How do you handle trying to hit on the daughter of a woman in your social circle?

[MatureDJ]

This seems to be fraught with a lot problems - the main one being that the mother is someone that might look at you as a suitable match, and thinking you're a creep for even broaching the subject.

I remember when I was in Ukraine in the mid '00s having an American friend who was 54 and dating a 16 year old (she was a student at the university where he was helping teach English, although not in his class), and because she was a bit of a problem child, they thought he would have been wonderful for her. (She ended up going with some guitarist that had a motorbike.

 

[SW15]

This is a really great question. I haven't been in this situation before as a seducer.

I don't have any female acquaintances with daughters who are 18-24.

In the USA, this would be fraught with problems.

If I were to be interested in a 21 year old right now that would be the child of someone in my social circle, her parents would likely be older than I am. I don't think a 21 year old's roughly 50 year old mother would be interested in me. The 21 year old might be the daughter of the friend of a 50 year old woman I might know. It would make waves in the theoretical social circle that a 42 year old man is interested in a 21 year old woman through his social circle.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

I remember when I was in Ukraine in the mid '00s having an American friend who was 54 and dating a 16 year old

Age of consent in Ukraine is 16, but it's still creepy (kid had to have no parents to control her whatsoever) + that dude had to be a creep. Sorry, but that's what I think about it. Sure 16 year old can look attractive, but for me it's a child, until 18 years old at least.

 

[BeExcellent]

Well. This kind of thing could certainly get you labeled as a creep within the social circle.....and you will find your social circle disintegrating shortly thereafter.

You are been around for years here. Surely you are not this idiotic.

And listen, I have a cousin who married a man a generation older (so old enough to be her dad). So I am fine with whatever consenting adults do....but if you are this socially tone deaf? You don't have much of a social circle to begin with.

Go meet young women out and about. Don't prey on daughters in your friend group. And that is how you could easily be percieved, as a predator by your female peers. Not good.

 

[SW15]

This kind of thing could certainly get you labeled as a creep within the social circle.....and you will find your social circle disintegrating shortly thereafter.

As I said in the previous post, this is the kind of behavior that wouldn't go over well in a social circle in the USA.

In a gynocentric social order (like the USA and most Western countries are), older man-younger woman relationships are not well perceived. Especially when the male is 20+ years older than the female.

In a social circle with numerous 40s/early 50s women, it wouldn't go over as poorly if a 40 something woman had sex with her 45-50 year old female friend's late teen/early 20s son. The gynocentric social order would positively view a woman for her feminine empowerment if she had sex with a man 20+ years younger. Even in a gynocentric social order, there could be some hurt feelings if the mother of the young adult man found out her son had sex with one of his mom's friends.

Don't prey on daughters in your friend group. And that is how you could easily be percieved, as a predator by your female peers. Not good.

Female friends/acquaintances will very much dislike a 40s/50s man having sex with their young adult (18-24 year old) daughters. There's no way that a man can remain in good standing by doing this if it gets found out.

I think there'd be some slight differences in the perception if the 40s/50s man attempted to seduce a niece or a non-family co-worker of a female friend/acquaintance. I believe that an attempted seduction of a niece or co-worker would also be negatively perceived, but not to the extent of a daughter.

Go meet young women out and about.

For a lot of older men, this is not easy to do.

It's common for 40+ men to be lacking male friends who can join them at the bars to meet 20 something women. A lot of 40+ men have mainly married male friends their own age bracket. Some 40+ men might be fortunate enough to have some divorced male friends in the same situation as they are men. There isn't a good community available for never married, childless 40 something men. There's actually more community for the divorced/single dads in this age range.

The typical 40+ man (never married/childless or a divorced single dad) will also have a difficult time meeting women through non-bar approaching, on swipe apps, and by using DMs on social media.

Because it is so difficult for 40+ men to meet much younger women, I can imagine how a 40+ man would have interest in exploring an interaction with a 20 something woman that he's able to meet through some 40+ woman that he knows. He also thinks he might have a better chance with a younger woman that he can meet through his social network.

It's not a good idea but I can understand the thought process in why the idea would be appealing.

 

[BaronOfHair]

This seems to be fraught with a lot problems...

That's why we resist the urge to do such a thing

 

[BeExcellent]

As I said in the previous post, this is the kind of behavior that wouldn't go over well in a social circle in the USA.

In a gynocentric social order (like the USA and most Western countries are), older man-younger woman relationships are not well perceived. Especially when the male is 20+ years older than the female.

