your helpfull opinion could set me free

[blodyl]

heey all

im new on this forums and quite unexperianced with girls

okay this is a quite a story and i know im doing alot wrong.
but im falling for this girl .... to hard for my own good.

theres this girl we know eachother for years but quite superficial.
last 2-3 months we got alot closer and last month we started going for a drink just the 2 of us (without our group of friends , we basicly have the same friends ) she was giving me all signs
from being intrested to being touchy to smiling about my most horrible jokes...etc

but i lost my pair that month and didn't do anything exept some weak kino.
now she's casualy dating and having sex with another guy but things are going bad between them, or so she says.

last weekend we where at a party together having alot of fun and flirting and i said i had to much to drink to drive home so she said i should crash at her place. the guy she was dating was at the party too but she ignored him all night because i was there with her . when we get at her place this guy shows up at her door saying he has no place to sleep and his mates left without him
.... i bet he saw us leaving and got jealous or freakd out . so instead of sending him away she offered him a place to sleep inside too . at this point i got rly rly angry and just said "w/e i had to much to drink so im gonna lie down, night" . then i heard them fighting and her saying he can't just show up like that blablabla i felt asleep.

next morning i get up and he already left and her stil lying her bed next to my sleeping spot. as soon as she sees im awake she start to complain about him showing up that wasn't the plan etc ( sort of apologizing ) and she offert me to make breakfast. then her dad calls to ask her if she wants to go have breakfast with the family and she agrees and invites me with her. wich you don't just do with friend.... right?

basicly my weekend.

then today she texted me she was bored and i said "lets get bored together" and she responded saying i can't i got a date with "that guy she was dating" (fk this girl got more game then me )

she does reply with i got nothing to do tomorrow tho .
and i respond saying "ok have fun il see you tomorrow then"


now.....

wtf do i do i just can't forget about her and can't seem to find out if we are just rly rly good friends or if we could be more.

im close to asking her what the deal is between us but if often read posts here saying you never should???
or is there a way to ask and still find out on a good way?

i know its alot but i thank you guys for reading tho
if somthing is unclear ask away .

 

[Igetit!]

heey all

im new on this forums and quite unexperianced with girls

okay this is a quite a story and i know im doing alot wrong.
but im falling for this girl .... to hard for my own good.

theres this girl we know eachother for years...

Strike 1...

but i lost my pair that month and didn't do anything exept some weak kino.
now she's casualy dating and having sex with another guy but things are going bad between them, or so she says.

Who told you that things were going bad between her and her boyfriend.....did SHE tell you? If so....


Strike 2.....

last weekend we where at a party together having alot of fun and flirting and i said i had to much to drink to drive home so she said i should crash at her place. the guy she was dating was at the party too but she ignored him all night because i was there with her . when we get at her place this guy shows up at her door saying he has no place to sleep and his mates left without him
.... i bet he saw us leaving and got jealous or freakd out . so instead of sending him away she offered him a place to sleep inside too . at this point i got rly rly angry and just said "w/e i had to much to drink so im gonna lie down, night" . then i heard them fighting and her saying he can't just show up like that blablabla i felt asleep.

You say you got "really,really angry". Umm.....why? Cause this girl invited HER BOYFRIEND to spend the night at her house?

What....did her doing that mess up YOUR PLANS to try to make a move on her?

next morning i get up and he already left and her stil lying her bed next to my sleeping spot. as soon as she sees im awake she start to complain about him showing up that wasn't the plan etc ( sort of apologizing ) and she offert me to make breakfast.

So she started complaining about her boyfriend......to YOU.

Strike 2.5......

then today she texted me she was bored and i said "lets get bored together" and she responded saying i can't i got a date with "that guy she was dating" (fk this girl got more game then me )

So you think this chick has more game than you,huh? Well to honest,dude....at this point.....I'd say even STEVE URKEL has "more game" than you do. At least he made his interest known.

What have you done......over the past few years???

now.....

wtf do i do i just can't forget about her and can't seem to find out if we are just rly rly good friends or if we could be more.

So you don't know what two of you are. Well allow me to clarify....

