Zwitterion's Sobriety Journal

[Zwitterion]

Day 9

I feel like I'm in the clear, now it's just a matter of not slipping up. I've got to find ways to fill up my time with fun activities. I"m gonna try to join some intermural sports next semestor and find a job with lots of girls.

 

[Bourne]

Check your messages.

 

[Zwitterion]

Day 12

Alright, I'm still going strong. It seems the more I get asked to smoke and turn it down the more I get used to not wanting to smoke. Conditioning I suppose? Anyways, I'm really at a loss for what to do with myself these days cus I've cut out 75% of the people in my life I used to hang out with. I'm left with about 3 people I can call up and hang out with and 1 girl who drives me nuts cus she doesn't ****ing stop talking and I can't get a word in when I"m around her. 1 guy is a gym buddy but he doesn't go out cus he's married and has no balls. The other just had a baby, works everyday, and has no money for bars. And the other is an old work mate but he really isn't into cold approaching. WHERE THE HELL CAN I MEET SOME DJS/PUAS?? I'm growing old everyday and I need to get in the field. Maybe I"m just over stressing right now and need to give this time. Hopefully in a few months I'll meet new people and be able to go out and live the life I want.

For me, the hardest part about sobriety isn't just the fact that you miss the high from the drugs, it's dealing with all the endless silence that occurs afterwards. Changing you life around is ****ing hard work man. Anybody who goes into these things should really prepare themselves for what they're getting into.

 

[Zwitterion]

Day 15

I'm 1/4 of the way there but I"m already starting to think that I may never do it again.

But right now I have bigger problems that I hope somebody out there can help me out with. I'm just not seeing the results I want yet:

QUESTION FOR DJ'S: I went to a benefit/party on Sat. and I could barely muster up the courage to do a single approach. Granted, I walked into sets where I knew people and starting talking to new girls but the same problem keeps arising. I can't stay in the approach. I get nervous or just plain run out of things to say to people. It happened twice that night and one time we both kinda ended up walking away from each other because I just ran out of things to say (and didn't pace my conversation with the small talk I had at disposal). I find it really hard to focus on one person for more than a few minute of banter and it's destroying my ability to rapport. I'm not a talkative person to begin with but I feel that if I keep talking I can seperate myself from the other 'creepy' guys that don't talk. I dunno, sometimes I just hate being the center of attention and i get nervous when I have to entertain groups. I lied alot just to keep myself talking, and had to lie again to follow up my other lies. Sometimes I feel like I"m just rambling like an idiot because I"m not use to having to talk so much. I've fitted my social reality to having witty reactions/one liners in conversations and building confidence to talk more basedon other peoples positive reactions to my comments. That's completely AFC way to socialize. Any advice?

 

[Fallen33]

Don't lie. Thats VERY bad when conversating with friends or new people.

What I think you should do to keep a conversation flowing is to find a topic that you know a lot about or are very enthusiastic about; and just talk about it.

It doesn't even matter what your talking about, as long as you know enough about it to keep the flow going, you're gravy.

Then on the other end of the spectrum if you are really enthusiastic about people will be more inclined to listen aswell.

HELL you could talk about pot and how you haven't smoked in a while and are trying to quit. From there you could branch off and talk about your opinions on legalizing it, cooking with it, or just crazy stories that involve it. Plus if you can talk about it with random people and still not cave in, then you have serious willpower.

 

[Zwitterion]

I didn't want to lie, I just had nothing else to say and I was desperate to break that ackward silence. I have this problem that doesn't seem to be going away, I just plain get stuck in the middle of a conversation (I don't know if it's nerves or a glitch in my brain) but even when I'm feeling good all of a sudden I just get at a lose for words and I can't talk. I think it may be anxiety related. It's almost as if I'm doing so good I just expect myself to **** it up because I'm afraid of success. It was weird, I remember reading "The Game" and I saw alot of myself in Mystery's outbursts, his sister told Neil Strauss that he was afraid of success. I think I have that problem too. I find it hard to just let go of things like most normal people have the ability to do. There is no reason whatsoever I should not be getting laid, I'm really pissed at myself right now for not doing the things I should be doing to be dating 3 girls.

....at least I haven't smoked yet

 

[Zwitterion]

Day 17

I don't really want to claim an early victory hear but I think I've done it. I've been tested just about everyday since I started, I fought through the cravings, I've turned down the offers 20+ times and now I just feel like the worst is over. I've made my decision to quit and I"m sticking to it. I started this thread because I thought it was going to be alot harder but right now I don't see myself giving in to anymore temptations.

Right now, I"m in the process of finding other things in my life to be passionate about. Approaching girls just isn't a passion for me. Focusing on girls all day long lowers my self-esteem and confidence. I'm not sure the bragging rights of being an approach monkey are what I want. That's why I was so nervous on Sat night, because I couldn't live up to the standards on this website. Guitar is turning into a passion, bodybuilding and druming too. I also want to dive into meditation. I'll figure it out in time. Right now though I think I need to take a week off from women, just relax a bit.

 

[thefonz]

hang in there G

 

[Zwitterion]

Well a day or 2 has gone by and I'm back down again.

I've stopped seeing most of my friends now I basically do nothing all day. I'm appplying to crappy part time jobs because I need a flexible schedule. I have a back injury which is preventing me from going to the gym or physical activity (which I love) which sucks. I don't go back to school until next tuesday and by then I'm going to be REALLY busy. It's making me feel depressed and trapped like there's no way out of this. My confidence is shot. Guys, give me a boast!

 

[NewMan]

You are doing fantastic. Change doesn't happen in a short period of time - and you must constantly guard against complacency.....

I would recomend that you quite putting pressure on yourself constantly. Life is not just about getting dates and trying to pick up women - smell the flowers, look at the trees and enjoy what your doing and where you are today. If your constantly looking forward, you miss what's here and now.

Part of the issue you have is the pressure of having to pick up. Give yourself a break - go out to have fun - and don't concentrate on what you have, or have not accomplished. Rather, concentrate on the road you travel. Just meeting people and talking to them is a win. Eventually your measurement for success (which currently, is whether or not you've got numbers, talked to chicks etc) will just go away - because you will realize, the most important thing is YOU - how you feel and what you do. Getting numbers is really unimportant in the grand scheme of things - and attracting women is an unconcious action.

Keep it up.

 

[Zwitterion]

Thanks newman, that helps me.

Change is hard. Change is really really really really really really really hard.