Would you guys give this girl one more chance?

Syrio

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Often on this forum I see people advocate the 2 strikes rule: If a girl flakes the first time you invite her out, give her one more chance and if she flakes again it's over. I'm in a situation like this right now and I wanted to get you guys' opinion.

A bit of background info: I work for the same company as this girl. I know this is generally advised against but we don't work together and I don't really have to ever see or interact with her if I don't want to.

I invited this girl out a week ish ago and she said yes. When I texted her some logistic info on the day we planned to meet up she confirmed but then called me and told me she couldn't make it about 10 minutes before we were supposed to meet. She said that she got a call from her dad or something and had completely forgotten that she was supposed to be at her parents house to see some family friends. This instance wasn't too bothersome to me because I got the impression that this was a legitimate mistake.

The second time I invited her out was this weekend. I stopped by her office and talked to her for a bit on Friday afternoon, which went well, and I invited her to go out Saturday night and she said yes. Then on Saturday when I texted her when to meet up she texted me back saying that she couldn't go but gave no reason. I was pretty annoyed to be honest and I just didn't respond.

Anyway, today when she arrives at work the first thing she does is come to my office and apologize for flaking. She explained why she couldn't come but to be honest, it was really early and I was very far from 100% mentally and somehow didn't grasp any of it. It was actually really weird, I only remember bits and pieces of the conversation, but I do remember her apologizing twice and then inviting me to lunch at the end. I don't know if that really means much though because we get lunch pretty often.

To be honest I really didn't want to have lunch with her. I invited a few other people to come with and I think I was unintentionally kind of cold towards her. She clearly made some attempts to joke around with me but I was just still annoyed and not in the greatest mood even though she apologized. I wasn't like being passive aggressive or anything but I probably came off as a bit less outgoing/friendly than usual.

As I'm writing this all out it seems like I shouldn't be as annoyed as I am but for some reason it's just bothering me a lot. I think it's the fact that she didn't give a reason, which implies to me that she found something that she decided would be better to do. It would be nice if I could remember the reason she gave me this morning -_-
 

mangotot

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Why don't you just go out with someone you don't work with?
 

TheCWord

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Not every day you see a guy ask and answer his own question in the first sentence of his post.

Oh, and...

Syrio said:
confirmed but then called me and told me she couldn't make it about 10 minutes before we were supposed to meet.
TEN MINUTES?!?!? And you asked her out again??? Do you have no self-respect? I would have definitely shut down all advances and if she asked me out, sure, but this girl was not getting invited out by me after doing something so blatantly disrespectful.

Ten minutes!

And by asking her out again, you let her know that was acceptable behavior.

TEN. MINUTES.
 

mangotot

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TheCWord said:
Not every day you see a guy ask and answer his own question in the first sentence of his post.

Oh, and...



TEN MINUTES?!?!? And you asked her out again??? Do you have no self-respect? I would have definitely shut down all advances and if she asked me out, sure, but this girl was not getting invited out by me after doing something so blatantly disrespectful.

Ten minutes!

And by asking her out again, you let her know that was acceptable behavior.

TEN. MINUTES.
Maybe she only lives next door and he didn't have to travel too far to meet her.
 

Syrio

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She was coming to meet me at my place and she lives about 10 minutes away.

TheCWord, do you find this blatantly disrespectful because you don't believe the excuse or because you think that it is disrespectful for her to choose to see her family friends instead of me?
 

Rainman4707

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She is not interested. NEEXXXTT.

I had a date with HB7.5 in May 7 I thought it went well so next day texted her informing her I was passing hers on way home from work maybe I could pop in for cup of tea (I wanted to go for fu*k) & stimulating conversation. She said that would be nice, but she was going out with girls.

She seemed a little distant & colder. She was still bubbly, but like I said I couldn't shake off the feeling that she had lost a little interest (maybe another guy entered the scenario) I arranged to meet her again around a week later. We were texting on meet day & she was saying she was in hospital for an appointment (she wasn't sure what time she would be out of hospital) we still had a time arranged for meet though.
Anyway she texted me later couple of hours before meet saying she wasn't feeling in a good mood & wouldn't be much company...she said we could meet Sunday instead. I thought fair enough im not very happy she cancelled, but at least she has counteroffered. I texted her two days later (date day) saying "you still up for tonight" she didn't reply

She wasn't interested. She taught me a lesson. Now I'm not so naïve I think i'm now more aware of a girls interest.
 

