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Why are we so weak?
- Thread starter mikey2012
- Start date
BraddH
Master Don Juan
No. Whatever we suppress gets more power and energy then it has to come out. If you did not care about seeing her or not, then there would be no problem whatsoever. You would not even mind her! Now you do, all the time.
Pride. This is the main reason.mikey2012 said:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=209687
And as PHM says on that thread, not realizing you have not lost anything of value. Or easily replaceable.
If usable in practice, I recommend Limited Contact, in which you show her you're not butthurt (NC shows you're butthurt most of the time, specially when you were crying all over her on break-up day). In case you cross on the street or she calls you, just respond light, fun and short, as if you hadn't noticed you guys broke up. Never initiate contact, but in case she does keep it cool, and short. Say you're busy, you gotta go.
This helps your pride as you realize she's still a bit interested, or that she doesn't see you as a total AFC, and makes it easier for you.
Of course, in the meantime you do everything else you're supposed to. Starting seeing other women, hit the gym, self-improve, etc, and you realize she's not worth it, or that you screwed your chances. She might be a quality woman, but your AFC behaviour fvcked things up and it's actually your fault. You were driving a car without the proper skills. But it's over. You crashed it.
Get a new car, you'll see the difference.
SamTheHobit
Master Don Juan
Parental conditioning.
VikingKing
Banned
Insecurity. Desperation. Societal conditioning.
PlayHer Man
Banned
Its because we use women as a crutch. Similar to drug addicts, fat pigs who can't stop eating and alcoholics.
We take something that should be a WANT and make it a NEED.
Once you stop doing that.. you'll find the strength you need.
We take something that should be a WANT and make it a NEED.
Once you stop doing that.. you'll find the strength you need.
Yeah, that's it. It's basically looking outwards for happiness instead of inwards. You *believe* that another person (a women) will fill that inner hole in you and make you complete. This is a delusional way of thinking. The truth is - if you aren't happy single, you'll never be happy in a relationship. Sooner or latter that inner hole will need filling again and suffering will arise (causing issues in the relationship). The initial euthoia of the relationship may seem like it's solved the problem; but it's only a matter of time before the euthoia reverses....
What goes up, must come down...
What goes up, must come down...
Night-hawk
Master Don Juan
That's well said, Adam. It's not really our 'significant other' that we battle, but the pain or discomfort of the weaknesses we feel that we didn't see as a threat before. This then carries over into how we start changing our interactions with said girl and the results we find ourselves in. We, as Rocks, become weathered by our insecurities which magnify insignificant **** our girl is doing.
This usually comes from forgetting your place, whether because you had done something or something had caused a quake in the security of your frame, such as mistrust, or a cornucopia of other things.
I read a line from The Book of Zed the Zen Priest that made me ponder deep: "with no exit strategy. When you are in no position to wipe anyone out. It is really a stupid idea to make enemies."
Being ok to be single again is an example of an exit strategy.
This usually comes from forgetting your place, whether because you had done something or something had caused a quake in the security of your frame, such as mistrust, or a cornucopia of other things.
I read a line from The Book of Zed the Zen Priest that made me ponder deep: "with no exit strategy. When you are in no position to wipe anyone out. It is really a stupid idea to make enemies."
Being ok to be single again is an example of an exit strategy.
VladPatton
Master Don Juan
Cuz muthafückas don't listen!
TheException
Master Don Juan
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Its not because of "conditioning".....thats just an excuse for acting pathetic.
The real reason is a lack of willpower. Want to find out how strong you really are? Try to resist doing something you REALLY want to do.
The real reason is a lack of willpower. Want to find out how strong you really are? Try to resist doing something you REALLY want to do.
bukowski_merit
Master Don Juan
2 Reasons I'd like to add:
1) Memories:
You went out and had an amazing night and now she's ignoring you? Your mind completely ignores that she's being bad to you right now and instead focuses on the amazing night you guys had. "But... It was so perfect. Everything went right."
Or maybe she's your girlfriend and you remember the first few months of your relationship. Where everything was fresh, the sex with incredible, you'd make out for hours, and she once asked you something like "Where have you been all my life?" But now, she's cold, heartless, branch swinging, and acts like sex is a chore.... Why are you still with her? The memories.
You want it back; you want that fun girl; you want the her that she was... Isn't that why a lot of guys do NC? They think if they play hardball with her - she'll come crying back and return to her previous form of total infatuation?
There's a lot going on here. Feeling like you lost out of the investment. Feeling like you lost out on the potential. Reliving past conversations and believing what was said then MUST still be true. But it’s not. And reclaiming a strayed woman – takes more effort than it’s worth.
