Why guys are afaid to apporach girls

[DJHoolahoop]

but what is really missing from all this is learned experience. self-confidence is nothing more, in essence, than being sure with yourself. Is confidence not committing 100% to what you are saying or doing? Would a guy who is afraid to approach girls still be afraid if he knew what to say or how to say what he needs to in order to get a positive response. If he knew that, would he be afraid to approach?

Yet this is what we have to do in order to exude confidence. I think because guys never have this experience built in, they don't know how to obtain what they want (in this case the girl they want to approach). So they are afraid to approach them because of this. Being unsure leaves them with no way to know how to handle the situation or the girl at all and as a result it ends up creating anxiety and fear.

 

[Skidsta]

I'm in agreement that there are some good posts here, it's funny when i'm out with some of my mates who are unfortunately hopeless with the women. They'll be like "That girl is so hot over there" or "I think i've got jam with that girl" and i'm like "Ok go talk to her" and then a list of excuses comes out like "Oh i can't be arsed" or "One more beer first" or some other ridiculous excuse.

A question - what about the fear of approaching girls in a bar/club where you don't feel you've had any vibe/eye contact, etc... could you not necessarily fear that but see it as no point as it's unlikely she's interested?

Any thoughts?

 

[IsiMan84]

I've got friends who will try to tell me to talk to a girl THEY'RE interested in. Then the same people will get jealous during the times they see you with a HB, but somehow don't see the irony in it.

To that 2nd part, I'd still say it's fear because you said "it's unlikely she's interested." You'd be making the choice for the woman before even approaching her. If you don't think she's interested then that means there's something about yourself that you assume she's not going to like. That's the kind of thinking that stems from fear. I don't see what big deal it would be if you haven't had any vibe with her, whatever happened to the cold approach?

 

[jonwon]

I'm in agreement that there are some good posts here, it's funny when i'm out with some of my mates who are unfortunately hopeless with the women. They'll be like "That girl is so hot over there" or "I think i've got jam with that girl" and i'm like "Ok go talk to her" and then a list of excuses comes out like "Oh i can't be arsed" or "One more beer first" or some other ridiculous excuse.

A question - what about the fear of approaching girls in a bar/club where you don't feel you've had any vibe/eye contact, etc... could you not necessarily fear that but see it as no point as it's unlikely she's interested?

Any thoughts?

An example of comfort zone.

 

[Skidsta]

I've got friends who will try to tell me to talk to a girl THEY'RE interested in. Then the same people will get jealous during the times they see you with a HB, but somehow don't see the irony in it.

To that 2nd part, I'd still say it's fear because you said "it's unlikely she's interested." You'd be making the choice for the woman before even approaching her. If you don't think she's interested then that means there's something about yourself that you assume she's not going to like. That's the kind of thinking that stems from fear. I don't see what big deal it would be if you haven't had any vibe with her, whatever happened to the cold approach?

1) I see what you're saying there and that's fair enough, but i'm just talking about friends i have that NEVER approach anyone - guys that like have kissed one girl in 3 months - that sort of form. And it's not in a bad way more in an encouraging way as i like to help out friends wherever possible. If you're friends are jealous like that it's stupid, be proud of your mates for doing well not jealous cos you can't believe they got the girl.

2) Fair enough

 

[jonwon]

I've got friends who will try to tell me to talk to a girl THEY'RE interested in. Then the same people will get jealous during the times they see you with a HB, but somehow don't see the irony in it.

To that 2nd part, I'd still say it's fear because you said "it's unlikely she's interested." You'd be making the choice for the woman before even approaching her. If you don't think she's interested then that means there's something about yourself that you assume she's not going to like. That's the kind of thinking that stems from fear. I don't see what big deal it would be if you haven't had any vibe with her, whatever happened to the cold approach?

Mates getting jealous is a bad sign, it shows you are out with negative influences, they cant accept some one can be successful.

This is how you take this head on do this and you will or may become the leader of you group of mates, since they are displaying lack of confidence, they will follow the guy who shows them new heights, if they want to or not.

