Why Am I Failing!?

[finickywake]

So, these past few weeks I got a ton of girls numbers on Tinder & the like. Due to my circumstances online dating seems to be the easiest thing to do right now.

Here's the issue: girls are rapidly losing interest. Or, once a date/meetup is planned they go silent. I posted about this sort of before, but I thought the issue had resolved itself. Apparently not.

Now, one girl actually met up with me. She displayed high interest on the date and afterwards. She invited me over for dinner two days later and cooked me a meal. We hung out and eventually were making out. She was very aggressive about it. I said we should take it into her bedroom, because she was clearly grinding on me, telling me she liked it when I grabbed her ass, etc...This is the second time I'd hung out with her. She then said, word for word, "Aaah (like turned on sigh) I would love to, but...I can't. Come back in 4-5 days." I left shortly after and she kissed me on the way out.

So I waited a few days, sent a text saying I was gonna be in x location on saturday, we should hang out when I was done. She responded a day later. Said she was gonna be at x that night at this festival they are holding, & "raincheck?".

Seems to me she lost interest. So I'm just not gonna reply, because I don't know what else to do. And I thought she was gonna be my first plate/lay after the ex.

Another example. This girl sends me a message on POF. Then she sends me a message on Tinder. Then she just gives me her number without me asking, "because she doesn't log in to those often". She's 21.

We text back and forth a little, I say we should meet up this weekend, I'd get back to her with details. She says definitely, that sounds lovely, and smileys and such.

The next day I tell her the time and day. And she doesn't respond.

WTF. I think girl 1 lost interest because she smokes weed & drinks. I don't do either anymore, and made that pretty clear to her. Girl 2, I don't even know. It was like she exploded with interest then as soon as I expressed a desire to meet up she disappears into lala land.

Now I'm texting like 3 other girls. All want to meet up. RIGHT. So far every girl wants to meet, even if they bring it up themselves, and then when the time comes to actually set it up, poof they are ghost.

This is frustrating because when I was an unhealthy drunk and druggie I was at least always banging one girl, with maybe 2 week dry spells. And none of these chicks did drugs, and very few of them even drank. Now it's been a month since I've been laid.

I don't understand why the hell girls were attracted to me when I was boozing like Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas.

Is this common with online/tinder chicks? I'm new to this all (sober).

 

[Harry Wilmington]

One major mistake you're making is setting up a time to set up a time for a date. Like, they'll say they're interested, and you come back with "Great, let's set up a time on Sunday to talk about where we want to go on Tuesday." No bueno. You need to already have date selections planned out in your head so that when they say they want to meet up you can come up with a place on the spot. Heck, I had a girl hit me up on POF one time, and the 3rd message I sent to her was "hey, if you're not busy tonight, let's meet up at x-spot" and got the date that SAME DAY.

Also, women don't need a whole lot of back and forth on the phone before agreeing to meet up with you. If you're texting these women on and off for days before asking them out, you're making a HUGE mistake. Once they give you the number, asking her out should be the next thing on the agenda - none of this "messaging her for days to build up interest" crap - building up interest is what the in-person meet up is for. Just get the numbers, then ask them out next time you're in communication with them. Doing these two things should help you get more dates, less flakes, and more action. Good luck!

 

[finickywake]

One major mistake you're making is setting up a time to set up a time for a date. Like, they'll say they're interested, and you come back with "Great, let's set up a time on Sunday to talk about where we want to go on Tuesday." No bueno. You need to already have date selections planned out in your head so that when they say they want to meet up you can come up with a place on the spot. Heck, I had a girl hit me up on POF one time, and the 3rd message I sent to her was "hey, if you're not busy tonight, let's meet up at x-spot" and got the date that SAME DAY.

Also, women don't need a whole lot of back and forth on the phone before agreeing to meet up with you. If you're texting these women on and off for days before asking them out, you're making a HUGE mistake. Once they give you the number, asking her out should be the next thing on the agenda - none of this "messaging her for days to build up interest" crap - building up interest is what the in-person meet up is for. Just get the numbers, then ask them out next time you're in communication with them. Doing these two things should help you get more dates, less flakes, and more action. Good luck!

I see. F*ck! So dumb.

 

[DonGorgon]

you lack carisma and speed.... females now have 10000 dudes asking them on dates and trying to F every night if you move slow or scared or like a good guy they will immediately thing you are lame and boring..

 

[nismo-4]

If a woman flakes on you, you have failed.

You need to move quickly, especially online. All it takes is one man who's better than you to move in and swipe the girl away, leaving you with blue balls.

F**k first, ask questions later. Lead. If she doesn't follow, erase and replace.

Case closed.

 

[hudpes]

Dude, are you stupid? Check this:I would love to, but...I can't. Come back in 4-5 days. Could it be, oh, I don't know, that she was on her period?

(absolutely no offense, I was there, but in a different situation lots of times - too close to the tree to see the forest, so my wall gets headbanged alot)

 

[nismo-4]

Dude, are you stupid? Check this:I would love to, but...I can't. Come back in 4-5 days. Could it be, oh, I don't know, that she was on her period?

(absolutely no offense, I was there, but in a different situation lots of times - too close to the tree to see the forest, so my wall gets headbanged alot)

This could either be true or a sign of disinterest. But how often is such a statement true? You have to ask yourself, Would she say something like this to Brad Pitt or Channing Tatum?

I don't hold my breath. I spin plates. They don't translate to dates always. I can and will kick a woman to the curb. Women do it to us a lot, so I only give a woman ONE strike unless there is a plausible reason for me to give her another one (funeral, family crisis, etc.)

I believe in my new philosophy: Erase and replace. Or, at least erase. An uninterested girl will not get with you, no matter how hard you try.

 

[finickywake]

lol

All legit responses. I think I was too quick to assume the worst. But it's all a learning experience. I mean, in the last two weeks I've gotten more phone numbers/talked to more girls than I had in the two years prior to that.

Basically tables have turned for the better. Replaced the previous ones. New dates lined up. Even have one NSA girl set in stone already. Being direct seems to be key. And even my ex is trying to get ahold of me now. It's like she could sense this stuff.

This **** is so absurd.

 

[Zarky]

Keep plugging away OP. It's all a numbers game. You gotta send out 100s and even 1000s of messages.

Cut and paste, don't overanalyze, contact tons of chicks and, if the girl gives you anything less than an eager "yes," move on quickly.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Hmmmm

 

[finickywake]

This could either be true or a sign of disinterest. But how often is such a statement true? You have to ask yourself, Would she say something like this to Brad Pitt or Channing Tatum?

I don't hold my breath. I spin plates. They don't translate to dates always. I can and will kick a woman to the curb. Women do it to us a lot, so I only give a woman ONE strike unless there is a plausible reason for me to give her another one (funeral, family crisis, etc.)

I believe in my new philosophy: Erase and replace. Or, at least erase. An uninterested girl will not get with you, no matter how hard you try.

Yeah, I mean she implied she was on her period. Thing is, when I left I noticed my pants were wet. I thought, did I precum or something. Checked, and no, she leaked through her yoga pants onto me. And it wasn't menstrual blood as far as I could tell. Anyways, her wanting a raincheck for saturday without offering a suggestion means she's lost interest in my mind. Sucks cause she was kinda ideal in all ways physically for me.

Hopefully in two weeks I'll be able to say I got laid. Plus, I'm getting out of a multi-year BPD relationship, so my sanity is still slowly coming back to me.