My Wife Offered Me A Hall Pass w/ No Strings Attached...

[Money & Muscle]

For those of you who've been following along with my decade-early midlife crises, you already know.

For those of you who haven't been following - I've wanted to get my wife (reportedly bisexual) into a FMF threesome for some time. She's entertained the idea, even joined in on fantasies I've led her through via dirty talk, but never given a firm yes or no.

This last weekend I finally got her to open up a bit about her sexual fantasies. I've been trying to do this for years. She only shared one, and it's not really anything noteworthy tbh. I was expecting something more twisted, but there's probably more to unpack here. Apparently she's never shared her fantasies with anyone...

Anyways, she flips script and starts talking about my well-known FMF threesome fantasy. Says she's not into it and never will be, then gives me a hall pass to do this on my own.

I was pretty shocked tbh but I talked to her about it, and discussed what exactly that would entail... being that ONS threesomes are highly uncommon, whereas they are far more common if there's already an existing couple (whose open to it) that finds a third.

In short, that I'd have to find a girlfriend (maybe more than one), then make it happen from there. Meaning I'd have a wife, at least one girlfriend, and a side piece. All of whom I would presumably still be having sex with. I told her this, and she just said "it is what it is".


So I'm not making any moves right now and there's obviously a larger discussion to be had (between the wife and I) before I begin making moves, but I'm still a little surprised/confused/sad. I'd much rather have a threesome with my wife included, tbh. It's a life experience I'd love to have with her, but I also don't want to miss out on a possibly once in a lifetime opportunity. I know that's a scarcity mindset, but I have my own morals here too.

Thoughts? Experiences? Show me the way, fellow Don Juans/Juanitas

 

[Dr.Suave]

No way! Its a trap!

Nah, I dont know. Maybe you should do it asap before she changes her mind. Worst case scenario, she is into open marriage and she wants you to do a threesome as an excuse to have sex with other men?

 

[RickTheToad]

For those of you who've been following along with my decade-early midlife crises, you already know.

For those of you who haven't been following - I've wanted to get my wife (reportedly bisexual) into a FMF threesome for some time. She's entertained the idea, even joined in on fantasies I've led her through via dirty talk, but never given a firm yes or no.

This last weekend I finally got her to open up a bit about her sexual fantasies. I've been trying to do this for years. She only shared one, and it's not really anything noteworthy tbh. I was expecting something more twisted, but there's probably more to unpack here. Apparently she's never shared her fantasies with anyone...

Anyways, she flips script and starts talking about my well-known FMF threesome fantasy. Says she's not into it and never will be, then gives me a hall pass to do this on my own.

I was pretty shocked tbh but I talked to her about it, and discussed what exactly that would entail... being that ONS threesomes are highly uncommon, whereas they are far more common if there's already an existing couple (whose open to it) that finds a third.

In short, that I'd have to find a girlfriend (maybe more than one), then make it happen from there. Meaning I'd have a wife, at least one girlfriend, and a side piece. All of whom I would presumably still be having sex with. I told her this, and she just said "it is what it is".


So I'm not making any moves right now and there's obviously a larger discussion to be had (between the wife and I) before I begin making moves, but I'm still a little surprised/confused/sad. I'd much rather have a threesome with my wife included, tbh. It's a life experience I'd love to have with her, but I also don't want to miss out on a possibly once in a lifetime opportunity. I know that's a scarcity mindset, but I have my own morals here too.

Thoughts? Experiences? Show me the way, fellow Don Juans/Juanitas

She's going to ask you to return the favor. I think it would be wise to not take this option. Nothing good but a roll in the hey. The punishment or contrapositive effect could be painful. I.E., my wife said I can fvck another female, thus in theory (which she will exercise at a time of her choosing), she (I) can now fvck another dude.

 

[The Duke]

It's a set up. If you take the bait it won't end well for your relationship.

