i have two different thoughts/problems in my first long-term relationship

[nelysses]

This is my first long-term relationship.
I normally can't form emotional bonds (I even think it's related to my Facebook addiction), but this is the first time I've connected with someone. I've known her for years. Her breaking up with her boyfriend was confusing for me, but I got over it. Because even just one week without her was very difficult.

However, I have two different thoughts/problems here.
1- After every relationship or Facebook session, my feelings suddenly seem to diminish, and everything she says seems absurd. I feel suffocated.
2- Normally I want to Facebook every day, but for the last three days I haven't. Also, I didn't have an erection this morning, and I've become more emotional. I don't know what happened. Before the relationship got serious, I wanted her every day.

 

[BPH]

This is my first long-term relationship.
I normally can't form emotional bonds (I even think it's related to my Facebook addiction), but this is the first time I've connected with someone. I've known her for years. Her breaking up with her boyfriend was confusing for me, but I got over it. Because even just one week without her was very difficult.

However, I have two different thoughts/problems here.
1- After every relationship or Facebook session, my feelings suddenly seem to diminish, and everything she says seems absurd. I feel suffocated.
2- Normally I want to Facebook every day, but for the last three days I haven't. Also, I didn't have an erection this morning, and I've become more emotional. I don't know what happened. Before the relationship got serious, I wanted her every day.

You really need to provide more context if you want help dude...

• How long have you been dating?
• What does her breaking up with her boyfriend have to do with anything? Are you the rebound?
• When/why did you go one week without her? In a world of constant contact, what does that even mean?
• What is a "Facebook session"?
• What is she saying/doing that seems absurd/suffocating?
• What does Facebook have to do with literally anything? Is this an actual relationship, or is this someone online?
• Why are you complaining about NOT being hard in the morning?

If you want help you really need to provide more than the bare minimum.

 

[nelysses]

You really need to provide more context if you want help dude...

• How long have you been dating?
• What does her breaking up with her boyfriend have to do with anything? Are you the rebound?
• When/why did you go one week without her? In a world of constant contact, what does that even mean?
• What is a "Facebook session"?
• What is she saying/doing that seems absurd/suffocating?
• What does Facebook have to do with literally anything? Is this an actual relationship, or is this someone online?
• Why are you complaining about NOT being hard in the morning?

If you want help you really need to provide more than the bare minimum.

First of all sorry about facebook. Just a translate mistake i don't know how. there is nothing about facebook.


I met a girl, and we were friends for years, but over time we started to get closer.

During this time, she had a boyfriend, but she broke up with him because she wasn't feeling well. After that, we hung out a bit more, but I was afraid of long-term relationships and I have commitment issues (avoidant attachment or possibly fap addiction).

The girl wanted me for months, but I never accepted. Finally, she gave up on me and started dating someone else. But after only a week, I was very upset about her absence and messaged her. Then she said she still loved me, and we started a relationship. There were things from the past that didn't quite make sense to me, but I'm forgetting them because I love her.

We've been dating for a few days, but for the past few days, it's like the bull inside me has disappeared. I don't have the urge to fap. I even fapped, wondering if I had ED. But there was no problem when I was talking to her. I don't know if it's ED or just genuine feelings, but even not fapping for three days feels strange. I feel like I'm an emotional and attached person.
I haven't fapped anything for 3 days, and I both wanted to and felt emotional about it, I felt connected to it.

Today I fapped again and that desire returned, but I felt like my emotional connection had diminished.

After fapping, I feel suffocated and my interest decreases. So at some point, questions arise about whether we like this, whether we'll feel restricted, or various other concerns. But I don't know if these are genuine thoughts or just silly things that happen after fapping.

 

[nelysses]

I read my post again. facebook was fap. wtf about google transalate

 

[BPH]

First of all sorry about facebook. Just a translate mistake i don't know how. there is nothing about facebook.


I met a girl, and we were friends for years, but over time we started to get closer.

During this time, she had a boyfriend, but she broke up with him because she wasn't feeling well. After that, we hung out a bit more, but I was afraid of long-term relationships and I have commitment issues (avoidant attachment or possibly fap addiction).

The girl wanted me for months, but I never accepted. Finally, she gave up on me and started dating someone else. But after only a week, I was very upset about her absence and messaged her. Then she said she still loved me, and we started a relationship. There were things from the past that didn't quite make sense to me, but I'm forgetting them because I love her.

We've been dating for a few days, but for the past few days, it's like the bull inside me has disappeared. I don't have the urge to fap. I even fapped, wondering if I had ED. But there was no problem when I was talking to her. I don't know if it's ED or just genuine feelings, but even not fapping for three days feels strange. I feel like I'm an emotional and attached person.
I haven't fapped anything for 3 days, and I both wanted to and felt emotional about it, I felt connected to it.

Today I fapped again and that desire returned, but I felt like my emotional connection had diminished.

