I was trying to think of something similar to say but you said it well. If the shoe were on the other foot most Sosuavers would tell the guy it's okay to dump her. The bottom line is she can't choose her feelings, and he deserves someone who'll respect him, anyway.If you find out your current girlfriend was roofied and gangraped at a fraternity party in college, you're gonna look at her differently...possibly(probably?) even to the point that you'll end the relationship because of it. Is it fair to her, to be judged for something that isn't really her fault, and could've happened to anyone? Nope, but damaged goods are damaged goods, and not everyone can handle that type of information...not to mention the fact that her experience will probably come with a whole host of hangups(and understandably so) for you to deal with.
So, I'm not only not surprised this guy is about to get dumped(probably as delicately as she can manage), but I would advise any man to keep such experiences to himself. If you need to talk to someone, a priest or psychiatrist are probably your safest bets, because, at least, that info will go no further. Even telling your best friend is an iffy proposition -- especially these days, when so many men gossip nearly as much as the Heehaww Honeys. If you can't even keep your own secrets, though, should you really expect anyone else to?
By rights, should a little boy who was molested or a woman who was raped be made to feel ashamed of their experience, as if it were their fault? Of course not...but if you don't know that labeling yourself with your worst experiences will adversely influence how others see you, then you don't know anything about the human condition.
Your girlfriend isn't your mommy. Don't cry to her about when your uncle touched you in your no-no zone, unless you expect the further dissemination of that information to enhance your social standing -- which it won't. Is that "fair"? Is it "fair" that one of your ancient ancestors walked outside his cave to take a piss, one night, and got eaten by a saber-toothed tiger, or that there's an 8% chance one of your female ancestors was raped by Genghis Khan?
Life isn't "fair." So-fuucking-what?
If it would bother you to know your girl had been raped, how could you expect it to not bother her to learn that YOU had been raped...when so much of her attraction to you depends of her illusion of your invincibility/invulnerability . The saddest part of that story is that he was probably following his shrink's advice, by telling her...and now, in the social media age, even moving to a new town isn't going to save him from that cat that he himself let out of the bag.
If you find out your current girlfriend was roofied and gangraped at a fraternity party in college, you're gonna look at her differently...possibly(probably?) even to the point that you'll end the relationship because of it. Is it fair to her, to be judged for something that isn't really her fault, and could've happened to anyone? Nope, but damaged goods are damaged goods, and not everyone can handle that type of information...not to mention the fact that her experience will probably come with a whole host of hangups(and understandably so) for you to deal with.
So, I'm not only not surprised this guy is about to get dumped(probably as delicately as she can manage), but I would advise any man to keep such experiences to himself. If you need to talk to someone, a priest or psychiatrist are probably your safest bets, because, at least, that info will go no further. Even telling your best friend is an iffy proposition -- especially these days, when so many men gossip nearly as much as the Heehaww Honeys. If you can't even keep your own secrets, though, should you really expect anyone else to?
By rights, should a little boy who was molested or a woman who was raped be made to feel ashamed of their experience, as if it were their fault? Of course not...but if you don't know that labeling yourself with your worst experiences will adversely influence how others see you, then you don't know anything about the human condition.
Your girlfriend isn't your mommy. Don't cry to her about when your uncle touched you in your no-no zone, unless you expect the further dissemination of that information to enhance your social standing -- which it won't. Is that "fair"? Is it "fair" that one of your ancient ancestors walked outside his cave to take a piss, one night, and got eaten by a saber-toothed tiger, or that there's an 8% chance one of your female ancestors was raped by Genghis Khan?
Life isn't "fair." So-fuucking-what?
If it would bother you to know your girl had been raped, how could you expect it to not bother her to learn that YOU had been raped...when so much of her attraction to you depends of her illusion of your invincibility/invulnerability . The saddest part of that story is that he was probably following his shrink's advice, by telling her...and now, in the social media age, even moving to a new town isn't going to save him from that cat that he himself let out of the bag.
Both retardedI was trying to think of something similar to say but you said it well. If the shoe were on the other foot most Sosuavers would tell the guy it's okay to dump her. The bottom line is she can't choose her feelings, and he deserves someone who'll respect him, anyway.
As for telling her...I think it's in the way that you tell her (if at all). Save the crying for your therapist and work that shyt out. If you're going to tell your girl, you should be at a point where you're not letting the event take ownership of you. A very red pilled friend of mine told me he was molested (not raped) as a kid. It just came up in conversation and he said it happened to him, and he talked about how he made sure not to let it define him and who he is. He'd had some therapy long ago and got past it. He was telling me about it like he would have described falling off a ladder. I could see he didn't need a hug or my sympathy. I'm sure he'd had the support he needed long ago from his family or a therapist.
She's not judging him.She's judging him NOW.
If she starts to lose it ignore her. Do something else. There is a ebb and flow Thats part of reality.Gross sh!t but honestly, you can't make a woman love you. If she starts to lose interest it is gone brother. Best to find you another woman, maybe one worth it.
A lot of tough guys who are excessively dominant were one time beaten or raped. That's really fvcked up of her.View attachment 4215
Kinda f*cked up.. but further proof that women will devalue you completely if you do (or in this case experience) anything that emasculates you.
That's the first thing I thought when I read this. The standard advice to men on this forum has always been if you encounter a woman who says she was raped or molested is to run fast, and run far.I was trying to think of something similar to say but you said it well. If the shoe were on the other foot most Sosuavers would tell the guy it's okay to dump her.
It's not the same. A man will overcome this to be a stronger man so it won't happen again.That's the first thing I thought when I read this. The standard advice to men on this forum has always been if you encounter a woman who says she was raped or molested is to run fast, and run far.
[QUOTE
It's the beautiful illusion of love, that you've found your "other half," that a secret shared is a secret kept(which only works if it's also her secret), and that the union of souls is permanent. In the real world, the woman who would die for you, today, is just as likely to want you dead, tomorrow(or at some other insufficiently distant future date), and vice versa. That's the nature of romantic love, and why telling your secrets to a woman on a perfumed pillow is like stepping into a time machine, and delivering the same secrets to a woman who hates you. Love is more powerful than sodium pentothal.
Perhaps. I've known males who were molested though, and I would have to say it left them at least a little messed up.It's not the same. A man will overcome this to be a stronger man so it won't happen again.
As was said earlier, she's not judging, she's just admittedly not attracted to him. It's not something you can force or choose.Problem is that his girl lacks the maturity to receive this information in a non-judgemental way. She’s 20. She has utterly no frame of reference and is reacting without empathy. She’s worried about herself and her feels.
Thats immaturity. Unfortunately what her immaturity will teach him is never to share this again. And that’s the wrong message too.
All of us as human beings desire to be fully known by another. This young man cannot be fully known without sharing that experience. It’s just that he’s got the wrong partner at the moment. Hopefully his therapist will help him through the break up.
Unfortunate situation all round.