Just the fact you mentioned it will be used against you. This won't sit well with her. She will feel she isnt good enough.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

You should fvck a girl, but never mention it, never say anything about it, if she ask you say you changed your mind and won't want to jeopardize the marriage. Thay way you get out of your system.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I hope to hell you didn't fall for that and acted approvingly...

EDIT: SH1T YOU DIDN'T aaaaagh

Dude, you are on the way to destroy your marriage. As I've mentioned in other threads, I've watched another married dude do this with a great wife.

JFC, dude - sorry ya farked up massively.

 

[obelisk]

You are on a road to being ****ed over completely and YOU are the one giving her all the ammunition she needs to do it. It's a trap (duh). If you intended to **** other women while married then you should have said NOTHING. This ends badly for you.

There are ALWAYS strings attached.

 

[BeExcellent]

You are like a kid who asks the same question over and over hoping to get a different answer.

Look. The old lady is pretty non judgemental but I only know of one couple who is good with the man having the occassional hall pass, and the man is someone who is utterly transparent. He's never getting married (not even to his Chinese live-in GF of 10 years) and he discloses when he's going to Hedonism to do his thing for a week; I think she's gone with him at least once. So they have been successful at it. Another couple swinging nearly ruined their marriage but they've now closed the relationship, go back and read again your other threads.

Most couples it ruins. You've been open with your wife. I commend the transparency. But this may be the ULTIMATE shjt test you are about to fail. You are about to tell her she can't satisfy you, and that will give her the excuse to fvck other men.

Do you want your wife fvcking other men? Do you want other sperm inside her? On her? What if she gets pregnant? You won't know it's your kid. How's that gonna feel for the rest of your life? Does that gross you out?

That is where this is headed. 1000%.

Good for the goose is good for the gander. You are setting yourself right up. And once you both start fvcking other people its the beginning of the end. You'll get attached to someone else, she'll get attached to someone else, and together y'all will rip apart your innocent little girl's family forever.

Leading a marriage, my dear, starts with controlling your (djck's) desire for other women. Otherwise ya'll are just fvcking to fvck. And is that what you want your daughter's husband doing to your daughter?

If you aren't hunky dory with your daughter being in a marriage like you are proposing, then its a super terrible idea for you and her mother.

Go watch the movie Boogie Nights. Its a decent representation of hedonism, pay attention to the character whose wife fvcks everyone publically at parties etc. Until her husband one day has had enough and shoots her, then himself. Debauchery is a very tempting but very dark road to go down.

My radar would be way up if your wife was so permissive. Who does she already have in her orbit?

It's a bad idea.

Wise people learn from the mistakes of others. Fools have to go through everything and pay the very real consequences. You are being a fool here.

And once one of you goes through with it, everything will change and you cannot go back.

Don't say we didn't tell you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

"My fvcking wife has an ass in her c0ck in the driveway"

 

[obelisk]

+1 to everything BE just said. I'm trying to remove morality from my opinion but damn. Open marriages destroy themselves every.single.time for numerous reasons.

Right now it's a fantasy. You are getting more and more wrapped up in the dream as you sell yourself on it. Asking the same questions until you get the answers YOU want. You minimize the downside risks (divorce rape initiated by a soon-to-be-ex-wife out for vengeance) while amplifying the benefits.

Want to bang other women? Do it on the down low or end the marriage.

All things being equal, you're being a d!ck to your wife. Despite your pent up sexual frustrations, try and take a second to view the situation from her viewpoint. Either put up (and start working through what is making you unhappy as a couple), shut up (and be discrete with your extra-marital activity) or pack up (and calmly and strategically end the marriage).

You're going out of your way to make your life miserable for very little gain.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

And women can get ridiculously vengeful. Years ago I had a FWB that had just separated from her husband who’d cheated on her. He took her v-card and she’s only ever been with the husband the whole time, till we started seeing each other.

She was all about sex and doing all the things she’d never done before. Then one day she asked me to take pictures of us having sex - like graphic penetration etc. I was like sure whatevs, I then asked her why she wanted them, she said “to humiliate the crap out of my husband, these will crush him”. I was like damn.