You two ARE FRIENDS. That's it....and that's ALL.

That's why she keeps inviting you places. She invited you over to her place cause you're NO SEXUAL THREAT to her.

im close to asking her what the deal is between us but if often read posts here saying you never should???

Don't do that. Don't ask her what you two are. You two are FRIENDS....and that's ALL. This confusion you have....it's caused by YOU.


You're causing this by your lack of being a MAN. If you'd been a MAN and asked her out......YEARS AGO,you'd have foundt out a long time ago where you stand. Now,it's friendzone by default.

or is there a way to ask and still find out on a good way?

The ONLY WAY is to simply ask her out a A DATE, and see what her response is. More than likely,she'll tell you about the boyfriend she ALREADY HAS,and things will become awkward between you do.

 

[blodyl]

yea i know... im a chump
i knew i had this coming but im my defence.

i know her for year as a friend of a friend not as friends ourselfs we barly talked before these last months.
yea she told me things where going bad between them i tried to joke it off everytime.... fk am i such an emotional tampon because she told me things are going bad?

and the morning she started complaining about him being there was an apoligy towards me because she clearly stated she wasn't happy about him showing up drunk on her door and ignoring him all night at the party because she was hanging out with me , c'mon ain't that somthing?

so where do i go from here...

i know you're gonna tell me to forget about her but that just seems like an impossible option at this point. aren't there ways how i can build up the attraction i mean we have only been friends for a good 2-3 months .

 

[Yewki]

so where do i go from here...

Her: I'm bored
You: lets get bored together
Her: I got a date with that guy
You: Sounds boring

Then ignore her completely and move on. Probably a lost cause so don't give this girl another thought unless she texts you something like, "hey wanna do something tonight?" at which point you can choose whether or not you still give a sh*t.

 

[Igetit!]

yea i know... im a chump

Well don't sweat it dude. You may be a chump,but at least YOU KNOW you're one,and are taking steps to do something about it.

i knew i had this coming but im my defence.

i know her for year as a friend of a friend not as friends ourselfs we barly talked before these last months.

Ok,I'll give you that. Now question......

You said you just recently got closer in the past few months...right? Ok,well...WHEN did you first have interest in her? Was it years ago when you first met,or just more recently?

And #2.....WHY DOESN'T SHE yet know about your interest after all these years??? You fraid to ask her out? If so,that's not HER problem.


What's she supposed to do.......stay single,alone,and wait a few more years until you FINALLY get up enough courage to ask her out?

yea she told me things where going bad between them i tried to joke it off everytime....

You joking it off DOESN'T MATTER. The whole subject should never have come up in the first place. If she's telling you about her and her BF,it means you're there WITH HER. And if you're with her,it means you and her are hanging out/spending time together.

And if you're spending time together TALKING ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND,it means she's not feeling any attraction or interest towards YOU.

fk am i such an emotional tampon because she told me things are going bad?

No. You're an emotional tampon because YOU CONTINUE to listen to her talk about her BF instead of "manning up" and making any moves of your OWN.

and the morning she started complaining about him being there was an apoligy towards me because she clearly stated she wasn't happy about him showing up drunk on her door and ignoring him all night at the party because she was hanging out with me , c'mon ain't that somthing?

"Ain't that something"? Umm....like what? You don't get it.....


Unless and until YOU MAKE a move.....(meaning you ask her out),this "confusion" you have is going to continue.

i know you're gonna tell me to forget about her but that just seems like an impossible option at this point. aren't there ways how i can build up the attraction i mean we have only been friends for a good 2-3 months .

You say you've only been good friend for like 2 to 3 months....hmm. Let me ask you a question..............


Have you ever got in a car,started driving somewhere,noticed you were headed in the wrong direction,then stop,turn around,and start heading in the right way?

That's what you did here. The problem is,you're trying to start from scratch.....but you CAN'T. If you go 50 miles in the wrong way,when you turn around,you don't start from zero...that 50 miles has to be made up.


