Wife goes to Club/Bar

[hithard]

The issue here is not JOSH. The issue here is how she blatantly went out...got drunk...and spent the night in somebody else house. Josh could be Stephany for all I care.

Josh is NOT the issue. The issue is how she acted when things did not go her way.

Yes I agree with the above and would agree with you 99.9% of the time ,but then Josh is still there(same class?) and if an emotional connection is there between them then talking to her will go in one ear and out the other.Like I said he doesnt seem to give off the vibe of being able to walk. IMO talking to Josh will either end his fears or confirm them.You dont have to argue or accuse (Josh).

Spending to long in a state of worry is just wasting time and energy.

 

[Latinoman]

Yes I agree with the above and would agree with you 99.9% of the time ,but then Josh is still there(same class?) and if an emotional connection is there between them then talking to her will go in one ear and out the other.Like I said he doesnt seem to give off the vibe of being able to walk. IMO talking to Josh will either end his fears or confirm them.You dont have to argue or accuse.

Spending to long in a state of worry is just wasting time and energy.

I see your point. He does not have to be "introduced to" or have a conversation with Josh. He can simply pick her up one day and see him at a distance.

My concern here is that by focusing on Josh...he might overlook the TRUE issue: her behavior that particular day. For instance, if Josh turns out to be an AFC that is obese and is missing 10 teeth...then DJ Traveller will drop the guard and overlook the true issue which is the fact that she disrespected him.

 

[Ever onward]

Well now I certainly don't agree with that. Life doesn't end with child lol.

There are things as sitters, mothers, etc that can baby sit on occasion.

This isn't the stone ages. Married women with children DO have lives ya know. They can go out to eat, movies, to clubs dancing. They just have to plan ahead so that the child or children is well looked after while they are doing these things.

Well sir I hate to break it to you but at a certain age it's time to grow up. I outgrew clubs a long time ago. Loud music, teeny boppers, people grinding all over each other looking for the next piece of meat.

Sure women with children can have a life but life is far more than goin' clubbin'

Having a kid means it's time to grow up. This woman needs to grow up

 

[hithard]

My concern here is that by focusing on Josh...he might overlook the TRUE issue: her behavior that particular day. For instance, if Josh turns out to be an AFC that is obese and is missing 10 teeth...then DJ Traveller will drop the guard and overlook the true issue which is the fact that she disrespected him.

Yes the above is spot on. This is something I think might be too big to handle at the moment but is spot on. Her behavior is the main issue.

Would I advise doing this dance in normal circumstances NO. But he needs to remove the threat (perceived or not) of Josh so he can focus on what’s really going on (spike in her behavior) and if it is indeed fixable. For whatever reason he has had a slump in DJ form. Having a young baby which should be a joyful occasion wouldn’t help his thought processes either.

Dealing with the josh issue quickly so he can address what you outlined above without the distraction would probably be easier for him.

 

[iqqi]

DJ Traveller,

Be carefull about taking all this advice man. Don't let these guys that are all projecting their own negative experiences and negative ideas about women turn you into a paranoid husband and consequently an accomplice to her losing attraction for you and finding someone else who has is sh*t together.

Amen to THAT.



This situation is bad on its own, take people's advice here with a grain of salt, especially posters who are immature enough to label ppl who disagree with them as trolls, or "accuse them of being a woman".

Trust is very important, and it will dictate what happens next in this marriage. If you trusted her before this, it will help you to get past this and believe that she did not in fact cheat. This does negate she still was wrong for how she handled a fight.

But her cheating vs. her mishandling a fight, are IMO two VASTLY different things.

One can be fixed.

I, for one, do not think that she cheated on you, now. After hearing some more facts.

Trav, you seem intelligent enough to see whats really going on. Best of luck to you.

 

[iqqi]

Well sir I hate to break it to you but at a certain age it's time to grow up. I outgrew clubs a long time ago. Loud music, teeny boppers, people grinding all over each other looking for the next piece of meat.

Sure women with children can have a life but life is far more than goin' clubbin'

Having a kid means it's time to grow up. This woman needs to grow up

I'm sorry, but who are you to tell someone what they should or shouldn't do with their life? Just because YOU "outgrew" clubs or going out, and dislike certain things, doesn't mean that is the way another person is going to feel about it.

