Your interpretation, please!

[Royal-tiger]

One of my friends recently broke her 9-month long relationship with a guy she otherwise liked because he was reluctant to become a "father" to her four kids aged 16 to 8. She did it by email (which was wimpy, IMO).

The guy played it confidently by accepting her decision and letting her go.

A day later she texts him that she hoped her behavior did not hurt him. Instead of texting back, he called her to discuss the the whole thing and suggested she should have talked by picking up the phone instead of email which is so impersonal. Over the ten minutes of conversation she was crying for having messed things up. He suggested if she wants to meet he can talk some sense to her. He made is clear that it will be not be a date. To that she said that she can't go out with him and hanged up on him! He let it go and never called back.

After an hour, she texts him that she was sorry for hanging up and needs time to think things through.

This time the guy simply sent her a text message:

"Best wishes! Be happy, be well wherever you are. Bon voyage!"

Now my friend is wondering what does it imply or mean? I said it simply means that he is done with you and gone!

Just as a second opinion, I wanted to make sure I told her the meaning correctly. Let me know, folks!

 

[betheman]

The guy has handled it well, he really needs to stop all contact though. shouldnt have met her or talked to her again. she sounds a bit nutty as well

 

[Royal-tiger]

I believe he felt she was overwhelmed/confused and may needed some conversation.

As for my friend, I don't know what to make of the woman. Everything was fine between them and one morning, she emails him the breakup.

 

[betheman]

she is sh1t testing the hell out of him, she also wants him to be daddy to 4 kids!
overwhelmed? I think not. she sounds desperate for a daddy figure for her kids, why should he take that on? its not as if the kids are a few konths old and some kind of relationship could be established and there are 4 of them ffs?
she sounds mental if she really thinka ANY guy is going to go for this, the guy sems to have been handed a get out of jail card and he realises it, he should be long gone

 

[Royal-tiger]

I agree four kids are too much too handle for step parenting -- not to mention the expense involved.

Like you, I also feel that the guy has handled it very well with decency and confidence. He gave her a chance that she not only did not take but insulted him by hanging up.

 

[LovingYou]

Too much drama...too much **** to analyze.

 

[Aaron B]

it means that he understands that his value is higher than hers

also he is probably rightly annoyed that she's trying to push him into the father role

she thought she had leverage to make him follow her program (if you want this vagina you've got to become daddy to another man or men's kids), and she has since learned she was wrong and now she is suffering the consequences

she tried to bluff and instead of folding (giving in) he called (held her to her word)

he's probably a stand-up guy

i'd be thrilled if you were to show her this thread and my post specifically

oh and her thinking he was overwhelmed and/or confused is an excellent example of a woman projecting her thought process onto a man (expecting him to think and react to situations like she would). men don't think and react like women. overwhelmed/confused makes sense coming from a woman, but not from a man. She has a fundamental lack of understanding of how men think, react, feel, and operate. Women frequently get overwhelmed with emotion. Men not so much.

She most likely has a lot of growing up to do. She should start by reading Men Are From Mars Women are From Venus.

 

[Royal-tiger]

Aaron,

I like your take as well.

I have seen this guy buy her a set of furniture and home entertainment system so that she and her kids could enjoy. Nobody will do that unless married or something. Any person can see that his act is so because she was special to him. I have tried to open her eyes with all this but it is oblivious to her. To her, he is a distant man who does not want to get involved in the "father" role.

Irony is he had told her that he could get more involved as time goes on. Since he has no kids, his hesitation can easily be understood. But, to my friend, it is not good enough! Any now, by his admission, he gone.

 

[scrouds]

Chick wants daddy. Chick broke up because she wants daddy. Guy accepts breakup, doesn't grovel. Chick freaks out because he didn't do what other guys do.

I'd buy that man a cigar.

 

[betheman]

Chick wants daddy. Chick broke up because she wants daddy. Guy accepts breakup, doesn't grovel. Chick freaks out because he didn't do what other guys do.

I'd buy that man a cigar.

and Id give him a light

 

[Aaron B]

Aaron,

I like your take as well.

I have seen this guy buy her a set of furniture and home entertainment system so that she and her kids could enjoy. Nobody will do that unless married or something. Any person can see that his act is so because she was special to him. I have tried to open her eyes with all this but it is oblivious to her. To her, he is a distant man who does not want to get involved in the "father" role.

