Why I don't approach and What I'm going to do about it

[animal crackers]

Why I don't approach: The list of thoughts that randomly go through my head when I do (or rather don't do) daytime/school/street approaches.





*That girl that is walking towards me might be cute, oh she is!!! Wait, she's already walking past me. Oh well maybe I'll see her again later.

*Oh she's on her cell phone and looking at the ground.

*It's too quiet in here we'll both get emberassed and everyone will look at me.

*I'll act really wierd and creepy and she'll tell everyone until I'm known as the creepy guy at school.

*She's not really my type.

*She is exactly my type, but I'm not in state I didn't take a shower today. Oh well.

*My friends will see me approach her and laugh at me, and then I'll feel ****ty all day.

*She probably has a boyfriend / She's probably talking to her boyfriend on her cell phone.

*I have a couple zits on my face and don't look my best, I'll approach when I look better.

*I'm too tired, I don't even want to talk to anyone right now.

*She looks like she's in a hurry, she won't even stop to talk to me.

*Everyone will hear me say something to her and start laughing to each other, and then she will notice that they're laughing at me and get wierd and say 'I have to go.'

*I've got too much to think about right now, I have lots of stuff I need to get done.

*She's not hot enough.

*She's with her friends and they will make it pointless for me to even try.

*She's with guys and that's scary, even if they're not her boyfriend they might ridicule me.

*My life isn't cool enough for a girl like that, she probably has an awesome life already.




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I have a lot of mental blocks that I need to get rid of.

Right now I'm internalizing following beliefs:

-I am the prize, girls want to be with me
-People like me and enjoy being with me
-Girls love getting approached by me, in fact they go home and cry if I don't approach. I'm actually being cruel by not approaching.
-A girl has to fit into my life, not me into hers
-I do what I want when I want to do it
-Other people don't give 2 shlts about whatever the hell you do with your life. Only you do.
-Nobody thinks less of you if you mess up an approach (this one very hard to internalize...)
-Girls love my big penis
-Being with me is the best choice a girl could make.
-Girls are automatically attracted to me because I am an attractive man.





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I'm going to grow up a little bit, put my over-inflated ego aside, and stop taking life so seriously.


I can make life fun and exciting, or I can make it serious and scary.


I know that I have too big of an ego about myself, and what other people see of me, and while it's good to be confident and think highly of yourself, your mind can trick itself to think that it's big ego is just you being confident and thinking highly of yourself.


It's really hard to actually be honest with yourself.







If you have read this to the bottom here you probably are very similar to myself. I get girls and have had girlfriends in the past, but I just don't approach. I am afraid most of the time and my mind just gives me excuses. Strangely I can approach at parties and clubs, but daytime just feels so wierd to actually go up to some random girl and start a conversation esp. girls with friends, or walking the other direction.




I believe everyone eventually comes up with their own solutions that can be influenced by other people, and I encourage you guys to come up with your own.


MY SOLUTION:

1. Write out positive beliefs on paper and carry them with me to remind myself of the truth when my mind gets caught up in the fear. Continue writing positive beliefs on paper as I think of them.
2. Write down every time a girl shows interest in me to reinforce beliefs.
3. Talk to at least 1 hot girl a day, no matter how I do it.
4. Make it fun for myself like a video game. Don't attach to an outcome, just play for the sake of playing. LOL I can't believe I'm adding this but...It's like halo, You love winning, but it's still fun even if you lose, and when you win enough times which you will if you play enough you keep leveling up.


I think for now those 4 points will be an awesome way to get a fresh start and develop some momentum. I especially like the belief writing, which will help with the momentum.


I also will be starting a "Meeting Girls and Starting Conversations" thread tomorrow where I'm going to post my field reports.






animal crackers

 

[El MonoLoco]

You know what to do go do it..........

4. Make it fun for myself like a video game. Don't attach to an outcome, just play for the sake of playing. LOL I can't believe I'm adding this but

Exactly

It's like halo, You love winning, but it's still fun even if you lose, and when you win enough times which you will if you play enough you keep leveling up.

Yes and NO......sure you can win even if you lose but if you don't learn from your losing your not going to level up......

I don't like Halo or WOW.....just for info sake......too many people have their lives revolve around it.......I'd rather be outside

 

[Dark Haired Alpha]

Originally posted by animal crackers
Nobody thinks less of you if you mess up an approach (this one very hard to internalize...)

This is hard to internalize because it is focused on the negative outcome (= someone may think less of you if you mess up an approach) - meaning it subtly tells you there is a reason someone may think less of you if you fail, even though the sentence says the opposite. Try rather this:

Others think better of you if you have the balls to approach, no matter if you succeed or not.

 

[DJSmooth]

You can do it dude. Keep at it.

 

[thefonz]

I've had my share of failures with approaching, I even started an approach journal but quit cus the concept of forcing myself to do something so difficult everyday was just too nerveracking.

I never imagined animal crackers would still has difficulty with this stuff. He's a pro if you ask me. Honestly, I don't think he does. He's just putting too much pressure on himself. Why do you need to approach girls EVERYWHERE, don't you have other things to do?

If there's one thing I learned about going to the gym for the past 2 years is that ego will get you nowhere. Whenever I find myself basking in the glory of the heavy weight I pick up I almost always never get past that, The idea of self-improvement and pushing your boundries is by FAR the best way to go. Look to noone outside yourself.......easier said than done, it takes practice to keep thinking like this. You may have to put yourself back in place 200 times a day or more. But it can be done. It's taken me about 2 years to get the hang of it. I'm still not there but i'm getting there.