Not to mention you are 31. The girl is 23. That is not the "certain" age to "grow up". I'd love to know what was the "certain" age to "grow up". 23 is YOUNG as HELL. As a matter of fact, she hasn't even been of drinking age for more than two years... !

Anyways, I hope someone shoots me in the head the day I feel like I have "outgrown" being able to go out and have a good time.

Also. Having kids does not mean your life is over.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Not to mention you are 31. The girl is 23. That is not the "certain" age to "grow up". I'd love to know what was the "certain" age to "grow up". 23 is YOUNG as HELL. As a matter of fact, she hasn't even been of drinking age for more than two years... !

The moment you shat out a kid every breath you make goes into raising it. There is no room for immaturity when you make a decision to bring another life into the world. As a "woman" you would know.

Or did you just tell on yourself Sir?

 

[wayword]

This issue is no about Josh or Dumbledore. It's about her. All her. She is the one who bore the marrital responsibility and took an oath under God and country to remain faithful 'til death do they part. Josh saw an opportunity and took it.

Remember ladies, she went to him.

I found out who my ex wife cheated on me with through Verizon. I called the c0cksucker on my cell with her on the land line. I'll say it was quite the minimal conversation and, in reflection, helped me in no way. So I confronted the guy, so what? Did it cathartically expel all of my anger? No. Closure? Nope. That path led to more cancerous thinking so I just let it and her go.

I agree. Josh has little to do with this. He could be Bob, Joe or Jerome for all it matters.

Josh's only potential primary value to DT right now is verifying EXACTLY what his wife did with him.

So, I wouldn't blow your cover with anyone right now. I would just keep quietly building your case, for your own benefit, until you have some more real smoking guns. IMO, she has already crossed the line of proper behavior in conflict resolution, curfew and especially as the mother of a newborn. So, is already a lost cause. Even if she didn't do the deed (but there's a strong chance she did), all that was inexcusable in itself. She should be home breastfeeding, for chrissakes!!! And if she's this bad NOW, just imagine how bad she'll be a few years from now. If she hasn't fully cheated with Josh already, it's just a matter of time before she does with someone.

She's damaged goods. Return to customer service.

 

[iqqi]

The moment you shat out a kid every breath you make goes into raising it. There is no room for immaturity when you make a decision to bring another life into the world. As a "woman" you would know.

Or did you just tell on yourself Sir?

I cannot argue with extremist statements.

But I'll say it again.

Having a kid, does not = life over.

And... lol. It does not take every breath you make to raise one. :crazy:

How romantic!

 

[KarmaSutra]

And... lol. It does not take every breath you make to raise one. :crazy:

To make a good one it does.

 

[hithard]

in reflection, helped me in no way. So I confronted the guy, so what? Did it cathartically expel all of my anger? No. Closure? Nope. That path led to more cancerous thinking so I just let it and her go.

Wait didn’t it provide more cancerous thinking and you expelled them both.Thats kinda the idea behind it.Either you get sick of the sh*it and move on or you can deal with it.

 

[iqqi]

To make a good one it does.

Lol, I just don't know about that!!!

I mean, I'd hope one would have a breath left to work a job perhaps, to provide.

And a breath left to maybe exhale, to keep one's sanity.

Perhaps even... dare I say it? A breath to type here every day on Sosuave??

You do have a little one, I remember.

Some people choose to KJ here on sosuave in their leisure, some might prefer to get out of the house and dance to some good music.

Lets not get caught up in little details that really don't matter.

If the Wife was trying to go out every night, there might be a problem. Most successful couples with kids that I know of, have date night once a week. This is to ENSURE that the couple keep the romance and their identiy alive. Smart!

Seems to me the Wife was just bored and overwhelmed all at once, and didn't feel the Hubby recognized or cared, and it all came to a head when he insulted her. She handled it all wrong, now there is a dilemna that could cost them their marriage... it all could have been avoided if they had Date Night!!!

Date Night! It is the natural order!!

 

[ketostix]

Lol, I just don't know about that!!!

I mean, I'd hope one would have a breath left to work a job perhaps, to provide.

And a breath left to maybe exhale, to keep one's sanity.

Perhaps even... dare I say it? A breath to type here every day on Sosuave??

You do have a little one, I remember.

Some people choose to KJ here on sosuave in their leisure, some might prefer to get out of the house and dance to some good music.

