Young 19yr old Tinderite wants to meet. What do you think?

[Jaylan]

She sounds like an inexperienced kid and you sound overeager OP. Honestly, based on what she told you, it sounds like she's saying she wants to have fun but is unsure, because in reality girls like her will catch quick feelings and want the relationship once you guys get closer and physical. Think about it, shes 19, has only been with one guy, and it was an LTR.

The hot-cold routine is basically her trying to figure out what she wants. And I bet shes interested in hooking up...but unsure if she wants to be the kind of girl to do that outside of a relationship (just like my ex)...hence she will want a relationship if things progress. In the case of my ex and I, we were both young and dumb (19 and 22), and both wanted a relationship, despite both being hot-cold, and unsure at the beginning.

So honestly, if youre not willing to commit, leave the girl alone. And date around, because you sound a bit too invested. This is just some young chick off Tinder. A youngin like her isnt worth this much thought and discussion...and it should be smooth sailing for an experienced man. Take her off the pedestal, because it seems to me like you are too thirsty for this chick.

And let me repeat so it sinks in...if you dont want a relationship, you should move on. Because this girl will soon want one, and if youre not ok with hurting this chick, then dont do anything.

 

[pdx1138]

^^ spot on there.

this scenario of yours OP, reminds me of when I dated a 20 yr old.
I experienced a lot of hot/cold.
And got tired of it after 3 months and stopped communicating.

But it was fun for awhile.

 

[NinjaMaster]

Nicely Said!

1st Date Update with a Twist hmm...

When Monday came she texted me good morning, we had small chit chat through out the day. Tuesday came she texted me good morning again engaging in more small chit chat through out the day.

Tuesday she said lets nail down plans! I said Wednesday we agreed on so lets stick to that. She was texting me on what she should wear, I asked for choices, she gave them to me, I chose a cute outfit.

Wednesday First Date

I pulled up to her house and she was wearing the exact outfit I told her to. Her mother was also standing outside with her so she can meet me (common with younger girls) I instantly won over the mother because she was Italian for NY (same as me) and then we went off on our date.

This was by far the sweetest, most "innocent" girl I ever took on a date. She was holding my hand, thanked me a million times for paying for dinner, and we had a lot of fun going from Dinner - walking the mall - ice cream etc.

When I dropped her off home she asked for me to walk her to her door, where we ended up kissing and she said I had so much fun thank you.

As I was driving home, she texted me saying "My mom liked you, you are the sweetest guy I ever met (heart heart heart smiley face)

I just went with it, flirting etc.

This morning Thursday

I am thinking I got this one in the bag! BUT I know younger girls and my experience tells me prepare for something out of left field.

She texts me with a picture of her in a cute shirt that she bought with me last night, a shirt that she tried on and I said to buy it. I commented on how cute she looked.

THEN OUT OF LEFT FIELD

Her: "So I want to make sure we are on the same page..I am not looking for anything serious right away. I just got out of an amazing 2 yr relationship and he was my first...I just agreed with him that we needed to part ways and meet other people and have fun and experience new things...and since I met such a sweet amazing guy (meaning me) I don't want to rush into anything serious yet."

I basically agreed and said thats what I am looking for. Having fun and seeing what things turn into, that there is no rush, lets just have fun.

She said "Thank you sounds good "

We are now engaging in the usual chit chat.

Where to go from here?

I have an idea but I need some guidance. Like you said Robyn..hot one day and cold the next. Should I just continue how I have been playing it? Is there a need to change game play?

I know most young women will say whatever they say, and then a few times we get together and bang all of sudden they want a relationship...

Is she indirectly friend zoning me??? Or am I accurate with the above statement?

Opinions please!

Your statement in red is bang on.

No. She isn't "friendzoning" you. She wants to see how you react to her statements as she's trying to get a read on your emotions or possible change as chicks run on emotion to see if you are a cool, in control of yourself dude or someone that will get upset or fly off the handle at the slightest "inconvenient" thing she says or hints at. Now you can put yourself in friendzone if you start kissing her azz, she senses you are "emotional/pissed" to her tests (not that she's doing it in a bad way), or seem needy.

All you need to do is play it cool. Never let them see you sweat. Never come off needy nor emotional as in "hurt" in any way. Try to think of her not as some hot younger chick but as some dude you know.

If some dude can't make it out one time you wouldn't get upset you'd simply find something else to do and meet up another time.

You are the master of your own self. Once they sense that you are not only cool, calm and relaxed, but fun and carefree they can sense it without you ever saying it to them. The way you act, the way you respond without getting "upset" about things. The way you always seem upbeat and positive etc.

It may not happen right away to get what you want (her,sex, etc.) but if you could care less whether you get what you want or not you may get it in the future and more.