Theres so many other things i'm trying to improve on right now but because of this site I never get bored, there's always something you can be doing to better yourself whether it's talking to the stranger next to you to practice your intiating alpha skills or going to the library to learn more info about your future career. Why think about women all day, that usually leads to sad thoughts.

 

[StoneCold]

COOL POST MAN I LIKE THESE SELF AFFIRMATION THINGYS

 

[animal crackers]

Re: Re: Why I don't approach and What I'm going to do about it

Originally posted by Dark Haired Alpha
This is hard to internalize because it is focused on the negative outcome (= someone may think less of you if you mess up an approach) - meaning it subtly tells you there is a reason someone may think less of you if you fail, even though the sentence says the opposite. Try rather this:

Others think better of you if you have the balls to approach, no matter if you succeed or not.

Very good point Dark Alpha, and I didn't even realize that. One of the big parts of this is thinking positively, and sometimes I don't even catch my negative thoughts.


I find it funny that you might think I don't have a problem with approaching, because I actually am still a normal person and you wouldn't believe the truth man. A lot of guys on sites like this have many problems that they don't talk about because they want to continue to have people look up to them on sites like these. It's a very bad problem, because if you can't acknowledge problems to a bunch of random dudes on the internet (protecting your ego) how will you ever change them for yourself.

Maybe I'm wrong though, and everyone who posts a good post here has their life handled 100%.

Oh godsgiftowomen, I agree with self-improvement being ongoing. However, I would never call myself a 'don juan' nor a PUA. I am pretty much my own person with my own goals and ideals on who I want to be.



animal crackers

 

[\O/]

Seems like your biggest sticking point is caring too much about what others may think of you. This is a hard one to overcome, but when you do I think many of the other obstacles will solve themselves. Life is short. Who gives a **** what others think of you? Learn to not give a ****. Be confident in what you do and put less emphasis on what others may think. Most of the time people are too busy being selfconscious about themselves that they don't even notice or care what you do. If anything, they will look up to you and envy your courage!

Good post! I like those "I've had it! Time to change"-posts!

 

[BuckwildNYC]

Re: Re: Why I don't approach and What I'm going to do about it

[

Others think better of you if you have the balls to approach, no matter if you succeed or not. [/B][/QUOTE]

This is VERY true. I am much like you in the fact that I can't approach girls if it's too quiet and there are too many people around listening. I remember one time a few years ago b4 I even found this site.

I was in this car insurance place trying to get insurance. There were about 5 people in line behind me and about 6 people on the other side of the desk working in the place. A hot girl was helping me and it was eerily quiet in there. I remember feeling really confident that day. I had been working out and playing alot of sports so my testosterone must have been flowing.

I decided that I was going to make conversation with this girl. I just simply asked her " so, how was your 4th of July" out of the blue. OMG every single person in the area stopped what they were doing and was just looking at me and her. Normally I would have been nervous but I just felt so God dam powerful that I was the center of attention making conversation with this hot girl. We talked for about 5 or ten minutes while she handled my paperwork. During this time I noticed a couple other girls behind the desk kept coming by and looking. They were looking at me like "check this guy out trying to be smooth with our co-worker."

I never closed this girl but at the time it was a major thing for me that I had even made the attempt to talk to her. Till this day if I feel a little nervous about approaching a girl, I draw on the energy that I felt that day. So next time you think people are going to laugh at you for trying to talk to a girl............... think the opposite. Think of all the jealous guys wishing they were you with the balls to talk to her........................... and think of all the jealous girls that wished you would have approached them.


Also I've been dissed real hard by girls in front of people lol. All you gotta do is laugh it off, look at the first person you see, shrug your shoulders, and say with a smile "hey, I tried, what can I do"......... I guarantee you that person will not make fun of you. They'll be like "ah, shes a bytch anyways, you'll get the next one" Trust me, your not gonna be embarrassed or look like a pervert. People feel bad when a guy gets dissed by some bytch. You might even get a rap with another girl.

One time in a club I grabbed this girls hand and asked her to dance. She gave me a mean-ass look and yanked her hand away. This girl standing next to me said " what a bytch........... you didn't deserve that." I said " I know right................ wanna dance" and she was like sure. So you see you can turn any negative into a positive.

 

[jt4aa]

I just read this post at work. There's a girl round the corner that I met last week and I well fancy her so I thought f*k it. I walked over to her and said

"I'm not gonna beat about the bush here, I think you're interesting so I've come to get your number."

I threw a notepad and pen on her desk and said "you know where I am".

Just got this email from her.


>>>>>>>>>

You took me a bit by surprise. That type of thing doesn't normally happen to me. Well ever in fact.

I'm happily (and quite newly) married so I can't do the number thing but it's nice to have someone to talk to here. I normally don't speak to anyone but the mic until I've finished my show.

I bet you'll never fix the costar problem for me now!

Penelope

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Turned down. But I don't care. Taking action was more important than the result - So i succeeded!

I think of it like this:

I'm trapped inside a giant paper bag. Slowly but surely I'm making holes in the side. One day i'll make a whole big enough for me to walk through completely. Only then will I have arrived. Something to look forward to eh? :woo:

 

[Dark Haired Alpha]

Re: Re: Re: Why I don't approach and What I'm going to do about it

Originally posted by animal crackers
A lot of guys on sites like this have many problems that they don't talk about because they want to continue to have people look up to them on sites like these. It's a very bad problem, because if you can't acknowledge problems to a bunch of random dudes on the internet (protecting your ego) how will you ever change them for yourself.

:yes: Bump. Everyone reading this, stop giving a f*ck about what the anonymous guys on this forum think and post your problems.