Blackdragon5095
Senior Don Juan
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The person with the best reason why & explains of why guys don't apporach girls. I'll will put them in the apporach journal tips. 
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Why guys are afaid to apporach girls
- Thread starter Blackdragon5095
- Start date
Note: There's no excuse for not talking to a girl that you're attracted to .
On the approaching level, I think it's a little more than that just fear of rejection. I know in the past a lot of things went through my mind when I wanted to approach a girl.
1. I've never done it before and I didn't know how to react, what to say, or what to do that would get and keep her interested in me.
2. Isiman's partially right about this. There is that fear of rejection. You can't get anyone if you don't try, so you have to approach, but no one likes that feeling of rejection period.
3. There's the annoyance and fear of her being a girl that you have to see again. The fear of rejection's bad enough for some people, but then having to "relive" it again and again when you see that person sucks. No one likes to be reminded of their failures over and over again.
4. Last, it's the social factor. We all take risks and chances, some of them go well and some of them are bad, but it's hard for everyone to see you fail. Even though you're not supposed to care about what others think, society makes it so that you care a little bit.
When guys go through 1,2, or even all 4 of these things, they can get scared to apporach, but in the end you have get over it or you'll be all alone. You have to adjust to the system. Rarely are girls going to approach and ask you out, but then you aren't picking who you want, you're just filtering or settling. (Basically you're playing a woman's role!)
Life's for the people who take it. You can't sit around and wait for everything to happen, you have to go out there and get what you want!
On the approaching level, I think it's a little more than that just fear of rejection. I know in the past a lot of things went through my mind when I wanted to approach a girl.
1. I've never done it before and I didn't know how to react, what to say, or what to do that would get and keep her interested in me.
2. Isiman's partially right about this. There is that fear of rejection. You can't get anyone if you don't try, so you have to approach, but no one likes that feeling of rejection period.
3. There's the annoyance and fear of her being a girl that you have to see again. The fear of rejection's bad enough for some people, but then having to "relive" it again and again when you see that person sucks. No one likes to be reminded of their failures over and over again.
4. Last, it's the social factor. We all take risks and chances, some of them go well and some of them are bad, but it's hard for everyone to see you fail. Even though you're not supposed to care about what others think, society makes it so that you care a little bit.
When guys go through 1,2, or even all 4 of these things, they can get scared to apporach, but in the end you have get over it or you'll be all alone. You have to adjust to the system. Rarely are girls going to approach and ask you out, but then you aren't picking who you want, you're just filtering or settling. (Basically you're playing a woman's role!)
Life's for the people who take it. You can't sit around and wait for everything to happen, you have to go out there and get what you want!
I feel that fear of rejection is a major reason, but another reason I have seen is fear of success.
...Don't ask me why but some people are also afraid of succeeding and actually prefer to think rather than act.
Other than the above there are some people that just feel embarrassed talking to a "stranger". This make any kind of approach difficult (especially cold approaches).
There are probobly many more reasons that one can have for not approaching so I'll let a few others post their observations.
...Don't ask me why but some people are also afraid of succeeding and actually prefer to think rather than act.
Other than the above there are some people that just feel embarrassed talking to a "stranger". This make any kind of approach difficult (especially cold approaches).
There are probobly many more reasons that one can have for not approaching so I'll let a few others post their observations.
Blackdragon5095
Senior Don Juan
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Good posts. Been awhile since I seen real dj's post up good stuff. Ketp it coming. I might have make a book out of it.
Reason why guys don’t approach.
A: Fear of rejection, they fear the women will reject them, this is a very unusual fear in the sense that the guy has just made the choice for the women with out ever initiating contact. This usually means he attributes a certain quality about that women that is out of his league or his current grasp on reality. Basically he feels he is not worthy of the women and what she has to offer, if you actually think about it this is insulting to the women and insulting to all the other women you have had in your life will ever have in your life as well has making a decision on an unfounded assumption. It is like investing 100 in a company you have seen for 2sec and don’t know anything about, the money hit is not hard but your sure gonna feel it. The fear of approach is assuming you know what’s best for that women! You may actually be her type, then we move onto the next part of the approach anxiety.