Game the birds anyway, try to ignore any negative cr**, get the hot chicks and really rub it in there faces, be a tit, i mean it, they are being ars*holes by pulling you to there lvl, time to be an ars*hole and pull em to your lvl.

You know the better way, show it dont apologise for who you are, this is the way it is, you want hot women or even any women and you will try to get it.

Problem here is when you fail, these type of guys will relish in your failures instead of laughing about them with you. This is the main problem, how can you grow when subconc' you will be concerned about what they thinK.

An example of the society and friend trap.

First thing to break it, is not give a shi* what your mates, your mum your dad you gran or anyone else in the club things, you’re a cool dude the man and you are a born leader, you will show them a better way, if it kills you trying

Don’t be a sheep

 

[IsiMan84]

1) I see what you're saying there and that's fair enough, but i'm just talking about friends i have that NEVER approach anyone - guys that like have kissed one girl in 3 months - that sort of form. And it's not in a bad way more in an encouraging way as i like to help out friends wherever possible. If you're friends are jealous like that it's stupid, be proud of your mates for doing well not jealous cos you can't believe they got the girl.

2) Fair enough

That's what I'm talking about too, but I didn't go so much into detail. Most of them will not approach any girls at all, but will see one and say that I should talk to her or make up some BS excuse why they don't want to talk to her themselves.

Mates getting jealous is a bad sign, it shows you are out with negative influences, they cant accept some one can be successful.

This is how you take this head on do this and you will or may become the leader of you group of mates, since they are displaying lack of confidence, they will follow the guy who shows them new heights, if they want to or not.

Game the birds anyway, try to ignore any negative cr**, get the hot chicks and really rub it in there faces, be a tit, i mean it, they are being ars*holes by pulling you to there lvl, time to be an ars*hole and pull em to your lvl.

You know the better way, show it dont apologise for who you are, this is the way it is, you want hot women or even any women and you will try to get it.

Problem here is when you fail, these type of guys will relish in your failures instead of laughing about them with you. This is the main problem, how can you grow when subconc' you will be concerned about what they thinK.

An example of the society and friend trap.

First thing to break it, is not give a shi* what your mates, your mum your dad you gran or anyone else in the club things, you’re a cool dude the man and you are a born leader, you will show them a better way, if it kills you trying

Don’t be a sheep

Sometimes it's not so much jealousy as it is one of those "how does he do it" scenarios. One of the friends I specifically linked to this site and the DJ Bible and such, but he won't read it and therefore I continue to be the person that meets many girls while he watches. I figured some day he would realize this and hit up the links but I sorta gave up on him.

Everything you've mentioned up there has pretty much happened word-for-word as you've said it.

When we go to the clubs I always take the initiative, etc. One really good situation at the club was when this same friend called me about going to the clubs to get some girls. I was a little surprised by his request because every time I bring up any DJ material he says he isn't looking for a ONS or some cheap trick, and would rather have a LTR. Well I made an excellent point earlier that day that whether it's a ONS or LTR, he still has to approach a girl for it to happen. So I probably shouldn't have been surprised by the call.

Anyways, we went to the club and while on the dance floor I pointed at a girl and literally told him "if you don't try to dance with these girls somebody like me will." Even this didn't get him to talk to a girl so it resulted in him standing like 5 feet from me on the dance floor (w/ beer in one hand and coat in another, wtf) while watching me dance with a solid HB8 with a silly look on his face. I just looked at him over her shoulder and laughed. I finally got him to drop the coat (telling him it's bad body language) and half-azz dance behind a girl I was dancing with. Later that night the HB8 left without warning and I didn't get her number, to which him and another friend both gave me crap that I fúcked up. So for my friend this was basically the high point of his night.

This girl said she had seen me on facebook so I gave her some BS message on there and got her number that way. While I'll admit that was pretty weak I still get her number and did whatever at the club, which he didn't. He really had nothing to say after that. But I honestly cannot say I have seen him approach any girls while we have been at the club. And the few times he has gone to the club with me he has NEVER seen me dance with or talk to anything less than an HB8. Hell, he and his brother stood behind me while I was with two at the same time.

