When sex just isn't worth the drama..

[pinhas]

I need some advice here guys. I am currently "talking" to a girl I met through my social circle. She is a close friend of a good buddy of mine, and is connected to a large group of friends.

Here are some bullet points that may help explaining the situations:

• She is a month fresh out of a 3 year relationship
• REALLY into me
• Seems like she wants to date me
• I DO NOT WANT A GIRLFRIEND

On a number of occasions, I mentioned that I am happy single, that I don't want a monogamous relationship, and even metaphorically said that a person who just got out of a long relationship should stay single for a bit and not jump into another one (hint, hint). Still, I have a feeling she wants to eventually date me and I don't think she is the kind of girl who can handle unattached sex.

She wants to come over tonight, but I am not 100% sure I want to sleep with her. I am worried she will get attached, and this may lead to drama with her and my social circle.

In the past, I gave up sex for sex for this exact reason; to avoid future potential drama. But now I promised myself ill stop, be the ***hole for a change and worry about it later.

Advice?!?

 

[iwanttofight]

The Question is do you like her? and if she is would you want to bang her? if you answered no to any of these two questions I just asked you, then do not get involved with her

 

[PDubb75]

The Question is do you like her? and if she is would you want to bang her? if you answered no to any of these two questions I just asked you, then do not get involved with her

A lot more to it than that. And it's because shes in your social circle. If it was some random girl, you could just drop her afterwards. But if you have a lot of mutual friends, don't get involved with it, unless you are open to the idea of giving that a shot.

Not only could it end horribly for the two of you, your friends may have an issue with you if you start something up, knowing what she wanted, and then hurt her.

Be the a$$hole to some random club ho. Not to friends of friends in your social circle.

 

[st_99]

Advice?!?

sounds to me like she isn't all that great looking. otherwise you wouldn't care, you would just fvck her and
not worry about trying to act like mr. morals. "oh im so worried about her being attached" oh please, spare me.

 

[pinhas]

Shes attractive, with an AMAZING a**. She is a bit shy, and not the greatest kisser; I like the kind of girl who will at times push my back, unzip my jeans and... she doesn't strike me as that type.

Another thing I must mention is that she just finished school and is flying all over the country for interviews; there is a chance of her not being in my city for long, and it is possible that I may move as well. I can use that, saying I dont want to start anything.

What do you guys think about just telling her directly, that I am attracted to her, but I dont want a serious thing, and since she is fresh out of a relationship, and there is a good chance we wont be living in the same place for long, lets just do a casual thing?

 

[KoalaKing]

No woman really wants a one off fvck, its in their psychological make up to become attached to the c0ck thats fvcking them.

Human males are like Tom Cats, we can fvck without any emotional attachment.

Sex is more powerful for a woman, even if its the C0ck belonging to a pink farm Pig, she'll want it to fvck again and again.

Never beleive a woman who says she doesn't want to be attached because its never the truth.

 

[pinhas]

Never beleive a woman who says she doesn't want to be attached because its never the truth.

Exactly why actually talking to her is my least favorable route; the way I see it, the talk will only give me the piece of mind that later down the line, I can fall back on my honestly and feel good about it myself.

Why, oh why must women be so emotional and illogical?!?

 

[SgtSplacker]

Invite her over. At the height of passion and lust (before copulation) pull away and tell her "look your on the rebound, I can't get committed right now lets stop..." then bang her brains out when she goes crazy. You bust a nut, she gets over her ex, everyones happy.

 

[rhcp83]

My question is (as a virgin...I've done everything else but not penetration) is sex THAT good that it's worth even getting in this position in the first place with a girl who isn't all that hot (like someone else said, if he was more attracted to her, he wouldn't be thinking twice about "morals") and is a bad kisser and shy? Is the penetration THAT good?

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

My question is (as a virgin...I've done everything else but not penetration) is sex THAT good that it's worth even getting in this position in the first place with a girl who isn't all that hot (like someone else said, if he was more attracted to her, he wouldn't be thinking twice about "morals") and is a bad kisser and shy? Is the penetration THAT good?

Haha. I suppose it is.