B: Fear of Alpha or Zoned state (comfort zone) being rocked or destroyed. This stems from the guy having a certain belief about himself, usually positive, since the negative outlook is more attributed to fear of approach. This positive bubble if you will, keeps the guy in a happy comfortable state, but highly frustrated. He assumes he is the greater catch but does not apply himself. He is so into his comfort state the he fears the rejections since he thinks it will knock him back down, destroying his mentality. I do not need a women is usually his line whilst going home and flicking the wrist. This guy is very centred and show great promise, but the lack of application to break his comfort zone means the approaches wont happen and sex is never usually on his terms, unless he has a FT girl friend. Sex is a random encounter where some girl makes all the initiative. The problem when the girl makes all the moves keeps this ideal strong in the guy, making him assume there is nothing wrong since he is getting some now and again. Fear of breaking out of the comfort zone. Biggest problem here is the guy may never find his true mate and will be simply chosen, if he knows it or not.
C: society, mates, current social contacts. This problem stems from the issue where the guy is confident but wont make moves due to worrying what his mates or some other in the circle person will think. He is so concerned about keeping a certain image he wont approach a certain type of girl. This can go two ways: 1: His mates are very negative and can only game average girls, so the potential Alpah falls in Line and too games only average girls, when a true HB comes along he is so in the zone with average, the HB is felt to be out of his league even if she gives high buying signals. 2. The guy only dates HB due to keeping up an image, but he secretly wants to f*** most girls he sees, he is horny and the HB are not around that much, he is frustrated but it is better then se’ing the average to poor girls that are available. Worse part of this spectrum is when mates pull you down with negativity, examples: “we are too old for a younger bird”, “you will never pull her”, “man your cloths are too trendy”, Negative cr** that they have imprinted on themselves, they cant accept success so they project there limited belif around them since to them it is the truth, they would not know the real truth if it was on a plate naked with fu*k me eyes all over it.
D: Status and wealth, society trap. Guys don’t approach since they think they don’t have the goods, they assume every girls is after money wealth and status. They don’t have a flash car, live in a big house, have the best cloths, so they assume the girl wont be interested. This is akin to labelling the women a cheap who*e, you assume she is only interested in cash and status and will never be interested in you. You fail you assume and you wimp out, you act submissive since you base your world on society and its fine trappings. You ideal of the perfect world is flash cars, flash women and flash everything, you basically are living in the MTV lifestyle, but there is one big problem you don’t have the cash or the Flash. You assume you must get it to get a women. Treating women like w*ores is wrong until you know them then treat them like the sex crazed biatch she is in the bedroom. Letting outside sources of wealth and status effect you. Granted having more success in the real world MAY help you get girls but it is no way a guaranteed F*** trick, unless you like to pay. There are as many frustrated rich guys out there as there are not, in the % of poor to rich ratio.
Hope this is ok.
A: Fear of rejection, they fear the women will reject them, this is a very unusual fear in the sense that the guy has just made the choice for the women with out ever initiating contact. This usually means he attributes a certain quality about that women that is out of his league or his current grasp on reality. Basically he feels he is not worthy of the women and what she has to offer, if you actually think about it this is insulting to the women and insulting to all the other women you have had in your life will ever have in your life as well has making a decision on an unfounded assumption. It is like investing 100 in a company you have seen for 2sec and don’t know anything about, the money hit is not hard but your sure gonna feel it. The fear of approach is assuming you know what’s best for that women! You may actually be her type, then we move onto the next part of the approach anxiety.
B: Fear of Alpha or Zoned state (comfort zone) being rocked or destroyed. This stems from the guy having a certain belief about himself, usually positive, since the negative outlook is more attributed to fear of approach. This positive bubble if you will, keeps the guy in a happy comfortable state, but highly frustrated. He assumes he is the greater catch but does not apply himself. He is so into his comfort state the he fears the rejections since he thinks it will knock him back down, destroying his mentality. I do not need a women is usually his line whilst going home and flicking the wrist. This guy is very centred and show great promise, but the lack of application to break his comfort zone means the approaches wont happen and sex is never usually on his terms, unless he has a FT girl friend. Sex is a random encounter where some girl makes all the initiative. The problem when the girl makes all the moves keeps this ideal strong in the guy, making him assume there is nothing wrong since he is getting some now and again. Fear of breaking out of the comfort zone. Biggest problem here is the guy may never find his true mate and will be simply chosen, if he knows it or not.
