CBear
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2018
- Messages
- 436
- Reaction score
- 657
Warning: This is a long one. This is a little summary of the break up process of my LTR of the past 1 year 3 months. In addition to this being a way to cope for me by writing it out without every detail, this is for all the men who have hope for a certain girl, get emotionally attached to someone, and give their all to someone even when there is a huge difference in value between the two people, and then get trapped into something ugly.
This starts off about a year and a half ago when I got my Associate's degree. I had a strong mindset and a lot of self respect for myself. I was talking to multiple woman. I was applying to jobs and was looking for references. I added a middle age female co-worker on facebook and sent her a message asking if I could use her as a reference. She agreed enthusiastically and messaged me right after if she could set me up on a date with her daughter. She proceeded to send me multiple pictures. I said "sure" and didn't think much of it until she messaged me 3 weeks later again and tried to set me up more aggressively this time. I ended up going on 1 date with her and thought she was cute but wasn't impressed and didn't call her back as she appeared to have a lot of baggage. For reference, here is a summary of us (most of this I had an idea of in the beginning, but got to understand more as time went by.
-I'm about to turn 24, she's about to turn 29.
-I'm working on my Master's right now, she has no education.
-She's American, I'm European.
-She's in debt, I have a lot of money saved up.
-I have a great support group, she doesn't have friends and mostly mentions negative things about friends or co-workers she has had (It took over a year for me to get her to see an old friend of hers)
-She's very cute but friends and family have told me that I'm way above her in terms of looks.
-She smoked weed every day, I don't smoke.
-She has bipolar, I have a history of anger management problems.
-She takes anti-depressants, I don't take meds.
-Her parents are still married but sleep around on the side.
-Had an 8 year LTR with a guy who she got engaged to and then cheated on him (her excuse was he stopped paying attention to her after getting engaged with her).
-She's been with around 30 people in a span of 3 years.
-Been with plenty of women.
-She's been "r***d" multiple times (found out that besides trauma by females when she was younger, the rest of the scenarios were from partners at the time and one date that ended up having multiple people involved).
-Multiple threesomes (multiple with one of her r*** abusers)
After contacting me a month later, she offered me to come to her place to have s3x. After this happened, she offered me a threesome, to which I refused and started ignoring her. She continued messaging me, however, so I continued having s3x with her a couple times a week. She behaved so well during the first 6 months or so and during this time, it turned from having an f buddy, to having someone to talk to with a pretty awesome personality (when understanding redpill, you understand that when they're interested in you, they will do anything to get along with you. Examples of all the changes she made with me; She went from hardcore liberal to ultra conservative, she stopped smoking weed completely, she started going to school, she started cooking for me). After about 8 months, I wanted to move out and she wanted to move out with me, I agreed if she paid half. After moving in, We started having little fights here and there that occurred once or twice a week. Over time the fights increased and got worse. A little after moving in, I wanted out after she came back from the Dr with an increase in her antidepressant dose and she threatened suicide afterwards. Her family got involved and it got pretty ugly. I stayed to make sure she was okay. After this, I continually tried to go on dates with her and when things were good, they were great. But over time, the cooking decreased, the cleanliness of the apartment decreased (I cleaned multiple times but she would get upset and say that she wanted to do it her way), I felt like I was spending less time with my buddies and family, that I was going less to the gym, and she would get easily upset over the most stupid things and get her mother involved. Last month, we were getting ready for a boating trip with buddies and she still wasn't ready from 10am-3pm. Things escalated and I told her I'd go myself but she threatened to break up with me. I called my buddies and told them that I wouldn't make it and she she started berating me and they heard, to which she got embarrassed. A day later, my buddies advised me to finish it with her. I left the apartment and she threatened suicide once again. She sent a terrible terrible accusation to my mother about me to which my mother never wanted to see her again. Her mom wanted me to call her to check up on her so I did and she said she wanted me to be with her and that she doesn't see life past me. Me seeing her turned into one more chance for her. A couple days ago, we got into another fight after I told her that my mom invited me over for dinner. She told me that she doesn't like my mom and that she didn't want me to see her. After this, I parked by the nearest store and told her that I'm being isolated and that I'm breaking up with her. When we got to the apartment, she deactivated my phone as it was under her plan and she called her mom to pick her up. I got in her way to try and get her to reactivate the phone but she didn't and left. Afterwards, her and her mom accused me of being physically abusive towards her and toxic. The next day, they both pleaded that I stay with her and that she's worthy of being my bride (lol). I haven't budged. Yesterday night and this morning, she told me that she wants me to be with her and her mom tried to send pictures of past memories but I stuck what I wanted and today, she's nonstop texting me about how bad I've been to her and that if I truly loved her, I wouldn't have left. It went from me being a God send and the perfect man and the love of my life to being an abuser, toxic, using her, and the reason she's in debt. Slowly but surely, I am figuring out what to do with the phone and I am figuring out how to handle the lease properly. I am sad about the whole situation but super relieved, and it helps that I have an amazing support group around me. Obviously I haven't been perfect and when provoked, I have said extremely hurtful things that I regret and have tried to make up for (flowers, dates, apologies, etc.) But it takes 2 to tango and when someone always blames you for the fight and can't see their part in it/says they did nothing wrong, the communication will always have a weak foundation. I get along with most people in my life and have always handled arguments well.
Overall, I am thankful for all of it and am not resentful as I have learned a lot in the past year and a half that I will keep in mind and use for the rest of my life. I have a long way to go and I definitely grew as a man and will come out of it harder than I was before. I'm posting this to warn men who jump quickly for aggressively interested women (especially if they have a rocky past) and see the correlation and to not have hope for anything working out. Just have fun and leave (if you're even able to risk that). Giving someone your all when they are obviously not best for you because of some good times can turn ugly, can ruin your life, and can help you realize that they truly don't love you and even resent you for everything you tried to help them with. They only love you when it benefits them.