You're trying to start from zero with this chick......but you can't,cause you have A HISTORY with her. She's inviting you over to her house to spend the night.......and you two haven't even been out on a single date with each other. It's cause the thought of anything sexual with you is sooooo far off the radar screen for her,you probably don't even register as a MALE to her.


You f@cked up kid. Sorry. You DO WANT the truth...don't you?

Or are you not able to handle the truth?

 

[blodyl]

You said you just recently got closer in the past few months...right? Ok,well...WHEN did you first have interest in her? Was it years ago when you first met,or just more recently?

And #2.....WHY DOESN'T SHE yet know about your interest after all these years??? You fraid to ask her out? If so,that's not HER problem.

You f@cked up kid. Sorry. You DO WANT the truth...don't you?

Or are you not able to handle the truth?

I can handel the truth thats what I'm here for . Doesn't mean I like hearing it.

But I'm here to learn about my mistake and prevent myself from letting this happen again.

1# I got interested in her few months ago not the previous years

2# she doesn't know because...I dunno how to show my interest except by being the best me . I just have no clue what I'm doing

...oh man

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

OP, I'll be kind as you are new an quite clearly a bit out of your depth.

A woman texting a man when she's bored means one of two things:

1) She wants to f*ck.
2) (In your case) She simply wants attention.

She has a boyfriend (who she does see for sex) and she has you, who she texts for attention. As you admitted, she has more game than you.

ACTIONS:

a) This chick is not available to you at the moment. Not in the way you want anyway. You are in what is know as the 'friend-zone'. Therefore find some more chicks to work and improve your game on.
b) Work on your game in the following ways:

-In any interaction, always leave them wanting a bit more of you.
-Grow your person in every way; physically, mentally, philosophically.
-Growing your person will improve your confidence to escalate with women and avoid getting stuck in the f-z with women you want a bit more from.
-Follow these threads. Question anything that sounds like a sweeping generalisation.
-Ask specific questions as and when you need, but a lot of answers can already be found in - DJ Bible, The Rational Male, The Book of Pook.

 

[Meisterman]

Responses in bold

heey all

im new on this forums and quite unexperianced with girls

okay this is a quite a story and i know im doing alot wrong.
but im falling for this girl .... to hard for my own good.

theres this girl we know eachother for years but quite superficial.
last 2-3 months we got alot closer and last month we started going for a drink just the 2 of us (without our group of friends , we basicly have the same friends ) she was giving me all signs
from being intrested to being touchy to smiling about my most horrible jokes...etc
Good, good...
but i lost my pair that month and didn't do anything exept some weak kino.

Mistake on your part

now she's casualy dating and having sex with another guy but things are going bad between them, or so she says.

Ouch. Not just f*cking another guy, but telling you about it? Can you say friend zone much?


last weekend we where at a party together having alot of fun and flirting and i said i had to much to drink to drive home so she said i should crash at her place. the guy she was dating was at the party too but she ignored him all night because i was there with her
Weird. I can't tell yet if she wants to f*ck you, or you're just so god damn far deep in the friend zone that she treats you like she would her girlfriend. I'd guess the latter.

. when we get at her place this guy shows up at her door saying he has no place to sleep and his mates left without him
.... i bet he saw us leaving and got jealous or freakd out . so instead of sending him away she offered him a place to sleep inside too .

I mean, this is understandable considering they're dating . But then again, I don't know how bad things are between them...

at this point i got rly rly angry and just said "w/e i had to much to drink so im gonna lie down, night" . then i heard them fighting and her saying he can't just show up like that blablabla i felt asleep.

Sounds like it's pretty bad between them

next morning i get up and he already left and her stil lying her bed next to my sleeping spot. as soon as she sees im awake she start to complain about him showing up that wasn't the plan etc ( sort of apologizing ) and she offert me to make breakfast. then her dad calls to ask her if she wants to go have breakfast with the family and she agrees and invites me with her. wich you don't just do with friend.... right?

