would you allow your gf to go on a trip?

[johnfjr]

So I have been going out with my gf for about 9 months now, and our relationship is very good. She shows high signs of interest, we have good sex, and we have a very loving relationship. In fact, I would say (she would say actuallly) that she's crazy about me. But...she's beeing going on a trip to Europe since she was very young, to her paren'ts home country. She says she's had some of the best times of her life there and now she's planning on going this summer for two whole months to vacation there. She mentions it decently frequently these past weeks and she talks about how shes getting a job soon to pay for expenses there.


My question: should I allow her to go to a foreign country alone to party and have a good time for 2 months with family and friends or is this a big RED FLAG? I am not insecure, but many men would agree that this is a pretty big deal. Two months is a good fraction of the time we've been together. Should I tell her that I think it's a bad idea for her to go there for our relationship, and that I would feel disrespected that she would insist on being alone. I'm considering giving her an ultimatum and telling her that if she does indeed choose to go knowing that I'm not happy about it, that I would consider leaving her because of the disrespect. Is this a bad idea? Do I have grounds to be disappointed or should I just let her go and do her annual thing?

I don't know about you, but if I truly loved someone, I would not want to go on a trip alone for 2 months without them. I would want them by my side. I'd also liek to clarify that she did kinda allude to me going, but that would be impossible, as I explained to her. So what should I do guys?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Question for you: Why would she want to leave you? Aren't you doing what's necessary to keep her interested?

 

[johnfjr]

Well, according to THE SYSTEM (by doc love), she shows ALL signs of high interest. Not to mention I used all techniques from this site to attract her. I certainly did my part.

for some reason I think this trip thing is a huge **** test. I have a feeling she wants me to say "NO, dont go on this trip! I love you stay here!" and be an AFC, and she keeps feeding me info on the trip to get me to say this. If that's the case, then I have no clue what I should do. She can't stand to be 2 days without me, so I can't even imagine what would happen if we were away for 2 months.

One thing is: she asked me "you dont mind that I'm going right?", and I told her that I thought 2 months was kind of excessive, but if she wants to go on a trip I can't stop her. She kept inquiring "why, do you think you'll fall out of love with me?" and she started to get all worried and ****. I need some help here.

 

[Skweints]

Why not let her go? You afraid of losing her? Oh well, meet some new chicks while she's gone. You don't have to sleep with them, you don't have to kiss them. But it'll keep your emotions at ease. Then if you find out she cheated on you, you've got a back up plan!

So, if I was in your shoes, I would say "Hell yeah! Enjoy yourself! Take somes pictures for me, too! But if you come back with something you didn't have before, you're on your own, little lady."

 

[PeeGee]

You said it yourself -- she's been going there ever since she was young. This isn't a 'oh I'm just happening to go camping with two guys' thing (a doc love reference), it's something that happens annually.

I have one of these rituals and if a girl made a big deal out of it, I would dump her on the spot. It's just a vacation.

 

[dirtymexican]

johnfjr:
You need to grow some freaking balls dude.... You are behaving like an AFC biotch... If she wants to go then let her go... Besides you don't own her... She has every right to make her own decisions... You behaving like a little possessive Biotch is reinforcing her attitude to go.... She is going with her family..!

Food for thoughts:
If she is leaving for two months and didn't ask you to go, or didn't hesitate about going, then she is bored and not satisfied with you possessive AFC @SS. Face it, If she loved you, she would stay.. Plain and simple. She should have the same insecurity feeling you have towards her for leaving for that long period of time...

She is playing power games with you... A test... and you failed miserably. Your AFC attitude got the best of you...
What you should have told her, is that you will help her pack and drop her off the airport! She will wonder "WTF"? I thought you loved me sh!t...!

If she does leave or as soon as she leaves, you need find a backup plan just incase...
You dig..?

You dig..?

 

[johnfjr]

Originally posted by dirtymexican
johnfjr:
You need to grow some freaking balls dude.... You are behaving like an AFC biotch... If she wants to go then let her go... Besides you don't own her... She has every right to make her own decisions... You behaving like a little possessive Biotch is reinforcing her attitude to go.... She is going with her family..!

Food for thoughts:
If she is leaving for two months and didn't ask you to go, or didn't hesitate about going, then she is bored and not satisfied with you possessive AFC @SS. Face it, If she loved you, she would stay.. Plain and simple. She should have the same insecurity feeling you have towards her for leaving for that long period of time...

She is playing power games with you... A test... and you failed miserably. Your AFC attitude got the best of you...
What you should have told her, is that you will help her pack and drop her off the airport! She will wonder "WTF"? I thought you loved me sh!t...!

If she does leave or as soon as she leaves, you need find a backup plan just incase...
You dig..?

