Why does she hang out with her ex?

[Maxtro]

I'm a little confused on this.

When I went out dancing a few weeks ago one of the girls brought a guy with her. After watching them for a short while I realized that they were not a couple. Fast forward to today, I overheard a conversation she had with another girl

"So how is your boyfriend?
"Huh?"
"That guy you were with."
"He's not my boyfriend"
"Oh"
"He's my ex"

Before I could say anything the class started.

Now I'm thinking, why is she hanging out with her ex? Does it mean anything? What does she get from spending time with him?

 

[Hughman]

Hehe, and I thought you were clued up Maxtro.
They may still be friends, (and perhaps he's pinning for her, and she's humouring him. Or he might be a jerk, or perhaps even a DJ, and she is still attracted to him, and it's him humouring her)

 

[Maxtro]

He's definitely not a DJ.

I talked a bit to him at the dance and he seemed like your average dude. He didn't seem smooth at all. I was more outgoing than he was.

The only "advantage" he has is that both him and her are Japanese and can speak Nihongo to each other.

I thought about talking about it with her but I know it's a bad idea so I should probably pretend he doesn't exist.

 

[Maxtro]

Bumpy de umpty!

I got some good IOI's from her today in dance class. Had a brief but nice conversation where she showed she had some interest in me.

On Monday I'm going to invite her to play pool with me in the student union before class.

If she accepts then I have an hour alone with her and frankly I don't have a clue how I would fill it with conversation.

I want her to know that I'm interested without actually telling her. I'm sure the topics of relationships will come up. I want to know why she's been "single" for so long. I'm not worried at all that her ex is still in the picture if anything I'm curious and to want learn more about the way women work.

If I can end up hooking up with her, I don't give a damn who she hangs out with.

 

[mikel]

She obviously still wants something to do with him. I can't really remember hanging out with any ex unless they had something I wanted. When it comes with ex's, even though people might want to believe you can be friendly. It's usually not an option. Unless you have a kid with them and its not an option.

 

[Maxtro]

My only guess as to why she hangs out with her ex is either that she still likes him or she feels lonely/incomplete without a male around. It is possible that she has friendzoned him and uses him as a sort of male comfort. If that is the case I sort of pity the guy. But it should mean that I may have a better chance.

 

[mikel]

If he was a ex bf I doubt he could ever be in the friend zone again, unless they never had a physical relationship. Maybe they were just friends because of their mutual background and culture and it just became more because of that. Slim chance though.

If they've never been physical before. Then I would say It's possible that they are still just friends or something to that degree. But it looks like the other situation , and she probably still has feelings for him. But thats just on what you've told me.

If she was in love, sometimes it takes a little while to get out of those feelings even though you know it wont work. So either way, it sounds like its over with her and her ex. Just dont sweat it.

 

[AAAgent]

it could mean a lot of things.

She could be still fvcking him and keeping it on the DL.

She could be stringing him along to boost her ego.

In rare cases, they may actually be friends.

 

[Scars]

It's probably not a big deal. Definitely don't mention it to her. Pretend like he is just some normal guy that talks to her, she IS allowed to talk to guys you know. You say the guy doesn't seem very slick or DJ like, but that was the vibes you got from just being around him yourself. He might be a natural with the ladies. I know I'm not as outgoing when theirs a bunch of wiener around (unless it's close friends), and I usually don't take the time to portray myself with enthusiasm around people I have no intention of getting to know. Most likely he is just some AFC boyfriend. Girls like to have little boytoys sometimes. Guys they can manipulate to give them things, whether it be validation, money, rides, or whatever.. I wouldn't trip, just let the best man win. Just keep working on increasing her interest level towards you and forget about the competition. Once you have that mindset then all the other guys will slowly fade away.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Maxtro you may be over thinking this one.

Ex's can be friends and nothing else or any other scenario you mentioned. You just gotta figure out with one is which.

Why has she been single so long? Maybe, she isnt quite the hor like other women are.

Just have fun with her and hit it. Your not exactly dating her yet so dont worry.

 

[Maxtro]

Thanks for the advice guys.

I'm not worried at all, I'm just curious about most things concerning relationships. I just want to make sure my curiosity doesn't get me in trouble.

Also she doesn't seem like a whore at all. She definitely doesn't have the party girl vibe. The fact that she is 23 may be part of that.

 

[WhtRbt]

*grunch*

she hangs out with her ex because she's still f*cking him