What your biggest struggle with dating?

[Datinglife26]

Mine is that when it comes to setting boundaries, I do it. And a I walk away. And I can walk away forever HOWEVER. Even if the girl is the one who created all the unnecessary drama and issues/ was a poor communicator I always feel responsible like I could have done something better.
Even though my dating approach is direct and to the point, either they are excited to see me or I am walking away.

If they act disrespectful and I walk away, I always get the feeling like I am the one in the wrong coming off as butthurt or in my feelings.

It's like my actions are 90% correct but 100% of the time I feel like its all my fault.

Is this something from childhood? My Dad would get mad at me if he was the one in the wrong and then I'd apologies, I don't do this anymore and in my teen years I flipped the script and stopped taking the blame. But the guilt for things going sideways seems to remain.

Some how this translates into how I deal with conflict with women?

How do I break this?

 

[Glassguy]

You care too much.

I am going to guess that these are short term dating scenarios......like you go out with them for less than a month or two.

Ask yourself why you care so much on how you setting wholesome boundaries effects some woman you barely know?

The #1 tool for dealing with conflict with women is Silence and Distance. Period.

Understand these women would do the same thing to you and forget your name 3 days later. Stop acting feminine and start acting like a man. Keep your boundaries and if women dont respect that, ghost them. You should feel zero emotion for someone that doesnt respect you and your boundaries.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Currently it's actually getting myself around women to allow opportunity

18 months of lockdown has virtually destroyed all of my social circles , going out under restrictions is nothing short of hard work and arguably a waste of time/ money people don't want to go out and i cant blame them , i can't even get out of the UK if i wanted too

As a friend said to me the other day if your a single male you haven't been given a fighting chance during all this nonsense , it's literally pay and supplicate to the swipe apps demands or have a w@nk

We are living through actual tyranny smoke screened by an over exaggerated flu virus

 

[SW15]

As a friend said to me the other day if your a single male you haven't been given a fighting chance during all this nonsense , it's literally pay and supplicate to the swipe apps demands or have a w@nk

We are living through actual tyranny smoke screened by an over exaggerated flu virus

Most places in the United States have had less severe lockdowns than the UK. It has still been damaging for single men here. Outdoor approaching has been the most viable option.

Men need to pay for swipes to generate enough volume on swipe apps to have a fighting chance. That was true in the few years before the pandemic.

A lot of men have been wanking during the pandemic. Porn consumption has been high. OnlyFans was not much of a thing before the pandemic. It's now a thing.

 

[xplt]

Currently it's actually getting myself around women to allow opportunity

100% the same. In germany everythings starting to open finally again. Let's see for how long.

I tried OLD again during lockdown out of boredom. Here's my next struggle... I couldn't motivate myself to meet one of them. It was awful boring just writing with them and just a pain in the ass to setup something

 

[Bingo-Player]

Most places in the United States have had less severe lockdowns than the UK. It has still been damaging for single men here. Outdoor approaching has been the most viable option.

Men need to pay for swipes to generate enough volume on swipe apps to have a fighting chance. That was true in the few years before the pandemic.

A lot of men have been wanking during the pandemic. Porn consumption has been high. Only Fans was not much of a thing before the pandemic. It's now a thing.

Its been really hard here given our weather is so sh1t , i was in a relationship for at least half of it and i live in an area with a lot of countryside / beaches

I cant even begin to imagine what a single man living in a block of flats or something has been going through

I disagree with the swipe apps back in 2015/16 i racked up something like 900 matches on tinder in a year ok only a handful of those actually converted into sex but it was clear there was a lot of demand and it was all free

5 years later even though my market value in theory should be even higher i am lucky if i get 5 matches a week ..... i know i am being nerfed by the algorithm and i refuse to pay for something with such a poor conversion rate ( into sex)

I agree with only fans being a thing now , i don't understand the dynamic at all why are so many men paying these girls for nudes !?! when porn is so widely available and free

It has got to be something to do with the personalised aspect of only fans but i still don't get it