In a social circle with numerous 40s/early 50s women, it wouldn't go over as poorly if a 40 something woman had sex with her 45-50 year old female friend's late teen/early 20s son. The gynocentric social order would positively view a woman for her feminine empowerment if she had sex with a man 20+ years younger. Even in a gynocentric social order, there could be some hurt feelings if the mother of the young adult man found out her son had sex with one of his mom's friends.



Female friends/acquaintances will very much dislike a 40s/50s man having sex with their young adult (18-24 year old) daughters. There's no way that a man can remain in good standing by doing this if it gets found out.

I think there'd be some slight differences in the perception if the 40s/50s man attempted to seduce a niece or a non-family co-worker of a female friend/acquaintance. I believe that an attempted seduction of a niece or co-worker would also be negatively perceived, but not to the extent of a daughter.



For a lot of older men, this is not easy to do.

It's common for 40+ men to be lacking male friends who can join them at the bars to meet 20 something women. A lot of 40+ men have mainly married male friends their own age bracket. Some 40+ men might be fortunate enough to have some divorced male friends in the same situation as they are men. There isn't a good community available for never married, childless 40 something men. There's actually more community for the divorced/single dads in this age range.

The typical 40+ man (never married/childless or a divorced single dad) will also have a difficult time meeting women through non-bar approaching, on swipe apps, and by using DMs on social media.

Because it is so difficult for 40+ men to meet much younger women, I can imagine how a 40+ man would have interest in exploring an interaction with a 20 something woman that he's able to meet through some 40+ woman that he knows. He also thinks he might have a better chance with a younger woman that he can meet through his social network.

It's not a good idea but I can understand the thought process in why the idea would be appealing.

What will happen is the daughter will complain to her parents about their creepy friend who is hitting on her (unless of course the friend IS Brad Pitt or someone with that tier of looks & stature)....and that will not be good for our horny DJ who will be seen as a pariah at best by the parents from then on....or seen as a pedophile.

Then our DJ will be dealing with pissed off parents about the friend sexualizing the daughter. Really REALLY bad idea. No parent wants to envision their daughter fvcking....and certainly not with some man who is in their friend group. Yuck.

If a guy doesn't have the looks & status to pull much younger women by himself then he truly has no business trolling the daughters of friends (who will no doubt want to see their princess marry a fine YOUNG man, make grandbabies and have a family....)

Seriously.

 

[SW15]

What will happen is the daughter will complain to her parents about their creepy friend who is hitting on her (unless of course the friend IS Brad Pitt or someone with that tier of looks & stature)....and that will not be good for our horny DJ who will be seen as a pariah at best by the parents from then on....or seen as a pedophile.

I can imagine a 40s/50s guy at a private residence party hitting on a daughter or a niece of a friend.

That will likely turn the guy into a pariah as you say.

It's worse with a daughter than a niece. Either one will lead to pariah status.

Most men are not good enough looking and charismatic enough to pull this off.

our DJ will be dealing with pissed off parents about the friend sexualizing the daughter. Really REALLY bad idea. No parent wants to envision their daughter fvcking....and certainly not with some man who is in their friend group. Yuck.

This is true. It would be difficult to imagine a friendship surviving when an aging Don Juan is attempting to seduce the daughter of a male or female friend.

I can imagine parents feeling that way.

If a guy doesn't have the looks & status to pull much younger women by himself then he truly has no business trolling the daughters of friends (who will no doubt want to see their princess marry a fine YOUNG man, make grandbabies and have a family....)

An aging Don Juan who is single will often believe his odds are better with the 20 something daughters or nieces of his social contacts than trying to get 20 somethings on a swipe app, Instagram, or at a bar.

Going to the daughter situation, most parents want their daughters to be in an LTR with a man of a similar age to the daughter.

 

[BaronOfHair]

No parent wants to envision their daughter fvcking....

That actually varies heavily, from region to region, BE... Throughout Applachia + large areas of Texas and The Pacific Northwest, not only are pops's regularly imagining such acts, they're likely to challenge any man who beds DD before they get a crack at doing tne honors themselves to a duel, via .45

I suppose such fellas deserve a measure of respect for handling their gripes Mano E Mano, rather than resorting to drive bys and the like

 

[Barrister]

Not a problem if the woman (the mom) is merely an acquaintance. But if she is legit in your social circle, this is sure fire way to no longer have a social circle. You will basically become a pariah in the social circle overnight. Especially if you all have kids around the same age. On top of it, you’re suggesting the mom is initially interested in you? This is a double whammy.

The woman herself is scorned which is a bad recipe to begin with. Add in that you’re after her daughter and yes, “fraught with problems” is an apt description of the situation.

