Zwitterion's Sobriety Journal

[Zwitterion]

Well It's time to kick my drug habits to the curb for good because it's ruining my life

Let me first explain myself. I'm not a stereotypical drug addict. I get good grades in college, I go to the gym, I"m good looking, I"m really into sports and guitar, I have a few college friends, I eat REALLY healthy, and I'm polite and respectful. The thing is I have avoidance tendencies where I just get so overwhelmed by life that I just want to escape with pot. Yes, I'm addicted to pot. I've heard the stories and read the articles about pot being mentally addictive and I"m here as living proof that it's more than that. What is addiction accept a psychological dependence? People say, "No pot isn't really addictive like herion. It's all in your head!" Yeah, and? Cigarettes are the same thing but we have tons of programs to help quit that. I have yet to hear of a single resource or program that has anything to do with quitting pot. But i'll tell you straight out I'm in that stop. So here's my attempt at giving up after 6 years of carrying this weight.

My problem with smoking is that it's destroying my dreams of getting with tons of hot chicks and living an outgoing social life. I avoid pretty much most social situations because my eyes get very red and I"m embarassed to be seen with anyone other than my usual friends. I when I buy the pot from my dealer I will get out of there as fast as possible and drive around smoking for about 2 hours because I don't want to go home talk to my parents or walk out in public. But I love the escape of highness.

Why can't I stop?
My life up to this day has been outfitted to support my habit. The close friends I have now were all befriended in the lifestyle of smoking pot, its what we did. It got me out of the house and has been such a commonplace way of being with others. I feel an instant connection with people who buy or sell it because it's sooo familiar. Being around certain people gets boring without weed. Also, when I get rejected from an approach or have bad day the pot makes me stop thinking about it. I put all that uneasiness from the rejection/frustration put it into my stomach and release it with smoking. And once I come down I want another one, and another,etc. and like I said in the previous paragraph I don't do anything when high. So I basically waste a whole week where I could have been hitting on girls, studying extra, going to the gym, getting closer to new people. I just hide away. Also, as mentioned in another post I have a somewhat tense relationship with my brother and one of the few things we do together is smoke a blunt when I get back from work.

My life is not that bad so don't think that (except for the girls part which is why I"m here ). I think if I stop for about 2 months up unto Feb 28th I should be ok from then on. I plan to throw myself into going to the gym, being healthy, working on school, going to clubs/parties, making money on a side job I will likely suceed. Anyone who wants to join me is welcome, don't bother flaming because I won't acknowledge you.
Here's my attempt....

 

[Fallen33]

You can do it!

Delete your dealers phone numbers out of your cellphone. Never talk to him again. That helps a lot.

Whenever you want to get high, go out and approach a random girl. Do something productive whenever you get an urge.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

no to be a **** or anything but what does this have to do with seduction or being a Don Juan? The site is about self improvement I know, but come on this is a stretch. Try a addiction forum where people can give you constructive criticisim and actually care.

 

[Zwitterion]

It's not a stretch, self improvement is self-improvement. I'm sure alot of people have drug problems that are stopping them from practicing seduction and becoming a don juan. That's my main motivating factor for wanting to change my habits and I hope I can one day look back at this thread with pride when I"m banging 3 girls at the same time. And maybe others will be able to see themselves in my thread and look to quit their own habits.

Last night was my first test and I'm glad to say I PASSED!! Damn though, I wanted to smoke soooo bad. When we got out of the bars with my best friend and his buddy the first thing they did was ask if I wanted to blaze. I said "No, I don't feel like it." and went home. I got home and started regreting not smoking so I just played guitar for an hour or so to soothe the cravings. Finally I got tired and went to sleep.

Anyways, New Years Eve today, I wanna keep the momentum going.

 

[SamePendo]

The best of luck. If you want this thread to continue in this page you'll have to make some chick goals, like getting 50 numbers the first semester or something.

 

[Zwitterion]

The day after New Year's

I didn't drink that much last night (only 3 beers). I'm not that big into alchohol to begin with so I really don't feel the need to chug to impress. And thank god no one had any pot last night, I'm on day 2 now with no smoke. But I"m starting to feel the side effects like irratablity, uneasiness, and just an overall feeling of being uncomfortable all the time. It sucks but I just gotta keep remembering why I"m doing this. Keep those images in my head of a life with no dependence.

I'm thinking to further with my chick goals like samependo said. The numbers game works for me for a little while, until I get frustrated that I"m not meeting my goal and I relapse again. I'm thinking of starting a new lifestyle with all this. I want to start going to the bars/clubs 2-3 times a week to get used to the social enviroment. That way, I'll be getting used to 'the field'. However, this creates a big problem when I starting next semestor I'll be extremely busy with work and school. Plus I want to go to the gym in the mornings and the too much clubbing is a serious strain on my budget. I'll make a rule that I drink no more than 3 beers a night because I can't afford a hangover. So it looks like I"m going to have to find a new religion of time management come January 24th.

