WTF Is This?

[rocket]

I've been dating a girl for a couple of months now, over the weekend some **** got ****ed up...she pushed my buttons and for the first time I lost control of the relationship. Ended up arguing for like 3 hours. The next day I tell her I need a little space. That was Sunday. Today she called and we talked on the phone, I think everything is alright and I invite her out to hear my buddy play tonight. I put her on the list and in IM tell her that I may need her to give me a ride home.

I go to the bar and she doesn't show, I finally leave b/c I have work in the morning. This chic told me we can work it out...but I know she wants to see if I loose my cool again. I call her on my way out she picks up and I say "blah, blah...work...hate I missed you". She is on her way and so I ask "do you want to hang out a minute before I bounce"...she says "not really". At this moment I don't know if it's a test to see if I'm like a lap dog and come back...but by her tone I don't think she was playing. I say "cool, see you soon" and keep walking to the train.

My buddy is at the bar and he calls saying she came up to him asking where I was, tells him about the phone conversation and tells him she was only playing that she expected to see me there. He also adds that she walked up with a guy, but as soon as they got in the bar they split ways and made it look like they weren't together. Right now I'm a little po'd, but I will not email her and show out on her...not going to contact her at all I don't think. Was this a huge **** test tonight or what? So confused. My buddy swears that she is obsessed with me and stood there talking about me to him for minutes.

Did I handle this right by not going back and acting like a waiting dog?

 

[KontrollerX]

What did she do to push your buttons?

 

[619joe]

well shes gonna obviously seem obsessed when shes trying to win you over in a way by smoothing it out with your buddy.Its natural instinct that she knew she had ****ed it up and wanted to sort of re-deem herself and the easiest way was through YOUR friend

 

[kebman]

Why do you hang out with her?
What do you want with her?

You don't have to answer these first two questions to others than yourself. But why do you listen to what she says? That's why you loose your cool. If she's reviewing you for a long term relationship - possibly raising your kids and/or getting married, she need to know a few things about you - including what ticks you off - if she's going to want to live with you (i.e. be stuck with you) for a long period of time.

What kind of dating are you doing anyway? Are you having sex? Have you had any at all? Or are you just getting on each others nerves? This is important, and if you don't tell us, we're probably not going to know what advice to give.

For many girls, dating is more of a screening process. If you get in that long term haul, and go beyond the first few dates without having sex, chances are she'll let you wait a long time indeed before going to bed with you. Meanwhile the man gets more and more frustrated (or he may be totally beyond help and actually think that he's in love). Been there done that. No more. I don't date. Still I like to hang out with women and have sex. If I do date, I have sex on one of the first three dates - and if I can't, then I LBJF her.

I'll tell you one thing straight. If she's truly getting on your nerves, then dump her. You're much better off with a girl who you're going to have a good time with from the get-go. Having to "work on" things in a relationsip is IMHO reserved for those where you have to stay together to raise children. Otherwise, you can just break up and find someone better - ideally both a good friend and a lover at the same time. Now that would be wife material!

When it comes to "anger management" - why would you want to manage such a thing in the first place? Make it your way, or the highway. Me, I want to spend my time having a good time together. If my girl won't let me have a good time with her - then what use is she? There are so many other great women out there I can spend my time with.

 

[rocket]

well we started aruging b/c once again after we had really intense and great sex she started freaking out and talking about random things like taking it slower, etc., etc. i turned off, we got into an argument, i was calm...but then threw a pillow and then went to a bad spot. we are both a little nuts, but we didn't see that in each other until that night. we go down stairs make right, argue more, i leave the conversation b/c she is saying some nasty ****.

so now we are in "space" and i do believe i have lost her interest. every other aspect of my life is going up and up, very positive and creative career, etc. this one thing i really ****ed up on and it wasn't a good representaiton of everything else. so we've talked and i thought everything was cool yesterday...guess not.

she called last night aroudn 2:30 and said "i have to confess, i came to the bar with my ex...i work with him and we did not hang out. i promise you that he and i aren't doing anything and that i am not interested in him. i am hoping that down the road the two of you can be civle with one another since we work together. i mean he is nothing to me and i know that you and i are doing our own thing right now". i replied that it was ok, i understand you guys work together, blah, blah...never let her know i was pissed about it...b/c i really wasn't. i realise now this girl has lost interest and whatever, i screwed up...but at the same time i know that i'm great and i know my life is great. she should be so lucky as to be invited into my life right now. anyway...so a few texts later she sends one "we will see each other again soon...when the time is right". we haven't seen each other in a week.

i have no idea here, my only instinct is to pull up all forms of communication, go back to work and just get over it. and yes we do have sex...VERY, VERY INTENSE SEX. she says i am the only person to give her 1 minute O's. i mean it's the best sex i've ever had.

i want to say this girl thinks we have a bond b/c we both know each other's bad sides as well...who knows. is there anyway to get interest back? we have spent a ton of time together and are quite close.

 

[rocket]

and oh i like hanging with her b/c i feel mentally, physically and spiritually happy when things are firing correctly.

what do i want with her? i just want her to be cool and let things ride.

 

[3countriesPlan]

what a pile of crap.. this girl is lame.. intense sex is nothing dude you can go get some intense sex from another girl who doesnt push buttons and work with an ex. Who needs that? Besides you already banged her... chalk it up then go find another girl. Imagine a girl who is better than her. There are many out there. Why not go get one!?

 

[DonJuan11]

I've been dating a girl for a couple of months now, over the weekend some **** got ****ed up...she pushed my buttons and for the first time I lost control of the relationship.

Why is this girl, who is apparently letting you inside her and letting you see her without her clothes on, pushing your buttons? That doesn't sound like love to me, that sounds like who wants out of a relationship. I wouldn't push the buttons of a person I loved and cared for deeply. I would push the buttons of a person I didn't like.

Ended up arguing for like 3 hours. The next day I tell her I need a little space. That was Sunday.

Why are you telling her you need space? Are you the girl or the guy in the relationship? If you want space, don't answer her phone calls right away.

Today she called and we talked on the phone, I think everything is alright and I invite her out to hear my buddy play tonight.

Too soon to invite her out. Should have made her wonder where she stands with you, make her think you've slept with 5 women in the mean time, make her think you're playing hockey, make her think you're dancing salsa, making her think you're studying for a medical exam. Iniviting her out that fast is like saying "I have no other options than to be with you"

I put her on the list and in IM tell her that I may need her to give me a ride home.

I go to the bar and she doesn't show, I finally leave b/c I have work in the morning. This chic told me we can work it out...but I know she wants to see if I loose my cool again.

The girl wants to work it out with you but wants to see you lose your cool?
That makes no sense.

My buddy swears that she is obsessed with me and stood there talking about me to him for minutes.

Actions matter my friend. ACTIONS. Who cares what she said to your buddy? How do you know your buddy is telling you the truth? I'd rather she say she hates you but is with you all the time.

"We got plenty of money in Washington. What we need is more priority." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., June 2, 2008