Irony is he had told her that he could get more involved as time goes on. Since he has no kids, his hesitation can easily be understood. But, to my friend, it is not good enough! Any now, by his admission, he gone.

This is an excellent example of something I'm covering on my next podcast:

Its not fair for a woman to focus on the 1 or 2 things her man ISN'T doing, while ignoring all his awesome characteristics, and all the awesome things he's doing for her, and what he brings to the relationship.

also many women want to get men to say things verbally that she can then use against him. Like "well you said you wanted to be a father for my kids, then you pull this crap?" While many men would rather do what feels right and avoid having to verbalize things to her.

In her warped view, his actions receive little weight because she is looking for him to verbally state things that he doesn't want to state. I show my wife I love her with my actions, but I rarely tell her and she doesn't like it. Too bad so sad she doesn't control what I say.

I've seen so many women with guys that meet 85% of all her needs and instead of giving him credit for being so wonderful, they focus almost solely on the 15% of what they aren't getting from him (to her own detriment).

I'd bet money that the next guy she gets with won't be half as awesome as this one and yet she feels entitled to bash him over the head with what she perceives to be his shortcomings? And now she's dumped him and has to resort to a lesser man that she probably won't give as much crap to because the lesser man is less capable? Ridiculous.

He's taking action by being good to her kids but its not good enough for her and she wants to punish him for what she perceives she isn't receiving from him. Thankfully for him he is one of the rare men who knows he can do better and life is too short to tolerate that kind of poor treatment from a woman who got knocked up by another dude or dude's who then ran off and now she wants to hold this guy to a standard? What about the fathers?

I don't know about you but having to deal with 4 kids that aren't mine would piss me off and I'd expect some leeway. He must have really cared for her and/or she must be really hot.

 

[Royal-tiger]

Beautifully said. I love this forum for the nuggets.

 

[Zunder]

What was he doing in a relationshiip with a woman with four kids in the first place.

 

[Royal-tiger]

I believe he liked my friend and thought gradually he could handle the full family load. And he never refrained from his such desire but he wanted to do it slowly due to his lack of parenting experience.

I must add that she really is a very good hearted woman albeit very emotional at times. The sad thing is you can give all the wisdom you want but it falls on deaf ears.

 

[macagent]

I must add that she really is a very good hearted woman albeit very emotional at times. The sad thing is you can give all the wisdom you want but it falls on deaf ears.

She literally has no idea what you are saying. Guy logic makes no sense to an emotional woman.

 

[Royal-tiger]

Sad but so true.

It hurts to see women make emotionally charged decisions that are frequently so self-destructive. That's why I said you can't give wisdom till people learn themselves (paying whatever price).

 

[Aaron B]

Hey royal-tiger you sent me a PM and I tried to reply, but apparently your account isn't setup to receive PM's.

 

[vatoloco]

One of my friends recently broke her 9-month long relationship with a guy she otherwise liked because he was reluctant to become a "father" to her four kids aged 16 to 8.

Why did he get involved with her in the first place!!??

Fuck, man! I'd have a hard time accepting a woman with ONE child, let alone FOUR! Why would anybody wanna punish themselves like this!?

She did it by email (which was wimpy, IMO).

Classy girl.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Royal Tiger,
You are a very nice Chap......In my Country if this Guy had been in a semi committed relationship such as you describe,he could already be up for a partial division of assets and possibly,child maintenance (Alimony)...this Girl is acting on advice from friends and family....The Woman is damaged goods,but it is so nice to USE THEM AS THEY WOULD USE YOU...good chance if he just right sizes the relationship,after an acrimonius period if he just keeps his cool he has a F'Buddy for as long as he wants...
On my dancing scene there is a really beautiful Phillipino Girl of about 42...She has eight kids and wants more!....If she doesn't pop another sprog soon,the mean and cruel actions of the last right wing Government will make this poor hard done by little Mother go to work... So our swarthy little tea bagger has been working hard on a very pleasant but "No Hoper"Greek guy,he is also on the Welfare Gravy Train...periodically she breaks up with him,attracts a Wealthy Old Man for a while,then her lusty Asian genes yearn for the loins of her horny Mediterranean Adonis and Le Ronde takes another turn for a month or two...In the final decline of your Great Nation,you are embracing the same sort of Welfare System,maybe as many of you age you will see a similar dynamic emerge.