How do you handle trying to hit on the daughter of a woman in your social circle?

[pipeman84]

If the guy is known to be a loser and/or serial womaniser, then I understand the outrage of posters such as @BeExcellent @Barrister. In that scenario, I wonder why are you keeping that guy in your social circle to begin with.

But if he's an accomplished, stand up man and particularly if the girl also shows interest in him (some girls just innately go for much older men, considering the guys their age as immature), where's the problem?

 

[Sega Genesis]

Venturing a guess that the only people in this thread that believe it’s a “great” question are ones without kids.

I don't have kids and I recognize how creepy it is.

I read OP's thread title/question as rhetorical versus asking for himself, again per his post he does seem to get how repugnant and creepy it is.

Sad reality is there are people who are dumb, uncalibrated and lacking social awareness so asking this question and discussing may be beneficial to them. From reading many of OP's posts I don't sense he's one of them.

OP often makes threads for discussion only. In fact he recently created the thread about plus-sized women whining because no men want to date them!

Anyway again I did ask him to clarify, I dislike making assumptions about people.

 

[MatureDJ]

I can imagine a 40s/50s guy at a private residence party hitting on a daughter or a niece of a friend.

That will likely turn the guy into a pariah as you say.

It's worse with a daughter than a niece. Either one will lead to pariah status.

Most men are not good enough looking and charismatic enough to pull this off.



This is true. It would be difficult to imagine a friendship surviving when an aging Don Juan is attempting to seduce the daughter of a male or female friend.

I can imagine parents feeling that way.



An aging Don Juan who is single will often believe his odds are better with the 20 something daughters or nieces of his social contacts than trying to get 20 somethings on a swipe app, Instagram, or at a bar.

Going to the daughter situation, most parents want their daughters to be in an LTR with a man of a similar age to the daughter.

What if the older man is much wealthier than the poor men her own age? I definitely think I financially outmog any of her suitors.

 

[MatureDJ]

@MatureDJ , re: the title of this thread:

How do you handle trying to hit on the daughter of a woman in your social circle?

Are you asking for yourself or only for discussion purposes?

I ask because in your original post, you wrote this:



So you DO seem to understand how creepy it is and as such NOT quite getting the covert insults directed towards you as if you were actually considering it (i.e. dumb, idiotic etc).

Are you? Or were you?

The situation is something that could come across my radar. OK, maybe it's wishful thinking, LOL. And I'm not sure this chick is her daughter, but maybe just a friend. She was hot as h3ll when she was wearing her little cropped shirt the last time I saw her.

 

[Sega Genesis]

The situation is something that could come across my radar. OK, maybe it's wishful thinking, LOL. And I'm not sure this chick is her daughter, but maybe just a friend. She was hot as h3ll when she was wearing her little cropped shirt the last time I saw her.

OK thanks for clarifying. Whether it IS her daughter or a friend, I wouldn't "go there" for reasons BE and others stated.

And your own original post!

It's very risky imo but your call.

 

[SW15]

What if the older man is much wealthier than the poor men her own age? I definitely think I financially outmog any of her suitors.

This is somewhat culturally dependent.

In the USA, a man in your age range would need a net worth in the multiple millions of dollars to offset his advanced age in order to attract women 18-25. Strong looks for his age will also matter, but money matters more than looks in this specific scenario because the woman get get a good looking man near her own age. Younger women also don't tend to worry about money as much in mating since they have been raised since the onset of 2nd Wave Feminism (1960s-1980s era feminism). Since 2nd Wave Feminism, more women have been getting bachelor's and advanced degrees to make themselves more competitive in an economy where office work makes up a larger percentage of jobs. Additionally, since the 1990s, many corporations have given hiring preference to women. Most corporations try not to lay off female workers as well, though in mass layoff situations, that might not be possible. Women born in the early 1980s - early 2000s have grown up expecting to work and grown up in a culture that facilitates them obtaining and retaining work. Women are less financially dependent on men.

If women don't want to work office jobs, they can make good money through sex work. Many "sex work" type roles don't involve having actual sex. Women can make money by stripping, posting sexy pics/videos on OnlyFans/Instagram, or working at a breastaurant like Hooters/Twin Peaks serving food/alcohol. Sometimes, women can combine those roles.

Money isn't as much of an incentive as it once was in the USA.

In Eastern Europe, conditions might be somewhat different.

 

[BeExcellent]

If the guy is known to be a loser and/or serial womaniser, then I understand the outrage of posters such as @BeExcellent @Barrister. In that scenario, I wonder why are you keeping that guy in your social circle to begin with.

But if he's an accomplished, stand up man and particularly if the girl also shows interest in him (some girls just innately go for much older men, considering the guys their age as immature), where's the problem?

As I noted in my first response I have a cousin who was involved with a man old enough to be her father. I am not particularly close to that cousin but she was a collegiate D1 women's golfer and has played golf all her life. So my assumption would be that she met her LTR on the golf course or at the country club.....and even so, some of the aunts and older women in the family felt the relationship was inappropriate. I thought nothing of it but her boyfriend was a man of class & sophistication & socially adroit.

