Why does this one bother me so much? She shouldn't.

[49au]

So I recently (and rather coldly) broke things off with a girl I'd been seeing for a couple months.

I absolutely loved hanging out with this girl. The sex was great, and she gave me all I wanted. And she's very fun, very active, has a lot of friends, etc. Very easy to talk to.

So I enjoyed her. And I kept a very solid, dominant frame.

The reason I dumped her is that I realized what a wh0re she is, deep down.

And it bothers the fvck out of me.

Why is this?

Why am I so angry that this girl has probably banged more guys than most dudes have (she's 27)? That she's obviously been passed around her group of friends?

I even found out that she was almost shown on Jersey Shore, drunk at a club, licking "The Situation's" abs. Doing that is dumb enough - but doing it on tape for potentially a national audience to see? Her sex drive is obviously stronger than her common sense or decency.

But I have feelings for her. Don't get me wrong - not the kind of feelings I had when I was 18 and couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't think, couldn't get past "the one". I've grown past that garbage. It's more like a gnawing, persistent ache, knowing that I miss her, knowing that I shouldn't, knowing that she's bad, and wishing she wasn't. Wishing she could - and would - change for me.

I'm still working, functioning, hanging out with friends, and spinning plates. But she definitely got to me.

Surely this happens to other guys. Maybe this is what women feel when they talk about the *sshole that they know they should leave, they just can't resist him.

If a guy (especially a younger guy) came to me and asked about this girl, I could give him a bullet list of warning signs, poor behaviors, and reasons why she is destined to do break your heart. And I've given myself the list.

Logically, I know she's toxic - and I am doing fine with letting logic override my feelings. But why should I feel something for a wh0re in the first place?

Have I fvcked girls and never spoken to them again? Of course. Have I fvcked girls multiple times and not given half a sh!t about them? Definitely. Have I quickly identified slvts and used them for fun, being wary of any emotional investment whatsoever? Absolutely.

But I think this one really caught me off guard, and despite being wary of her even from the jump, I allowed myself to get caught up in her game, to fantasize that she was some other kind of girl, that I was "special", that I could tame her. I let all the red flags whiz right by my head - and though initially I said I would never consider her for an LTR (and I meant it), she was slowly breaking down that resistance over a couple months. It took her openly disrespecting me for me to realize that yes, there is starting to be some feeling here. And then all of a sudden, at the risk of being hurt, all the red flags came sharply into focus. I've realized that I dumped her more for fear of her growing power over me, than over any particular one act. But why should a woman I initially classified as a crazy wh0re be able to provoke any reaction or possessiveness in me at all?

Is this a failure of inner game, or just a product of being human?

Just some random thoughts. Feel free to flame me for being AFC.

 

[Centaurion]

I don't think thats failure of inner game, it's just a product of being a human.

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I started reading ss.com back in 2001, and as you, followed it's teachings and met wonderful women. At most I had 6 plates spinning at the same time. Everything was going great until I met my current ex (read the thread I posted here yesterday). She was, as you describe, a wild party girl with red flags all over the place. All my friends (that have known her for 10+ years) told me to stay away from her, but as you, I thought she was "special". I don't know what happened but I dropped my other plates and just focused on her. The result was a wild ride for the last 6 months which ended up me being dumped earlier this week. It hurts, and it hurts bad.

We can live and breath the DJ way all we want, but once in a while some girl will come along and make you throw the DJ Rule Book away. I don't know what it is. We all get caught off guard, but we just have to live and learn our lessons.

What I've learned in my 10+ years in the community is; take the "alpha" advice given here with a grain of salt. There is no need to be the ultimate alpha male and treat women like dirt. I'm not saying that you should treat women like princesses, but don't treat them like wh*res / sl*ts / b*tches neither. Read everything you can, but don't put everything in practice. In the end I feel like I've become a better person and a better DJ. At the start I thought being an alpha equaled being a douchebag. It's not.

 

[49au]

I kept a very strong frame, even through the end.

And when it was time to let go - I dumped her pretty callously, showed no emotion, and have been NC since.

I'm not saying I want her back. I'm not saying I regret letting her go. I'm saying I'm at a loss for how I ever allowed myself to develop any feeling for her, even if I did manage to keep that feeling in check. There's a girl I've been banging off and on for 3 years, that I care less about than this girl. And she's crazy and slvtty as well.

What makes the difference?



Centaurion:

I have a similar experience involving a girl I dropped all my other plates for, and quickly. A long time ago, I came on here whining about a girl, and created an epic 15+ page thread in which I slowly came to accept the reality of the situation. I dumped her, but I kept in contact and tried to discuss the relationship ad nauseum with her.

After a significant amount of time apart in which I fvcked several other girls, she came at me again - hard - and numerous bl0wjobs, cooked meals, massages, etc. later, I found myself in a relationship with her again. I dated her another 6 months before ultimately realizing that she just liked drama too much. So I dumped her and didn't look back.

Months later, and she is still throwing herself at me. While the situation was a complication to my life; ultimately it has taught me a lot about self-respect, and being willing to walk from a woman that I am wildly attracted to. It made it easier to walk from the subject of this thread, and I'm sure that this girl will make it easier to walk from the next bad apple.