It's good enough to keep people banging women they shouldn't be banging (fat chicks, married, b*tchy, etc) over the past 10,000 years.

 

[rhcp83]

That's what scares me. I mean I've been horny before to the point where even UG3s looked good. I don't mind having a sex drive and craving sex, but right now I pride myself on the fact that my logical side overrides my horniness and I see a b*tch for a b*tch, a fattie for a fattie, etc..

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

That's what scares me. I mean I've been horny before to the point where even UG3s looked good. I don't mind having a sex drive and craving sex, but right now I pride myself on the fact that my logical side overrides my horniness and I see a b*tch for a b*tch, a fattie for a fattie, etc..

Well, my friend, you can be scared all you want. You're a grown man, and you're going to have sex. So, you might as well lose the fear.

It's inevitable.

 

[PDubb75]

My question is (as a virgin...I've done everything else but not penetration) is sex THAT good that it's worth even getting in this position in the first place with a girl who isn't all that hot (like someone else said, if he was more attracted to her, he wouldn't be thinking twice about "morals") and is a bad kisser and shy? Is the penetration THAT good?

Well, the first time might not be good enough to warrant it. But it sure CAN be...

Seriously though, listen to what I said in my first post. No one else seems to have really hit on that point, but I think it's as big a deal as any in this situation. The relationships with your friends are (or should be) important to you.

This is how the situation sounds to me: You have a girl that you know wants to date you. You don't want a girlfriend. You fvck her anyway. She gets attached, you break her heart. Your friends know what you did, and know you were aware of her feelings for you. They take her side (they are her friends too, so it's not backstabbing you). You hurt many relationships in your social circle because of 1 girl who probably isn't worth it.

I have seen this EXACT situation play out with a friend of mine, and nearly to me, as well. It's VERY possible it goes down exactly like that. Luckily in my case, I'm not as close with the social circle of this girl I got with. The situation was identical, aside from that. They don't call me to hang out anymore, because all of the girls think I played her. The guys are really close with some of the girls, so they only call me now when none of the girls are around. It's a pain, and she was far from worth any of it.

 

[perseverance]

That's what scares me. I mean I've been horny before to the point where even UG3s looked good. I don't mind having a sex drive and craving sex, but right now I pride myself on the fact that my logical side overrides my horniness and I see a b*tch for a b*tch, a fattie for a fattie, etc..

There's nothing wrong with a fattie.

As for sex not being worth the drama? I couldn't agree more, if you know that sex will lead to drama then avoid it at all costs. No amount of drama is worth getting your end wet, none whatsoever.

 

[sstype]

Well, the first time might not be good enough to warrant it. But it sure CAN be...

Seriously though, listen to what I said in my first post. No one else seems to have really hit on that point, but I think it's as big a deal as any in this situation. The relationships with your friends are (or should be) important to you.

This is how the situation sounds to me: You have a girl that you know wants to date you. You don't want a girlfriend. You fvck her anyway. She gets attached, you break her heart. Your friends know what you did, and know you were aware of her feelings for you. They take her side (they are her friends too, so it's not backstabbing you). You hurt many relationships in your social circle because of 1 girl who probably isn't worth it.

I have seen this EXACT situation play out with a friend of mine, and nearly to me, as well. It's VERY possible it goes down exactly like that. Luckily in my case, I'm not as close with the social circle of this girl I got with. The situation was identical, aside from that. They don't call me to hang out anymore, because all of the girls think I played her. The guys are really close with some of the girls, so they only call me now when none of the girls are around. It's a pain, and she was far from worth any of it.

This is exactly why I refuse to get involved with "social circle game" as guys here put it. Aside from the obvious difficulty of getting into a circle with desirable women, if you scorn any female in that group, she will do what women do best and drag your name through the mud, turning everyone she knows against you. Heck, even a guy will stab you in the back if he's see you hitting it off with some chick he's been crushing on for a long time.

There's a reason why women prefer dating guys in their social circle..... the women in social groups work together to keep losers, creepers, sex-seeking players and pickup-artists out....while hanging the threat of social ostracization over guys who try to "use" them only for sex. Its an effective way for women to control mating outcomes. Its why 90% of cold approaches are dead on arrival.....the assumption she makes is that you, a stranger, are only seeking her for sex, otherwise you would be trying to date someone you know as well.

