Ultimatum

[ubercat]

Stupidly I was talking with the g/f this morning about renting an apartment in town to cut down my commute. Epic fail forgot the inbuilt agenda. So of course she raises moving in. Which I do a non graceful shutdown on because I'm running out the door to work. Epic fail 2.

Not my best work but we're 2.5 years in so I guess it was going to come.

So of course she's cracked out giving me the old if you cared about me you do it routine.

And I can't really say I care about you but not enough to give you half of my stuff. And I don't negotiate with terrorists.

It's a long weekend and now I'm stuck with a booking for two nights somewhere scenic. I'm a great believer in fighting poison with poison.

Any good tips on pulling in a country town?

 

[Spaz]

Just enjoy the scenery.

And stick to your guns - never negotiate with terrorist!

 

[ubercat]

Yeah good advice. She is actually a good lady. I need to give the relationship a bit of respect it was due.

No doubt I'll be a bit despondent over the weekend so I'll sleep a lot and take some time for reflection.

 

[Roober]

It's about what you want as well. If you really dont want to, then tell her and give her the reasons why. After two and a half years, she is naturally going to want to know if its progressing.

It's scary as hell, but can be a great thing. But you have to want it!

 

[Spaz]

2.5 years should merit some sort of compromise without moving in together.

Delicate situation to extricate yourself unscathed but it's still possible if you handle it diplomatically.

I recommend to compromise some aspects of your independence, you'll need to offer it when you do sit down with her, it'll grant her some progress and some face saving towards her end. Be sincere plus this could also be a win of sorts for you; to know where you actually stand.

Also remind her that it's your principle as well as your family's that a women is only allowed to move in when you are married - stick to this policy at all times.

 

[R.U.G.]

Ultimatums never work. Well, except in the movies and on tv.

 

[ubercat]

The main impediment is it is a bit of a career year. After having lots of crappy hybrid roles I finally got back to real project management. So that's where my focus needs to be for the next 6 months. Not on any dramas with a change in domestic situation.

And she should know about that but of course girls want what they want

 

[greatsnake]

just laugh it off and tell her to stop trying to manipulate you. Tell her with a smirk on your face

 

[Alvafe]

or jsut say moving in only after you are marriad and you are not ready for that,

now i wonder you have a travel booked and she refuse to go or you jsut don't want to do it with her anymore, if she don't want to go I would sure ask her if she want to toss the last 2.5 years off because that attitude would amke me end with her, you don't cut plans for tantrums, if she does that is a thing I wouldn't tolerate

 

[ubercat]

Hehehe she wants to have big talk which sounds about as enjoyable for me as a long slow root canal. So she messages me this morning and says I will be free after 10:30. Evidently that is when the queen is accepting audiences.

I sent her a picture of the countryside where we are staying because I've already gone there. And tell her I would love for her to join me.

The trouble is these kind of frame battles don't exactly make me look forward to shared living. I'd rather she was deploying the love bombing and freaky sex in her campaign.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

.And I don't negotiate with terrorists.

Any good tips on pulling in a country town?

Lol GOAT post on the forum in ages. Big uos man.

If she throws a hissy fit, acts like a child, treat her as such.


Op, I cannot really give much advice since, I have no belief in monogamy.

I will add, if she is allowed to get away with the ultimatum, it's next for marriage and children.

It ain't easy being a man. You got to put on the big boy pants otherwise, you become a cuck like the majority of the spineless cowards.

Give her the gift of your absence.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hehehe she wants to have big talk which sounds about as enjoyable for me as a long slow root canal. So she messages me this morning and says I will be free after 10:30. Evidently that is when the queen is accepting audiences.

I sent her a picture of the countryside where we are staying because I've already gone there. And tell her I would love for her to join me.

The trouble is these kind of frame battles don't exactly make me look forward to shared living. I'd rather she was deploying the love bombing and freaky sex in her campaign.

Rollo warns of this predicament. It's the closer, more sex, better nonsense. In reality, resentment grows knowing you are being in a con. A hissy fit by a grown woman isn't attractive. Nor is falling out of SMV.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Stupidly I was talking with the g/f this morning about renting an apartment in town to cut down my commute. Epic fail forgot the inbuilt agenda. So of course she raises moving in. Which I do a non graceful shutdown on because I'm running out the door to work. Epic fail 2.

Not my best work but we're 2.5 years in so I guess it was going to come.

So of course she's cracked out giving me the old if you cared about me you do it routine.

And I can't really say I care about you but not enough to give you half of my stuff. And I don't negotiate with terrorists.

It's a long weekend and now I'm stuck with a booking for two nights somewhere scenic. I'm a great believer in fighting poison with poison.

Any good tips on pulling in a country town?

Grow up and look after her?

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Yeah good advice. She is actually a good lady. I need to give the relationship a bit of respect it was due.

No doubt I'll be a bit despondent over the weekend so I'll sleep a lot and take some time for reflection.

How do you think she'll be feeling. She has invested two and a half of the best years of her life... and now is wondering whether you are serious at all..... Sorry mate, but you sound very self-centered.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Hehehe she wants to have big talk which sounds about as enjoyable for me as a long slow root canal. So she messages me this morning and says I will be free after 10:30. Evidently that is when the queen is accepting audiences.
.

Sounds like make it or break it time. Are you content to see her walk. She will if you don't provide some sense of security for her future... understandable no?

 

[ubercat]

Bit one sided CC from a guy who preaches against binary thinking. Equally I ve invested 2.5 years and a fair chunk of coin.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Uber,
Oh happens to the best of us...She is Chinese,very different...She has face invested in you,something she will lose should friends,Family hear about her breaking up...Chinese Women don't do this,its uncivilised...So you just say that you love her dearly,but need space to achieve your career development and put yourself in a situation where you can take her to live in a bigger better home when the time is right...be polite but firm,this is the way your parents would want you to behave...she will come around trust me!

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi RUG,
"Ultimatums never work. Well, except in the movies and on tv."Yes I would generally agree with you,but it is interesting that in in Bettina Arndt's book "The Love Diaries"of the 111 real life cases she recorded 13 got to desperate situations where divorce looked inevitable,in only 2 cases did the marriage survive,that was where the two husbands involved laid down absolute ultimatums!

 

[wifehunter]

Hey, no girls allowed in the bat cave!

 

[ubercat]

Thanks @Scaramouche

I didn't see your post it until after the event however all played out as you predicted my friend.

I apologized for my lack of sensitivity as I believe in personal accountability and it wasn't up to my standards. Then played the Daddy card and gently told her how it was going to be. Basically bit of firmness bit of reassurance as you said. All good.

I will say to @ChristopherColumbus that like most men I leave all my women better off. This girl now speaks perfect English is computer literate has a post grad qual and a better job. Remember b4 u go white knight on the bros we built civilization we r natural improvers.

I was running around buying her laptop last weekend so you wouldn't think reassurance would be needed but you know women every moment is a new world to them.