Women helping us to be the best we can be?

[SteR]

It seems there are a lot of threads involving guys being cheated on, hurt by women, dumped for another guy etc. Naturally this leads to a lot of negative thoughts and bitterness about women and their loyalty.

This has got me thinking though. Surely, if the residual emotions from these experiences are channeled into making ourselves better, then shouldn't we be thankful for them? Because really these women are driving us to step up our game.. to be the best we can be. It seems a lot of people feel angry (and I can understand that) but rather than sulking and blaming women, shouldn't we be working on developing ourselves so we become the top dogs that the women are chasing? If you're constantly working on yourself to be the best possible man you can, then surely this reduces the chance of a woman cheating on you?

Speaking from my own experiences, the times I've been hurt the most by women are also the times where I've learned a huge lesson and improved to a whole new level.

Thoughts?

 

[backbreaker]

i wouldn't be where i am today if the girl that brought me to this forum didn't treat me as badly as she did. For all the schooling I had, for the great upbringing I had, I just wasn't motivated to do anything, until I realized i coudl never get THAT, something of that calibur, in my current state. The light bub went off at that point.

what hurt worse than her treating me like **** was knowing deep down, that she was rightfully treating me like i deserved to be treated; at that time in my life i knew i didnt' bring **** to the table in any facet besides being kinda good looking. it hurt beucase the guys she was choosing were just better at life than i was and deep down i knew it. so i got better at life.

 

[SteR]

i wouldn't be where i am today if the girl that brought me to this forum didn't treat me as badly as she did. For all the schooling I had, for the great upbringing I had, I just wasn't motivated to do anything, until I realized i coudl never get THAT, something of that calibur, in my current state. The light bub went off at that point.

what hurt worse than her treating me like **** was knowing deep down, that she was rightfully treating me like i deserved to be treated; at that time in my life i knew i didnt' bring **** to the table in any facet besides being kinda good looking. it hurt beucase the guys she was choosing were just better at life than i was and deep down i knew it. so i got better at life.

Funnily enough I came to these forums for the same reason. I remember being incredibly angry at her at the time.. but in hindsight I suppose I can see I was (mostly) responsible for my situation.

Life teaches us harshly eh...

 

[sodbuster]

For me... she held me back. Since the divorce six years ago, I've averaged an extra 40k a year. While SAVING an extra 60k a year. AFTER child support....I didn't realize how much she spent. Not having to put up with sh1t at home helps [along with not being second guessed on investments]. One will start(supposedly) paying me 12k/year in 18 months as the wind farm gets developed...but since I own the land, it isn't a "loss" if it doesn't happen [bought it for farming rental/hunting in the first place]

A couple other investments are also in the works. May pan out, may not...but I won't have to hear about it for the next 30 years.

 

[Jitterbug]

I've lost count of the many areas of my life - social, professional, health and fitness - I've got better at partly due to my desire to get better with women.

There is only one thing they've completely failed to inspire me to become: a husband / provider.

 

[origin138]

Thoughts?

My thoughts are that you're spot on. It's normal to have angry responses to getting fvcked over. The issue then becomes what we do with the anger. Do we hold on to it while blaming the women, or do we accept the fact we made some poor decisions that led to a sh!tty outcome and aim to do better next time?

Hopefully everyone here will choose the latter.

There is a lot of wisdom in what you said about being thankful for these situations. A lot of great things in life come masked as problems and pain. It's a sad trait that humans have, where we learn from pain and we learn in reverse. But it is what it is.

It's always easier to blame others than it is to take an honest look at oneself and admit there are flaws/room for improvement. It's the men who can make this distinction and move forward with purpose that not only do better with women, but do better with life in general.

+rep for your post, SteR.

 

[Who Dares Win]

It's really unbelievable how anger and frustration are many times the only catalizer to great enterpraises and actions.

The moment when your anger and frustration is so high that allows you to ignore any pain or sufference and risk your own health and reputation while pushing you to do what it needs to be done is the moment which made most of those men we consider winners today.

For most men fear of damages, of loss or reputation or even to lose the "approval seal" or right moral values are barriers which need an overwhelming factor to be faced.

The point is that once you become the top dog, the guy which gets the women you're changed in good but also in bed, you no longer feel the desire to love and protect them but start see them as objects or inferior individuals due to their nature, you wanted to be good for them only to end up being too good for them.

Jitterbug is right, the more they push us to work hard and improve to "match" their minimum requirement, the more we lose any will or desire to bond and be tied to them, as if we are implicitly saying that we are unworth on unconditional love and respect.

 

[muscleman]

It's not women in particular (although that's what this forum is about), but rather anything that challenges you/puts you out of your comfort zone. Tough times make better people. It's human nature to act out of necessity (see: procrastination), so when necessity - to get laid for example - comes up, you take action. In a way I guess you could say women make us better men by being such b!tches, but what point are you getting at?

 

[typical]

I repped everyone that posted here, my story is nearly identical to what BB said, except back then I felt I was better looking and still feel like I'm better looking but the other dude did have more money. Having said that today they are both seriously overweight with a kid trying to pay off a second mortgage on their house and I'm almost back into fighting condition and making a decent amount of money with a bigger social network and I'm now dating much better women in terms of looks and behavior.