C: society, mates, current social contacts. This problem stems from the issue where the guy is confident but wont make moves due to worrying what his mates or some other in the circle person will think. He is so concerned about keeping a certain image he wont approach a certain type of girl. This can go two ways: 1: His mates are very negative and can only game average girls, so the potential Alpah falls in Line and too games only average girls, when a true HB comes along he is so in the zone with average, the HB is felt to be out of his league even if she gives high buying signals. 2. The guy only dates HB due to keeping up an image, but he secretly wants to f*** most girls he sees, he is horny and the HB are not around that much, he is frustrated but it is better then se’ing the average to poor girls that are available. Worse part of this spectrum is when mates pull you down with negativity, examples: “we are too old for a younger bird”, “you will never pull her”, “man your cloths are too trendy”, Negative cr** that they have imprinted on themselves, they cant accept success so they project there limited belif around them since to them it is the truth, they would not know the real truth if it was on a plate naked with fu*k me eyes all over it.
D: Status and wealth, society trap. Guys don’t approach since they think they don’t have the goods, they assume every girls is after money wealth and status. They don’t have a flash car, live in a big house, have the best cloths, so they assume the girl wont be interested. This is akin to labelling the women a cheap who*e, you assume she is only interested in cash and status and will never be interested in you. You fail you assume and you wimp out, you act submissive since you base your world on society and its fine trappings. You ideal of the perfect world is flash cars, flash women and flash everything, you basically are living in the MTV lifestyle, but there is one big problem you don’t have the cash or the Flash. You assume you must get it to get a women. Treating women like w*ores is wrong until you know them then treat them like the sex crazed biatch she is in the bedroom. Letting outside sources of wealth and status effect you. Granted having more success in the real world MAY help you get girls but it is no way a guaranteed F*** trick, unless you like to pay. There are as many frustrated rich guys out there as there are not, in the % of poor to rich ratio.
Hope this is ok.
There are many reasons why guys won't approach hot babes.
1/ They fear Rejection
2/ They have severe speech disorders, stutter, etc,
3/ They think that the hot babe is way to pretty for them to attract
4/ They know they are losers in life, have no academic qualifications, meaning they are poor and cannot provide for the hot babe
5/ They veiw the hot babe as being the Prize and not themselves
6/ They think they are ugly and unattractive in their physical appearance and that no hot babe would desire to be with them
7/ They don't have a history of dating the hottest babes so they don't expect themselves to ever be with one
These are some of the many reasons why.
1/ They fear Rejection
2/ They have severe speech disorders, stutter, etc,
3/ They think that the hot babe is way to pretty for them to attract
4/ They know they are losers in life, have no academic qualifications, meaning they are poor and cannot provide for the hot babe
5/ They veiw the hot babe as being the Prize and not themselves
6/ They think they are ugly and unattractive in their physical appearance and that no hot babe would desire to be with them
7/ They don't have a history of dating the hottest babes so they don't expect themselves to ever be with one
These are some of the many reasons why.
chickenlegs03
Banned
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to be honest, the times i've experienced the fear it has nothing to do with rejection.
the times i've not approached (which is not lately), it was due to being in a crowded area and being worried about being on a "stage" so-to-speak of everyone watching me "pick-up" the girl. pressures on! but then i remind myself that i'm not necessarily "picking her up" and that i'm just going to talk to her to see what she's like.
also another way i get over this though is by opening up to more people in the surrounding area...so i get comfortable with them so they're almost part of the interaction too, until i isolate the girl or something.
rejection actually doesn't bother me at all because it's not personal. i understand that i may not like her or she may not like me once we start talking. and looks are not everything, so it's cool, that's just how the world works. not everyone is for everyone.
for me it's the feeling that you're up on stage (in really crowded areas)...and sometimes if the girl gets nervous, like i startle her(?), then that sometimes makes me nervous. which is something to remember...ppl don't like nervous ppl, that goes for everyone.
the times i've not approached (which is not lately), it was due to being in a crowded area and being worried about being on a "stage" so-to-speak of everyone watching me "pick-up" the girl. pressures on! but then i remind myself that i'm not necessarily "picking her up" and that i'm just going to talk to her to see what she's like.
also another way i get over this though is by opening up to more people in the surrounding area...so i get comfortable with them so they're almost part of the interaction too, until i isolate the girl or something.
rejection actually doesn't bother me at all because it's not personal. i understand that i may not like her or she may not like me once we start talking. and looks are not everything, so it's cool, that's just how the world works. not everyone is for everyone.
for me it's the feeling that you're up on stage (in really crowded areas)...and sometimes if the girl gets nervous, like i startle her(?), then that sometimes makes me nervous. which is something to remember...ppl don't like nervous ppl, that goes for everyone.