BOHICA @Money & Muscle

 

[SW15]

Don't do it. This will cause more problems than it solves. If you want to have sex with another woman, file for divorce and start being a seducer.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

This is a question for your lawyer before anything, if she gets proof of your actions it could spell big liability, you trying to say you have an open relationship would be an admission of guilt in terms of adultery she could also hire a private detective to follow you and track your movements

This is a bit too close to open relationship for me

What this really is though is your wife trying to take power back in the relationship by giving you *permission* to cheat, if she's being genuine and this is usually like one of the last stops before divorce, this is "I need to do everything I can to save my marriage so I can walkaway guilt free"

If there was ever a point of no return and it hasn't been hit yet, this is definitely it

 

[Money & Muscle]

I've thought about it for a couple days now, before I even posted this. I'm quite certain of where I stand, and that is "threesome with my wife or not at all". Keep in mind that I did not bring up my fantasy here - my wife brought it up. I will keep an eye out for suspicious behavior, but I am doubtful my wife is looking for permission on her end.

I very much appreciate the words here, from everyone. I have few friends so these topics help me tremendously with perspective. It is likely a different level of sh*t/comfort test.

I'll talk with the woman. "I want to have this experience in my life, but only if it's with you."

 

[The Duke]

I think several of us speak from personal experience or from experiences friends have shared that have done these types of things. Please let those statements carry some significant weight. They aren't simply opinions. Some of us have done a lot of living.

 

[obelisk]

You might look at this from a metacognitive standpoint. Why are you thinking these thoughts? What is the underlying issue for you? There is something under the sex issue. Until you sack up and have the honest journey with yourself, this will be one of a string of issues to add to your unhappiness. It won't end with a threesome and will simply be something else afterwards.

Relationships do not work like this with such black or white thinking. "I only want a threesome with my wife". Come on dude. Find some courage to look underneath this bs to at least contemplate what might need to be fixed before you cross the rubicon. Right now it's a theoretical issue you can recover from. Push it further with your wife and it will become a much different, more painful animal.

I'm not saying marriage is easy and it's not for everyone but make no mistake. By voicing these topics with her, she and/or her friends are quite possibly contacting a lawyer and strategizing how to screw you over as painfully as possible in a divorce. There is a reason they say there is nothing worse than a woman scorned. You might need to fall on your sword a bit and do a few mea culpas. Consider your next few moves carefully.

Marriage is a partnership.

(can't believe I'm defending the damn institution here)

 

[Money & Muscle]

Why are you thinking these thoughts? What is the underlying issue for you?

That I want a threesome? I mean, it's something I've literally always wanted.

Underneath that, though, is the issue that most/all romantically uninvolved late teens end up suffering. I'm not sure there's really a name for it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPillScience/comments/hvgu7u https://www.reddit.com/r/BlackPillScience/comments/deonbg
I don't quite know how to come back from that.

 

[manfrombelow]

+1 to everything BE just said. I'm trying to remove morality from my opinion but damn. Open marriages destroy themselves every.single.time for numerous reasons.

When will people truly learn there's no such thing as an "open marriage."

Open marriages simply mean dysfunctional fuvked up toxic marriages but the people inside are trying to tell themselves everything's still ok by fvcking other people instead.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Update
I told the wife that the only way I would go through with it was if she were part of it. I said that I have to respect her as the woman I chose to keep, even if that meant not being able to have this experience. I also mentioned that I initially handled this incorrectly, and that it was probably hard on her (fogging)

She said she respected me more because of this and feels more able to be open with me now than before.

There's more discussion to be had about this for sure, but right now it's only over text. I offered for us to discuss this either in the morning or when I take her on a date Friday night, but that it should be face to face.

Failing with grace? IDK, but I think we're on the right path. Again, thank you all for the insight.

 

[Money & Muscle]

You are a troll or your wife smells of elderberries

You should post another comment about me being a troll. The first two didn't get enough traction.