Guys,

I need someone to give me a kick up the backside. I've just come home from a house party where I am almost certain I could have at the very least made out with a girl. My c + f was top drawer; I had her eating out of the palm of my hand (and I think I could have had her eating more than that). The thing is, she's really close to my (female) housemate, we study the same subject at university, and I have no interest in anything more than a pump and dump. I c-blocked myself from losing the v-card with her on the moral grounds that I would have been "taking advantage of her." I'll probably get another shot, but it's so frustrating. Rant over.

Actually if you're looking for no more than a one nighter at this point you made the right decision.

You guys run in the same circles, if she was interested in more than a one nighter things could get awkward. Its best to go outside your social circle for a one off. (Unless your group is well known for sleeping with each other casually)

However, if you can work out that she wants nothing more than an FWB go for it.

Attracting a girl and making her want to have sex with you is hardly taking advantage, its giving her what she wants.

I think here you are just making excuses. That she knows your friend is no moral reason not to sleep with a girl. So they know each other, who cares? What moral obligations do you have here? Its not like you've dated either of them before.

Seems like you just pussied out. You didn't even make out with her, would that have been taking advantage too? You were just too scared to do anything further, I suspect.

theunflushables said:

Actually if you're looking for no more than a one nighter at this point you made the right decision.

You guys run in the same circles, if she was interested in more than a one nighter things could get awkward. Its best to go outside your social circle for a one off. (Unless your group is well known for sleeping with each other casually)

However, if you can work out that she wants nothing more than an FWB go for it.

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Interesting perspective. This is what I used to think (and the attitude I relapsed to last night)- and I'm sure that it's one of the reasons why I remain a virgin. Having now read this site and attempted (clearly in vain) to bury the nice guy inside me, I think a DJ would have just gone for it and dealt with the consequences (if there were any) later.

Your comment about her romantic intentions (FWB or LTR) intrigues me as well. Can I ask you how you would go about deciding which of the two options she was interested in? I think that distinguishing would be very hard in practice. As aspiring DJs, I feel we should learn to recognise when a girl is sexually interested and capitalise.

you dont date the female housemate do you? then have sex with her.

I say do it if she's into it. It won't have nearly the negative air to it as it would have if you were some player. Since you're both virgins, I don't think anyone is going to judge you for "taking" her virginity (god I hate that phrase).

You need to get your moral compass checked.

The only way you can take advantage of a woman is if you rape her...


In other words you missed out on a good opportunity for sex. You could be inside her p*ssy right this very minute instead of jacking off.

TheBucketOfTruth said:

I say do it if she's into it. It won't have nearly the negative air to it as it would have if you were some player. Since you're both virgins, I don't think anyone is going to judge you for "taking" her virginity (god I hate that phrase).

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Just to clear up any misunderstanding , the girl this thread is about is not a virgin, at least not to my knowledge. She's 22, around a 6-7 in looks, and fairly flirty, so it would surprise me. It's my v-card that I was referring to. The irony is that I've actually been called a player a couple of times! I'm very good at opening and building attraction, but hopeless at closing, hence why I've only fooled around with one girl up till now. Rationalisations like the one on the night of the party this thread refers to are the sort of thing I need to work on.

@thedude4242: Obviously I'm not dating my female housemate, and have no plans to do so any time soon!

I'd love to hear from theunflushables, or indeed anyone else, about the question I asked in my previous post. Can you ever tell whether a girl wants a ONS or something more? I'm skeptical- I think we just need to be able to build attraction, notice IOIs (for want of a better term) and close.

Just do it and stop being scared. All of those justifications and rationalizations just boil down to fear.