Lets not get caught up in little details that really don't matter.

If the Wife was trying to go out every night, there might be a problem. Most successful couples with kids that I know of, have date night once a week. This is to ENSURE that the couple keep the romance and their identiy alive. Smart!

Seems to me the Wife was just bored and overwhelmed all at once, and didn't feel the Hubby recognized or cared, and it all came to a head when he insulted her. She handled it all wrong, now there is a dilemna that could cost them their marriage... it all could have been avoided if they had Date Night!!!

Date Night! It is the natural order!!

You know something you're nuts. I think you intentionally say outrageous things in the most annoying ways to intentionally get on people's nerves. She didn't just go out clubbing for fun. She spent at least 8 hours with this Josh guy and already the phone log shows she's been calling him for several days. Whether you want to believe she most likely cheated too or not, you can't see that she's developing a connection with another guy?

And I don't really see what more evidence Traveler could every get or really need to come to the conclusion his wife is being unfaithful. Unless he goes into undercover PI mode or hirers a PI, what more material evidence is going to every find before it's too late, besides phone call records and her spending time somewhere else. I guess before you'll believe he'd have to post next, "I came home early from work unannounced and saw her in bed with this guy..". Actually since he works and she seems to be home a lot it might not be a bad idea to to install a camera in the house :crackup: .

 

[iqqi]

You know something you're nuts. I think you intentionally say outrageous things in the most annoying ways to intentionally get on people's nerves. She didn't just go out clubbing for fun. She spent at least 8 hours with this Josh guy and already the phone log shows she's been calling him for several days. Whether you want to believe she most likely cheated too or not, you can't see that she's developing a connection with another guy?

And I don't really see what more evidence Traveler could every get or really need to come to the conclusion his wife is being unfaithful. Unless he goes into undercover PI mode or hirers a PI, what more material evidence is going to every find before it's too late, besides phone call records and her spending time somewhere else. I guess before you'll believe he'd have to post next, "I came home early from work unannounced and saw her in bed with this guy..". Actually since he works and she seems to be home a lot it might not be a bad idea to to install a camera in the house :crackup: .

You just quoted something that I wrote that is IN GENERAL, and your argument was completely SPECIFIC.

So there is no argument.

Your last paragraph is just too paranoid. Her going out with Josh and Other Guy does not mean that they slept together. Some of the assumptions you have made regarding the call log don't even match what TravDJ actually told us.

A paranoid DJ = not a DJ.

 

[ZenGodMod]

Lol, I just don't know about that!!!

I mean, I'd hope one would have a breath left to work a job perhaps, to provide.

And a breath left to maybe exhale, to keep one's sanity.

Perhaps even... dare I say it? A breath to type here every day on Sosuave??

You do have a little one, I remember.

Some people choose to KJ here on sosuave in their leisure, some might prefer to get out of the house and dance to some good music.

Lets not get caught up in little details that really don't matter.

If the Wife was trying to go out every night, there might be a problem. Most successful couples with kids that I know of, have date night once a week. This is to ENSURE that the couple keep the romance and their identiy alive. Smart!

Seems to me the Wife was just bored and overwhelmed all at once, and didn't feel the Hubby recognized or cared, and it all came to a head when he insulted her. She handled it all wrong, now there is a dilemna that could cost them their marriage... it all could have been avoided if they had Date Night!!!

Date Night! It is the natural order!!

I'm really annoyed at this statement. I've intentionally made sure I've not expressed my extreme personal views on this thread as I've always believed that regardless of anyones views DJ_Traveler had to make that final decision without our intervention.

However Iqqi,

Your statement offended me,

My mother during her youth was hot like unbelievably so (from pictures I've seen) and she got pregnant with me at about 20 years old. I don't know if you have children or not but, the first year of a babies life is crucial and extremely delicate. It susceptible to sickness and require constant care.

My mother sacrificed 2 years of her life to care and love me from womb till i turned a year old. She jokes at that time she loved way too much that she breast fed me for 11 months (which is highly recommended) that her breast "dropped". She had to contend with my fathers bickering and sometimes immature behavior. Including arguments and used to just say "at the time your father just wanted my attention and i offered it to you, he was jealous. It's why he acted like a *****".