 

[PlayHer Man]

The idea that you can control your emotions is bogus. At best you can control your perspective and this is done through wisdom. We know through wisdom that fire is hot.. but that wisdom doesn't make fire less painful when you touch it.

You cannot "out smart" your emotions. You can't tell yourself not to like someone. But if you change your perspective, you might see them differently.. causing your feelings about them to change. Its often what we DON'T know about a girl that makes them appealing because our imagination fills in the holes with (of course) POSITIVE traits.

Over time when you learn more about a girl and see her for who she really is.. you might become disenchanted and hurt that she didn't live up to your expectations or end up being who you thought she was.

The main point here is: Our imaginations fill in what we DON'T know about a woman with POSITIVE TRAITS.

This makes us see a woman in a better light, even when others tell us she is the devil. We don't believe it until we see it. Then once we see it.. we say:
"What the f*ck is wrong with me? It was so obvious!!!" :cuss:

I think wise men fall into traps like this for the same reason we thrill seek. It makes us feel alive. Humans are attracted to danger, excitement and adrenaline. Getting involved with a woman you know won't hurt you is BORING. The ones that provide the right challenge and excitement will always draw you in.

 

[the_untold_history]

you didn't dump her, as you stated, because she's a hor. you're down with that. this is the reason you dumped her.

"If a guy (especially a younger guy) came to me and asked about this girl, I could give him a bullet list of warning signs, poor behaviors, and reasons why she is destined to do break your heart. And I've given myself the list.

Logically, I know she's toxic - and I am doing fine with letting logic override my feelings."

so all kinds of red flags, destined to break your heart, and toxic. that's why you dumped her. you knew she could cheat on you at the drop of hat. you knew that she could hurt you. So you did the logical thing. You exited first. you gave up a good thing in the short term. but you were watching out for your emotional health in the long term. You could try to go back to her and say "nevermind". but deep down you know she's toxic and will do you some damage. you were smart. and sometimes being smart means dropping somone before it seems time to.

 

[Fatal Jay]

very good thread

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I'm not saying I want her back. I'm not saying I regret letting her go. I'm saying I'm at a loss for how I ever allowed myself to develop any feeling for her, even if I did manage to keep that feeling in check. There's a girl I've been banging off and on for 3 years, that I care less about than this girl. And she's crazy and slvtty as well.

What makes the difference?

The difference is in qualifying. Since reproduction is the most important, most deeply subconsciously programmed, and ultimate purpose in life, on a deep genetic level, there's about a billion layers of programming that make you want to "feel that way" toward any particular girl.

This is automatic, and has nothing to do with your conscious thinking process.

Once that "evolutionary hook" is set, there's little you can do to ignore it.

Not only that, but there's no telling what's going to set if off. You can't rationally predict it. It really IS true that "attraction isn't a choice."

Determining whether or not there's any "red flags" after you allow that hook to be set is very, very dangerous. Because once that hook is set, there's nothing the rational mind can do to "unset" it.

Where you erred, IMO, is allowing yourself to get close enough to her, allowing that hook to be set, BEFORE you knew enough about her to determine if she satisfied your criteria or not.

This is why having a solid set of criteria is ESSENTIAL to have so that BEFORE you get into an emotionally and unconsciously committed situation, you can make sure that she's not going to set off any red flags.

But as you mentioned with your other f-friend, you never know if that hook is going to be set or not. That's the danger in getting involved, at any level, with girls that have any kind of red flags.

Nobody said this shyte was easy, even for super advanced players with ultra natural game.

I believe this is the metaphor Homer was going for when he wrote "The Odyssey."

They went by the island with the singing sirens, and Odysseus had his crew tie him to the mast, so he could listen to their songs WITHOUT taking action toward them knowing full well he'd be a goner if he did.

See, he KNEW those singing sirens were really going to EAT HIM, yet he wanted to hear their song. But he knew that if he heard them, he'd have an unconscious desire to approach, knowing full well it would be fatal.

As you can see, your dilemma predates human history, so you ain't alone.

 

[Jitterbug]

She's a wh0re, but for a period of time, she was YOUR wh0re.

Always tough emotionally to get rid of a favourite possession.

 

[49au]

These responses are hitting me right between the eyes. Definitely gaining something out of this discussion.

I think I inadvertently showed her a weakness, and she exploited it very well. That's how she built somewhat of an emotional connection with me early on.

We both have high income, high pressure jobs, which carry respect. We both drive luxury cars, live in ocean view high rises, have good disposable income, etc. But I hinted that I was really feeling burned out, and needed some serious work-life balance adjustment. That all the "stuff" and the "money" wasn't doing it for me anymore.

Her response was to mirror my feeling exactly. She would constantly send me reminders to relax, pictures of beautiful ocean scenes, etc. She would give me massages, tell me she just wanted to do low key relaxing activities, and often encouraged me to just not go into the office some days, so I could "relax."

She presented herself as the outlet that I desperately needed to get away from the immense stress and burnout I was dealing with. She even encouraged me to cut my salary enough to hire more people and work basically a PT schedule for a few months.