She's most likely thinking of getting to know you more and simply is trying her own way of trying to see how you respond and act to being "pushed away" rather than asking you and finding out dudes lie about it then go apesh1t later on. It's basically for her own sake as in doesn't want some dude with drama.

Keep it cool, non-chalant, upbeat, non negative emotions etc, and don't worry about the good or possible bad. I think the chick is interested as she wouldn't pull that kind of test to begin with.

 

[spiegel549]

Guys SOLID guidance. Always appreciated when you guys go into detail.

Truth is I have been gaming so much that I WOULD like a LTR. I WOULD like a young fun girl that I am exclusive with. The problem is she IS young, and pulls this behavior with the hot/cold.

Since the conversation we had this morning she has been texting me like she usually has been the past week. I take my time responding, I am keeping it upbeat, and real cool.

Funny thing is about Tinder she told me I was her FIRST match lol. She made it the same day we matched so I found that funny.



So as far as getting together again. Do I leave it a lone until next week? Keep cool with the chit chat but don't push for another meet over the weekend?

When we DO meet up again. Stick to my regular Kino, go for another Kiss etc. right? Or should I tone that back?

 

[NinjaMaster]

Guys SOLID guidance. Always appreciated when you guys go into detail.

Truth is I have been gaming so much that I WOULD like a LTR. I WOULD like a young fun girl that I am exclusive with. The problem is she IS young, and pulls this behavior with the hot/cold.

Since the conversation we had this morning she has been texting me like she usually has been the past week. I take my time responding, I am keeping it upbeat, and real cool.

Funny thing is about Tinder she told me I was her FIRST match lol. She made it the same day we matched so I found that funny.



So as far as getting together again. Do I leave it a lone until next week? Keep cool with the chit chat but don't push for another meet over the weekend?

When we DO meet up again. Stick to my regular Kino, go for another Kiss etc. right? Or should I tone that back?

Always remember these chicks have lives too. It may be a ridiculous one to us (silly chick sh1t), but that's their lives. Let them do them, and don't worry about it.

Just leave getting together alone for now if you've mentioned it already. If not mention it briefly and see how she responds to it. If she's got plans or sounds unsure just roll with it and change the subject and talk about other sht.

See how she responds to you when you meet up again. If you go someplace when holding the door for her you might "guide her in" as she passes by you through the door and put your hand lightly on the small of her back (chicks love that) and tell her she smells good. They light up with that sht even if they aren't wearing perfume. Then go for more hand touching etc. later on or during the meet.

Don't get nervous. If you feel like you want to kiss her at some point and she's close to you just do it and smile. If she pushes you away just laugh and take her hand and walk or sit and keep talking as if it was nothing.

If she brought you to meet her mom that's a good thing. Plus some tests (so long as they aren't ridiculous are just them trying to see if you aren't going to be the typical dude who blows up or gets pissed off at slight "rejections" etc.)

So far so good dude.

You were her first match. Good.

You got her number. Good.

You met up with her. Good.

You met her mom. Good.

You still talk. Good.

Don't take positives or negatives personally. Meaning you have your own life as well. You may decide in the end she isn't for you regardless.

Don't sweat or worry over what else she "could" be doing. You can't control anyone. And if you could completely control them you'd lose respect for them quick.

Just take things as they come. Anything could come up on the next possible meet.

She could tell you she's getting back with her ex. Tell her cool. Let me know if things don't work out. (Just to say that) and move on.

She could tell you she just isn't feeling you or she changed her mind. Tell her cool You weren't really feeling it either as she's a bit too young then the age you usually date.

She could tell you she wants to be your girlfriend and really likes you. Tell her let's take things slow and see how we progress so we don't jump into anything too soon. Not that we couldn't be together in the near future but let's not rush. (As in don't get hyped up like a giddy school boy if you really dig the chick. lol)

She could flake.

She could get her period and not tell you and act weird or cranky as hell and you won't know why. Anything can happen.

You have to be prepared for anything, any possible outcome as in you are you regardless of what happens and you are in control of your own life, emotions etc. and not dependant on others approval or disapproval.

Again just take anything and everything cool and in control. Don't stress it. I'm telling you chicks can sense that sht and they LIKE it.

 

[spiegel549]

Thanks for the detailed responses my bros!

I casually last night brought up going to see the new movie "Lets be Cops" with her and she responded with "I am busy tomorrow :-(" I responded with a non chalant "Cool, no worries" and then started talking about other funny stuff.

Today she sent me a video of her wearing nerdy classes trying to look all cute and crap. You KNOW she has to be sending this to more then just me. She has to be..right?

Last we texted she took hours to respond and finally wrote "at work you"

I replied an hour later with how I am getting ready for a friends birthday party I'v been planing etc. you know keeping the text convo upbeat and FUN. I also mentioned that her bday was coming up in sept and if she was excited etc.

She got back to me with "ah that sounds so much fun! Yeah I can't wait I am almost 20!!"

Since then I have not responded.

Do I want to ease back on communication this weekend? I figure if I start pulling back a bit, she HAS to want to hang out again after the weekend. What do you guys think?


How to play the rest of the weekend with communicating with her?

 

[Masculinity]

My responses in the quoted text are in bold

Nicely Said!

1st Date Update with a Twist hmm...

When Monday came she texted me good morning, we had small chit chat through out the day. Tuesday came she texted me good morning again engaging in more small chit chat through out the day.

A woman initiating contact is a massive sign of interest. In essence, they are communicating they can't get enough of you and want to get more.

Tuesday she said lets nail down plans! I said Wednesday we agreed on so lets stick to that. She was texting me on what she should wear, I asked for choices, she gave them to me, I chose a cute outfit.

This initiative of hers--again--is a consistently good sign. Don't let her words tell you otherwise. A woman who wants you will make things easy for you; this girl is obviously very interested in you. The problem is, most guys become AFCs when they start seeing interest from the girl under the belief that the "game is over." Do not make that mistake. The game is rarely over, even when you're in an LTR or married.

Wednesday First Date

I pulled up to her house and she was wearing the exact outfit I told her to.

This is often then case in the following cases:

-The HB--for any reason--has not been out in too many dates (which is good) and does not know what to wear to go out with you

-She likes you and does not want her clothing preferences during the first meeting--which is arguably one of the most important, given the first impressions that are formed--to come between you and her.

Her mother was also standing outside with her so she can meet me (common with younger girls) I instantly won over the mother because she was Italian for NY (same as me) and then we went off on our date.

This is gold. I am digressing from the point here a bit. However, when I was 18 and showed up to pick up my date, I managed to convince mom to let her 17-year-old daughter to ride a motorcycle with me. You genuinely have to win her over with patience and social skills (i.e., asking questions, continuing the conversation, being upbeat). Needless to say, the HB will instantly develop trust for you because of the connection (assuming a healthy relationship) that she has with the mother.

This was by far the sweetest, most "innocent" girl I ever took on a date. She was holding my hand, thanked me a million times for paying for dinner, and we had a lot of fun going from Dinner - walking the mall - ice cream etc.

This is the way dates should be. In fact, this concept is probably--I'm speculating here--how dates used to be in the past before feminist propaganda, social media, and the mass idolization of women. I would have no problem paying 100% of the first date if women behaved more consistently with the above example.

When I dropped her off home she asked for me to walk her to her door

Another clear sign of interest

where we ended up kissing and she said I had so much fun thank you.

Interest (I'm beginning to repeat myself here

As I was driving home, she texted me saying "My mom liked you, you are the sweetest guy I ever met (heart heart heart smiley face)

You're being put into the "best" category after the first date--great

I just went with it, flirting etc.

This morning Thursday

I am thinking I got this one in the bag! BUT I know younger girls and my experience tells me prepare for something out of left field.

She texts me with a picture of her in a cute shirt that she bought with me last night, a shirt that she tried on and I said to buy it. I commented on how cute she looked.

THEN OUT OF LEFT FIELD

Her: "So I want to make sure we are on the same page..I am not looking for anything serious right away. I just got out of an amazing 2 yr relationship and he was my first...I just agreed with him that we needed to part ways and meet other people and have fun and experience new things...and since I met such a sweet amazing guy (meaning me) I don't want to rush into anything serious yet."

The whole "I just agreed with him that...xyz" sounds like she may have been dumped. As a result, she's trying--keyword, TRYING--to make it a slower game because she's really into you, but doesn't want to get played. It's obviously a sh!t test that you should ignore. I had a very similar thing happen to me recently here:

1) http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=217221

2) http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=217471

I basically agreed and said thats what I am looking for. Having fun and seeing what things turn into, that there is no rush, lets just have fun.

She said "Thank you sounds good "

We are now engaging in the usual chit chat.

Where to go from here?

I have an idea but I need some guidance. Like you said Robyn..hot one day and cold the next. Should I just continue how I have been playing it? Is there a need to change game play?

I know most young women will say whatever they say, and then a few times we get together and bang all of sudden they want a relationship...

Is she indirectly friend zoning me??? Or am I accurate with the above statement?

Opinions please!

My responses in the quoted text above are in bold


I highly doubt that your'e being friend-zoned in any form. She wants you badly, and wants to test your leadership, emotional stability, and challenge your manhood. This behavior is very typical of women (see the links above for more detailed information). It sounds like she's at a place of indecisiveness, where she's not ready to let go of her ex just yet. However, she's also interested in you, which is also a sensation that is becoming more salient in her mind.