 

[Robert28]

I struggle with everything in today’s version of “dating”. I was good at this sh!t when I was younger but I sick at it now.lol

 

[RangerMIke]

The OP has fallen into the human male trap which believes that their individual actions actually means something. We are all conditioned to believe that if we do a thing: we get a specific result. This is bvllsh1t. All you can do is set the stage for success and then forget about it, point the ship in the right direction and at that point, HOPE the current takes the boat to where you want.... you can not control the current. NOTHING is 100% guaranteed. The culture in the USA is the myth of the 'self-made man'. I have made investments that turned out great: I've also made investments that crashed and burned in epic fashion. I don't pat myself on the back when things go well: I don't beat myself up if things go bad. You can not take responsibility for what happens because there are too many variables.

For me the hardest thing for me in my dating life is maintaining emotional self control. It honest to God takes a great deal of focused discipline to rationally evaluate what is happening in your personal life. I'm not a fvcking robot, I do have feelings and YES I do fall for women... but I also have to remind myself that if there is something I don't like about a chick, I know that getting into a committed relationship with her, that ONE THING I don't like, will only get worst. If you have ever dumped a chick you REALLY loved because she is a mess, you know EXACTLY what I am talking about.

In combat you are always afraid... yep, there really is no such thing as fearless soldier unless he is a suicidal mentally ill jack@ss. You ability to do what you need to do, without being controlled by your emotions is the single biggest factor in a successful life.

 

[Robert28]

When I did online dating, getting matches and first dates wasn’t a problem at all. However, getting past the first date or more than 3 dates was damn near impossible. I had matches coming out of my ears.

 

[Black Widow Void]

This isn't to paint myself as some "prize" with women or anything, but my biggest struggle is when to break things off with a woman. Despite some of my combative postings toward the 'chest-thumping' members here, I really do like to leave others feeling better than worse.

Of course, if a woman is full of herself, I have no troubles in reducing her to something lower than when she arrived in my life (actually, I take pleasure from it) but most women aren't as bad as this forum would lead us to believe. And being the one that usually has to find a way to tactfully end a dating cycle or relationship is a bit of a struggle.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

OP I've dealt with the exact same thing you are describing. Same upbringing as well. In my blue pill adult life, partly due to upbringing and partly due to blue bill brainwashing and my pedestalizing women, I would automatically accept any insults, criticisms, or accusations women would make at me if they seemed convinced in themselves (which they always are).

What I have found helpful is to really work on getting to a place where you always immediately assume you are in-the-right in any situation as it happens. THEN you let the other person try to prove to you why you are wrong (by listening to what they have to say, once and once only). And then you make up your own mind. If this sounds narcissistic, it can be, but for someone like you who is struggling with feeling like you are wrong, trust me it won't be narcissistic.

I had a lot of opportunity to practice and hone my conflict resolution skills with the last girl I had an LTR with. She was very high conflict. My formula is this:

• Remain completely calm and in full emotional control no matter what
• If she is really upset and won't calm down, I tell her, "Listen, I see that you are upset. I want to talk to you about this but I'm not going to talk to you while you are upset because the conversation won't be productive." If she doesn't calm down after that, I will say, "I'm going to leave now and when you have calmed down and are ready to talk, you can reach out to me." and then I leave and if I don't hear from her, she won't ever hear from me again.
• If she is being disrespectful/insulting/etc, I tell her calmly, "I will never tolerate your being disrespectful to me" and I walk out. I won't reach out again ever. If she reaches out and apologizes and takes responsibility, I'll give her one more chance but the next time she disrespects me, I'm done with her. There is absolutely ZERO reason you should allow someone to disrespect you. None. Someone can be upset with you for something you did whether they are right or wrong but being disrespectful never needs to enter that discussion. And I will say that a woman being disrespectful is a major red flag and a key indicator of HCI or BPD or NPD - it arises from an inability to regulate ones emotions combined with being a really ****ty person in general. You aren't butt-hurt by not allowing disrespect.
• When she is calm and you can have a conversation, truly listen to what she has to say. Don't respond just yet. Just listen, ask questions, ensure you really understand her. Let her talk for up to 10 minutes but that really should be the max. Then explain to her that you understand how she feels and that her feelings are valid (whether you agree with her or not). And that's it. Now if, in her statements, or in response to your saying that, she asks you for an action and you agree with her (IE you really do feel you did something wrong), you can say you're sorry and that you will work on it. But if you disagree (and you truly need to make up your OWN mind about this), then you calmly explain to her, "So this is how I feel about it - " and you explain your views on the matter. And that's it. That's the end of this discussion and topic. Now you move forward.
• At this point, ANY attempt from her in this moment to push back on what you said or argue against what you said or break down what you said and try to disassemble and pick it apart, or any attempt from her to bring this SAME issue up again in the future should be responded with a calm, "Look, I took the time to listen to you and I heard you. I also explained to you how I feel about it. I'm not going to change my mind and I'm not going to argue with you about it. Nothing will come of it as we would just go around in circles. So as far as I'm concerned, this discussion is over. I'm fine. I'm not mad. You are the one who is having an issue here and that's on you - that's something YOU need to own. And given that you know how I feel about it, you really have two choices. You can either choose to accept it and get over it and move past it, or if not then we can reassess us."
  • The mistake I and many people make is not following this bullet point. They will engage the girl who wants to get into a verbal and emotional wrestling match with you and they are EXPERTS at it. Beyond arguing about the issue, they will argue that you're wrong for not wanting to argue about it lol. You ignore all of that. DO NOT ENGAGE and no it is not wrong to do this.
• If she doesn't accept that, then silence and distance come into play and no, it isn't butt-hurt.

 

[Lookatu]

Being lazy and turning down dates or not pursuing. Literally, I've been like a girl for over a year now. Girls have to make the effort on me to communicate with me and see me. I will only respond to girls that message me first or like me first. Part of this is the fact that I have 3 steady plates going on cruise control.

I literally turned down a date last night because it was raining and the traffic was horrendous.

Girls right now are 4th or 5th down on the priority list for me at this time.

 

[Barrister]

Mine is that when it comes to setting boundaries, I do it. And a I walk away. And I can walk away forever HOWEVER. Even if the girl is the one who created all the unnecessary drama and issues/ was a poor communicator I always feel responsible like I could have done something better.
Even though my dating approach is direct and to the point, either they are excited to see me or I am walking away.

If they act disrespectful and I walk away, I always get the feeling like I am the one in the wrong coming off as butthurt or in my feelings.

It's like my actions are 90% correct but 100% of the time I feel like its all my fault.

Is this something from childhood? My Dad would get mad at me if he was the one in the wrong and then I'd apologies, I don't do this anymore and in my teen years I flipped the script and stopped taking the blame. But the guilt for things going sideways seems to remain.

Some how this translates into how I deal with conflict with women?

How do I break this?

My biggest struggle is coming to the realization that if you want something meaningful, long-term with a woman who you can depend on, that you can forget about doing it with an HB 8+. Most are unmitigated narcissists who, as a result of receiving praise for nothing more than coming out with winning numbers in the genetic lottery, always think they can do better even when they can't. Only way to protect against potential monkey branching is to constantly use dread game - which gets exhausting. Or just perpetually be spinning plates (which for me also loses its luster after some time).

 

[PRW63]

What your biggest struggle with dating?

At my age? Finding women that are alive, don't need a walker or have to worry about the oxygen bottle running out. But at least they are slower and easier to catch.

 

[user252009]

Going out and approaching women, as I live in a country where I don't speak the language fluently, while at the same time being introverted

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Mine is that when it comes to setting boundaries, I do it. And a I walk away. And I can walk away forever HOWEVER. Even if the girl is the one who created all the unnecessary drama and issues/ was a poor communicator I always feel responsible like I could have done something better.
Even though my dating approach is direct and to the point, either they are excited to see me or I am walking away.

