What's your long term play with women?

[Reyaj]

This is the mature man forum right? What is the goal here... Are we trying to find a girl in her 20's and wife her up? Are you trying to spin plates and get laid into your 50s?

I want to hear what each of your long term plans are regarding women.

 

[Urbanyst]

I don't know yet. My LTR's never last anyway. My longest went one year and I'm in my 30's.

Lately I've been focused more on my career and having more breezing relationships with women. I think I'll regroup and see where my head and finances are at age 35-37. Then I will decide if I want to go down the traditional road of settling down and starting a family, or if I want to keep being a plate spinning bachelor. I really don't know yet.

All my friends are getting married or getting very deep into their LTR's so its easy to feel like the odd ball. Luckily, I don't really care.

 

[Reyaj]

I don't know yet. My LTR's never last anyway. My longest went one year and I'm in my 30's.

Lately I've been focused more on my career and having more breezing relationships with women. I think I'll regroup and see where my head and finances are at age 35-37. Then I will decide if I want to go down the traditional road of settling down and starting a family, or if I want to keep being a plate spinning bachelor. I really don't know yet.

All my friends are getting married or getting very deep into their LTR's so its easy to feel like the odd ball. Luckily, I don't really care.

I feel like at my age (late 30s) most people are married and have families. Do you think younger girls see guys in this demographic as flawed?

 

[speed dawg]

This is the mature man forum right? What is the goal here... Are we trying to find a girl in her 20's and wife her up? Are you trying to spin plates and get laid into your 50s?

I want to hear what each of your long term plans are regarding women.

At some point, everybody has to truthfully answer this question. IMO, the end game is still to secure a mate and have children. I think everyone has that innate urge. You may fight against it intentionally, but the natural instinct, be it moral or other, is still there.

I am not saying this is the end goal of life, it isn't. But it's certainly a goal that everyone has and nobody can really explain where it came from or originated.

 

[samspade]

At some point, everybody has to truthfully answer this question. IMO, the end game is still to secure a mate and have children. I think everyone has that innate urge. You may fight against it intentionally, but the natural instinct, be it moral or other, is still there.

I am not saying this is the end goal of life, it isn't. But it's certainly a goal that everyone has and nobody can really explain where it came from or originated.

That is true - otherwise the urge for sex would not be so strong in males, lol.

However, I have, right now, no urge to have or raise kids, or even settle down. My girlfriend has been asking me the exact question posted by Reyaj. "What's your end goal?"

I've come to know myself very well the past few years. I know I like financial stability, I know I like solitude up to a point, and I know I like variety. Those are three desires that don't mesh well with family life.

There's another thread on Wealth & Success about my goal of zero debt. I guess until I get there, in about 6-9 months, all other bets are off.

But beyond that, I know that I like sampling different women. I probably would like to settle down at some point, but I'm pickier than ever at 41. Not sure if that is good or bad. Women like to try to shame that sort of thing, but I'm just trying to take a realistic view. I don't want a bunch of one night stands, just to enjoy the company of some more different women over time.

One way I came to understand myself better was to imagine myself at 95 on my death bed or whatever. How will I want to look back on my life? What would I regret doing or not doing? There's something about the memories of the different women I've had that satisfies me and keeps me going. And I'm not afraid of the whole "dying alone" scare tactic. I've seen too many of my elderly relatives die in various ways to worry about that.

One thing I've realized, and I'll probably start a thread about this, but I don't want "needy" women as much as I thought. I have a habit of backing into relationships with incredibly needy women. I used to like the power it gave me but I've come to hate the lack of solitude and independence. Will have to meditate on exactly what kind of woman makes sense for me.

 

[MrAddiction]

I'm pickier than ever at 41. Not sure if that is good or bad

At least it is unimportant if that is good or bad. You are pickie, so am I, and there is no way to change that. You could settle for less but that would never ever satisfie you. So bot good or bad - just the way things are.

And I'm not afraid of the whole "dying alone" scare tactic

Yes and to anybody who does want to get married because of such, you could either die alone - no guarantee you wife is getting older than you.

Thinking again: you die alone this way or that way - no matter what: Nobody is dying with you.

 

[Urbanyst]

I feel like at my age (late 30s) most people are married and have families. Do you think younger girls see guys in this demographic as flawed?

In the city its very common to be in your late 30's or early 40's and single/never married/no kids.

This kind of thing seems to only be a problem in rural and suburban areas where everyone settles down in their 20's.

 

[MrAddiction]

In the city its very common to be in your late 30's or early 40's and single/never married/no kids.

This kind of thing seems to only be a problem in rural and suburban areas where everyone settles down in their 20's.

Absolutely right. And at least only a problem as long as you give a fcuk what others think and through that make it a problem.