I don't know how much more trying I can do, this guy (and most of my other friends) is only a couple months younger than me and a year younger in college. I just graduated so he will have next year all to himself, to which I can only assume he will do nothing.

The more I go to the clubs with this guy it can only lead me to believe that certain people just have some sort of gene that doesn't allow them to approach girls, haha. I think the only possible thing I could do for this guy is literally bring a girl to his house for him, lay her on his bed, throw him on top of her and push him up and down.

 

[Blackdragon5095]

but what is really missing from all this is learned experience. self-confidence is nothing more, in essence, than being sure with yourself. Is confidence not committing 100% to what you are saying or doing? Would a guy who is afraid to approach girls still be afraid if he knew what to say or how to say what he needs to in order to get a positive response. If he knew that, would he be afraid to approach?

Yet this is what we have to do in order to exude confidence. I think because guys never have this experience built in, they don't know how to obtain what they want (in this case the girl they want to approach). So they are afraid to approach them because of this. Being unsure leaves them with no way to know how to handle the situation or the girl at all and as a result it ends up creating anxiety and fear.

Thats why you make mistakes and read dj stuff & seducation books ( the good ones ) so you learn. Guys don't wanna make mistakes.
Same with guys on this fourm, half the guys come here to do what ?
To become famous like pook and anti-dump.
They should be thinking ( How can I make my dreams come true ? )
What they are thinking ( How can I become famous on this site like pook and anti-dump )

Guys want to look so cool, so prefect, say the right thing 24/7. Well life ain't prefect so get used to it. Ethier they need to apporach girls or save money for porn and jacking off to it. :kick:

Behind any excuse a guy may make for not apporaching a girl lies the true. These posts are quite true. Jonwon post nails the bulleyes.

Afc's can make excuses for:
Not winning a football game
Not being able to get out of debt
Losing a fight to another guy
Coming to work late

But the true lies behind every excuses ever made.

 

[Blackdragon5095]

Mates getting jealous is a bad sign, it shows you are out with negative influences, they cant accept some one can be successful.

This is how you take this head on do this and you will or may become the leader of you group of mates, since they are displaying lack of confidence, they will follow the guy who shows them new heights, if they want to or not.

Game the birds anyway, try to ignore any negative cr**, get the hot chicks and really rub it in there faces, be a tit, i mean it, they are being ars*holes by pulling you to there lvl, time to be an ars*hole and pull em to your lvl.

You know the better way, show it dont apologise for who you are, this is the way it is, you want hot women or even any women and you will try to get it.

Problem here is when you fail, these type of guys will relish in your failures instead of laughing about them with you. This is the main problem, how can you grow when subconc' you will be concerned about what they thinK.

An example of the society and friend trap.

First thing to break it, is not give a shi* what your mates, your mum your dad you gran or anyone else in the club things, you’re a cool dude the man and you are a born leader, you will show them a better way, if it kills you trying

Don’t be a sheep

I used to have nerdly friends in highschool. They just wanted to play video games and that was about it. I ended up growing up mostly playing video games. Matter of fact I have 1 friend who comes over and dose basically 1 thing. Plays video games on my computer.

What I'm pointing out here is friends can influence us. In this world, people want to etheir to be the same lvl as you or better then you. And if you are better then them they wanna pull you down.

If you have to do it then lose those afc friends. You will problay found natural or guys who rather have fun then be jealous of you. I made the mistakes and hanging out with nerds. But I'm a change man. But if I have to, then I have to lose some of these nerds because are these guys gonna wanna hit a club ?
How about go to the mall to meet new people ?
Go to a party and dance and have fun ?

The answer will be some sad excuses.

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.
Muhammad Ali

The problem with trying to make your friends follow you will be etheir they are too clouded by fear or they are too arronant to listen.

1 of my best friends is just arronant at times.

You are better off making new friends ( naturals or players ). Then trying to get someone who is arronant to listen to ya.