Why do guys NOT hold girls accountable for their actions?

[Trader]

Guys often hold themselves accountable for their actions, which is commendable.

Guys often hold other guys accountable for their actions, which is praiseworthy.

But that begs the question, why do guys NOT hold girls accountable for their actions?

 

[DangNammit]

Sex is better than rubbin' one out

 

[Kailex]

Because I can almost guarantee that women will not own up to whatever you are holding them accountable for. While in both of the situations you presented, they deal exclusively with men.

You CAN hold them accountable, but more often than not, it's a lost cause. If whatever you are trying to throw in their face is a major red flag, it's best to move onto someone else than to just try to "prove a point".

Personally, I've very rarely seen a woman admit to a type of behavior I've held them accountable for. There will always be a plethora of external factors to shift the blame towards something external like the weather, their periods, their feelings, the foot they ate, etc...

When was the last time you heard a woman say: "My bad."

Sometimes it's just a matter of choosing what's really worth holding them accountable for and what's really worth nexting them for.

 

[DangNammit]

Kailex is right on. I've never experienced a woman genuinely remorseful for piss-poor behavior.

Guys do hold girls accountable... I left my last ltr because of her 5hitty attitude. I did not confront her with it, because I knew, as Kailex has indicated, it was a futile pursuit.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Sex is better than rubbin' one out

Winner.

Thread closed. (jk)

 

[Trader]

Sex is better than rubbin' one out

Therein lies the rub

I'm not sure how you have sex since your balls have already been cut off by failing to hold her accountable

 

[DavenJuan]

Therein lies the rub

I'm not sure how you have sex since your balls have already been cut off by failing to hold her accountable

If by "accountable" you are referring to things like...

- being late for a date
- no show/flake
- disrespectful etc...

this is when we have to hold OURSELVES accountable. Do we respect ourselves enough to not put up with it. Do we have an obligation to ourselves to do the best we can.

I think this mindset, of influencing other peoples actions, is the reason why so many men have problems with women, careers, etc. We tend to focus on EVERYTHING else except US. If a man is willing to let not just a woman, but ANYONE walk over him, then he DESERVES IT. If he doesnt respect himself, he cant hardly expect someone else to.

The only thing that i am responsible for, the only OBLIGATION that i have.. is to be the best MAN i can be, dont bend on my beliefs, and remove everything and anyone who doesnt make my life better. If i stick to this, I will never encounter a situation, where im justifying the accountablity of anyone in my life.

 

[samspade]

Because I can almost guarantee that women will not own up to whatever you are holding them accountable for. While in both of the situations you presented, they deal exclusively with men.

You CAN hold them accountable, but more often than not, it's a lost cause. If whatever you are trying to throw in their face is a major red flag, it's best to move onto someone else than to just try to "prove a point".

Personally, I've very rarely seen a woman admit to a type of behavior I've held them accountable for. There will always be a plethora of external factors to shift the blame towards something external like the weather, their periods, their feelings, the foot they ate, etc...

When was the last time you heard a woman say: "My bad."

Sometimes it's just a matter of choosing what's really worth holding them accountable for and what's really worth nexting them for.

I like Kailex's quote. Most women will never be sorry or feel like they were wrong, even if they say so. The question really is, why don't most women hold themselves accountable? And I'm sure you could write books filled with possible answers.

Rather than waste your time and energy holding her accountable, decide what YOU are going to do as a result of her behavior.

 

[mrRuckus]

For the same reason I don't get mad at my cat for not helping pay the rent.

 

[countermart]

Women do not often hold themselves accountable for their actions because they believe they are driven to these actions by some external force eg. boyfriend, work, time of month etc.

Their actions are often all over the place because they are primarily driven by emotions, rather than logic.

Regards,
Countermart

 

[Colossus]

For the same reason I don't get mad at my cat for not helping pay the rent.

LOL!!! :crackup:


Trader I know where you are coming from because I used to feel the same way, but I learned it is a very circular exercise. This doesnt mean you shouldnt withhold consequences from them, but for the love of God dont try to teach them the error of their ways or elicit some humble contrition out of them like you would a man.

 

[Warrior74]

Everyone is accountable with me for their actions. Of course it's the consequences that count. What you do about it. I'm not going to treat some girl I'm dating like I would my daughter.

 

[Trader]

LOL!!! :crackup:

Trader I know where you are coming from because I used to feel the same way, but I learned it is a very circular exercise. This doesnt mean you shouldnt withhold consequences from them, but for the love of God dont try to teach them the error of their ways or elicit some humble contrition out of them like you would a man.

So far, I usually have gotten away with calling out girls on their BS or ridiculous behavior. By girls, I'm talking about my female friends, or girls I have been dating and they usually feel guilty (though they never really admit they are wrong)

But there was this one girl who was my female friend (HB8). She was *dating* this guy and she was getting free rent, free cell phone, and he was taking her out to these nice places (i.e. opera), but she wasn't really that into him, just milking him for the nice life, she even admitted that to me: "Well I am getting all these nice things from him, so why dump him?."

Anyways, he decided to dump her because she was too overbearing. She called me for sympathy since it was a blow to her precious ego to get dumped. I told her that I didn't have time for her BS and emotional vomit because she was just using him for the money anyway, and that once she found a better guy, SHE was going to dump him.

She never talked to me again after that. But so be it.

