For about 11 months (up until January) she was always eager to see me, always texting calling. She would come up to see me almost every weekend. You know, classic high interest level. I beta-backslid and got comfortable because the girl was all over me. Spent too much time with her.

Over the last month things started going down hill: more fights, more disrespect. Classic low IL. It was clear that she was not caring as much any more. Same thing happened with my last girlfriend but I was too much of a chump to end things, so she broke up with me. This time I saw the signs and ended it. My gut instinct is almost always right.

I ended things a week ago and I felt a giant weight lifted off my shoulders. Got back in the game, read up on the Dj Bible and hooked up with a random girl Saturday. Now, she's hitting me up trying to get closure because she isn't really sure why I ended it. Once again, classic.

I want to turn her into a FB down the road because I enjoy fvcking her brains out. It's obvious that now I have control of the situation. How do I go about this?

Her last text: "I feel like there has to be something more. Like seeing your ex or you miss being single or something? I just need you to explain it to me please!" Haven't responded and am not sure if I will.

lamobatsman · Feb 26, 2014

Sofomore said:
Been dating this girl about a year. She's about 60 miles away so it's pretty much always been "long-distance" but easier than 300 miles away long distance. For about 11 months (up until January) she was always eager to see me, always texting calling. She would come up to see me almost every weekend. You know, classic high interest level. I beta-backslid and got comfortable because the girl was all over me. Spent too much time with her.

Over the last month things started going down hill: more fights, more disrespect. Classic low IL. It was clear that she was not caring as much any more. Same thing happened with my last girlfriend but I was too much of a chump to end things, so she broke up with me. This time I saw the signs and ended it. My gut instinct is almost always right.

I ended things a week ago and I felt a giant weight lifted off my shoulders. Got back in the game, read up on the Dj Bible and hooked up with a random girl Saturday. Now, she's hitting me up trying to get closure because she isn't really sure why I ended it. Once again, classic.

I want to turn her into a FB down the road because I enjoy fvcking her brains out. It's obvious that now I have control of the situation. How do I go about this?

Her last text: "I feel like there has to be something more. Like seeing your ex or you miss being single or something? I just need you to explain it to me please!" Haven't responded and am not sure if I will.

You have done well by reading the signs and breakiing up with her even though it must have hurt doing that. Her response is classic!!! Do NoT reply her or give her an answer not until u r on your deathbed!
If it was the other way round she would never tell you. You know how many times iv asked for an explanatiion and dudnt get one?! It kills me for a long time when you dont get closure. Time to give them a taste of their own medicine. You think she cares abiut you? Pfft

Its just her ego thats hurt. I know. Iv been in her positiion and it hurts so much

bukowski_merit · Feb 26, 2014

There's not a lot you can say that she won't be able to put her spin on. Trust me - this is about ego and power and your answer would not be the end of that. I spent many years giving women explanations on why i was nexting them. I never said this word for word, but just as an example:

Me: I just wasn't having as much fun as we were having in the beginning.
Her: Well... There's more to relationships than having fun... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

I also don't see any reason to try to make this girl a FB. I hate that idea from guys and most women will reject any lateral movement once they've been something higher. And note: There's NOTHING she can do in bed that you can't find another girl to do BETTER.

Sofomore · Feb 26, 2014

bukowski_merit said:
And note: There's NOTHING she can do in bed that you can't find another girl to do BETTER.

Truth, I'll probably just continue to ignore and spin more plates.

SgtSplacker · Feb 26, 2014

Ahhh you have done well Danielsan!

Now her hamster wheel is working overdrive. You have taken control of the relationship! At this point she is just trying to validate herself against you.

Tread carefully and above all do not let her find validation! Don't give her any real excuses if you satisfy this curiosity you will lose any power you have!

If a FWB is what you want, just blow her off in the nicest way. Don't ignore her, just tell her you have been very busy with life only demonstrate higher value here, school, work, "friends". Keep your communications short, and leave her thirsty! You have to enter a cooldown period without making it an argument or pissing her off, it has to be on good terms. Wait a month or two then resume light communications, maybe a hello every other week. Wait a couple months and go in for the lay. If all works well you will have a FWB.

