Your thoughts about ONEITIS.

[Engee]

I really want to know why 'ONEITIS' is considered a disease in the DJ/PUA community. Could not there be the slightest chance that this chick you are infatuated about be perfect for you? What about employing all the DJ techniques on her and GETTING her rather than running away to other women, trying to forget her (which is the general advice given by the vets when commenting on oneitis issues..)

No personal issues here, but I just wanted to know....

thanks!

 

[NaturallySelected]

Originally posted by Engee
I really want to know why 'ONEITIS' is considered a disease in the DJ/PUA community. Could not there be the slightest chance that this chick you are infatuated about be perfect for you? What about employing all the DJ techniques on her and GETTING her rather than running away to other women, trying to forget her (which is the general advice given by the vets when commenting on oneitis issues..)

No personal issues here, but I just wanted to know....

thanks!

To me oneitis is when you fall for a girl who doesn't want you and you end up chasing her and she just keeps on running. You become all depressed because you really want her and can't have her. Sometimes oneitis is unwarranted, i.e. the AFC falls for the girl way too easily (I've been there ) and chases the girl away by coming on too strong. Oneitis is the feeling of being in love, but not being loved back. The girl might be perfect for you, but there's always another one around the corner. At the end of the day it's only oneitis if she doesn't feel the same way you do. It's not a disease to me, it's an illness that any DJ can get, it just depends on how strong your immune system is . The more experience you get, the more oneitis-es you get over, the less easily you get oneitis.

 

[SealTeamSix]

I think ..

because 'the one' becomes obstacle if you think about it. You are going to put all of your effort and energy on one girl. You'll have harder time seeing other options .. Also, when you really focus on this one chick, you most likely will act and look needy & AFC to her eyes. If she does not care and she likes u and u like her .. this is all good .. but .. chances are she does and you will blow the chance .. and you will feel the 'rejection'

If you really like the girl, act about it now .. and get it conclude.. if it happens.. all good .. otherwise .. move on.

 

[Dirtheart]

The problem with oneitis is that it causes you to feel and act desperate, which in itself is a major turn off for women. When you're "suffering" from oneitis, you tend also to do stupid things like place your desired woman on a pedestal, lose your confidence, act clingy and wussy, lose your masculinity and generally become everything she hates.

It is very much like a mental disorder because you lose sight of reason and do things you would normally never do. (Incidentally centuries ago, love was actually considered a disease).

But above all, someone with oneitis rarely keeps the woman, or even gets her in the first place, so it almost inevitably ends in a lot of pain and a loss of self-esteem.

 

[Engee]

Very very interesting.. This makes a lot of sense. Also, are you guys saying that if the interest is NOT mutual, it will always be that way, no matter what?

 

[Sardaukar]

Oneitis = Stupidity

Because it is. I have seen a lot of people get oneitis even though they could do better, and it's always because of the wrong reasons.

What kind of a reason is "It's time to settle down"? What kind of a reason is "She's a nice girl" when she controls the relationship? FUKK THAT SHHHT!

 

[OddTech]

Originally posted by Engee
Are you guys saying that if the interest is NOT mutual, it will always be that way, no matter what?

Pretty much... here's the way to think about it.... "why do you want to wait around for something that might never happen when you can go and get what you want right now."

 

[jdr120]

ONEITIS is when you attach your happieness to someone else other than yourself. I also think there is a fear of losing the "comfort level" you may have had, or that you imagine with the other person.. You then do things that lower your self-confidence, and self-respect...

Dettachment = self-enlightement:
Base your happieness on yourself, and those external events will just roll off your shoulders. Fear is imagined up in your mind, it is not real, Except for the fear of dying (ie: if you and a tiger are battling head to head!)...

 

[Interpol]

Originally posted by Engee
Also, are you guys saying that if the interest is NOT mutual, it will always be that way, no matter what?

Yes, this is a very important thing to remember. When you pursue a girl, you can only work your game on initial interest. If there is no initial interest, you cannot create it. If you damage the initial interest, it is almost impossible to regain it.