I know this attitude is wrong, but I don't know how to escape it. Conversation is almost always a chore for me, and especially so when meeting new people. Unless I'm in a great mind state, I have trouble genuinely caring about what the people have to say, and therefore don't listen well. I realize this while it's happening, but rationalizing my emotions does not change what I am feeling. Im just so sick of it . . meeting someone, catching their attention initially and then just continuing boring conversations full of me asking questions because I fail to focus on the conversation and capitalize on opportunities for humor, rapport, or even simply continuing the flow of conversation. I hate being a wallflower at parties, I want to go enjoy myself...I just dont know how anymore. Meeting new people and talking with them is nothing but a chore to me now, leading me to justify avoiding it completely. This is wrong and i know it...
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When does conversation stop being a chore
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zekko
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Yeah, I think this is the key. You have to make it fun for you somehow. Practice getting yourself into this state, and mimic your behaviors while you are in that state (because the behaviors also help you get into that state, like smiling can help you feel happier).
I'm an introvert, so there are a lot of times when I just do not feel with dealing with people, especially when I'm tired, so I know where you're coming from. But I can socialize with people well when I feel like it. Maybe it could help if you make it a challenge for yourself and looking at it as self-improvement.
Let me just say I know how you feel...
you're trapped. you're not smiling. you're not happy. you have the best intentions but yet all you're really giving off is negativity. You want to maintain a fun attitude and solid eye contact but it just feels like too much fking work. Am I right?
You gotta love yourself first before you love anyone else man. You gotta boost that confidence. Write down some ambitions and interests. Act on them. I guarantee you can offer this world something that no one else can. And most of all, have fun with it man.
you're trapped. you're not smiling. you're not happy. you have the best intentions but yet all you're really giving off is negativity. You want to maintain a fun attitude and solid eye contact but it just feels like too much fking work. Am I right?
You gotta love yourself first before you love anyone else man. You gotta boost that confidence. Write down some ambitions and interests. Act on them. I guarantee you can offer this world something that no one else can. And most of all, have fun with it man.
Basically the DJ state. I'm living in the moment, acting without thinking or worrying, enjoying just being alive. I feel open to everyone and genuinely care about what they have to say. I listen well, causing much better conversation. It feels incredible, like I finally "get it". But I can't make it just happen automatically. I've been trying to pay attention to what puts me in this state, but I can't figure it out. Some mornings I just wake up feelin like the man, and every chick is checkin me out. The next day I might feel depressed, self conscious, anxious. It doesn't matter that I can rationalize why I should be in a better mood....that doesn't change how I feel.JDA70 said:
JDBman pretty much sums it up. I have all the best intentions of being happy and making those around me happy, but in the end I'm giving off negativity. I want to love myself...but sometimes I even think I already do. I want to act my ambitions...but I don't know what they are. I do nothing but try to know and understand myself but I don't know anything!
listen bro you sound alot like I did one day. It's purely a matter of security, self esteem, pride, and confidence. Alot of FEAR. And in order to obtain those things. You have to notice that you're a great guy. You're the man. And you MUST figure out some interests and ambitions man. That's what life is about! I know you've got some. Get a pen and paper out and do some thinking. And most of all you have to start acting confident, secure, etc... KNOW that you truely are confident. And that FEAR isn't even real. You're probably going into situations with the FEAR that present situations will turn out negative just as the one's in the PASSED. You gotta live for the moment, it's all we've got
What it sounds like to me is that you are an introvert. And I think the type of conversation that you are referring to is small talk. Introverts tend to not care too much for small talk. We can do it, but yeah, it feels like a chore and it gets draining. I actually enjoy talking when I am talking about subjects I really enjoy. But where it gets tiring is when you are in a situation like company party or something and you have to make your rounds and do small talk with a bunch of people you may not know very well and talk about things you don't care much about in the first place.
There's nothing wrong with being an introvert that shuns small talk. We just happen to live in an extroverted society, so if we aren't all gregarious and talkative, it can feel like something is wrong with you. But it's not. Just accept it as the person you are.
Now what I think maybe you can do is try to reframe the conversation situation. Look at it not as a chore, but as a challenge. Think to yourself going into a conversation of how can you make this conversation interesting. How quickly can I get this person to start talking about something more interesting. Practice trying to control the direction of the discussion. Often what happens is introverts tend to feel like they are being held hostage so to speak by people that just blab on about nothing and expect us to listen and nod our heads. The quicker you can get to more meaningful conversation with people that is past the surface small talk, the less of a chore it will seem.
There's nothing wrong with being an introvert that shuns small talk. We just happen to live in an extroverted society, so if we aren't all gregarious and talkative, it can feel like something is wrong with you. But it's not. Just accept it as the person you are.
Now what I think maybe you can do is try to reframe the conversation situation. Look at it not as a chore, but as a challenge. Think to yourself going into a conversation of how can you make this conversation interesting. How quickly can I get this person to start talking about something more interesting. Practice trying to control the direction of the discussion. Often what happens is introverts tend to feel like they are being held hostage so to speak by people that just blab on about nothing and expect us to listen and nod our heads. The quicker you can get to more meaningful conversation with people that is past the surface small talk, the less of a chore it will seem.
kody_starr
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The DJ Bootcamp has lots of good tips on how to improve and enjoy conversation. It's really amazing how few people actually utilize the massive free resources on this site.
zekko
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I've read a lot of seduction material, and how to be attractive to women. It seems like in a lot of cases, all they are doing is describing what an extrovert is ("life of the party" and all that). Now, generally speaking, I do think extroverts tend to have a little easier time attracting than introverts, but it isn't quite that simple. I know several guys who are obvious extroverts, and are even quite masculine, but they aren't killer successful with women. They may be all right with girls, but nothing spectacular. So there's more to being a DJ than just being an extrovert.
That said, it does help to have some social skills, and it's good to practice being outgoing whenever you can. Introverts can do this, and in some cases be better at it than extroverts, but they may not have the energy to do it for long periods at a time. The point is, introverts can and should learn social skills, and be able to pull them out when they need them.
I had to LOL at this because it's so true. Extroverts will often blab on about nothing, just as you say, and at some point the introvert just has to get away from it. Not only is it boring, but it makes me feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin if I don't get away from it
I know how it feels. It sucks. Most conversations don't interest me either and I have to act like I give a ****. Even deep conversations bore me now since I've done them so many times that I know the patterns. I know how it feels.
zekko
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Dude, don't misunderstand. I like hearing what people have to say also. Problem is, some people continue talking long after they have nothing left to say. Ever been on the phone too long and the person on the other end won't take a breath so you can break it off? It's that type of thing. But if you're an extrovert and like these empty chats that go on forever, consider yourself fortunate since that's the type women are attracted to apparently.SteR said:
Introverts can enjoy social interaction but there is usually a limit somewhere. It varies from person to person because everyone is a mix of both introvert and extrovert, but usually you lean one way or the other. An introvert may get fed up with socializing after a few hours with strangers while an extrovert might be able to go all night.