Sofomore · Feb 26, 2014

Hmm I'm thinking of just responding: The relationship ran it's course and it's time to move on.

That way she gets no validation and I am not an d!ck for completely ignoring her.

joker79 · Feb 26, 2014

no mate, she'll get her validation immediately when she gets your txt no matter what the content is. Don't do it, it's hard, I've been there, don't do it. it's not a matter of being a d!ck, it's a matter of self respect.

Jaylan · Feb 26, 2014

Sofomore said:
Been dating this girl about a year. She's about 60 miles away so it's pretty much always been "long-distance" but easier than 300 miles away long distance. For about 11 months (up until January) she was always eager to see me, always texting calling. She would come up to see me almost every weekend. You know, classic high interest level. I beta-backslid and got comfortable because the girl was all over me. Spent too much time with her.

Over the last month things started going down hill: more fights, more disrespect. Classic low IL. It was clear that she was not caring as much any more. Same thing happened with my last girlfriend but I was too much of a chump to end things, so she broke up with me. This time I saw the signs and ended it. My gut instinct is almost always right.

I ended things a week ago and I felt a giant weight lifted off my shoulders. Got back in the game, read up on the Dj Bible and hooked up with a random girl Saturday. Now, she's hitting me up trying to get closure because she isn't really sure why I ended it. Once again, classic.

I want to turn her into a FB down the road because I enjoy fvcking her brains out. It's obvious that now I have control of the situation. How do I go about this?

Her last text: "I feel like there has to be something more. Like seeing your ex or you miss being single or something? I just need you to explain it to me please!" Haven't responded and am not sure if I will.

Move on. No FB, no closure statements given to her. MOVE THE HELL ON.

Thats how you dudes get sucked back into bad situations. Stop living in the past, stop thinking with your d!k, and move the hell on.

Bible_Belt · Feb 26, 2014

stop thinking with your d!k

That's not nice. It sounds like his d!ck and that girl are very close. I think he should respect that relationship and take his d!ck to visit her a couple times a month.

Sofomore · Feb 26, 2014

Bible_Belt said:
stop thinking with your d!k

That's not nice. It sounds like his d!ck and that girl are very close. I think he should respect that relationship and take his d!ck to visit her a couple times a month.

Fvck man you guys are confusing. More confusing than this girl. I am about 90% over her within a week and wont be seeing her any time soon. I just want a booty call down the line.

Reply vaguely, or don't respond ever. Which is it?

Jaylan · Feb 26, 2014

Sofomore said:
Fvck man you guys are confusing. More confusing than this girl. I am about 90% over her within a week and wont be seeing her any time soon. I just want a booty call down the line.

Reply vaguely, or don't respond ever. Which is it?

uh huh...how many guys say they are over a chick, end up screwing again, and after spending even the smallest bit of time together, start getting feelings again? Better yet...how many guys get out of a relationship, but deal with more drama again because they cannot seem to just move the hell on and find new puzzy?

Seriously, move on. Dont invite drama back into your life. This chick wasnt cutting the mustard...so keep it moving.

Bible_Belt · Feb 26, 2014

I just want a booty call down the line.

Can you handle that emotionally? That is the issue.

Jaylan says you probably can't. Most guys can't, so unfortunately he is likely correct.

If you can be strong enough to only think with your d!ck, then there is no problem. As far as the d!ck is concerned, she is just another happy vaginal acquaintance. Your mind is the one giving you problems.

bukowski_merit · Feb 26, 2014

Sofomore said:
Fvck man you guys are confusing. More confusing than this girl. I am about 90% over her within a week and wont be seeing her any time soon. I just want a booty call down the line.

Reply vaguely, or don't respond ever. Which is it?

One person comes in here with a humorous spin on this whole thing and now we're confusing?

I’ll say it again: No response is the best response.

However, If your soul is burning inside to give her a treat (and some of your power away)… You can always go with the deflect… Which is not answering the question at all…

“Look, you’re an amazing woman and we had a great time together. I really hope you find a great guy.”