Likely not. But you need to take control at some point. So far your actions have been extremely beta, so it's possible she has just you friend zoned and treats you like her girlfriend

basicly my weekend.

then today she texted me she was bored


and i said "lets get bored together"

CRINGE!!!

and she responded saying i can't i got a date with "that guy she was dating" (fk this girl got more game then me )

she does reply with i got nothing to do tomorrow tho .
and i respond saying "ok have fun il see you tomorrow then"


now.....

wtf do i do i just can't forget about her and can't seem to find out if we are just rly rly good friends or if we could be more.

im close to asking her what the deal is between us but if often read posts here saying you never should???
or is there a way to ask and still find out on a good way?

i know its alot but i thank you guys for reading tho
if somthing is unclear ask away .

Man, I don't know what to say. Part of me thinks you're just the most oblivious guy in the world. And another part thinks that she doesn't see you as a romantic partner, since she talks so openly about the other guy with you.

BUT.....I still think you could have a chance with her. But you can't keep sticking around as her orbiter. Straight up ask or figure out what the deal is with her and the guy she's dating. If she says they're staying together definitely, she's probably using you for attention and validation. Which isn't a problem if you like being the 'nice guy friend'. But if she says things aren't going well, you need to suggest something like a movie and make a move on her. It's the only way to know for sure. I don't recommend cheating though so I would wait until it's established she's already emotionally detached from guy #1. Otherwise if she monkey branches off him to you when they're still dating, what makes you think she won't do the same to you?

-MM

 

[BrainDamage92]

Oh man, oh boy...

When a girl goes out with you alone and gets TOUCHY, ACT. Take her hand, put your arms around her wrist, kiss her. Its simple. SHe expects it. She wont push you away. You shall have no fear and no mercy, or you shall fail.

You didnt act. You blew it. Sorry, I know youre a great guy, but you blew it.

 

[blodyl]

Thanks all for the constructive advice.
I'm still not over this girl tho. She said she wanted to see me this evening ( I bailed on her last night) so where going out to a small concert.

The thing I haven't told yet is that after I spend that horror night at her place and we where having breakfast with her family... her dad knew a lot about me while I haven't met him once . He told me she told a lot about me at dinner.....

This is really keeping my hopes up ... which I shouldn't I know forget about her....

Anyway I need to loose this confusion so I'm going to be touchy myself tonight and see how she reacts too it. Any last pointers?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Thanks all for the constructive advice.
I'm still not over this girl tho. She said she wanted to see me this evening ( I bailed on her last night) so where going out to a small concert.

You'd better make your move tonight. If she deflects it, leave and SERIOUSLY move on. Women aren't stupid, they know men are usually interested in more than being 'just friends'.

The thing I haven't told yet is that after I spend that horror night at her place and we where having breakfast with her family... her dad knew a lot about me while I haven't met him once . He told me she told a lot about me at dinner.....

1) If he was friendly, he has the impression (from her) that you literally are 'just friends'. Because that what she's told him. And that's why you were allowed to stay in his house having never met him. He sees you as little or no threat to his daughter.

2) She doesn't talk to her dad about guys she likes/is f*cking/is going to f*ck. She talks to her sister or her girlfriends.

This is really keeping my hopes up ... which I shouldn't I know forget about her....

Don't keep your hopes up. Just go with the flow. If it works it works, if it doesn't, so be it.

Anyway I need to loose this confusion so I'm going to be touchy myself tonight and see how she reacts too it. Any last pointers?

Make the move tonight. Or go home. She wants a man, not a ghey bestie.

 

[stevo]

Ok, here we go.

For you to succeed with a girl, you have to separate yourself from the outcome.

You have to accept the possibility that it would not work.

You have to understand, she's not special, she's not the only one for you.


Ok, so you've been through all that, how do you proceed?

If you want to fcuk this girl, this is what you do.


Clearly in simple English tell her:

I find you attractive and want to take you out sometime. Hit me up when you sort yourself out with the dude.

and I'll tell you why. Here you're making your sexual intentions known and you're also drawing her attention to your value as a male since you'd not be around her BS, she'd have to sort that out then come for you.

Count on it, she'd probably accept but still hit you up time to time like nothing's changed because she cannot lose her emotional tampon (that's like an actual break up) but do not go for it respond in the line of "you and ol boy still together?"