 

[jophil28]

Trader I know where you are coming from because I used to feel the same way, but I learned it is a very circular exercise. This doesnt mean you shouldnt withhold consequences from them, but for the love of God dont try to teach them the error of their ways or elicit some humble contrition out of them like you would a man.

The next question is this -
IF you walked away in silence after she committed a sin in the dealbreaker category,and you are NC, what do you say when she calls and asks why you have not called her?
I have found that women cannot believe that we could dump them because of their behavior,so your radio silence is gonna drive them nutz.

Rejection by you often triggers a pursuit by her...

 

[Atom Smasher]

but for the love of God dont try to teach them the error of their ways or elicit some humble contrition out of them like you would a man.

This is what drive me up the wall (Colossus, I know you are only articulating what most think today). Are we living in a world where women are completely unable to understand personal accountability?

I'm older than most of you guys and I can tell you that without a doubt, in the 70s and 80s I was able to call women on their sh!t and they were able to understand and take ownership (that means apologize, articulate verbally what they did wrong and why it was wrong, and correct their behavior in the future). Most of you guys never lived through that era and so you think that women have been this way all throughout human history.

Wrong!! It simply wasn't this bad a few decades ago.

Of course women have always been emotional. illogical and prone to this kind of behavior, but they would usually respond to the guidance and direction of a man. That is all but obliterated now, and that is why you guys who were born in the eighties and nineties think that women have always been this bad. It wasn't bad at all back then. Sure, women were crazy, but you could always get them to see logic by pointing it out to them and they would generally take ownership. Nowadays they literally have no concept whatsoever of accountability. It is astounding to me how bad it has gotten, having lived through much more agreeable times.

 

[jophil28]

Wrong!! It simply wasn't this bad a few decades ago.

Of course women have always been emotional. illogical and prone to this kind of behavior, but they would usually respond to the guidance and direction of a man.

AtomSmasher is 100% right. I am the same age as he, and I have said almost the exact same thing several times on this board.
I am surely glad that I am not 20 something again . Dealing with the uppity nature of young women would drive me batty.
If a girl wanted to cancel a date, back in the day, she usually called you and offered a heartfelt apology- at the least you got a credible excuse from her.

I cannot recall ONE "no show" flake back then.

IN the 70's and early 80's most young women were excited and grateful to be asked out and they went out of their way to behave ..IF a new woman f**ked up, she was willing to apologize and make amends like AS said above.
The last thing she wanted back then was to lose you.

THe good 'ole days, eh ?

 

[Kailex]

IN the 70's and early 80's most young women were excited and grateful to be asked out and they went out of their way to behave ..IF a new woman f**ked up, she was willing to apologize and make amends like AS said above.
The last thing she wanted back then was to lose you.

THe good 'ole days, eh ?

Technology now:
Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Caller ID, Call Waiting, Text Messaging, etc, etc, etc...

Back then, women were confined to whatever they met in their social circle or by going out.

Nowadays, women can get dates just by SITTING AT HOME. It's such a turnaround from 20 years ago. Their supply for dates has increased exponentially while they can absolutely do NO work for it.

I'm pretty sure that limited their options by far which is why they tried to stick it out, specially if there was "time invested" in that particular relationship. Now, all they have to do is breakup and just post an ad online... Voila... "instant relationship".

It's being used to their advantage. Hell, I've seen women Facebook/Twitter DURING dates. So now, even if you hold a woman accountable, the general attitude of "I can get another man at the drop of a Tweet" seems to have mired the dating playing field.

For me, it's affected the age group I date. Unfortunately, I am more prone to go out with the women hovering around 30 than those hovering around 21. Granted, I don't take either seriously in the long run, but it gets annoying to see a woman constantly looking at her phone while she is trying to have a conversation with me.

As soon as caller ID came to fruition, chances of flaking started spiking. Remember the days when someone would call your phone and you had no clue who it was? Seems like a long time ago, doesn't it?

 

[Trader]

Nowadays, women can get dates just by SITTING AT HOME. It's such a turnaround from 20 years ago. Their supply for dates has increased exponentially while they can absolutely do NO work for it.

Which effectively means, that the average guy has nowhere to hide, his mediocrity is exposed since girls can see what is out there.

But of course, I am assuming you are NOT mediocre so this is a moot point.

This causes the truly high value male to shine out even more, since girls can that what is out there are just more mediocre males that match up. The high value male's value is affirmed.

 

[synergy1]

Kailex is right on. I've never experienced a woman genuinely remorseful for piss-poor behavior.

Guys do hold girls accountable... I left my last ltr because of her 5hitty attitude. I did not confront her with it, because I knew, as Kailex has indicated, it was a futile pursuit.

right, while I generally agree most women don't hold themselves accountable for their actions, some do. The last girl i was dating did some crap which was inexcusable, but she fessed up later and put in effort to not do it again. Actually, she quit drinking entirely and that helped a great deal. While this isn't the norm, its good to know that there are quality people who have reputable character and follow through with more than just words.

I think accountability is something we are moving away from as a society. Look at how our systems of law and power of state are set up. The frivolous lawsuits are the easiest example to cite. Its almost natural to completely deffer responsibility if you have the right lawyer and accidentally hurt yourself on someone elses property.

 

[jophil28]

Men do hold women accountable. They do so by walking away.

It is the AFC's and White-Knights that refuse to hold them accountable.

Ultimately , it is as simple as that ^^