I also set one of my player friends up with a gorgeous blond 20 years younger than him (he was 63 she was 42.) They are now married and very happily so.....

So I don't care about age gap per se. But if you are not organically able to pull women that much younger already (my player buddy was regularly able to)....then you are going to seem creepy to the young women as well as to your peers.

 

[Barrister]

If the guy is known to be a loser and/or serial womaniser, then I understand the outrage of posters such as @BeExcellent @Barrister. In that scenario, I wonder why are you keeping that guy in your social circle to begin with.

But if he's an accomplished, stand up man and particularly if the girl also shows interest in him (some girls just innately go for much older men, considering the guys their age as immature), where's the problem?

Not "outrage." Just stating the obvious. Maybe the language comes off strong, but then, this really is common sense.

At some point as a man, you need to draw a line and understand that getting pvssy isn't everything, and it certainly is not worth losing friends/social circle over, no matter how hot your friend's daughter is. In fact, you probably are working against yourself even in the realm of getting pvssy, because you will be losing a huge amount of social proof that typically would help you get it in exchange for being branded in a negative light from the situation. MDJ's OP seems to cast doubt on whether he understands that -- it can be argued he wouldn't be asking the question in the first place if he did.

And frankly, it makes no difference how accomplished the man is. I can guarantee you it won't be met warmly by the social circle that the man suddenly is interested in his friend's daughter whether he is a millionaire/accomplished or he is Joe Dirt.

 

[BaronOfHair]

My husband and I have seen the daughter of a close girlfriend working in a high end nightclub as a bottle service girl. As in wearing essentially lingerie to work

Don't suppose you snapped a picture of this girl on that night, and that'd you'd be willing to share if so

 

[Slowhandluke]

Not "outrage." Just stating the obvious. Maybe the language comes off strong, but then, this really is common sense.

At some point as a man, you need to draw a line and understand that getting pvssy isn't everything, and it certainly is not worth losing friends/social circle over, no matter how hot your friend's daughter is. In fact, you probably are working against yourself even in the realm of getting pvssy, because you will be losing a huge amount of social proof that typically would help you get it in exchange for being branded in a negative light from the situation. MDJ's OP seems to cast doubt on whether he understands that -- it can be argued he wouldn't be asking the question in the first place if he did.

And frankly, it makes no difference how accomplished the man is. I can guarantee you it won't be met warmly by the social circle that the man suddenly is interested in his friend's daughter whether he is a millionaire/accomplished or he is Joe Dirt.

Depends on the man AND the girl AND the girls family (if they are close).

this type of situation happened a lot through human existence. For example, Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis Presley, Buster keaton, Matthew McConaughey, That one French president, Dennis Quaid, etc...

feminist are trying to de-normalize it by saying that its "creepy". For the most part, it isn't. Just like regular dating - guys trying to get with a girl and girls like it or not, and if they dont they call it "creepy". its just normal dating.

The ability to date when older is in general a male advantage. Feminist are trying to take that away from men in order to make things "equal" especially since a lot of older feminist are having difficulty finding men to date their own age.

If anything, an older man who is successful, comes from a good family, has social kills, and still looks good; most fathers and mothers of daughters would not care... society in general doesn't care. It just virtual signaling. Like DEI... Like saying that it's racist to avoid walking pass a black man in the middle of a night in the hood, but instead crossing the street. But we all know most people if not would cross the street. Things are lot of people say to virtual signal.

 

[Barrister]

Depends on the man AND the girl AND the girls family (if they are close).

this type of situation happened a lot through human existence. For example, Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis Presley, Buster keaton, Matthew McConaughey, That one French president, Dennis Quaid, etc...

feminist are trying to de-normalize it by saying that its "creepy". For the most part, it isn't. Just like regular dating - guys trying to get with a girl and girls like it or not, and if they dont they call it "creepy". its just normal dating.

The ability to date when older is in general a male advantage. Feminist are trying to take that away from men in order to make things "equal" especially since a lot of older feminist are having difficulty finding men to date their own age.

If anything, an older man who is successful, comes from a good family, has social kills, and still looks good; most fathers and mothers of daughters would not care... society in general doesn't care. It just virtual signaling. Like DEI... Like saying that it's racist to avoid walking pass a black man in the middle of a night in the hood, but instead crossing the street. But we all know most people if not would cross the street. Things are lot of people say to virtual signal.

And I’m not saying there is any issue with older men dating younger women. Not sure if you think that’s what I’m saying - because I’m not. That wasn’t what the OP was about. It was being asked how he could hit on another chicks daughter when said chick was in his social circle. I assume this means they’re friends or at least socially connected. That isn’t a situation that ends well for him within the social circle if he goes through with it.

It wasn’t just a general “can older men date younger women.” Because of course I agree (and have done so myself) in dating women in a different generation. Nothing wrong with it. But if you’re aiming for a friend’s daughter in your social circle? Not sure why you take that chance for it to blow up in your face. There’s always other (less complicated) ways to get pvssy.

 

[MatureDJ]

Don't suppose you snapped a picture of this girl on that night, and that'd you'd be willing to share if so

LOL, I wouldn't share it here, but I'll have to do it for my own collection.