You see her outside, you act normal. Meaning you say hey when she say hey. You do not catch up! you do not treat her like you used to!

and what is up with guys fascination of meeting the family man! seriously!

You have to raise her sexual curiosity, right now her panties are not soaked when she sees you, change that.


You should have the authority if you have the responsibility

Do not take up boyfriend responsibility if you're not the boyfriend.


Remember you have to accept that it would not work with this girl.

so where going out to a small concert.

Do not do this. Cancel the plan.

You're too much in the friendzone to try anything on this girl. It would come as a surprise and has a higher chance to backfire if she hasn't thought of you sexually.

 

[blodyl]

okay so here i am with my comfort food ( olives ... don't judge me it's my thing)

first off all i'm really terribly frustrated ... mostly at myself.

so despite people advising me not to go i did go to the concert with her . she was already there when i arrived. i met her at the bar and had a small conversation when a few of my friends show up . they ask me to come to the front because the back was PACKED with people so i ask her to come along with me since she was only standing there with some relatives. but she declines at which point i'm like ok w/e suit yourself.

(forgot to tell you that since i made this posts i'm just feeling worse and worse about the kind of relationship we have because you guys are giving me a hard time imagining it could lead to somthing. but i keep filling that empty head of mine with false hope.)

so after a bad start i decide to just enjoy myself with my friends. then she text me that she is getting annoyed by how busy it was in there which i already told her in our small convo. so i text her back " yea i just put my hands up and im trying to find a spot to lower em down again , lets go somewhere else where we can at least breath ( sounds lame in English but its funnier in my language ) .


then i got a message of her saying she is tired and she's going home she has to work tomorrow and isn't enjoying herself.....


ARE YOU FVCKING KIDDING ME?

SHE INVITED ME
SHE DIDN'T TALK TO ME ALL NIGHT
SHE DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE WE COULD TALK... FRIENDS OR NOT
SHE IS A FVCKING ATTENTION SLVT AND IM DUMB ENOUGH TO THINK SHE EVEN CARES ONE BIT ABOUT ME.

i feel like trash , like an idiot . how could i fall for this.

i'm not gonna contact her for a while . i know i'm talking a lot of **** about her now but she did do good things for me in the past, she still is a friend tho. biggest problem is that she still goes out my social group almost every weekend too.
but i really really can't see her face anymore anytime soon.

i'm such a tool
i can never let this happen to me again




NOTE: i am frustrated needed to pin this down don't take it too seriously

 

[KingBeef]

heey all

im new on this forums and quite unexperianced with girls

okay this is a quite a story and i know im doing alot wrong.
but im falling for this girl .... to hard for my own good.

theres this girl we know eachother for years but quite superficial.
last 2-3 months we got alot closer and last month we started going for a drink just the 2 of us (without our group of friends , we basicly have the same friends ) she was giving me all signs
from being intrested to being touchy to smiling about my most horrible jokes...etc

but i lost my pair that month and didn't do anything exept some weak kino.
now she's casualy dating and having sex with another guy but things are going bad between them, or so she says.

last weekend we where at a party together having alot of fun and flirting and i said i had to much to drink to drive home so she said i should crash at her place. the guy she was dating was at the party too but she ignored him all night because i was there with her . when we get at her place this guy shows up at her door saying he has no place to sleep and his mates left without him
.... i bet he saw us leaving and got jealous or freakd out . so instead of sending him away she offered him a place to sleep inside too . at this point i got rly rly angry and just said "w/e i had to much to drink so im gonna lie down, night" . then i heard them fighting and her saying he can't just show up like that blablabla i felt asleep.

next morning i get up and he already left and her stil lying her bed next to my sleeping spot. as soon as she sees im awake she start to complain about him showing up that wasn't the plan etc ( sort of apologizing ) and she offert me to make breakfast. then her dad calls to ask her if she wants to go have breakfast with the family and she agrees and invites me with her. wich you don't just do with friend.... right?

basicly my weekend.

then today she texted me she was bored and i said "lets get bored together" and she responded saying i can't i got a date with "that guy she was dating" (fk this girl got more game then me )

she does reply with i got nothing to do tomorrow tho .
and i respond saying "ok have fun il see you tomorrow then"


now.....

wtf do i do i just can't forget about her and can't seem to find out if we are just rly rly good friends or if we could be more.

im close to asking her what the deal is between us but if often read posts here saying you never should???
or is there a way to ask and still find out on a good way?

i know its alot but i thank you guys for reading tho
if somthing is unclear ask away .