You dig..?

um, okay? You missed the fact that she shows high signs of interest at all times: including constantly touching me, holding on to me at all times, kissing, having sex all the time, telling me she loves me 5 times a day without me saying it at all...

You could be right that this was all bull**** and she doesn't love me at all and that all of her physical and neediness towards me is complete mind game ****...but I would have to disagree with you there. I'm comfortable with my relationship...I'm just not comfortable with my girl going on a trip ALONE for two months. My problem is not that I am an AFC, it's one of me realizing that that is a bad idea. If she does it were through. I banged her already, what do I care. If she doesn't have enough respect for me to stay, theres no point in us being together. She can choose between the two month vacation or me.

 

[Kaine]

Are you jealous? Insecure? Possessive?

No (don't lie to yourself)? Well giving an ultimatum in this situation screams it, if not to yourself certainly to everyone here.
Get it?

She's all over you, and now because she wants a bit of space to persue her own adventures. You're feeling a bit twitchy.
Frankly sir she doesn't need your permission to go on a holiday.

If you don't like to have a long distance relationship then break it off (trust issues, whatever). Tell her you want a break and see other people and see how it goes when you get back. I don't think anyone here can see you been disrespected. Considering it sounds like a prexisting family/friends affair.

Kaine

 

[alphawolfx]

let me tell you something...

i had a once in a lifetime event that i missed because of my ex... it required me going away for three months, and we'd only been together 8 months

she was like "if you loved me you wouldn't go" and was crying - not as a s.hit test, but she REALLY felt bad about it

guess what... i stayed... and the resentment i had for her ate away at the relationship, and we had three rocky years before i called it quits, because i resented her too much

she had this planned before you
yeah it's possible she may cheat
or even if she doesn't, she WILL have fun without you - big f.uckin deal

it doesn't have to be a break or a ldr... just let her go, and call you once in a while

let her go or you will lose her (assuming you want a good LTR with her... if not, f.uck it let her go anyway)

if you say she loves you, she does, and you should just let her go - this is not "oh i need time away from you" this is something she's been planning

get over it

 

[penkitten]

heres what's going to happen :

girlfriend says im going on a trip..

insecrure boy says " no you are not allowed cause i said so"

girlfriend slaps boyfriend in face, kicks him in balls and tells him never to talk to her again.

girlfriend goes on trip and meets hot guys and does god knows what.

insecure boy comes to sosuave and whines.


here's the bottom line:
you can not make her choice to go on a trip. you are not the one in control of this. you do not get the say in what she is or is not allowed to do.
stop thinking that she is going to do you over while she is gone , or you will have the above conversation and lose the girl.

you might be the prize, but you arent the only prize out there.

 

[Sweetcheeks]

Show some independence

I actually lost a girl like this once. We'd only been together for about a month, but a loss is a loss.

As some have already said, you really don't have much say in what she does. Also, as mentioned, this is a family tradition. DO NOT try to come between her and her family.

What you SHOULD do is show some independence. Say "maybe it would be best if we had some time apart", and enjoy your extra time with your friends, or getting more involved with your hobbies. Meet new people, broaden your horizons, and grow.

On the off chance this is a test, that is how you pass it. If it isn't a test, you'll still benefit by becoming MORE YOU, and less US.

A man must maintain COMPOSURE, show STRENGTH and INDEPENDENCE, and be COOL (a little bit indifferent).

 

[dirtymexican]

Little John:

Why don't you do this girl a favor and break up with her? She obviously deserves better.

John... I didn't post to start a fight with you... If i came across that way than i apologize. My intension was to give you a taste of reality.

If you are going to torture your poor girl friend by emotionally threaten your relationship for her behavior to wanting to experience life, then my friend you are not good for her. Your insecurities will ruin all your relationships..

You have a hard fight ahead of you if you can't control yourself. if you don't, then your hot “mamasita” will go on this 2 month trip and find herself with a dirtymexican that treats her like a woman and not like a fu__ng door mat.... You my friend will be long forgotten.

You are supposed to be a "DON JUAN”

You are about to ruin the best thing that has ever or possibly will ever happen to you.

 

[squirrels]

If she goes on this trip all the time, then doing anything to "stop" her is just going to make you look insecure.

However, it may be a good idea to show some concern. For example, if she asks if you're concerned, reply, "No. I trust you....wait a minute...SHOULD I be concerned? "

Whatcha gonna do, though? If she's gonna cheat on you, she's gonna cheat on you. If not there, then somewhere else. Either go with her or just cut her loose to do her thing. If she's right, she'll be back.

 

[penkitten]

i wasnt trying to make you feel bad or fight with you either.
just trying to lay it on the line for you.