This starts off about a year and a half ago when I got my Associate's degree. I had a strong mindset and a lot of self respect for myself. I was talking to multiple woman. I was applying to jobs and was looking for references. I added a middle age female co-worker on facebook and sent her a message asking if I could use her as a reference. She agreed enthusiastically and messaged me right after if she could set me up on a date with her daughter. She proceeded to send me multiple pictures. I said "sure" and didn't think much of it until she messaged me 3 weeks later again and tried to set me up more aggressively this time. I ended up going on 1 date with her and thought she was cute but wasn't impressed and didn't call her back as she appeared to have a lot of baggage. For reference, here is a summary of us (most of this I had an idea of in the beginning, but got to understand more as time went by.
-I'm about to turn 24, she's about to turn 29.
-I'm working on my Master's right now, she has no education.
-She's American, I'm European.
-She's in debt, I have a lot of money saved up.
-I have a great support group, she doesn't have friends and mostly mentions negative things about friends or co-workers she has had (It took over a year for me to get her to see an old friend of hers)
-She's very cute but friends and family have told me that I'm way above her in terms of looks.
-She smoked weed every day, I don't smoke.
-She has bipolar, I have a history of anger management problems.
-She takes anti-depressants, I don't take meds.
-Her parents are still married but sleep around on the side.
-Had an 8 year LTR with a guy who she got engaged to and then cheated on him (her excuse was he stopped paying attention to her after getting engaged with her).
-She's been with around 30 people in a span of 3 years.
-Been with plenty of women.
-She's been "r***d" multiple times (found out that besides trauma by females when she was younger, the rest of the scenarios were from partners at the time and one date that ended up having multiple people involved).
-Multiple threesomes (multiple with one of her r*** abusers)
After contacting me a month later, she offered me to come to her place to have s3x. After this happened, she offered me a threesome, to which I refused and started ignoring her. She continued messaging me, however, so I continued having s3x with her a couple times a week. She behaved so well during the first 6 months or so and during this time, it turned from having an f buddy, to having someone to talk to with a pretty awesome personality (when understanding redpill, you understand that when they're interested in you, they will do anything to get along with you. Examples of all the changes she made with me; She went from hardcore liberal to ultra conservative, she stopped smoking weed completely, she started going to school, she started cooking for me). After about 8 months, I wanted to move out and she wanted to move out with me, I agreed if she paid half. After moving in, We started having little fights here and there that occurred once or twice a week. Over time the fights increased and got worse. A little after moving in, I wanted out after she came back from the Dr with an increase in her antidepressant dose and she threatened suicide afterwards. Her family got involved and it got pretty ugly. I stayed to make sure she was okay. After this, I continually tried to go on dates with her and when things were good, they were great. But over time, the cooking decreased, the cleanliness of the apartment decreased (I cleaned multiple times but she would get upset and say that she wanted to do it her way), I felt like I was spending less time with my buddies and family, that I was going less to the gym, and she would get easily upset over the most stupid things and get her mother involved. Last month, we were getting ready for a boating trip with buddies and she still wasn't ready from 10am-3pm. Things escalated and I told her I'd go myself but she threatened to break up with me. I called my buddies and told them that I wouldn't make it and she she started berating me and they heard, to which she got embarrassed. A day later, my buddies advised me to finish it with her. I left the apartment and she threatened suicide once again. She sent a terrible terrible accusation to my mother about me to which my mother never wanted to see her again. Her mom wanted me to call her to check up on her so I did and she said she wanted me to be with her and that she doesn't see life past me. Me seeing her turned into one more chance for her. A couple days ago, we got into another fight after I told her that my mom invited me over for dinner. She told me that she doesn't like my mom and that she didn't want me to see her. After this, I parked by the nearest store and told her that I'm being isolated and that I'm breaking up with her. When we got to the apartment, she deactivated my phone as it was under her plan and she called her mom to pick her up. I got in her way to try and get her to reactivate the phone but she didn't and left. Afterwards, her and her mom accused me of being physically abusive towards her and toxic. The next day, they both pleaded that I stay with her and that she's worthy of being my bride (lol). I haven't budged. Yesterday night and this morning, she told me that she wants me to be with her and her mom tried to send pictures of past memories but I stuck what I wanted and today, she's nonstop texting me about how bad I've been to her and that if I truly loved her, I wouldn't have left. It went from me being a God send and the perfect man and the love of my life to being an abuser, toxic, using her, and the reason she's in debt. Slowly but surely, I am figuring out what to do with the phone and I am figuring out how to handle the lease properly. I am sad about the whole situation but super relieved, and it helps that I have an amazing support group around me. Obviously I haven't been perfect and when provoked, I have said extremely hurtful things that I regret and have tried to make up for (flowers, dates, apologies, etc.) But it takes 2 to tango and when someone always blames you for the fight and can't see their part in it/says they did nothing wrong, the communication will always have a weak foundation. I get along with most people in my life and have always handled arguments well.
Overall, I am thankful for all of it and am not resentful as I have learned a lot in the past year and a half that I will keep in mind and use for the rest of my life. I have a long way to go and I definitely grew as a man and will come out of it harder than I was before. I'm posting this to warn men who jump quickly for aggressively interested women (especially if they have a rocky past) and see the correlation and to not have hope for anything working out. Just have fun and leave (if you're even able to risk that). Giving someone your all when they are obviously not best for you because of some good times can turn ugly, can ruin your life, and can help you realize that they truly don't love you and even resent you for everything you tried to help them with. They only love you when it benefits them.
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