There are of course exceptions but by and large its holds true for the majority of mixed social groups.

 

[HalfAddict]

If you only want sex spare her and tell her you only want sex.

If she is dtf I guess you could....

Or maybe you should not **** her and tell her you are not interested in her like that. Stick to your guns and pursue what you really want in life.

"sounds to me like she isn't all that great looking. otherwise you wouldn't care, you would just fvck her and
not worry about trying to act like mr. morals. "oh im so worried about her being attached" oh please, spare me.

St_99 how can we expect women to stop acting like stuck up skanks when we act as savages, propagate and engage in the same vile behaviour. Men should have morals, honor and integrity to both themselves and those around them. Don't be played a fool just because you want to stick your penis somewhere wet and soft. There are always repercussions to sex be it from yourself or the woman. This man is asking if he should get involved in a strictly sexual relationship with a woman who wants what he does not and is a part of his social circle.

I have been in your shoes and I chose to stick my penis somewhere wet and soft, and I wish I had not. I lost one friend over the matter when I "broke her heart" and she would not stop crying to her roommate for two ****ing weeks. I gave in to base desires again and bam more crying. I was made to be a villainous beast and it took almost two years to perform casualty triage on the situation.

Of course eventually she got the picture and we had casual relations for a while before I decided it was in my best interest to stop having sex with her. You should see the way she acted when I refused to give in to lust. It was like a child being denied skittles at the grocery store, and I do not regret the loss of sex whenever I wanted it because the rest of the package was ****.

 

[The_411]

Well there is one way to play this which is to bed her then go super AFC in the hopes to scare her off. Problem is that chicks talk so it could shutdown any possibilities with her friends.

 

[rhcp83]

I'm afraid of my own drama. With the first girl I dated (granted it was my first experience and a rookie is entitled to make mistakes) I got obsessed with her after she dumped me (and she dumped me to begin with because I was too needy/clingy)...after she dumped me, and I saw her "real side"...the side you don't see until months down the road or after you've put the ring on her finger...I became suicidally depressed...listening to songs like "Sorry seems to be the hardest word" by Elton John and other break-up songs. I felt like someone ripped out my heart and replaced it with a load of bricks. And yet I still obsessed over her months later (sent her messages once every couple months) trying to get her back.

Then I dated a girl around this time last year, wasn't even that into her, yet would text her all the time, paranoid that she lost interest in me (when it wasn't the case) so after a few dates, I prematurely broke up with her to avoid any other drama on my end.

So if that's without penetration...and if sex is as good as men say it feels...I worry for myself that despite everything I know from previous experiences and friend's experiences and reading on here and other manly sites, that I'll just fall into the same trap and become totally obsessed with the first woman i sleep with.

 

[Mike32ct]

OP: I agree with Pdub. She is a close friend of a good buddy of yours. Don't go there. If nothing else, don't go there out of respect to your buddy.

sstype: Great analysis of why women prefer to meet guys via their social circle. If you F and chuck any girl in that circle, you completely poison the well and piss off a lot of people. The threat of being ostracized from the group if you F and chuck is a very clever c@ckblocking mechanism.

Notwithstanding, there most certainly are some under the radar secret hookups that occur in social circles. But the girl has to be open to the fling, keep her mouth shut (which is rare for females), and the guy really has to know what he's doing game-wise. (He also has to keep his mouth shut and avoid bragging.)

OP: But from what you told us, you don't believe she's up for a non-serious fling anyway. So let it go.

 

[pinhas]

Thanks for the advice guys; I agree that this whole situation is not worth it. Yesterday, I avoided meeting her, and we are both leaving town and won't hang out for 2 weeks.

Now, don't get me wrong; she is very attractive looks wise, and very accomplished in her studies, with a bright future. She is the kind of girl mom would love for me to be with. I, however, don't care about these things, and I just don't feel "it" with her.

Honor and morals are indeed more important then getting laid, and unless she shows me she is ready for casual thing, I don't think I will peruse her further.