I’m about to puke … But I know sh!t like that can work… Or it can just result in her saying “if im such an amazing woman why would you break up with me?”

You see… No matter what…. Odds are in favor that she is not going to be satisfied until she has taken back some control over this thing. That's what this is about to her. Do not be fooled.

I hope you didn’t do this breakup with intent on it causing you to to rekindle what has been lost in the last month. I’m trusting your word that that’s not the case. But I noticed a common trend in “I broke up with my girlfriend” type of threads. Where a guy will pre-requiste the thread with his knowledge that he is not stuck on this girl, that he’s moving on, that he’s banging other women…. But….

“I still want to bang her; she was good in bed.”
“I feel like I owe her…”
Etc.

Or maybe they’re still in a relationship with the girl and they’ll drop something like “I want to try to fix this and if I can’t – I’ll just move on, she’s not a big deal to me.”

To me… Having seen this a thousand times on this board – in almost every case – I feel like the dude is lying; to us; to himself. He secretly just wants his baby back and back to the way she WAS. But he knows it's a dead relationship. And he knows coming on this board and stating as much will result in lots of lecturing. So the sneaky way to do things is act like it’s nothing…

I’m not saying that’s the case with you but you do seem to care a lot. Maybe you are 90% over her; but that 10% is going to be hard to kick if you continue communication with her.

Sofomore · Feb 26, 2014

bukowski_merit said:
One person comes in here with a humorous spin on this whole thing and now we're confusing?

I’ll say it again: No response is the best response.

However, If your soul is burning inside to give her a treat (and some of your power away)… You can always go with the deflect… Which is not answering the question at all…

“Look, you’re an amazing woman and we had a great time together. I really hope you find a great guy.”

I’m about to puke … But I know sh!t like that can work… Or it can just result in her saying “if im such an amazing woman why would you break up with me?”

You see… No matter what…. Odds are in favor that she is not going to be satisfied until she has taken back some control over this thing. That's what this is about to her. Do not be fooled.

I hope you didn’t do this breakup with intent on it causing you to to rekindle what has been lost in the last month. I’m trusting your word that that’s not the case. But I noticed a common trend in “I broke up with my girlfriend” type of threads. Where a guy will pre-requiste the thread with his knowledge that he is not stuck on this girl, that he’s moving on, that he’s banging other women…. But….

“I still want to bang her; she was good in bed.”
“I feel like I owe her…”
Etc.

Or maybe they’re still in a relationship with the girl and they’ll drop something like “I want to try to fix this and if I can’t – I’ll just move on, she’s not a big deal to me.”

To me… Having seen this a thousand times on this board – in almost every case – I feel like the dude is lying; to us; to himself. He secretly just wants his baby back and back to the way she WAS. But he knows it's a dead relationship. And he knows coming on this board and stating as much will result in lots of lecturing. So the sneaky way to do things is act like it’s nothing…

I’m not saying that’s the case with you but you do seem to care a lot. Maybe you are 90% over her; but that 10% is going to be hard to kick if you continue communication with her.

Thanks for this. It's nice to get some outside perspective. Too many times do I see guys regret not listening to what the other posters have to say. I won't be contacting her. +rep

asa_don · Feb 26, 2014

don't get caught up with these girls. once you go back to them things can get fcked up real fast. they love to add drama any chance they get. what's wrong with banging the sh*t out of another girl? p*ssy is p*ssy man.

lamobatsman · Feb 27, 2014

Look. Change it around. She would never give u closure. Ur a nice guy to even want to do that. Most of the girls i know left and didnt give a **** about answering my questions. Why is it guys are always the nicer and loyal and more caring sex?! They seem to be more moral and not as cold!

Sofomore · Mar 17, 2014

Just thought I'd update you guys. Been 3 weeks NC, ignored that text from the first post and haven't bothered contacting her. She sent me a snapchat and tried to sign up on my Venmo (wtf?). Just little things to make her presence known but I still ignore it.

I fvcked two girls this weekend. One gave me a BJ in the cab and let me do anal with her. And she's hotter/ better in bed than my ex. Feels good to be back man.

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Pre-emptively broke up with gf, now she wants closure

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