So Yes in a way I am thankful for the harsh lessons I learned all those years ago, wouldn't change a thing, but for some strange reason I still feel sorry for her seeing her the way she is today struggling through her life. But hey you kicked a gifted talented promising young man when he was at his worst, no way in hell is he going to ever be coming back now that his stars shining , its almost a bitter sweet victory

 

[Burroughs]

Really?

So this man's wife is *helping* him

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=195329

No

a woman's nature is parasitical to a man

that is like saying a tapeworm helps you get thin!

 

[Slickster]

Great post man!

We all get better from making mistakes.

 

[Jitterbug]

Jitterbug is right, the more they push us to work hard and improve to "match" their minimum requirement, the more we lose any will or desire to bond and be tied to them, as if we are implicitly saying that we are unworth on unconditional love and respect.

I don't really think along that line (being worthy of unconditional love and respect), although I can understand that many men do.

For me, it's this simple: the more I improve myself, the higher my standards, and the more I realise that modern Western women are only raised to be entertainment, not helpmeets, thus not being worthy of any long term commitment.

 

[sodbuster]

On that line, had an ex gf text today. They are selling their Mustang[but underwater on it] to get out of debt. She said she should have tried harder with a rich man. When I told her they could both come over...and I'd run the numbers for them,she went silent[like SHE knows how to do it]. So after an hour, I told her that if she wants a rich man....she has to at least PRETEND to think he's smart

I don't think she's going to sell it...because she's underwater. So, she'll keep it for a year and hope the value is higher than the loan. BUT, I'd bet she's not thinking about depreciation and interest in her calculations. I mean, she was dumb enough to do a 7 year loan on a used car.

Darn, too bad I missed out on that one

 

[VladPatton]

The problem is that you become the person you want to be, and your next girl STILL lies and cheats on you. Then what? It isn't always your fault for a relationship going south.

 

[sambwoy]

I was on AskMen with these problems, and they were like 'you only have yourself to blame. It's not a girl's fault you are this way/ended up this way etc.'.

Well, true. But in Britain we have an expression called 'swings and roundabouts'. I sense that simultaneous to my personal insecurities/percieved deficits, society's getting more fvcked up. Growing up in Britain I will admit I haven't always been happy/the most sociable, despite the campaigning of young people to be more 'positive/confident', whatever that means....after the same elders spent your teens making you suck their c@ck. Most days life seems to consist of short changes/disappointments because of other people playing tricks/games to get to the 'top'. It's sad to think there are guys worse off than me (and I have tons of shortcomings), because of fate, that will have a hard time getting the women.

I'd like to think life is bigger than looks, but I hope the women get that non-existent handsome husband if that's what makes her happy.

 

[GotED?]

Life is what it is - mostly out of our own control (but our Ego thinks otherwise).

Life is all about how you RESPOND to life.

I think women is a part of that equation as you learn how to respond to them, you learn how to repond to LIFE overall.

Wisdom and maturity comes with age and experience.

 

[backbreaker]

In general, the light went off for me when I realized that I couldn't demand HB 8.5's and 9's and get pissy when they chose up when I was not willing to put the work in to become a catch. Water finds it's level so to speak.


I can call the girl that brought me here all types of names but in reality she wasn't that bad of a girl. **** she is the one that checked me into rehab she cared about me. just not like THAT (at least for a while we eventually got there).

The only real problem I had with her was that she didn't feel the same way about me as I felt about her. At least at first.

Then once I actually became a catch, what was the point of dating me when she coudl get whatever she wanted from me just by batting her eyes and pretending to be ready to branch swing. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free

It was only when I became a catch and then realized hey, you are a catch and you can constantly date women this hot that I got her to come around, ironically enough it was only once I moved on that she came around and by then I really wasn't all that interested, beucase now I knew what I could demand out of a woman and now I thought/knew that while i liked her, i wasn't ready to settle down with her and I coudl do better.

That's why even though she treated me like **** for a while there, I needed it. sometimees you got to get treated like **** to get something. sometimes you got to hit rock bottom for a point to hit home.

 

[Hexagram]

I was on AskMen with these problems, and they were like 'you only have yourself to blame. It's not a girl's fault you are this way/ended up this way etc.'.

Stuff like this has always intrigued me. Now Im all for self improvement -- but to go as far as to claim that 'I was not worthy of her at that point, and it was ALL my fault' -- thats some BS I'm not willing to buy.

What we're esentially saying here is that if she slutted up at the end of a relationship, somehow its the dudes fault. Really?

 

[glass half full]

don't fall for that attitude- the one where you try to be the best you can be. Been there, done that. Once you take this attitude, and they know it, there's no looking back.
Marriage is a compromise- for both, not just you. Women have politely forgotten that. Don't compromise for them- unless they truly will for you.

 

[SteR]

don't fall for that attitude- the one where you try to be the best you can be. Been there, done that. Once you take this attitude, and they know it, there's no looking back.
Marriage is a compromise- for both, not just you. Women have politely forgotten that. Don't compromise for them- unless they truly will for you.

I'm not sure I understand you. Are you proposing that men don't try to be the best they can?