After fapping, I feel suffocated and my interest decreases. So at some point, questions arise about whether we like this, whether we'll feel restricted, or various other concerns. But I don't know if these are genuine thoughts or just silly things that happen after fapping.

You've been dating for DAYS, and you decide you love her?

Ignoring that, you finally started to get over your masturbation addiction, and it sounds like you relapsed - because you WANTED to. And now you're saying your interest in this girl is reduced afterwards, as if it's some mystery why...

Listen, you have a mindset issue. You believe you're a loveless, fap-addicted individual who can't meet or talk to women in person, doesn't know how to behave in social environments, can't commit to the gym to get healthy, and complains about his love life while also doing nothing to change it.

You've known this woman for YEARS. I believe the advice that we've given you is to go out and meet new women - NOT ONLINE - and you haven't even done that.

Your problem is thinking that the opinions you have of yourself are fixed and that they cannot be changed. Because of that, you keep reverting to this behavior after brief stints of motivation, because that's just "how you are", at least in your mind.

I encourage you to read this: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/i... Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz (1).pdf

You can't take action because you don't think anything will change. So you have to A. want to change, and then B. imagine what it would be like to be that changed version of yourself.

Or you can keep doing what you're doing: coming back every few months to ask questions or complain about things that you have no intention of changing.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

This is my first long-term relationship.
I normally can't form emotional bonds (I even think it's related to my Facebook addiction), but this is the first time I've connected with someone. I've known her for years. Her breaking up with her boyfriend was confusing for me, but I got over it. Because even just one week without her was very difficult.

However, I have two different thoughts/problems here.
1- After every relationship or Facebook session, my feelings suddenly seem to diminish, and everything she says seems absurd. I feel suffocated.
2- Normally I want to Facebook every day, but for the last three days I haven't. Also, I didn't have an erection this morning, and I've become more emotional. I don't know what happened. Before the relationship got serious, I wanted her every day.

facebook addiction? what kind of 22 year old is addicted to facebook, let alone using it at all?

how often do you see her? stop talking to her on facebook every day. no relationship is better by constantly chatting. you both need to be able to miss each other and have new things to catch up on.

 

[nelysses]

facebook addiction? what kind of 22 year old is addicted to facebook, let alone using it at all?

how often do you see her? stop talking to her on facebook every day. no relationship is better by constantly chatting. you both need to be able to miss each other and have new things to catch up on.

pls read next message i explained. translator mistake.

 

[nelysses]

You've been dating for DAYS, and you decide you love her?

Ignoring that, you finally started to get over your masturbation addiction, and it sounds like you relapsed - because you WANTED to. And now you're saying your interest in this girl is reduced afterwards, as if it's some mystery why...

Listen, you have a mindset issue. You believe you're a loveless, fap-addicted individual who can't meet or talk to women in person, doesn't know how to behave in social environments, can't commit to the gym to get healthy, and complains about his love life while also doing nothing to change it.

You've known this woman for YEARS. I believe the advice that we've given you is to go out and meet new women - NOT ONLINE - and you haven't even done that.

Your problem is thinking that the opinions you have of yourself are fixed and that they cannot be changed. Because of that, you keep reverting to this behavior after brief stints of motivation, because that's just "how you are", at least in your mind.

I encourage you to read this: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/TheNewPsychoCyberneticsByMaxwellMaltz1/The New Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz (1).pdf

You can't take action because you don't think anything will change. So you have to A. want to change, and then B. imagine what it would be like to be that changed version of yourself.

Or you can keep doing what you're doing: coming back every few months to ask questions or complain about things that you have no intention of changing.

man this is not online. she is my classmate. Im a doctor and she is the same. same class, same hospital.

Actually, for the past few months, our situation has been like dating. We're constantly together, we have a beautiful relationship. There's love and sex, it's just that I didn't trust him that much, and we couldn't call it a relationship. It was more like a situationship. Now, however, I call it a relationship because I don't want to be without her.

 

[Bokanovsky]

First of all sorry about facebook. Just a translate mistake i don't know how. there is nothing about facebook.


I met a girl, and we were friends for years, but over time we started to get closer.

During this time, she had a boyfriend, but she broke up with him because she wasn't feeling well. After that, we hung out a bit more, but I was afraid of long-term relationships and I have commitment issues (avoidant attachment or possibly fap addiction).

The girl wanted me for months, but I never accepted. Finally, she gave up on me and started dating someone else. But after only a week, I was very upset about her absence and messaged her. Then she said she still loved me, and we started a relationship. There were things from the past that didn't quite make sense to me, but I'm forgetting them because I love her.

We've been dating for a few days, but for the past few days, it's like the bull inside me has disappeared. I don't have the urge to fap. I even fapped, wondering if I had ED. But there was no problem when I was talking to her. I don't know if it's ED or just genuine feelings, but even not fapping for three days feels strange. I feel like I'm an emotional and attached person.
I haven't fapped anything for 3 days, and I both wanted to and felt emotional about it, I felt connected to it.