 

[BeExcellent]

To me (as the mother of an attractive 20yr old daughter who has friends with young single 20 something year old daughters).....the very idea is completely socially uncalibrated and unintelligent.

My husband and I have seen the daughter of a close girlfriend working in a high end nightclub as a bottle service girl. As in wearing essentially lingerie to work. Very attractive & very cool girl (my friend's daughter).

She (the daughter) told us the tips working high end bottle service (4K for a bottle service table) are amazing but she quit after a year or so because she got tired of all the rich ugly guys and rich old guys hitting on her. She learned a huge amount about how men operate in her tenure there.....and because my girlfriend married a wealthy second husband we occasionally would join them for bottle service there (and she knew none of our guys were creepers) so it was fun for us & fun for her (because she knew she was 'safe')......

But yeah. Hitting on daughters of women in your social circle is an exceptionally dum b idea....certainly in the US.

 

[Vanderdonck]

This seems to be fraught with a lot problems - the main one being that the mother is someone that might look at you as a suitable match, and thinking you're a creep for even broaching the subject.

"Broaching the subject" is weird anyway. This is the kind of thing that could only happen if the daughter throws herself at you in private away from prying eyes. Otherwise what would you do, ask for permission?

 

[Sega Genesis]

@MatureDJ , re: the title of this thread:

How do you handle trying to hit on the daughter of a woman in your social circle?

Are you asking for yourself or only for discussion purposes?

I ask because in your original post, you wrote this:

This seems to be fraught with a lot problems - the main one being that the mother is someone that might look at you as a suitable match, and thinking you're a creep for even broaching the subject.

So you DO seem to understand how creepy it is and as such NOT quite getting the covert insults directed towards you as if you were actually considering it (i.e. dumb, idiotic etc).

Are you? Or were you?

 

[Sega Genesis]

This is a really great question.

I think It's a great question too for discussion purposes.

Again, the OP seems to get how creepy it is.

 

[BeExcellent]

I do not understand why its a great question at all.

A socially calibrated person who has a social circle can understand why this is a bad idea.

Anyone who is parent can understand why this is a bad idea (parents are naturally protective of daughters, particularly.)

If the OP is actually this socially tone deaf, then the repercussions of such behavior (and how others will perceieve it) are worth pointing out.

If OP "gets" why this is creepy.......then why is there a question at all?

 

[Sega Genesis]

A socially calibrated person who has a social circle can understand why this is a bad idea.

I agree however why insult the OP? Again he seems to understand how creepy it is per his first and only post.

It's a great question for discussion because sadly NOT everyone is socially calibrated and as such this discussion might benefit them.

I'm speculating, it's just my read on it.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Anyway I asked @MatureDJ IF he was asking for himself, hopefully he will return and clarify.

 

[Divorced w 3]

This happened with my former in laws Everyone was furious. It took a long time to get over it. And then they were incredibly happily ever after and produced grandchildren and everyone was happy about it. And then the husband ended up becoming a thief and the family fractured.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I do not understand why its a great question at all.

A socially calibrated person who has a social circle can understand why this is a bad idea.

Anyone who is parent can understand why this is a bad idea (parents are naturally protective of daughters, particularly.)

If the OP is actually this socially tone deaf, then the repercussions of such behavior (and how others will perceieve it) are worth pointing out.

If OP "gets" why this is creepy.......then why is there a question at all?

The issue is whether or not the social circle knows his avatar is ants fvcking

 

[Barrister]

I do not understand why its a great question at all.

A socially calibrated person who has a social circle can understand why this is a bad idea.

Anyone who is parent can understand why this is a bad idea (parents are naturally protective of daughters, particularly.)

If the OP is actually this socially tone deaf, then the repercussions of such behavior (and how others will perceieve it) are worth pointing out.

If OP "gets" why this is creepy.......then why is there a question at all?

Venturing a guess that the only people in this thread that believe it’s a “great” question are ones without kids. I think about social circle. Everyone is within 5-10 years of me (mostly older), and their kids are barely older than my own. If one of my friends in my social circle begun trying to actually hook up with my daughter (and I don’t mean playful flirting) I wouldn’t hesitate to put him on blast. I also would never go for a buddy’s daughter who is 5-10 years older than my own. The hypothetical posed here is no different. A mother who is pursuing a man and then discovers said man is trying to bang her daughter is no different.

Add in they are part of the same social circle and you’d have to be socially tone deaf as you say to even attempt something like this. Anyone with a brain would understand it would naturally end you being in said social circle.