 

[BaronOfHair]

LOL, I wouldn't share it here, but I'll have to do it for my own collection.

Relax... That question was for BeExcellent. No offense intended, MDJ, nonetheless:

At this point, it's fair to infer that the only way you've obtained such pics is via slipping a roofie or 5 into the daughter of the woman in The OP's Shirley Temple, getting her out of her clothes, and into a few items from Frederick's Of Hollywood that've been laying around in your closet for the past 15 years +

Sharing sh-t like that on SS is not only fraught with potential legal complications, but entirety too demented even for MY tastes

 

[BeExcellent]

Lol @BaronOfHair no. I don't have photos from her bottle service days. And if I did it would not be wise to share them. Out of respect for both my friend and her daughter (also my friend)......

Google bottle service at any high end nightclub in Vegas or Miami and you'll see plenty of eye candy. A great club in Miami is Eleven. When we were there lots of beautiful young women walking around in lingere, garters and big platform heels. We got to chatting with a tall redhead who had a chill personality. But she was likely working and my husband and I were clearly with one another.....

So she cozied up to the middle aged guy with the flasy watch on the other side. She was not there to socialize. That was NOT what my friend's daughter did (although men pitched the idea to her plenty.)

 

[Vanderdonck]

If the guy is known to be a loser and/or serial womaniser, then I understand the outrage of posters such as @BeExcellent @Barrister. In that scenario, I wonder why are you keeping that guy in your social circle to begin with.

But if he's an accomplished, stand up man and particularly if the girl also shows interest in him (some girls just innately go for much older men, considering the guys their age as immature), where's the problem?

Key is IF she shows interest in him. It would have to be a delicate dance and the man would have to tread carefully. Younger women will show interest in "off limits" guys that are attractive but don't want to be judged by social circle. Having moms around complicates things. Some moms protect, some shame.

If the guy is as you describe, he can probably attract much younger women outside of his circle, who will be free from judgment and more willing to experiment. I've definitely done it–went fine, but the girls are usually traveling or studying or something that gives them more flexibility and freedom to explore.

Of course there's always the .0000001 percent chance it goes porn style, you get mom and daughter, lol.

 

[Solomon]

If the guy is known to be a loser and/or serial womaniser, then I understand the outrage of posters such as @BeExcellent @Barrister. In that scenario, I wonder why are you keeping that guy in your social circle to begin with.

But if he's an accomplished, stand up man and particularly if the girl also shows interest in him (some girls just innately go for much older men, considering the guys their age as immature), where's the problem?

This is spot on, if the guy is a stand up guy and carries himself as such there is no issue

 

[Slowhandluke]

It wasn’t just a general “can older men date younger women.” Because of course I agree (and have done so myself) in dating women in a different generation. Nothing wrong with it. But if you’re aiming for a friend’s daughter in your social circle? Not sure why you take that chance for it to blow up in your face. There’s always other (less complicated) ways to get pvssy.

yeah, not worth it. if it happens, it happens. I wouldn't push anything. I'm too old for this type of drama. I'm assuming most people my age are in the same boat

Throughout my life, I've seen multiple instances of supervisors/directors at companies that I've worked at trying to hook up their daughters to older successfully men. If the guy is successful/good person, other people will "do the work" to make it happen.

if you had a daughter and there was an older man that you admired and respected; i think most guys would be more than happy to have their daughter date the older guy. (not to pump and dump, but for serious dating).

 

[pipeman84]

If the guy is as you describe, he can probably attract much younger women outside of his circle, who will be free from judgment and more willing to experiment.

If he's 40+ and not a loser then he's most probably looking for someone to marry and have kids with, and in this instance social circle is a big advantage as both him and her are already vetted.

 

[Vanderdonck]

If he's 40+ and not a loser then he's most probably looking for someone to marry and have kids with, and in this instance social circle is a big advantage as both him and her are already vetted.

Marriage and kids, nah... He asked about hitting on her. Not every guy wants that result, 40 or no.

 

[SW15]

If he's 40+

Marriage and kids, nah... He asked about hitting on her. Not every guy wants that result, 40 or no.

Why would a 40+ never married and childless man want to get married and have kids?

He's already lived 20+ years of adult life as a never married and childless man.

Additionally, having kids so late in life is likely to affect possible retirement outcomes. In the USA, most 50-65 year olds are not fortunate enough to retire on their terms. Blue collar workers often need to take early retirement because their bodies can no longer physically handle the work. One would think that working a white collar job would be the solution to that but it isn't. White collar workers often need to take early retirements due to a layoff and the inability to get re-hired due to pervasiveness age discrimination in white collar hiring processes.

In white collar work, men often shoulder the burden of layoffs more than women. Companies do their best to protect their female workers from layoff. However, in some mass layoff scenarios, companies needing to urgently cut costs will lay off women. Men usually are the first workers in any white collar layoff to get eliminated.

Why would a male want to risk that at 50+? It's difficult enough to face early retirement as a childless man or empty nester? It's not advisable to have children under 18 at home at that point in life due to the risk of white collar layoff of physical breakdown for a blue collar worker.