What to focus on in the coming year?

[Zontyy]

This coming year I am focused on simplifying my life. I want to finish out the custody battle I am having with my EX and get custody of my kid. I am also forcing the sale of the home which I co-own with my EX. I'm in the process of purchasing a duplex currently which I intend to fix up and maybe live in half of it or just rent out both apartments. Currently until my house sells with my EX I am in between homes at my fathers and mothers. They let me stay rent free and I converted the guest room at my mothers into a dedicated room for my son with a pullout trundle bed for myself which matters to the courts. When I have my kid I stay at my mothers and when I don't have my kid I'm at my fathers home.

From a expenses standpoint I should just rent out the duplex and continue how I am doing. Job wise I am doing really well. I have no need for a woman right now because mentally I'm not there yet. In fact I need to invest in myself mentally and physically, I need to drop at least 50lbs before I even consider a relationship or sex. After I hit my peak again in fitness the urge for a woman will be there and hopefully by then the house I own with my EX will have sold and I can use that for a down payment on a nice home close to my job.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Man I keep getting these really bad waves of frustration about my situation. It just goes on and on with no end in sight. It's just so baffling to me: I'm in the prime of my life and I'm far more physically attractive and healthy than I've ever been, yet I'm just not meeting anyone AT ALL. I'm visibly jacked and strong now and I'm losing bodyfat at a rapid pace, yet it's all silence and crickets. I hate the fact that I'm just WASTING my youth like this, it's the prime of my life yet I'm more single and celibate than ever. Dating apps have gotten to a point where even if I pay $40 a month for tinder gold it makes NO difference. I can't even get matches with plain looking women anymore. Every day I get more tempted to delete the apps for good but then I'd be left with nothing. I've used dating apps since I was 18 and it's all I know how to do in order to meet women. If I deleted the apps, it would amount to me giving up on trying to date women entirely. In real life I have NO prospects, NO way I could ever hope to meet women organically or consistently off the apps. It's just all a dead end and there's NO end in sight. It'll be FIVE YEARS next year since I've had a relationship or sex. FIVE YEARS! I'm way too attractive and based for this to be happening to me. There's NO logical reason why it should be this difficult. I'm not some nerdy virgin skinnyfat leftist beta loser who doesn't lift; I'm a based, reasonably attractive, cool, jacked, bass player in a rock n roll band. I SHOULD able to meet women, yet my sex and relationship life in the past (nearly) FIVE years has resembled that of an overweight virgin World of Warcraft player type shut-in. Why is it that I'm the hottest I've ever been yet I'm having so much trouble? The fact that I'm in this situation is just STUPID, this SHOULD NOT HAPPEN! I just can't take it anymore!

 

[corrector]

Man I keep getting these really bad waves of frustration about my situation. It just goes on and on with no end in sight. It's just so baffling to me: I'm in the prime of my life and I'm far more physically attractive and healthy than I've ever been, yet I'm just not meeting anyone AT ALL. I'm visibly jacked and strong now and I'm losing bodyfat at a rapid pace, yet it's all silence and crickets. I hate the fact that I'm just WASTING my youth like this, it's the prime of my life yet I'm more single and celibate than ever. Dating apps have gotten to a point where even if I pay $40 a month for tinder gold it makes NO difference. I can't even get matches with plain looking women anymore. Every day I get more tempted to delete the apps for good but then I'd be left with nothing. I've used dating apps since I was 18 and it's all I know how to do in order to meet women. If I deleted the apps, it would amount to me giving up on trying to date women entirely. In real life I have NO prospects, NO way I could ever hope to meet women organically or consistently off the apps. It's just all a dead end and there's NO end in sight. It'll be FIVE YEARS next year since I've had a relationship or sex. FIVE YEARS! I'm way too attractive and based for this to be happening to me. There's NO logical reason why it should be this difficult. I'm not some nerdy virgin skinnyfat leftist beta loser who doesn't lift; I'm a based, reasonably attractive, cool, jacked, bass player in a rock n roll band. I SHOULD able to meet women, yet my sex and relationship life in the past (nearly) FIVE years has resembled that of an overweight virgin World of Warcraft player type shut-in. Why is it that I'm the hottest I've ever been yet I'm having so much trouble? The fact that I'm in this situation is just STUPID, this SHOULD NOT HAPPEN! I just can't take it anymore!