If they act disrespectful and I walk away, I always get the feeling like I am the one in the wrong coming off as butthurt or in my feelings.

It's like my actions are 90% correct but 100% of the time I feel like its all my fault.

Is this something from childhood? My Dad would get mad at me if he was the one in the wrong and then I'd apologies, I don't do this anymore and in my teen years I flipped the script and stopped taking the blame. But the guilt for things going sideways seems to remain.

Some how this translates into how I deal with conflict with women?

How do I break this?

It's a lifetime of girl power and victim hood street skank pandering of society no matter how degen.

Become a MERCENARY. #NEXT! Chain gunning cold approach pickup. I lead. She follows or next.

Be about purpose. If she's not proper and coming correct, she's street. Next her. She's a liability.

I go through women quicker than I do underwear. Not cause I smash and pull everything hawt with a pulse. If she's not ride or die, she's dead to me.

Hotter girls are turning 18 everyday. She's a donut or broken condom away away from expired. Act accordingly. you get 1 life. 99% are train wrecks. their behave is contrary to living your best life. prove me wrong should be your frame. the hardest part in 2021 is women who dhv after I nut. Most are useless.

I'm going places in life. come with or get left behind. act accordingly playboy.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

My biggest struggle is coming to the realization that if you want something meaningful, long-term with a woman who you can depend on, that you can forget about doing it with an HB 8+. Most are unmitigated narcissists who, as a result of receiving praise for nothing more than coming out with winning numbers in the genetic lottery, always think they can do better even when they can't. Only way to protect against potential monkey branching is to constantly use dread game - which gets exhausting. Or just perpetually be spinning plates (which for me also loses its luster after some time).

Tbh I note most guys settle for chasing 7s. Usually among the most ran through. Your billionaire usually marries average. Not baddie. 10s + or something.

It's not ideal that men are entertaining dated traditions like marriage yet, promiscuity is OK. not taking a man's name. it's trash.

Fellas need to raise the bar and expectations of women and commitment. Most cannot be value added never mind worth the commitment. The barrier to entry is too low for most guys. The 7 who is cute and the girl next door is ran through in 2021. Geeks are still bending the knee.

Unfortunately, most guys generate nearly the amount of leads and prospects for the opportunity to acquire PROPER. game is a lot of work.

Plane Jane is a better bet. 6+ cute and young. Not busted post wall. Ran through.

 

[TheProspect]

In combat you are always afraid... yep, there really is no such thing as fearless soldier unless he is a suicidal mentally ill jack@ss. You ability to do what you need to do, without being controlled by your emotions is the single biggest factor in a successful life.

100%.

The ability to remain calm really is a superpower. Remaining composed allows you to make rational decisions despite what emotions you're experiencing, and/or despite the external conditions you find yourself in.

It's easier said than done in the beginning but through exposure and repetition it becomes like muscle memory. Nexting or applying Silence and Distance on the first chick might feel next to impossible if you're needy or never have done it before, but through repetition it gets easier and you'll be able to do it when it really matters -- with a onenitus or a girl you love but who has betrayed your trust or who is just otherwise toxic and not worth your time and energy.

This is why it's important not to compromise on the little things during the initial states of dating, because it's a slippery slope and those behaviours almost always get worse and before you know it you're too emotionally compromised to make smart decisions -- especially if you've had little to no practice making them.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

When I became single, I planned on being a pump ‘n dump slayer. I wound up getting too attached to each girl. And thus in LTRs. I still think about these girls every single day. Even though I’m in a relationship.

 

[PRW63]

At my age? Finding women that are alive, don't need a walker or have to worry about the oxygen bottle running out. But at least they are slower and easier to catch.

My answer was "humor",...because I really don't have "struggles" with dating that are even worth mentioning. Even if I don't go on a date very often (I'm 58yo), I'm not "thirsty", and when I want to get one, I usually get one because I know how to spot a proper opportunity and also know when it isn't one. I don't get fooled easy, or if I do, I catch on fast.