Wife screws our only vacation in years with cheating

[Down Low]

historically women like this were beaten harshly then left out in the wilderness to starve

since both these solutions are forbidden to modern men the behavior of women has spun out of control

the ignorance of men is such that believe 'this is how women have always been' not realizing the harsh and effective measures our forefathers had at their disposal to keep women in line.

women must always remain the property of men or else women grow rudderless and confused...and society begins to decay.

Interesting that you say that. Towards the end, the ex cluster B sporadically but increasingly said she was afraid of me, threatened to call the police when I'd call her out on sh1t, ad nauseum. My behavior hadn't changed, her's had, so I'd call her out more often and leave off the sugar coating more. It must have been crystal clear to her just how monstrous her behavior had become, and she was fearful of the consequences.

A couple who are going to make up, will do so with sex. A couple who are beyond repair, must part, one way or another.

 

[Burroughs]

At my job I supervise over 50 high level PHDs...many are from India and a few are from China, sometimes during a slow period we speak on personal issues, women etc...the sheltered Asian scientists (95% arranged marriages) are fascinated with American dating, the customs, morals...lack of, the fact I have a child out of wedlock...sometimes I get to speaking on the inner workings of western dating culture...the one thing that astonishes my asian counterparts is the blatant disrespect and mockery of men that american women are allowed to get away with...

...they tell me in China and India the most beta of men (i explained the term to them) would not tolerate overt disrespect of ANY KIND from a woman...and blatant mockery would be met with immediate and severe punishment...and most importantly.... their cultures back them up.

now some (fools) may say that India and China are socially backward...but I'll tell you this..for every american PHD that applies to me for a job there are 10 Indian scientists who more qualified....(this is not a population thing India has fewer engineering/biology doctorate seats than the US) I guess in cultures where men are culturally supported not ripped from pillar to post they can more easily get on the weighty business of science and engineering...a truly troubling thought for the west.

The Indian scientists actually feel bad for the single american scientists who talk about the 'games' they have to run to find women..and the funny thing is the indian guys have prob never worked out, pot belied, eating rice and chicken korma for lunch...while my american scientists a few are lean, super fit, rock climbers, swimmers build...they get dates but the mental torture they endure astonishes our Indian counterparts...its truly a microcosm of the world in my lab.

 

[Jitterbug]

...they tell me in China and India the most beta of men (i explained the term to them) would not tolerate overt disrespect of ANY KIND from a woman...and blatant mockery would be met with immediate and severe punishment...and most importantly.... their cultures back them up.

Culture, society and the woman's family all do. In fact, her parents might even come over and slap some sense into her before the husband has to do so himself. A disrespectful wife brings shame to her own family first.

 

[Down Low]

...

 

[MatureDJ]

This is really easy. You cannot trust her to have her feelings of intimacy with you - the primary trust that a husband must have to ensure that the children that are putatively his are actually biologically his.

I know it's tough, but however it happened, you have failed to find a suitable wife. You need to man up - i.e., the way we here define "man up" - and leave.

 

[quagland]

Sorry to bump an old thread, especially as my first post, but this thread made me finally want to register. There are tons of guys going through this everyday. Even for an old thread, the new guys like myself who are trying to start their lives over can learn or at least validate their decision with this excellent thread. EnzoFerrari, if you're still out there, I hope you are well and thank you for sharing your pain with us. It allowed me to want to open up as well.
I left my wife right before New Year's Day. At first I was excited, relieved, happy I stood up for myself, etc. I found a house after 2 weeks, moved myself and our(mine really) 3 dogs into a neighborhood I've always wanted to live in. Been happy for the entire month...so far...
Then she posts a pic on Facebook that leads me to believe she's dating someone I suspected she was cheating on me with (she wasn't dating him, or cheating, but might as well have). Since then, i've been a depressed angry wreck. Not because I want to work things out, but it's my pride. I know I left for the right reasons. I don't like her personally anymore, but I still love her. But like the OP, I got a new job with more pay, and even told my wife she didn't have to work so she could pursue her dream of acting. I would come home from a long commute to watch her leave every night, and go to bed alone. She spends all her time at home with her twitter feed and facebook crap, eating up all the compliments and being hit on and texting non stop. I wasn't present in her life anymore. She moved on well before I left. It's all about her phony acting friends...wannabes I add. We live in Denver, if they were worth a fu(k they would be in LA or NYC. Anyways, there's a sliver of me that wants to make things work, but I really think it's my pride and our history. It wouldn't get any better. Her saying to me "maybe if we're separated, I'll miss you again" was the final dagger. Yet, there's that 1% of me that doesn't want to let go, and it seems to be louder than the rest of the 99% saying "stay as far away as you can!".
RUBIROSA - thank you for what you put out there. The words you spoke, are exactly what I need to read on a daily basis until this is all settled. You nailed everything I'm thinking and feeling about my separation. You didn't say anything that I didn't already think, but having it out there coming from someone else validates it for me. I'm copying and pasting into a document that I can read anytime I'm feeling sorry for myself.