Its been 9 years for me. Maybe you are not as hot as you think you are. You sound like totally materialistic. You may as well use an escort if you are in that frame of mind. They are materialistic too so what do you have to lose? Its better to use an escort then kill yourself.

 

[corrector]

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Its been 9 years for me. Maybe you are not as hot as you think you are. You sound like totally materialistic. You may as well use an escort if you are in that frame of mind. They are materialistic too so what do you have to lose? Its better to use an escort then kill yourself.

I see guys far worse looking and far less masculine than me with hot girls. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a hot girl I'd want to date with some skinnyfat beta loser boyfriend on her arm and thought to myself "This guy could be knocked over by a stiff breeze, is the really going out with him?" My level of attractiveness SHOULD be able to get me women that are at least kinda hot. Yet I'm failing to attract anyone despite being hotter than I ever have been. It SHOULD NOT be this difficult for me. That's what baffles me so much about this, I'm in the PRIME of my life yet I've been so starved to quality interactions with women that I feel like a virgin again. And using an escort will only make me feel WORSE, if I go that route it's an admission of defeat. Furthermore I'd have to travel literally thousands of miles to be able to use an escort legally even if I wanted to do that. Even escorts aren't an option for me. I have NO OPTIONS!

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Amusing video but what was the point of posting that?

 

[corrector]

Amusing video but what was the point of posting that?

It is what we both would like to happen in real life. (ie but not the prank part). You did mention you have parents. My parents, in particular my dad helped bring me together with my ex-wife. They tried at least.

Videos like that with me are sometimes a mental wish fulfillment. Even if it's vicariously experienced.

 

[corrector]

And using an escort will only make me feel WORSE, if I go that route it's an admission of defeat.

Maybe, if you are like me, but you aren't. Unless you think you will be attacked by spirits that would make you feel worst like I did.

If you are not like me (ie sensitive to the spirits of other women you are intimate with, worried about soul-ties with an escort, etc...) then, I'm assuming, that you are talking about your ego. If you are talking about your ego, may I remind you that other people on here, such as @MatureDJ, @GoodMan32, @sangheilios, @Murk, @Gamisch, who would be contributors on here, have all visited an escort at least once in their lives. Do you think they are admitting defeat? Honestly, it looks like some of these aformentioned posters are even happy campers.

Furthermore I'd have to travel literally thousands of miles to be able to use an escort legally even if I wanted to do that. Even escorts aren't an option for me. I have NO OPTIONS!

If you are going after street-walkers and brothels then that might be correct. However, most users who hire escorts, are just paying for companionship with a woman, and what two consenting adults do in private, yadda yadda yadda, always a legal loophole.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

It is what we both would like to happen in real life. (ie but not the prank part). You did mention you have parents. My parents, in particular my dad helped bring me together with my ex-wife. They tried at least.

Videos like that with me are sometimes a mental wish fulfillment. Even if it's vicariously experienced.

I really do wish women approached men more often. If women did that I would have never had any trouble dating at all. But of course I could never count on that happening in all actuality. It's so rare for women to approach men they're interested in. Sometimes I fantasize about somebody making a psyop that convinces women to approach men, but of course this will likely never happen on its own. Maybe we should all get together and see if we could come up with a legit psyop like this and get it out there somehow. After all, women keep saying they don't want to be approached in public since they're not interested in the guys approaching them, so maybe it's time for us to find a way to subconsciously convince women to just approach men themselves if they're interested in a particular man they see. There has to be a way to do that, we just all have to come together and brainstorm how we would achieve that goal.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Maybe, if you are like me, but you aren't. Unless you think you will be attacked by spirits that would make you feel worst like I did.

