the lawyer (the lady I fell for) really liked my work and wanted me to switch with her to the new law firm. At that time, I didn't have any such feelings for her and decided to move since the new job was way too lucrative to be passed on; good money, better future, etc. This lawyer helped me prepare for the interview and even gave my reference. During this time, we starting chatting on almost daily basis. It was mostly work related from her side but I would occasionally steer the conversation to personal stuff and she would respond to it. However, once, I got the job she slowly started taking longer to respond to texts; she would take 2 to 3 days to respond. I did the same since I didn't want to come accross as desperate, but deep down it would drive me crazy and I would constantly check for her messages.
Last month I started this job. Here, I don't assist her anymore like I used to do at my last workplace. It is not a big workplace so we sit in close proximity to each other. We would occasionally have a small talk, laugh at some jokes. But I would be too afraid to flirt as I didn't want things to get awkward (I knew she wasn't interested).
Last week we were talking about dating and she said she could hook me up with her friends but they were all above 6 feet tall. I told her that wouldn't work. I tried to steer the conversation and tried to check and see if she was even remotely interested in me. So, I asked if she had any height preference. (I am 5 ft 10 inch and this lawyer is the same height as I am.) She said she prefers a little taller men. I even casually inquired on her relationship status. (I knew she was single and recently got out of a long term relation). She said she was dating someone now. But the way she took her time to think before answering the question, made me think that she was lying to me because she didn't want me to pursue her.
Now, I know she is not into me and yet I keep having this feign hope that maybe she would like me once she gets to know me. It has been screwing my head over and over every single day. I can't even concentrate on work anymore and I feel like joining this workplace was the biggest mistake. I am trying to reduce interaction as I think staying away might help me control my feelings but I end up cursing myself for not talking to her and not being good enough for her. I have been trying not to appear desperate in front of her by only talking bare minimum. She didn't respond to my text since last week and I have not texted her ever since. (this text conversation had been continuing for a while).
You've developed feelings for a co-worker. Not good. It's never good to mix your romantic feelings with your workplace, especially in a white collar working setting like a law firm. If you were a McJob service sector worker, you might be able to get away with hitting on a co-worker.
In white collar settings, it's ok to socialize a little bit with female co-workers and even make friends with them. That might lead to a social circle introduction to a future dating partner.
Also, female lawyers are often terrible girlfriends. They are self-centered, work a lot of hours, and don't possess a lot of attractive feminine traits.
Lately, this has been happening to me for a while. Women don't show any interest or lose interest. But it has never bothered me a lot since I would stop all conversation and move on. But this time I am stuck cause I have to see her in the office every single day. I am not sure why this has been happening to me. May be cause I have been pursuing white woman and I am an immigrant. I don't know.
You are not showing attractive traits. I agree with
@BackInTheGame78 that you are likely perceived as a boning, 'nice guy'. I also agree with
@Rainrain about not watching porn.
White women are the most heavily pursued women in Western nations. Not only are White men chasing them, they are also chased by every type of non-White man. White women have the most options.
In general, it is easier to date within one's own racial/ethnic background. Plenty of non-White men with attractive characteristics date White women. If you're not attracting White women as a non-White immigrant, then you're not showing the most attractive traits that will make White women want you. There are many White women open to sex and relationships with non-White men.
You might have guessed by now that I don't have any other women to talk to. So, spinning the plates has never been my cup of tea. I have always tried to keep my interactions with women to small talks as I know prolonged conversations make me fall for them. But this one ended up getting in my head and now I can't get her out. A part of me desperately wants her. I don't know what to do.
This is scarcity mentality and that's bad. Spin more plates. Talk to women all the time. This will help you create abundance mentality.
I haven't had a girlfriend since 2019 and ever since I have been concentrating on improving my physical and mental health by hitting the gym regularly and reading books. But it seems nothing can prepare me for this disaster that I land myself in every single time.
This is incel territory. You need to maximize your looks with exercise, avoid processed ingredients in your diet, avoid porn and masturbation, read seduction content/watch YouTube seduction content, and keep participating on SoSuave. Doing these things will help you forget about your lawyer co-worker.