GS750

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Two flakes, and an apology...and a lunch offer. Plus you work with her. Don't ask this chick out again. Don't show her anymore interest. I wouldn't be rude to her when you see her, but I'd next her. And a chick at work is never worth it if you value your employment.
 
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jimmy18

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Yeah ask her out one more time, if you want a workplace sexual harassment case brought against you.
 

VladPatton

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Don't bother, nam, it's done for. Act cool, never seem hurt or bitter by it, and let her ask YOU out now. Chances are she won't, so just see her at work and minimize the lunches as well before she turns you into a tampon.
 

nismo-4

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Hell no. She ain't interested. Move on, she already did. Why do you think she flaked on you twice? Do you think she'd do this to you if you were Brad Pitt?

Women who are interested will make time for you. women who aren't will find all kinds of excuses not to see you. Why the f**k are you going after this uninterested chick? You can do better.

Case closed. Sigh, get out of my court.
 

pyros

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she seems not interested. Yes, two strikes rule with a week or ten days in between strikes is good.

Now, what you can do is...nothing, and, if after a month or so you do not feel emotionally invested in her, and you're bored, maybe you could shoot her a text asking her out for some day that week, but JUST IF IT DOESNT BOTHER YOU if she accepts or declines, and AFTER ONE MONTH OR SO, not before.

Btw, if you do this, ask her out the right way:
you (after a month, ie, by the middle of November): "hey XX, how is it going?"
her (if she replies with excitement you continue, if she doesnt, you do not ask her out): "hey! Img good, blha blah blah !!! what are you up to??"
more blah blah
you: "I' d like to have a coffee with you, when are you free this week to hang out?"
her (she gives you a specific day, or days. No maybe excuses, or Im busy): "Saturday evening works for me"
you: "alright, I'll pick you up Saturday at 18:00 and we'll go to grab a coffee"
her: "ok"
you: "alright, see you on Saturday at 18h"

See that she agreed with everything you suggested and made it easy. If she starts giving you lame excuses like: maybe next week, maybe on Sunday I'll let you know, Im busy, I dont know etc, you just forget about her forever.

In any case, she seems pretty disinterested, but hey, try it within a month.
 

Desdinova

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It's simple... Her IL isn't high enough to commit to a date with you. You need to give her more reasons for committing to a date. Flirting with her, being fun around her, teasing her, and using kino will all get her more interested.

With women I don't see on a regular basis, I start talking about foreplay through text messaging. I won't actually bring her into the story, but I'll get into very vivid detail on what I enjoy doing to women. It gets her imagination going and her juices flowing. A date is usually guaranteed afterwards.
 

The Duke

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She's a waste of time. Yeah you could do all the right stuff to artificially spike her IL, and might even end up having sechs with her at one point. But it will be a bunch of games and hoops you are expected to jump thru the whole way thru. Your time would be better spent elsewhere.

But the best way to truly understand what I just posted is to experience it!
 

jay07

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how to react to your boy always hitting on your girl

***
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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My God man, you are still annoyed because your gut tells you that something wasn't right. And like CWord said, 10 minutes? I would have just let her go immediately, even if it was a real excuse. She didn't counter offer either so that right there tells you she doesn't care as much. But you gave her a second chance. She didn't counter offer (again) nor did she give any excuse as to why she flaked. That invite out to lunch? You get lunch often like you said. That was a half-assed pity act onto you man. She doesn't respect you. And you don't respect yourself.

Come on man, this is really just the simple stuff that you can find in the DJ Bible easily. Just pull the same move on her and don't talk to her ever again unless she initiates first. And even then, keep it work related no matter what. That ought to teach her a thing or two.
 