Yea - being on a stage definately applies to me and guys that I know.
I also don't like giving the girl the opportunity to reject me. I don't think the girl is superior to me and by approaching and then getting rejected - I feel like she thinks she is or maybe I even feel she is. I hate that feeling. I know I shouldn't look at it that way but after high-school and it's social hirearchy I can't shake that feeling and don't like to feel the same way as I did in school.
I also don't like giving the girl the opportunity to reject me. I don't think the girl is superior to me and by approaching and then getting rejected - I feel like she thinks she is or maybe I even feel she is. I hate that feeling. I know I shouldn't look at it that way but after high-school and it's social hirearchy I can't shake that feeling and don't like to feel the same way as I did in school.
lurker
Senior Don Juan
this is the best explanation sometimes im the guy you mentioned at number 2jonwon said:
The JustMan
Don Juan
I used to be afraid of rejection until I got rejected a few times and realized it is not really that bad! Now, if I am afraid of anything, it is success. I have never really been successful with women before, and I know I will be if I keep doing what I am doing. I am moving in unknown territory for myself. Success is change, and the unknown, two things which are the root of all fear. BUT I know it is necessary to step out of my comfort zone and be proactive because change and success are necessary to achieve a life worth living!
ima str8 up pimp
Banned
I'm sorry boys, but it doesn't even have to be that long lol. It's fear. And that is it. Most people, hell, or all came on this site to begin with because of an insecurity, lets not lie to ourselves lol. You shemales lol :moon: .
tmpgstx
Master Don Juan
That and getting taking on a mind-bending string-along by an AW. Say no to Hoes (lol ..got to miss Puerto Rican Lover).
ima str8 up pimp
Banned
lol yessir
Blackdragon5095
Senior Don Juan
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I used that today and it was 1 of the best quotes about apporaching a girl. You dersver a rep point for that. That is like 110% true. Too goodtobby said:
This is a golden post. Great job typing it up. All 100% truejonwon said:
Another good post. I suffer stutter problems myself and I never dated a hot chick before. This once agian good.KoalaKing said:There are many reasons why guys won't approach hot babes.
2/ They have severe speech disorders, stutter, etc,
3/ They think that the hot babe is way to pretty for them to attract
4/ They know they are losers in life, have no academic qualifications, meaning they are poor and cannot provide for the hot babe
5/ They veiw the hot babe as being the Prize and not themselves
6/ They think they are ugly and unattractive in their physical appearance and that no hot babe would desire to be with them
7/ They don't have a history of dating the hottest babes so they don't expect themselves to ever be with one
These are some of the many reasons why.
I get nervous myself bro. The more I apporach the easier it gets. I even get nervous before I go to the mall to even a apporach a chick.chickenlegs03 said:
Great movation post. Rejection should never be taken seriously or personal. It's all just a game.Espi said:
Good post wingman.The JustMan said:
DrBeard
Banned
Cos they aint got no balls and are ponces!
Blackdragon5095
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2005
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- 453
- Reaction score
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Overall:
Very good posts guys. I think I will take what you guys said and put it in quotes. I hope this stuff gets KJ's into the field.
Rating of the best reasons why guys don't apporach girls.
1. jonwon
2. tobby & Espi
3. KoalaKing
4. The JustMan & chickenlegs
I learned alot thanks to this topic. If any other guy wants to post up why feel free. I may add if it's good. I will remember this stuff when I'm out apporaching.
Very good posts guys. I think I will take what you guys said and put it in quotes. I hope this stuff gets KJ's into the field.
This is for every guy who having trouble apporaching girls should remember. Thier is not excuse for not apporach a girl you are attracted to.tobby said:
Rating of the best reasons why guys don't apporach girls.
1. jonwon
2. tobby & Espi
3. KoalaKing
4. The JustMan & chickenlegs
I learned alot thanks to this topic. If any other guy wants to post up why feel free. I may add if it's good. I will remember this stuff when I'm out apporaching.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Let's say too much fear of rejection and too little self confidence.IsiMan84 said:
