The notion of 'escalating' TO kino is often based on the behavior of non kino friendly guys.
That is, the guys who dont touch women, or dont know how, or still feel uncomfortable and thnik its inappropriate have a difficulty here.
So the idea is to get rid of the notion that you are a non kino guy.
Be the kino guy from the start.
Its part of who you are and the way you relate to women. If you view your kino as being 'dirty' perhaps you may need to reexamine the way you touch women. Perhaps it IS a little too much, maybe too awkward, or too sexual, or too creepy. So you must learn how to calibrate. At what stage of the interaction are you in? Just HOW attracted is she? Is she attracted AND interested in you??
These are things you must be able to pick up.
Being socially aware, and socially well adjusted helps in interactions with women. And women DO pay very close attention to how you interact socially.
The more ineptitude, the more you turn her off.
Same with being awkward, embarassed, maladjusted, etc...
She wants you to be socially aware and capable.
She wants you to be able to READ Social CUES. Thus, she feels like you can PAY ATTENTION to her 'signals'. This is crucial.
And this is part of the learning, the lessons that men must go through.
And sometimes it can be awkward. But we ALL have to go through it.
But we must go through it with courage, and self assuredness. And especially non neediness, and not expecting anything other than courtesy, respect, and politeness. That way , we dont have to put so much pressure on her to GIVE us what we need. She decides to give you (which we must learn to respect) what SHE wants. And if its not what you want, you move on.
You must have the strength to move on too though.
But what you MUST do is get rid of the notion that touching a woman is weird or awkward, or inappropriate in general.
Because it is not.
Most women who really are attracted to you WANT you to touch them.
Banter is just a manner of playing with her with witty responses.
But you need to be relaxed enough to let it flow. It is hard to force Humor.
When you are monitoring your thoughts too much, and thinking what to say next you are feeling that WHO YOU ARE is INADEQUATE.
You are too in your head to just feel the fun of being together. You are looking to impress and Qualify yourself to her, while not just enjoying being with her. Just WHY are you with her? Just WHY did you want to take her out? or meet with her?
Why, to impress her? To get her to 'like you'??
This is important to realize.
Why else would you be thinking about the 'Perfect' thing to say?
Why MUST it be 'perfect'?
Shouldnt SHE be saying something perfect too?
Shouldnt SHE be participating ACTIVELY, making it worth your effort and resources to be with her?
Why wouldnt you think YOU are WORTH that much? Why are we assuming that she will just sit there and watch us while we do 'all the work'??
Why are we assuming automatically that WE must 'entertain' HER?
Why are we assuming that she is in a position to JUDGE us? So we better shape up. Right?
Why arent you good enough just as you are?
I say fvck perfection.
Even the woman who loves you to death and will do anything for you must have the intelligence to understand you are not perfect. Nor can you nor should you be expected to BE or say or Do Perfection.
What you DO need to to do is to BE YOUR BEST SELF to HER.
Be you best genuine, honest , unapologetic, confident self.
THAT is what SHE WANTS AND NEEDS from You.
And....
.....you MUST put into proper perspective HOW you will interact with a woman who is at this point an unknown entity versus your confirmed exclusive LTR partner.
There is a difference.
And women can sense this too.
Healthy women, with self respect and dignity, and high self esteem will NOT splurge their resources on some dude who hasnt been somewhat consistent in his character and decisions, and has shown her that he can provide her needs physically,emotionally, and mentally.
Again, I am talking about women who are intelligent, self respecting, high self esteem women who want healthy, well balanced relationships.
(I havent included FB situations or ONS/SNL situations for the moment)
I think its important to begin to separate the hypotheses of a lot of the PUA literature out there, and look at our Values and real world experience.
And I also think its shrewd to be protective of our resources, and know how to manage them well. And feel that we deserve healthy , loving relatonships that satisfy our needs. And if they dont, we walk. Always.
So this why the whole flowers, cards, gifts, candies, etc thng KILLS attraction. Because it is going over board at the WRONG STAGE of the relationship.
Bottom line, she isnt your partner, and she knows it.
So when we begin to place TOO much Importance on a woman, who is still basically a stranger at best, we are doing something wrong. We are performing actions, which are poorly calibrated and mismanaged.
This is crucial to our growth and success with women and dating.
So what does that mean?
It means that we are acting too needy and not seeing 'her' for what she truly is. This will put her off, and she will feel something off even if she cant relate it to you.
Finally, we MUST be more satisfied in our lives, fulfilled and filled with PASSION so that we can approach these situations with Accurate Thinking and proper Perception.
That means, she's just some chick you know. She is not 'special'. You havent had sex with her. She hasnt gone out of her way to show you just how attracted and interested she is in you.
She is not 'different'. She is not 'better'.
She is just some chick you know.
You cannot lose your vision and focus, and clarity on YOUR Life for some random woman. Your life must simply be as fulfilling as possible, so that you let go of neediness and valdiation seeking, and can just enjoy being with her. Nothing more, nothing less.
See it for what it REALLY is...
She says as long as she's feeling fine, she's good to go. We will be in touch tomorrow.