I"m also finding guitar to be a serious help in all this

 

[Zwitterion]

Ok, Day 3

Damn, I'm really itchy. I have to go to work in half an hour but I'm just plan itchy all over and my heart won't stop racing. Everytime I hear a noise my heart jumps at the slightest movement in my area. I didn't really do anything last night so I guess I wasn't really tested to begin with. So needless to say I hardly slept last night and now I'm going for a 10 hour day. Wish me luck.

 

[Jay Jay]

I hear you brother.

I used to be a massive pot head.

It absolutely killed my game... even years after I quit.

Coz I used to always have red eyes and was secretly ashamed I trained myself to stop looking into peoples eyes. I had no idea until I started to train myself wih DJ stuff just how much weak eye contact was effecting my life. And that was years later.

Yeah dude, stop smoking all the time. I still have a few cones every now and the then but initially I went cold turkey for two years.

I lost girlfriends, jobs, had no money, no motivation, was unhealthy and all that **** coz I was always bonging on. Get off it dude.

The best advice I can give is to find other things to fill your life with. Makes quitting a lot easier if you are active.

As for going clubbing... bad idea.

I did that. Stopped smoking weed and started smoking cigarettes and drinking lots. If you wanna get active and meet chicks I suggest joinging salsa classes (can you play spanish guitar? If not learn) and take up any other hobbies you might be interested where you can meet (wholesome) chicks. Oh, and yeah, start going to the gym.

Good luck mate.

JJ

 

[Zwitterion]

Day 4

When you've been high for so long it starts to feel like you're ****ed up when you don't have the drug. That's how I feel today. I'm running on low sleep right now cus I was having bad cravings last night. I handled it by doing what I always do when I get like that, I pick up my epiphone hummingbird and just start playing ****. I played 'patience' by GNR for about 3 hours trying to get the it lodged into my head this is is not gonna be cured overnight. I gotta keep at it.

I'm hanging out with some of my non pot-smoking friends and we're going to a poolhall/bar tonight, so hopefully I can get over my fear and do some approaches. I can say no to alchohol without regret, I'm good for that. No amount of, "Come on, have another beer." is gonna make me drink more than I want to. But I'm worried that if I do like 5 approaches and get rejected by all it will be an excuse to smoke again. That's more of a fear for me now than getting rejected. That's how bad I want out of this lifestyle.

 

[spider_007]

DISTRACTION IS THE KEY.....do anything you can to keep your mind off it.....

Confronting the things that make you want to "escape" head on also helps....

good luck We'll be disapointed if you fail....SO DON'T.

 

[Zwitterion]

I won't let you down spider

Day 5.....Jesus, does anyone know if it's normal to still be getting withdrawls after 5 days? Maybe, but I'm still waking up with this tension in my stomach. I don't know if it's just anxiety or what but it's ****ing annoying.

Anways, in my pledge to start going to the bars 2-3 times I week I started last night. I was really inspired by reading Bourne's Journal of Approaches. I saw alot of myself in him and decided to at least become more social last night. I made hit off good vibes with the waitresses and even tried chatting up one of the Russian waitresses at the bar (even after she gave me a cold response and walked away I still kept at her, she eventually got into the convo). I opened another waitress but ran out of things to say (I need to work on hanging in there, making myself improv more)I felt really good about that cus I've been really passive for about a month now and I finally feel like this may be the year I FINALLY can start dating 3 girls.

Thats my goal, not 1, not 2, but 3. It's not so much an ego thing but I just want to prove to myself that i can handle this lifestyle, something to be proud of. One day when I'm settled down with a girl I love I don't want to have to feel tied down and paraniod about loosing her and being alone. It's for personal security knowing that I can get girls.....because I can!

Anways, I spent more time socializing with the people I was around than cold approaching, but that's ok. Cus I was feeling good and I took the oppurtunities that came. Go me!

 

[gherald]

you can do it bro..

if your losing your determination, try to remember what is the main reason why you want to quit...

you can do it...but it will take time...live your life dude!

i know you can do it?! We are with you!

 

[Oxide]

Yeah it's normal to feel withdrawls, it will end soon. Go out, have fun, and remember that you have MADE UP YOUR MIND already, so you can't go back.

Do not drink to kill the weed urge, trading one drug for another is pointless. Just have fun and moderate yourself.

I was just thinking about how I quit smoking... i don't even have the urge anymore, it's pretty bad ass. Usually for me the point when I know I've beaten the addiction is when I try what I was addicted to before and say "yeah..this isn't really fun/good" and drop it. But that requires some strong willpower so I don't know if you should follow my advice here.

good luck no matter what, you can do it.

 

[Charm]

It takes around 90-120 days to really get over the regular thinking about it. Then you start having entire days go by that it never even crosses your mind, and eventually weeks. Replace bad habits with good ones. Start doing CARDIO 5 days a week. I recommend BRISK walking at a heart rate of 128 for 30 minutes. This is a great way to improve your overall health.

 

[Zwitterion]

Thanks guys, your support is definitely helping.