This girl gave you plenty of chances and I'm sorry man but you threw them away. Thankfully I think your still young enough to learn from your mistakes and you will have tons of other opportunities. DON'T OVERANALYZE, ACT UPON YOUR PRIMAL INSTINCTS. YOUR C@WK WILL THANK YOU LATER. HUMAN RITUALS ARE QUITE SIMPLE. DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE BUT YOU.

 

[KingBeef]

okay so here i am with my comfort food ( olives ... don't judge me it's my thing)

first off all i'm really terribly frustrated ... mostly at myself.

so despite people advising me not to go i did go to the concert with her . she was already there when i arrived. i met her at the bar and had a small conversation when a few of my friends show up . they ask me to come to the front because the back was PACKED with people so i ask her to come along with me since she was only standing there with some relatives. but she declines at which point i'm like ok w/e suit yourself.

(forgot to tell you that since i made this posts i'm just feeling worse and worse about the kind of relationship we have because you guys are giving me a hard time imagining it could lead to somthing. but i keep filling that empty head of mine with false hope.)

so after a bad start i decide to just enjoy myself with my friends. then she text me that she is getting annoyed by how busy it was in there which i already told her in our small convo. so i text her back " yea i just put my hands up and im trying to find a spot to lower em down again , lets go somewhere else where we can at least breath ( sounds lame in English but its funnier in my language ) .


then i got a message of her saying she is tired and she's going home she has to work tomorrow and isn't enjoying herself.....


ARE YOU FVCKING KIDDING ME?

SHE INVITED ME
SHE DIDN'T TALK TO ME ALL NIGHT
SHE DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE WE COULD TALK... FRIENDS OR NOT
SHE IS A FVCKING ATTENTION SLVT AND IM DUMB ENOUGH TO THINK SHE EVEN CARES ONE BIT ABOUT ME.

i feel like trash , like an idiot . how could i fall for this.

i'm not gonna contact her for a while . i know i'm talking a lot of **** about her now but she did do good things for me in the past, she still is a friend tho. biggest problem is that she still goes out my social group almost every weekend too.
but i really really can't see her face anymore anytime soon.

i'm such a tool
i can never let this happen to me again




NOTE: i am frustrated needed to pin this down don't take it too seriously

Quite a disgusting feeling isn't it? She has options, you don't. NC or get rid of her permanently, go out there, find 5 suitable candidates that are "possibly" worthy of your time and spin them. I promise you, she'll be history....

 

[Yewki]

i know i'm talking a lot of **** about her now but she did do good things for me in the past, she still is a friend tho.

She shouldn't be your friend. But because you consider her a friend, you're in the friendzone. Make sense?

Don't be "friends" with someone you want to bang. Either try to bang her, and if you fail move on. Or don't try to bang her, and be friends with her.

You're trying to do both, and so you're being used as an orbiter to boost her ego.

You said she hangs around in your social circle. Fine. Treat her not as a friend, but as that annoying friend of a friend who you don't like but must be nice to anyways. So be nice to her, but don't go out of your way to do anything for her. She's not your friend.

 

[blodyl]

After calming down I realise I have nothing to be mad about I lost something I didn't even have. And if I should be mad it would be at myself.

The reason I don't know how too talk too girl's is because I used to always be studying/working crazy hours and I got a lot of overweight. 10months ago I got allergic and had to quit my passionate job and decided to throw my world upside down . Now 9 months later and 27 kg lighter I feel better then I ever did . People finally know I exist .Now I just wanna get a hang with girl's and improve socially so I can live the live I never had and I hope to learn a lot from this community.