The best you can hope for is to make her jealous when you move on, or get a temporary Band-Aid if NC happens to work (and most time it DOES NOT).
So memories of when it was a good are the worse culprit.
Best to constantly remind yourself what a pain in the @ss she is now!
2) Women have strong Support System’s; Men rarely do.
Women love to talk amongst each other about their relationships with men. They also love to give each other advice. They also love to try to lift up each other when they are having men issues.
It’s all self serving. And most of the time there’s a hint of deceit present.
IF you NC her – one of the reasons you might not have ever got that “I was wrong and I want you back” text that you fantasized about getting was…. Her friends won’t allow it.
I remember once a woman who I’d been on a few dates with and banged suddenly started playing these games with me. I recognized them as games instantly, but wasn’t sure what set them off.
She essentially was acting very busy after being very available.
I thought it was another man (and maybe it was).
That relationship faded quick. As I went NC after her not offering counter offers to my offers on 3 occasions.
A few months later, we bump into each other out and we have a few drinks (yes, it led to sex).
She told me, that her friends felt like she was moving way too fast with me. That all she ever talked about was me. And that she told them she was in love with me.
That’s when her friends told her she needed to slow down, and actively test me to find out if I saw her as more than sex. Their genius way to do this was to suddenly become unavailable to me and see how hard I fight for her attention (im sure the sheep read this in some cosmo).
That didn’t work out so well for her.
It doesn’t matter if her story was true. What matters is that you understand that things like this do occur!
Women’s support system is real and so much more advanced than our support system. If you NC or breakup with a woman – if she has friends – they’ll all be telling her what a dog you were. And how they always knew she could do better.
What do men do when we try to share the same type of stories with each other? Normally mock and make fun of. Or just say “get over it.” Typically anyway….
And even if we do - we often keep stuff inside. Unless it's on message boards like this.
---
2 more pennies in the fountain.
1) Memories:
You went out and had an amazing night and now she's ignoring you? Your mind completely ignores that she's being bad to you right now and instead focuses on the amazing night you guys had. "But... It was so perfect. Everything went right."
Or maybe she's your girlfriend and you remember the first few months of your relationship. Where everything was fresh, the sex with incredible, you'd make out for hours, and she once asked you something like "Where have you been all my life?" But now, she's cold, heartless, branch swinging, and acts like sex is a chore.... Why are you still with her? The memories.
You want it back; you want that fun girl; you want the her that she was... Isn't that why a lot of guys do NC? They think if they play hardball with her - she'll come crying back and return to her previous form of total infatuation?
There's a lot going on here. Feeling like you lost out of the investment. Feeling like you lost out on the potential. Reliving past conversations and believing what was said then MUST still be true. But it’s not. And reclaiming a strayed woman – takes more effort than it’s worth.
The best you can hope for is to make her jealous when you move on, or get a temporary Band-Aid if NC happens to work (and most time it DOES NOT).
So memories of when it was a good are the worse culprit.
Best to constantly remind yourself what a pain in the @ss she is now!
2) Women have strong Support System’s; Men rarely do.
Women love to talk amongst each other about their relationships with men. They also love to give each other advice. They also love to try to lift up each other when they are having men issues.
It’s all self serving. And most of the time there’s a hint of deceit present.
IF you NC her – one of the reasons you might not have ever got that “I was wrong and I want you back” text that you fantasized about getting was…. Her friends won’t allow it.
I remember once a woman who I’d been on a few dates with and banged suddenly started playing these games with me. I recognized them as games instantly, but wasn’t sure what set them off.
She essentially was acting very busy after being very available.
I thought it was another man (and maybe it was).
That relationship faded quick. As I went NC after her not offering counter offers to my offers on 3 occasions.
A few months later, we bump into each other out and we have a few drinks (yes, it led to sex).
She told me, that her friends felt like she was moving way too fast with me. That all she ever talked about was me. And that she told them she was in love with me.
That’s when her friends told her she needed to slow down, and actively test me to find out if I saw her as more than sex. Their genius way to do this was to suddenly become unavailable to me and see how hard I fight for her attention (im sure the sheep read this in some cosmo).
That didn’t work out so well for her.
It doesn’t matter if her story was true. What matters is that you understand that things like this do occur!
Women’s support system is real and so much more advanced than our support system. If you NC or breakup with a woman – if she has friends – they’ll all be telling her what a dog you were. And how they always knew she could do better.
What do men do when we try to share the same type of stories with each other? Normally mock and make fun of. Or just say “get over it.” Typically anyway….
And even if we do - we often keep stuff inside. Unless it's on message boards like this.
---
2 more pennies in the fountain.
HyperAnalyze
Don Juan
Rationalization, scarcity