I would tell her to come hangout with you--notice I said TELL her. You probably already know this, but please do not say "So, there's this thing Friday night. Do you wanna come?" I would CALL her, remind her of the good time you had the other day with an anecdote of your date, cut the call short (because you're a busy man) and suddenly say "Anyway, I'm going to [xyz] on [date and time], come with me; it'll be a lot of fun! And you may even get another kiss if you play your cards right (in a playful tone)"

I think there's a lot of potential here. However, as others have said, it sounds like you're rushing to LTR mode too quickly--stop. Kick back and let her handle the emotional side of the link. Having been in your shoes, I have been infatuated with women and suddenly developed urges to communicate my "feelings" to them. You're not alone in this one. Keep these thoughts at bay, though, as they WILL become counterproductive. Now, if in a few months you decide that you like her, THEN...you STILL wait for her to come to your first (haha, got cha!). When she comes out to you and suggests an LTR--which will be very subtle, btw--you need to set the rules of the relationship (assuming that you want one). That's all I got for now. PM me if you have questions.

 

[NinjaMaster]

Thanks for the detailed responses my bros!

I casually last night brought up going to see the new movie "Lets be Cops" with her and she responded with "I am busy tomorrow :-(" I responded with a non chalant "Cool, no worries" and then started talking about other funny stuff.

Today she sent me a video of her wearing nerdy classes trying to look all cute and crap. You KNOW she has to be sending this to more then just me. She has to be..right?

Last we texted she took hours to respond and finally wrote "at work you"

I replied an hour later with how I am getting ready for a friends birthday party I'v been planing etc. you know keeping the text convo upbeat and FUN. I also mentioned that her bday was coming up in sept and if she was excited etc.

She got back to me with "ah that sounds so much fun! Yeah I can't wait I am almost 20!!"

Since then I have not responded.

Do I want to ease back on communication this weekend? I figure if I start pulling back a bit, she HAS to want to hang out again after the weekend. What do you guys think?


How to play the rest of the weekend with communicating with her?

You simply have to be ready for anything.

And I mean the worst or the best possible outcomes and not be effected at all. Not emotionally "destroyed" if things don't work out, and not a giddy idiot if things do work out.

Now most would think if some chick falls head over heels for them, gives them sex like crazy etc. they are "the man" and get their heads all gassed up and think they're "the man". The real man wouldn't go crazy over that. He'd still be the same calm cool collected fun dude regardless. Not some "Act" of being it but like a dude who's been used to that feeling for LIFE. Like a billionaire who may make millions more but isn't running around in the streets "bragging" or doing cartwheels over it. It's natural to them. As in same old same old.

You don't ever want to do an "act" not matter what or follow some script. You want to be at a place in your life where if a chick is into you or not it doesn't matter and you aren't faking it. You are still happy regardless. Still confident regardless. Still trying to be the best person you can be for yourself. Not needing someone to "complete" you. Not telling or acting like you "don't need anyone". Just a cool normal dude with things going for him regardless of anyone's "approval".

It's hard to explain in words but it's like you are just doing you and if they like you? Cool. If not? That's cool too. You must realize, internalize and accept not everyone is going to like everyone no matter what you or I or anyone do. If everyone did? Life would be boring. If every chick instantly liked you and did whatever you wanted? You'd be bored with them as it would be too easy and almost fake which would lead to any dude losing any respect for chicks QUICK.

If this chick doesn't work out or ALL advice fails? Fine. You should still be the same person regardless of outcome. The more you become almost "zen" like and just a cool dude constantly improving yourself and enjoying life the more people WILL gravitate towards you. True story.

 

[spiegel549]

**Update on this 20yr old**

I can completely see why you need to NEVER be outcome dependent. Women from my experience are so unpredictable. Especially the young ones.

Through out the weekend I kept the contacting to a minimum. How she started off when we first met she would text me, send me photos & videos, say she couldn't wait to see me.

Now since that convo about "what do I want" she has been responding less, and less, and less.

I finally sent her a text to try a last move basically saying "I think you took our convo of what I want the wrong way." Kept it short and sweet but just said I wanted to have fun and wasn't looking for anything serious right away, getting to know each other is the best part and we should just have fun and enjoy each others company. In so many words.

When she asked me what I wanted I should of kept it short and sweet. "Lets just have fun and see what happens" but no. I sent some long ridiculous text thinking she would want to hear that when really...I should of went with my gut and experience and sent that 1 sentence response.

Lets see what happens. At this point a smash would be nice but lets see how it plays it!