When is a girl your "girlfriend"?

[sharpshooter]

Is there some sort of a mutual agreement. Do you tell her, "ok now you're my girlfriend and i'm you're man."

Does she have to say it? Or is it just like some sort of silent agreement that you both sort of get the feel on? Is it a bad thing to ask a chick if she considers you her boyfriend, or do you just ask?

 

[Cheiradawg]

The way it usually works from my and my friends experiances that that one person or the other decides it is time to have "the talk."

During "the talk" you both say what you want out of the relationship and where you want it to go. People are generally honest during "the talk".

Untill "the talk" happons I think it is a general rules that you and her are not officially a couple.

Most people will say that it is a good idea to wait for her to ask for "the talk", becuase it shows that you have the power in the relationship (she needs you more ect). I don't agree with this as a strict rule. My opinion is to have the talk if you want to.

Don't ask a chicks straight out if you are their boyfriend. This is a clear sign that she has the power to do with you as she would like. It is as if you are asking her for direction. I wouldn't do that.

If you want to be her boyfriends then have "the talk" and see how it goes.

 

[KillingTime]

That's interesting. Me and friends have debated several times how exactly you ask a girl to be your girlfriend. Back in the day (elementary school) youd just ask a girl if she wanted to go out with you.... but as you grow older, you obviously have modes of transportation so going "out" is just basically going somewhere. "Will you be my girlfriend" sounds incredibly cheesy and pathetic. But this "talk" is a really good idea.

 

[sharpshooter]

bump

let's find out more about this "talk" thing... i'm curious

 

[Speed Demond]

I wanna tell you guys my honest opinion..if you've been seeying a girl for a while just play it cool....and when you introduce her to some one...just say..this is my g/f <whatevername> ......or while your talking just sorta mention it like...i wouldn't do that to you..you really think i would wanna ditch my own g/f...then she'll be like..cool..he thinks i'm his g/f...i can't lose this guy....he's obvioulsy the man and has the balls to make the important decisions and not afraid of waht he feels..i'm scared to lose him..i'm whipped by him.!

Well thats my opinion on the matter....But when it comes down to it....doesn't really matter how you guys decide...just remember to be cool about it and not make it a huge issue to stress over...like i mean it should all be fun shouldn't it?!!?

 

[legolas]

Girl I asked at work said her current bf asked her in a cheesy corny way by singing NStink's Girlfriend "song" She was like "Please" but accepted

Appearently they had been talking about it since his cousin was dating the girl, but had broken up with her. So maybe theyre having "the talk" then. "The talk" seems like a really cool idea. I wouldn't miind if she asked first and I would be prepared with a "vision" whn she asks, but if it takes too long for her to ask, I can simply present and "install" my vision.

Damn too many quotes.....

 

[balla]

bump...I'd like to hear more on this too

 

[Dark Nimbus]

In my experience it just happens on it's own without really having to be said. You both sort of figure it out when you find you're spending a lot of time together doing things like having sex, hanging out, and communicating a lot. After that point I might just say it during a conversation or something like "Well not all guys have such great girlfriends blah blah blah" or whatever. Usually the girl hints that she wants to be exclusive first and if she does have sex with you and cares about you at all, chances are she'll want something long term so again, it doesn't HAVE to be said, you sort of just know it.

The only reason I would actually have "the talk" or whatever you'd like to call it, is if I didn't fully trust the girl. That way if she ever flirted with other guys infront of me or worse, I'd have a good excuse to tell her off, because there wouldn't be any "misunderstandings" about what's expected of her.

 

[LikRetsam]

In my experience, you are a couple once both of you explicitly and verbally agree on it. Never before. I'm in HighSchool so it often goes "will you go out with me?" but I'm guessing later on that the above rule applies. I would never assume that a chick is my gf and definatly NEVER introduce her as my girlfriend if we hadn't discussed this matter and both agreed.

Lik

 

[Austin Allegro]

It 'just happens' usually.

But you will get 'the talk' in most cases and this should be initiated by the woman, NOT by you. YOU should only do it if you think you have a very good chance of success.

'The talk' usually starts with her saying something like 'what do you think of me' or 'where do you think this is going' etc.

I'd answer with something positive but fairly non-committal, like 'I think you're really good fun and want to see more of you' etc, NOT 'I want us to be girlfriend and boyfriend' etc. This dodges the issue of exclusivity until she raises it. It's like a poker game.

The reason you need to tread carefully is that I believe sometimes 'the talk' is used by women to guage your interest before dumping you. (this has happened to me). If you are TOO positive and demonstrative, she will have the upper hand and you will have ceased to be a challenge in her eyes, which is the first step towards you being dumped.

 

[ak5]

haha its funny how someone said "its when you have the talk"
because thats exactly what happens to me

edit: and its always the girl that brings up the topic
it goes like "So where are we in our relationship"

its pretty funny actually

 

[guardian]

the way it happened with me and my gf, who i actually met online, is we kind of had the talk. we had been dating for like 3 weeks and i was like, so umm... when do i get to tell people that youre my girlfriend? and she told me once i had 'the talk' with her mom! LOL! that was the most nerve racking experience of my life. she keeps telling sara, my gf, that i have 'ulterior motives'. but i painted her living room, and changed the oil in her car and put on new brake pads for her over MY spring break so i think im growing on her lol.