 

[speed dawg]

She spends all her time at home with her twitter feed and facebook crap, eating up all the compliments and being hit on and texting non stop. I wasn't present in her life anymore. She moved on well before I left. It's all about her phony acting friends...wannabes I add.

Narcissism. It's the biggest plague in America right now.

Keep fighting the good fight. Night is always darkest before the dawn.

P.S. Delete her from your facebook. Don't hold onto her. Let her go.

 

[quagland]

Narcissism. It's the biggest plague in America right now.

Keep fighting the good fight. Night is always darkest before the dawn.

P.S. Delete her from your facebook. Don't hold onto her. Let her go.

Thanks Speed Dawg!

I unfriended her the night I left...not before I went into her account and found the messages with the guy she was flirting with. He even mentioned me in the messages, being scared of me...since I play ice hockey, he figured I just would go find him and kick the crap out of him right then and there. Little does the douchebag know that he did me a favor. In his self centered apology and denial to me, all he did was spew on and on about himself. If that's the type of douchebag my wife wants, she can have him.
Being together 10 years, we have a bunch of mutual friends, and her crap would still show up in my feed if someone commented or liked her status or photo. I finally asked her to just straight up block me so I can't be tempted to go look at her page. It was her twitter feed that alerted me to how she really felt about our marriage and me. She would retweet or tweet out these vague comments but I knew they were a dig at me.

Yes, narcissism doomed us. I can't stand it. After I left, I had friend after friend tell me that they or their significant other, or both of them, couldn't stand my wife because of how much of a narcissist she is. I started seeing in the last year we were together, but the last few months it exploded.

Ah, letting it all out and rehashing why I left is making me feel better again. I KNOW I DID THE RIGHT THING! There's no going back...I know this, yet I'm struggling. Why the Eff am I struggling. It's her loss...her friends tell me that. No one is going to be as good to her for as long as I was... but that's why I feel like a chump. I shouldn't. I have a great paying job, and any other job I get moving forward will pay more. I work in professional sports and TV. I could get a job anywhere in the world. I live in a great place. I'm not bad looking, in pretty decent shape and getting better. And everyone wants to kill me when they play against me in ice hockey (that just makes me proud that I can get under my opponents skin, yet I'm one of the nicest guys you'll meet off the ice) Yet I still feel like a world class chump.

 

[mac99]

Point of view

There are a few things about this situation.

1. Understand this from her point of view. There was a reason why she married you and stayed with you. But recently, you haven't been there to provide what she wants. She wants a man who is there for her and someone who appreciates her. You explained in your story that you do not provide these things for her. What do women do when they don't get the emotional connection they need? They look somewhere else for it.

I'll be honest with you and other people can confirm it. This other guy does not mean **** to her. She just likes the things she does. He pays attention to her and he appreciates her.

2. You are making things worse. She is willing to stay and make it work. Ask yourself... do you want to stay with her? If so, stop ruining her life. Removing things in her life won't help. You need to give her things. You need to give her time and you need to appreciate her.

She feels like **** for talking to this guy. Yeah, it totally sucks, but imagine what she has done to herself regarding the scenario. Would you want a wife who has to answer to your every word? Do you really think she is going to let you remove things from her life in the next few weeks? Unless you fix this, unless you provide her with what she needs, she will find another guy.

3. Are you willing to make it work? You need to ask yourself if you want to be with this woman. If the answer is yes, you need to make positive changes. She shouldn't be quitting her job. You should give up work time and focus on her. You need to take her out more and you need to appreciate her. Look past all that crap that happened. If you really love her than you will be able to look past the physical and look at it deeper. Why did she talk to this guy? Not "WTF did she have sex with him???"

If the answer is no, you do not want to be with her, then simply... divorce.

I know what I typed here might be a bit forward, but I kind of went through the samething. Long term relationship, over 5 years, and she had a crush on a coworker. I was pissed. I despised her. I fought with her. And most of all, I didn't want to be with her. So I ended it. Probably a bit pre-mature, but our relationship was fvcked anyway.

Some advice on what to do next. Talk to her and understand her point of view. Ask her why she did it and how you both can fix things, only if you want to fix things.

I think it could not be put across any better.
For someone married for 15 years and having been through the same kinda situation, I would say divorce is not the way out.
You can't "possess" someone to an extent of owning her.
And why should only sex define our goals/identity.
we aim to control through emotions, sex is a minor part of the whole pic.
Remember she went astray emotionally first.
So if you are a friend to her...she would also understand incase you go 'astray'.
Being married...an open approach works better.
While dating....the rest applies.