I'm not saying that my mother didn't have a life, but she choose me above her looks, her figure and her social life for 2 years. Out of all my other family members including my extended family's. I'm the stronger, smarter and most financially productive then any of them if that has anything to say about child raising.

Also my father had allot of you do with my upbringing, but its was my mother who started it. Remember this the baby in question here is just 5 or so months.

 

[Rumpelstiltskin]

To Mr.Me,

The original story from my wife at the beginning of the of this was mixed with lies. She said she went with "jane" a class mate, but that wasn't true. She later admited that she went with Josh.

Why do people lie? So that the truth is not known.

Why wasn't she taken home?

He can't prove that she had sex - the issue is she went to a club even though he told her no, and then she gets drink, then she stays over a dudes house until 5am, and she has a 5 month old at home and a pissed off husband who she totally disregards!

DJ Traveller answer my question - if he, Josh, only lived two miles away, why wasn't she taken home? This doesn't make sense.

 

[iqqi]

Your statement offended me....

My mother during her youth was hot like unbelievably so (from pictures I've seen) and she got pregnant with me at about 20 years old. I don't know if you have children or not but, the first year of a babies life is crucial and extremely delicate. It susceptible to sickness and require constant care....

....Remember this the baby in question here is just 5 or so months.

Zennie, my comments were directed at Karma's extreme view.

Like I told Keto, my comments were in general.

Of course a newborn is going to be cared for more than a toddler or an older child. You couldn't pry most new mothers away from their newborns. But to assume that new mothers don't need some time to recuperate is completely erroneous... and even dangerous! It is important to have someone you can trust to care for the child sometimes, so that mommie can recuperate! This is very important to a new mother's sanity.

However, having said that, your mom sounds like a stand up gal, I am sure most mothers are the same way.

 

[iqqi]

Off-Topic but for anyone who reads iqqi's posts and gets annoyed:

Don't bother reading them, I don't. Problem solved. There's no arguing with someone like her. She's as stubborn as they come. Sure she may be able to articulate herself here and there, and backtrack, but it's a complete waste of time. Eventually she'll circle right back around to her initial argument.

Sure, she may try to attack you by calling you a pu55y or a little girl, but why would you let her even get to you?

I disagree with probably 80% of the things she posts, but I've learned to largely ignore her. And, don't bother trying to play nice, either. Because even if she isn't going to attack you necessarily, she'll say some disrespectful and rude things to other members that you may respect. It'll just annoy you further.

I simply don't agree with her tact (or lack thereof).

I wonder if you even read the threads before you call me out. Are you drunk? Or crazy? It is weird how often you make a post that has nothing to do with the thread, but with the singular purpose of flaming me. And then send PM's asking to be "fwendz". ?? Do you have multiple personality disorder?

For 1. I have not called anyone names. Although I do believe Keto referred to me as a troll, I guess because I have a different viewpoint. Of course the others that share my differing viewpoint are gay, a woman, or a troll. Funny, none of us are calling YOU names.

For 2. What is "disrespectful" or "rude" that I have said. Hmmm. Nothing.

This post of yours exemplifies what it is to troll and flame.

No need to further stray from this thread, the topic has nothing to do with "iqqi", you can start another thread on "why I hate iqqi", if you like, there hasn't been one in awhile. This thread is helping a man decide whether or not his MARRIAGE is with saving. It has NOTHING to do with whether or not WJH thinks iqqi is stupid.

Funny how you preface your post by valiantly claiming you just "ignore her", while you derail an entire nearly 20 page thread, and aim it directly for the fire. Good job. Kudos.

I won't respond to anything else you say.

 

[logic1]

DJ Traveller answer my question - if he, Josh, only lived two miles away, why wasn't she taken home? This doesn't make sense.

Read what I said on page seven. I feel this is the answer. I have been around married couples most of my life. Fights like these are not unusual. But her actions went to far, way to far. But why??

With that said, We do not know the personalities of the people involved. How they react in situations, mature or not, violent or non violent, calm or out of control. I still have this gut feeling the OP, to put it mildly, may be immature and has trouble being calm in disputes and settling differences. So is the wife.

Hence my opinion on page 7. I think she knew what would happen if she went home drunk after the hubby would not answer the phone. She knew he was pissed, rightly so. But also knew a MAJOR confortation would take place because of past experiences. She knew it would not be good.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Iqqi didn't you state that you don't believe she was cheating?