Syrio

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I appreciate all the responses. It definitely seems like everyone is mostly in agreement. I'll just continue going about work and not interacting with her. That's pretty much what I did today. The guy who sits next to her actually sent me a message inviting me to have lunch with them, which I declined. I'm almost positive she asked him to do it also. I'll post if anything interesting ever happens.

ImTheDoubleGreatest, almost everything you said was true. The only part that is definitely false is that I don't respect myself, and I'm not sure about the issue of her respecting me. It was definitely disrespectful for her to cancel the second time, but like I said, literally the first thing she did on Monday when she came in to work was come to my office to apologize and explain why she flaked, which is pretty respectful - especially given that she did it in person and not over text or something. If she didn't respect me, I don't think she would have bothered to do that.
 

hudpes

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ImTheDoubleGreatest! said:
keep it work related no matter what. That ought to teach her a thing or two.
It may teach her something or it may not, it's not up to him. He shouldn't get any satisfaction from her being sorry. She's plain and simple - off the map. A mirage that was there just a moment ago. Now she's not there anymore and she's not coming back.
 

Syrio

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I posted this thread like almost a month ago and I have hardly spoken to the girl this was about since then, which was a relatively sudden drop in communication between us. I had lunch with her today though (which was the first time I spoke to her in several weeks) and she mentioned that she wants to do something this weekend. The phrasing was a bit strange and fleeting though - it went something like this (paraphrased):

hb: "We should do something. I'm going to a party Saturday but (pause) what are you doing this weekend?"
me: "I'm not sure yet"
hb: "Okay yeah well we should (pause) " *I don't remember exactly how this went but she ended up changing the subject before we made any plans. She sounded kind of awkward the whole time. I think it might be because she feels bad about having ditched me the previous times that I invited her out but I'm not sure.

But anyway, I don't know if I'll see her tomorrow or not but if I do, I figure the best thing would be to not say anything and let her bring it up again if she really wants to do something. Do you guys agree? Any thoughts?
 

pyros

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Syrio said:
I posted this thread like almost a month ago and I have hardly spoken to the girl this was about since then, which was a relatively sudden drop in communication between us. I had lunch with her today though (which was the first time I spoke to her in several weeks) and she mentioned that she wants to do something this weekend. The phrasing was a bit strange and fleeting though - it went something like this (paraphrased):

hb: "We should do something. I'm going to a party Saturday but (pause) what are you doing this weekend?"
me: "I'm not sure yet"
hb: "Okay yeah well we should (pause) " *I don't remember exactly how this went but she ended up changing the subject before we made any plans. She sounded kind of awkward the whole time. I think it might be because she feels bad about having ditched me the previous times that I invited her out but I'm not sure.

But anyway, I don't know if I'll see her tomorrow or not but if I do, I figure the best thing would be to not say anything and let her bring it up again if she really wants to do something. Do you guys agree? Any thoughts?
you're a slow thinker, arent you? when she said hb: "We should do something. I'm going to a party Saturday but (pause) what are you doing this weekend?"

you should have replied, for example what you said, but also add: "are you asking me out?" or something to clarify her intention. Then she would have replied something like:
"her: no, I mean just like friends"
or
"her: well, kind of lol"
or
"her: no way. wtf??!!! you assh-ole!" lol

Now you have no idea. I would not ask her out again, cause really, she flaked twice man. If she has some interest, she will 'ask you out' again in a covert way so be ready. I would not keep any hopes after two flakes, though.
 

Soolaimon

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Giving a flake a second strike is giving her another chance to flake.

Why are you going out to lunch with her?

That is a great way to stay just as a friend with low IL.

Men who plan on sleeping with women don't take them out for sandwiches and tea.

They take them out for drinks at night then back to their place for sex.

See the difference?

If she was really interested there would be no uncertainty with her. She would know she wanted to go out with you. She would ask you.

Since you work with her I wouldn't even take this to the next level. If something goes wrong your job could be at risk. No woman is worth that problem.

I wouldn't even bring it up to her. If she is that interested let her be the one to tell you.

She had her chance and flaked.

Take women out who are truly interested and not unsure like she is.
 
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