If you are not like me (ie sensitive to the spirits of other women you are intimate with, worried about soul-ties with an escort, etc...) then, I'm assuming, that you are talking about your ego. If you are talking about your ego, may I remind you that other people on here, such as @MatureDJ, @GoodMan32, @sangheilios, @Murk, @Gamisch, who would be contributors on here, have all visited an escort at least once in their lives. Do you think they are admitting defeat? Honestly, it looks like some of these aformentioned posters are even happy campers.



If you are going after street-walkers and brothels then that might be correct. However, most users who hire escorts, are just paying for companionship with a woman, and what two consenting adults do in private, yadda yadda yadda, always a legal loophole.

Well I understand that some on this forum have gone to escorts and had fulfilling experiences, but going to an escort myself won't solve anything. It fails to address the fundamental root of my problems meeting women, in that I desire a stable long term relationship with a woman I'm truly excited about who feels the same way about me, and that I'm unable to fulfill this goal since I can't even meet any women regardless of whether or not I'd like to date them. Going to an escort would just be running from my problems in my case and does nothing to solve the fundamental roots of the situation I describe myself as being in and the goals I wish to achieve.

 

[corrector]

Well I understand that some on this forum have gone to escorts and had fulfilling experiences, but going to an escort myself won't solve anything. It fails to address the fundamental root of my problems meeting women, in that I desire a stable long term relationship with a woman I'm truly excited about who feels the same way about me, and that I'm unable to fulfill this goal since I can't even meet any women regardless of whether or not I'd like to date them. Going to an escort would just be running from my problems in my case and does nothing to solve the fundamental roots of the situation I describe myself as being in and the goals I wish to achieve.

The Honeymoon phase of a relationship is normally between 6-9 months. If women are not loyal with you enough, then even if you manage to find someone, then the shelf life would probably just be 6-9 months before the novelty wears out and you start getting fed up with each other. There will also be an imbalance, normally you never get mutual attraction, it is usually one side likes the other more than the other one, is more invested and has the most amount to lose if it doesn't work o ut. Perhaps you are not looking at this properly. Have you looked at how other posters like @Hacker are doing in that department? Does he look like a happy camper to you?

Anyway, I can't encourage you to get an escort more then I can encourage you to get a pet Piranha fish as I don't use them myself. Advising something because it sounds like a popular suggestion to people who are struggling in the ladies department, or because is might sound good on paper (ie for someone else apart from me), is not good enough reason to make that suggestion for you to do this. However, I do admit, I have a weakness when it comes to looking at escort pics because it gives me the feeling like a woman is just a phone call, some cash, and some inconveniance/logisticals away from me, and that could be a turn-on in a thirsty state of mind (may God have mercy on me). However, even that's not realistic. Obviously, there must be a reason why I'm terrified of visiting another escort as I got spiritually burned before.

However, I think the escort thing is more of a coping-strategy because helps you get in contact with feminine energy, and female touch while you are in a dry-spell. Even if you just get a massage (ie no sex or anything involved), that would probably do wonders to your state of mind. You absorb the feminine energy/women touching you in that sense and it makes you feel better at least for a little while.

Otherwise, if you are not meeting women, how do you plan to cope with that?

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Otherwise, if you are not meeting women, how do you plan to cope with that?

Ultimately I have to accept my situation for what it is, but I worry about my ability to cope. But in any case I have to accept that I'll probably never meet the right woman for me. That'll likely be the case for me regardless of whether or not I'm able to cope. It's like one's own death; it happens whether you're scared or not.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

For what it's worth I've drafted a provisional list of new years resolutions:
1. Get career counseling
2. Do NOT swipe on apps even once throughout the entire course of the year
3. Get down to below 20% bodyfat
4. Go on a date with a woman I've first met in real life

 

[corrector]

Ultimately I have to accept my situation for what it is, but I worry about my ability to cope. But in any case I have to accept that I'll probably never meet the right woman for me. That'll likely be the case for me regardless of whether or not I'm able to cope. It's like one's own death; it happens whether you're scared or not.