Day 6, I went out with some buddies last night to try to ignore the fact that I'm STILL withdrawing. We went to applebees to have 1 beer (well I did) cus I used to work there and knew a couple people. Anyways, there was no one there to approach so I just kinda socialized with the 10-15 or so people I already knew. Then we went to a chinese bar/dance place and there wasn't much going on but there was one set with an HB9.5 in it that I chickened out of and another set of about 7 asians that I could have done something with, but I didn't know what to say and kinda just talked to my friends. I'm a little disappointed actually. I should have said SOMETHING even if to get rejected. I guess I wasn't really feeling it last night, I dunno. It's ok, I kinda felt good about the fact that all my friends were taking tons of shots and I just nursed a beer for about an hour. I actually don't mind be sober around drunk people cus I like to be in control of myself when I'm having fun. It's also great to know I wasn't going to wake up with a hangover. I also tend to get kinda angry when I drink sometimes so people seemed alot nicer than they usually so at bars when you're soberish.

Anyways, some of my buddies wanna hang out at a house and play madden and take shots tonite but I think I might blow them off and call up another kid I met recently and hit up a bar. I think I'll do that. I need to build my confidence back up. I'll let you know what I decide.

 

[spider_007]

GOOD JOB.

You made it 6 days, Don't go back on it and ruin the track record.....keep it up!!!!!

Think of it thisway; The longer you go without smoking it, the more you have to loose if you slip up.

 

[havybastard]

good luck, at least you got **** going for you, college etc
on a side note;

does anyone (apart from thread starter) realise they are addicted to something but keep doing it beacuse they enjoy it?

I am doing astrphysics at uni, play alot of sport, run every day, gym, got a ****load of friends, yet i have alchohol tendancies, drinking with mates, drinking at home every night alone, enjoying getting smashed alone and watching tv, drinking beers all the time, just drinking straight vodka to pass out some nights.

 

[Zwitterion]

Yes there are havy, but It's my opinion that alot of those people since they don't want to deal with it can still pick up girls when smashed. I on the other hand cannot. Everyone knows when I"m messed up by my eyes, my slurred speech, my anger, my sensitivity etc. So for me, I must address it in order to get what I want.

Day 7.... withdrawls are lessening but the urge is still there. However, in my mind I am so convinced that this may be the one of the greatest descisions I've ever made that I refuse to smoke. I had 2 chances to smoke last night and denied both of them. I ended up going out to applebees with the same friends and we eventually ended up at a field in wherever and drank there until it started raining and ended up at IHOP. Pretty much an uneventful night where I didn't expose myself as much as I should.

There was a group of 4 girls talking to my friend as soon as I walked in and there ***** shields were up (drunk young party chicks). I opened up one of them eventually but I couldn't keep her attention long enough so she got distracted by some of the louder more obnoxious people. At one point they asked my friend if they wanted him to come to the pool hall with them and like a dumbass he said, "No, me and Z have to go do an Irish Carbomb night" *slaps forehead* as soon as they leave...."YOU IDIOT!". I know I could have made something happen with them cus I wasn't there long enough to get warmed up but if I'd stuck with them this could be a whole different report. Whatever, there's always tonight. I'm gonna call up my friends and go bar hoping.

Just so you all know, I'm not get drunk at all these bars I'm going to. I'm going for the sole purpose of socializing. I drank maybe 3 beers at the most in a 5 hour period. Sobriety gives me the feeling of control, and after 6 years of desperation it feels great.

 

[asdfghjkl]

good job with kicking your addiction, and drinking a few beers is ok if your out with your friends, as long as you dont feel like you need the beer to approach/socialize.

Im sensing some shyness from you, kinda like what im like, so next time you feel yourself shying away from an approach, just think, "**** it" and go for it, you have nothing to lose.

 

[Zwitterion]

Day 7

HOLY ****!! Guys, I came within inches of caving today. I was at my friends place for a football game and the biggest catalyst for my addiction shows his face (my 'friend' who always eggs me on to smoke). He's very sneaky, he will talk about other things go into a routine and then about 2-3 hours when a break of conversation occurs he will say, "Wanna blaze?" Those words are like music to my ears. But thanks to this thread I was able to control my cravings. Seriously....you don't know how close I came today to getting high, at one point I reasoned in my head to just smoke this once and start over again. Luckily I was able to think this through and deny the oppurtunity when he said, "I gotta blunt, wanna smoke?" I said, "No, not today." My friends went out to smoke twice in the session and I denied them both times. I"m REALLY proud of myself, this was my biggest test so far. I'm starting to realize that I won't be able to truly quit unless I can overcome these types of scenarios at least a few times. I faced my problems today and I won while in a weakened state...oh the sweet triumph of principles!!!! Hopefully I won't see him again for at least 2-4 weeks and by then my conviction to no smoke will be stronger. I want to be tested again, it's the only way to really quit.

I actually did an approach at the gas station on the way home I felt so good. I asked some random chick for directions and started a convo with her (I wish I number closed). She knew I was hitting on her, it was awesome. I'm getting there, very slowly but I'm getting there.