 

[ShizamDaMan]

Wow, she's going on a trip to see her family and you think you can stop her?

Grow up. You don't own her. If you're doing your job as a boyfriend she'll be faithful to you. If not, then start looking for a girl.

 

[MacDiddy]

If she is pretty, and if she is going away for a long time, then I can tell you its almost certain (100%) she will sleep with other guys on her euro-trip... There are guys there that run heavy game. I mean heavy.... And their good!!!

During my days of backpacking, chicks drink, they party hard and they are very receptible to DJ gaming. Most had BFs, most where to far away to care... ALL got caught up in the party atmosphere... ALL got shagged... It was too easy...

You should accept this and just continue like nothing happened... in fact, you should start seeing other chicks while she is away...

 

[AMF]

Originally posted by johnfjr
My question: should I allow her to go

"Allow" her?

Dude, if thats your outlook, its already over.

 

[MacDiddy]

Addendum::

Normally I would encourage my chick to stay, so that we can go together at a later date (So I say) .... without forcing and without acknowlegding any insecurities I might hold... Do not say or show you feel uncomfortable.... She'll only respond to you as she would any person in a position of weakness...

If she doesn't listen then I consider my chick to be too much of a loose cannon and still thinking in a singles frame of mind....Either that or she is too comfortable in this relationship and can feel that she make plans (regardless if they are pre-arranged) without my input.

Obviously, I have been disrespected even tho it is her choice..... I'd break up with her (this is me exercising my choice) and say we can see where our relationship will go when she comes back... This is a tactic to make her miss me and to make her always think about me while she is overseas.... kinda dampen her fun if you will.... while I go out and sarge like there was no tomorrow....

Of course this has never happened to me (becoz all my chicks have deferred without hesitation and at their own free will, all their pre-MacDiddy-days travel plans) .... So I don't know if it will work for sure, but the logic is sound and it is what I'd do to keep my DJ and alpha frame going.... which I consider crucial in maintaining my high self esteem and confidence levels....

 

[Royal Elite]

Its all chess and she is a couple of moves from check mate.
She has your mind, you want her body. She will be having fun, you will be home tortured. This is a clear sign that once you have the mind it doesnt matter where the body is. You need to simply get her mind before she goes. As long as you have her soul while she is gone, it doesnt matter who tries to get her. Before she leaves drop a little line that a friend (female) of course wants you to chill with her while your girl is gone so you dont get to lonely. Make it sound very, very innocent. All the while being happy, and encouraging that she is going. She will wonder why is so happy Im going all of sudden, maybe its this innocent little friend of his. If she goes, she will too busy thinking about you and your friend. Occasionally when she calls from europe talk about how you and her hang out, or some girl who gave you her number at a bar. But make is sound very innocent, and dont stay on it long.

 

[Skweints]

Originally posted by johnfjr
um, okay? You missed the fact that she shows high signs of interest at all times: including constantly touching me, holding on to me at all times, kissing, having sex all the time, telling me she loves me 5 times a day without me saying it at all...

You could be right that this was all bull**** and she doesn't love me at all and that all of her physical and neediness towards me is complete mind game ****...but I would have to disagree with you there. I'm comfortable with my relationship...I'm just not comfortable with my girl going on a trip ALONE for two months. My problem is not that I am an AFC, it's one of me realizing that that is a bad idea. If she does it were through. I banged her already, what do I care. If she doesn't have enough respect for me to stay, theres no point in us being together. She can choose between the two month vacation or me.

Do me one favor... instead of quoting those who make posts who piss you off, instead, ignore them, and quote posts who have INTELLIGENT insight. Honestly, I want to know if what I said went through one ear and out the other or not.

Quit letting your testosterone get in the way of internet arguements, and save it for when it comes to bangin chicks...

So like I was saying before, and if you've read any of Doc Love's OTHER stuff, you would realize that what makes certain MEN so successful with women is the fact that they realize they DON'T need women to survive. Look at it this way... if after the two months, you have the MOST amazing sex in your life, well... you're doing something right.

Had to edit my post here....

Wait, I just totally read that entire post... did you just say she can chose between the vacation or you? You're such a little B*TCH!!!!

Did that get your attention? I hope so. I'm still not kidding. Haven't you seen those shows where the woman says "Hey, it's either me, or the car!?" When the car happens to be a 67" Mint Condition Chevell, cherry red with black racing stripes... A real man would chose the car... a b*tch would sell the car to keep his wife... even though the Car probably treated him better his entire life.

You get what I'm saying now?

What you ARE being, by saying it's either the vacation or me... is that you're a possesive motherf*cker... and, as far as I'm concerned, ONLY an AFC would get jealous over a vacation...

I'm done bashing you now.