Yeah, like in @GoodMan32 case, one's cope can end up being a crutch and do more harm than good when it comes to meeting women. If the cope is too good, you might lose the desire to meet women altogether. (ie visiting women (who work as escorts) might make you lose deisre to meet women) In general, nothing good comes out of something like that. You have no Don Juan rag to riches story that involved using escorts as a stepping point from A to B and then overnight success.

There is a fine line between coping and then giving up and having a permanent crutch because it feels easier. However, what you are doing with the resolutions sounds like a good idea.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Yeah, like in @GoodMan32 case, one's cope can end up being a crutch and do more harm than good when it comes to meeting women. If the cope is too good, you might lose the desire to meet women altogether. (ie visiting women (who work as escorts) might make you lose deisre to meet women) In general, nothing good comes out of something like that. You have no Don Juan rag to riches story that involved using escorts as a stepping point from A to B and then overnight success.

There is a fine line between coping and then giving up and having a permanent crutch because it feels easier. However, what you are doing with the resolutions sounds like a good idea.

Those four things in that list seem like the most attainable goals. Even if they don't lead to anything at the very least achieving those goals puts me in a better place than before

 

[MatureDJ]

The Honeymoon phase of a relationship is normally between 6-9 months. If women are not loyal with you enough, then even if you manage to find someone, then the shelf life would probably just be 6-9 months before the novelty wears out and you start getting fed up with each other.

I doubt I've ever had a good 3 months with a gal - yes, maybe we were still a "thing" after that, but it's always been dry after that.

It's OVER for SeasonalCels.

 

[MatureDJ]

However, I think the escort thing is more of a coping-strategy because helps you get in contact with feminine energy, and female touch while you are in a dry-spell. Even if you just get a massage (ie no sex or anything involved), that would probably do wonders to your state of mind. You absorb the feminine energy/women touching you in that sense and it makes you feel better at least for a little while.

Otherwise, if you are not meeting women, how do you plan to cope with that?

Yes, having the female touch - even without some type of pen!s-into-orofice mechanism - with a happy ending is highly recommended for man to stay sane (a good hand job or lap dance is very underrated). I can remember back before I was able to access this (or the orifice action ) on a regular basis for a good part of the year, and the frustration was intense. I am much more content when I am regularly partaking of this service.

I know that there are some men here that NoFap & NoEscort, saying how their "male energy" is heightened by that. IMO, the only thing that that energy does is make a fat chick look better - and clog up the prostate pipes.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Corrector,
Girls of the Village are a necessary evil,without them providing a safety valve for some of the flotsam and jetsam in our society,it would be far more unsafe for our Womenfolk....Back in the Day,my gang and I did some renovations in a Knocking Shop....Most of the Girls were Asians,poorly educated and sent most of their hard earned cash back home to their Peasant Families....That is until they succumb to the Pox or drugs,then they become mean....You should know,it is not for you to judge!

 

[corrector]

Hi Corrector,
Girls of the Village are a necessary evil,without them providing a safety valve for some of the flotsam and jetsam in our society,it would be far more unsafe for our Womenfolk....Back in the Day,my gang and I did some renovations in a Knocking Shop....Most of the Girls were Asians,poorly educated and sent most of their hard earned cash back home to their Peasant Families....That is until they succumb to the Pox or drugs,then they become mean....You should know,it is not for you to judge!

I am not judging anything. I'm just saying I was attacked by a gang of spirits who jumped (ie attempted to possess me) me the following morning after visiting a hooker. I got jumped for a good part of December, 2014, and it took a while to recover.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Corrector,
In my youth I got involved with a Oijah board group,I also had something similar happen,so I don't dispute you....But I rationalise this around feelings of guilt...Be assured that the kindness and sacrifice involved in caring for your Mum would certainly balance any minor transgressions....Look at Solomen!