And honestly, I needed it. I bought in. So a connection was made on that level.

The reason I'm confident this was a manipulation and not her actually feeling the same way, is that when her last boyfriend (who I know well) told her that he was losing an important client and his income could drop somewhat, she flipped out and said, "You know I can't take care of you." He told me this during a long conversation we had when I let him know that I dumped her.

I told him about her constant theme of "happiness and relationships are more important than money" and "relax and enjoy life". He laughed and confirmed what I suspected deep down - if you drop below $100k/yr, you don't have a shot with her (dating her, anyway).

With the next guy she tries to latch on to, she will identify a need just like she did with me, and position herself as the solution. So then, she's more than just sex. She will represent something a lot more significant to him.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I kept a very strong frame, even through the end.

And when it was time to let go - I dumped her pretty callously, showed no emotion, and have been NC since.

I'm not saying I want her back. I'm not saying I regret letting her go. I'm saying I'm at a loss for how I ever allowed myself to develop any feeling for her, even if I did manage to keep that feeling in check. There's a girl I've been banging off and on for 3 years, that I care less about than this girl. And she's crazy and slvtty as well.

What makes the difference?

This one is hotter?

 

[evan12]

Some women give you the feel of you have that nice kind wife ,so this make a man to grow emotion to that women .
It is amazing how women can give this feeling to man without being real, I think that is your problem.

 

[SecondHalf]

Some women can be fun, make you feel larger than life, you're the best best lover, the best ... best, best, best! Couple that with them being hot, desirable to other men, and raising your breeding status in your own mind, you mistakenly confuse their game with your own ego.

When every plate you spin tries to make you feel this way, not because it's their common game, but because they all believe it to be true ... you will be bullet proof my friend. You will see them all with clarity because your ego will no longer play a part in it.

Sounds from this thread you may someday achieve it.

The "red pill" sometimes needs to be swallowed again!
I read this forum every day to constantly ... re-dose that red pill.

Don't worry about this chick.

SH

 

[49au]

Thanks again guys.

So after several days of strict NC, she makes a nice comment on one of my Facebook updates (I booked a trip on a huge EDM party cruise that she really wants to go on but can't, due to work). I ignored it.

Few hours later, I get the "I don't want to bother you but I didn't get my period this month and I'm scared " text.

Meanwhile, she is spotted by friends both that night, and the next night, out drinking heavily. I'm sure she's very concerned about our love child.

Full psychotic breakdown is imminent. This is now crossing over into "amusing."

 

[Bokanovsky]

Few hours later, I get the "I don't want to bother you but I didn't get my period this month and I'm scared " text.

This is one of those times where "lol" would be a perfect response. This chick is not only pathetic...she is also clearly lacking in imagination. Bullet dodged.

 

[49au]

Bullet? More like nuclear warhead.

 

[Die Hard]

Man, there really are A LOT of worthless women out there who somehow convince us that they ARE of worth.

It's funny how we only find out how worthless and stupid they are AFTER we cut them out of our lifes. Nine out of ten times, when you think a girl is "special", you're just projecting. In reality, most women are just pieces of sh!t, lol. But when they put on some high heels, sway their hips while they're walking, and laugh at our jokes with that pretty little voice, we suddenly find them special.

Women are just SO overrated...

 

[Jitterbug]

Oooh the pregnancy scare trick, so old school. And she was out drinking heavily the night before (probably flirting & hooking up with dudes too)? Hang on, did you date my HPD ex? lol that was exactly how it went down after we broke up.

 

[49au]

Yeah, I checked out her Facebook, she's getting closer and closer to full melt down. Desperately trying to get me to react. She's posted pictures of herself with 3 different guys in the last several days. Innocent "friendly" hugs, of course - but she's definitely ramping it up. Trying to get me to chase after her.

I'm quite enjoying this, watching Game in action.

I will continue to ignore her, until the inevitable public confrontation she's sure to arrange (we live in nearby buildings, so she and I frequent the same restaurants and clubs).

I have this sick fantasy of pulling a Don Draper on her ass, in public. If she goes nuts and starts interrogating me about why it's over and why I won't speak to her, I'll just grab her, pull her to me, look right in her eye, and say "Because you're a hor." Then step back and walk away.

That should be sufficient enough to break her.

But if she has any game at all, what she will probably do is show up with a guy she thinks I'll be jealous of, and lay all over him in front of me. I'm preparing myself to show absolute indifference, perhaps even amusement if I can pull it off.

I think either the Don Draper move, or indifference/amusement, will be effective.


(Referring to the classic Mad Men scene where Don confronts Betty about fvcking Henry Francis)

 

[the_untold_history]

obviously you haven't disengaged here. Interesting.

 

[49au]

obviously you haven't disengaged here. Interesting.

I'm still in an experimental stage.

It's not always enough for me to try to just identify women and be done with them, I like to play back. I genuinely enjoy the game, now that I understand it better.

In this girl's case, now that I've identified her as a specific type, I want to see if I'm able to manipulate that type, and the effects of certain actions. It's part of the learning process and mastery of women, the same way you would tinker with an engine or go to the gym.