Today I fapped again and that desire returned, but I felt like my emotional connection had diminished.

After fapping, I feel suffocated and my interest decreases. So at some point, questions arise about whether we like this, whether we'll feel restricted, or various other concerns. But I don't know if these are genuine thoughts or just silly things that happen after fapping.

Your posts are thoroughly confusing. The thread title suggests you are having a problem in your first long-term relationship, yet here you say that you've only been dating for a few days. Is that your idea of a long-term relationship? Your comments about "fapping" are similarly difficult to make sense of. Are you saying that you feel "emotional" and "connected"...about the act of fapping? And that you can only fap when talking to this particular girl??

It sounds like much is being lost in translation. You really need to put more effort into writing your posts. We can't help you if we have no idea WTF you're talking about.

 

[nelysses]

Your posts are thoroughly confusing. The thread title suggests you are having a problem in your first long-term relationship, yet here you say that you've only been dating for a few days. Is that your idea of a long-term relationship? Your comments about "fapping" are similarly difficult to make sense of. Are you saying that you feel "emotional" and "connected"...about the act of fapping? And that you can only fap when talking to this particular girl??

It sounds like much is being lost in translation. You really need to put more effort into writing your posts. We can't help you if we have no idea WTF you're talking about.

you're right.

I met this girl years ago. We've been dating for a few months now, but we've never really defined it. Whenever she wanted a serious relationship, I refused. I didn't want the responsibility. As a result, she gave up after waiting for months. A few weeks later, she found someone else.

After that, I realized I didn't want to live without her, so after 3-4 days I messaged her. She said she'd always wanted me, and we became a couple. Although we've officially been a couple for a few days, we were already like a couple without telling each other. That's what I mean by a long-term relationship. Over time, our friendship had turned into a relationship, but I always said I didn't want to because I avoid taking responsibility and have avoidant attachment styles.

But ; Here, after masturbation or intercourse, my desire and tolerance completely disappear. Suddenly, even our vacation plans start to seem pointless.
I normally have avoidant attachment. I can't form emotional bonds with people. I feel stifled and restricted. At this point, the decrease in my tolerance after masturbation makes me wonder if it's all physical. Or am I overthinking and messing things up again?

Meanwhile, I know very well that the girl loves me both emotionally and physically, and I don't want to hurt her. Right now I'm in my worst shape (125 kg). Despite that, she desires me. She's trying to keep up with me, making plans, etc.

 

[Bokanovsky]

you're right.

I met this girl years ago. We've been dating for a few months now, but we've never really defined it. Whenever she wanted a serious relationship, I refused. I didn't want the responsibility. As a result, she gave up after waiting for months. A few weeks later, she found someone else.

After that, I realized I didn't want to live without her, so after 3-4 days I messaged her. She said she'd always wanted me, and we became a couple. Although we've officially been a couple for a few days, we were already like a couple without telling each other. That's what I mean by a long-term relationship. Over time, our friendship had turned into a relationship, but I always said I didn't want to because I avoid taking responsibility and have avoidant attachment styles.

But ; Here, after masturbation or intercourse, my desire and tolerance completely disappear. Suddenly, even our vacation plans start to seem pointless.
I normally have avoidant attachment. I can't form emotional bonds with people. I feel stifled and restricted. At this point, the decrease in my tolerance after masturbation makes me wonder if it's all physical. Or am I overthinking and messing things up again?

Meanwhile, I know very well that the girl loves me both emotionally and physically, and I don't want to hurt her. Right now I'm in my worst shape (125 kg). Despite that, she desires me. She's trying to keep up with me, making plans, etc.

Okay, this I better. if I understand you correctly, you are saying that you are only think about this girl when you're horny but when you're not, you don't really care about her.

 

[nelysses]

Okay, this I better. if I understand you correctly, you are saying that you are only think about this girl when you're horny but when you're not, you don't really care about her.

Yes, but not with such sharp boundaries. I mean, when I'm not horny, it's not that I completely don't want it, it's just that my tolerance decreases at that moment. .

I don't usually get emotionally attached to anyone. I love him and I don't want to lose him. By the way, I'm really addicted to fapping. I do it every day. I'm trying to fix that now. After I do it, I feel like my interest wanes for a few hours. Our plans and everything start to seem pointless.

She always loved and supported me very much. Like I said, she's there for me even when I'm at my worst. She's always there for me during my worst times. She wanted me for months, and she cried because I didn't want her. Then we were together, and hurting her is the last thing I want.

 

[nelysses]

I was so emotional when I said we had our first relationship that I couldn't get an erection for two days, I don't know why. Then I thought I had ED and forced myself to...
Now it's not like that, I'm still kind of addicted but I'm overcoming it.