 

[Epimanes]

In a way.. im glad i had my kids early. First one when i was 19/20 and had 2nd one at 25. First ones semi out of the house... 2nd one is 13. Since im 38 i will still have plenty of life left to date my wife and do stuff I couldn't do when my kids were small and life circled around our kids... time to go back to the fun stuff... relight some fires and go on holidays more.

Remember end of basic instinct? "Now we fuk like mynx and raise rug rats"... wife and i used that line ever since, except the raising rug rats part is almost over thankfully now back to fukin like mynx. Haha

Woots

 

[Alvafe]

end goal? most wouldn't stay a month, ask me that after I get one I care to deal for more then a year

 

[Reyaj]

At some point, everybody has to truthfully answer this question. IMO, the end game is still to secure a mate and have children. I think everyone has that innate urge. You may fight against it intentionally, but the natural instinct, be it moral or other, is still there.

I am not saying this is the end goal of life, it isn't. But it's certainly a goal that everyone has and nobody can really explain where it came from or originated.

I feel like you have a right to say that for you if that's what you feel, but there's plenty of people who lived productive lives that never had nor wanted children. I admit though I do feel the same myself, though the thought of having children equally scares me.

That is true - otherwise the urge for sex would not be so strong in males, lol.

However, I have, right now, no urge to have or raise kids, or even settle down. My girlfriend has been asking me the exact question posted by Reyaj. "What's your end goal?"

I've come to know myself very well the past few years. I know I like financial stability, I know I like solitude up to a point, and I know I like variety. Those are three desires that don't mesh well with family life.

There's another thread on Wealth & Success about my goal of zero debt. I guess until I get there, in about 6-9 months, all other bets are off.

But beyond that, I know that I like sampling different women. I probably would like to settle down at some point, but I'm pickier than ever at 41. Not sure if that is good or bad. Women like to try to shame that sort of thing, but I'm just trying to take a realistic view. I don't want a bunch of one night stands, just to enjoy the company of some more different women over time.

One way I came to understand myself better was to imagine myself at 95 on my death bed or whatever. How will I want to look back on my life? What would I regret doing or not doing? There's something about the memories of the different women I've had that satisfies me and keeps me going. And I'm not afraid of the whole "dying alone" scare tactic. I've seen too many of my elderly relatives die in various ways to worry about that.

One thing I've realized, and I'll probably start a thread about this, but I don't want "needy" women as much as I thought. I have a habit of backing into relationships with incredibly needy women. I used to like the power it gave me but I've come to hate the lack of solitude and independence. Will have to meditate on exactly what kind of woman makes sense for me.

Sam your post is really resonating with me... I feel like I equally agree and disagree with what you wrote. I'm not saying I am right or wrong, these are just my personal thoughts. I too want to be financially secure, like sampling different women and enjoy my spank bank memories of the women I've hooked up with. However there's certain realities I can't ignore..

1. As we get older the age demographics of women we can pull becomes less.. Basically when you're in your late 30s, 40s, 50s it will be difficult to get girls in their 20s. I know the conventional wisdom everyone will preach is if you got game it doesn't matter blah blah blah but I swear I feel like some people on here don't live in the real world... For a lot of girls in their 20s being that much older is a turn off. I am currently with a younger girl but I was deceptive about many things in order to land her. Now I'm not saying you can't get a girl in her 20s when you're older, but the older you get the harder it will be in my opinion.

If you are agree with all the talk about how younger girls with less baggage are the ideal partner and even virgins being mentioned, this does matter if you're ultimately looking for a life partner.

2. If you want children, being an older father might be more difficult. You see how much energy kids have.. I see even young parents not able to keep up, what is it going to be like for us? Can we play one on one basketball with him without having a heart attack? You get my point...

3. I also like needy women.. but it's a double edged sword... They require a lot of attention and it's gets frustrating but I'd rather have a needy woman to whom I'm her world than some independent woman challenge where my emotions go through a roller coaster. At least for a relationship, neither matters for a sexual fling.

You say you picture yourself at 95 on your death bed... if you didn't have children would you feel regret?

I do fear dying alone... Just in a sense that I think having a family would make me feel more comforted during my final years.

In the city its very common to be in your late 30's or early 40's and single/never married/no kids.

This kind of thing seems to only be a problem in rural and suburban areas where everyone settles down in their 20's.

Perhaps you are right.

In a way.. im glad i had my kids early. First one when i was 19/20 and had 2nd one at 25. First ones semi out of the house... 2nd one is 13. Since im 38 i will still have plenty of life left to date my wife and do stuff I couldn't do when my kids were small and life circled around our kids... time to go back to the fun stuff... relight some fires and go on holidays more.

Remember end of basic instinct? "Now we fuk like mynx and raise rug rats"... wife and i used that line ever since, except the raising rug rats part is almost over thankfully now back to fukin like mynx. Haha

Woots

Yeah I think it's the same trade off really... If you don't have kids when you are younger you can enjoy those single years.. but if you do you can enjoy your older years.

 

[samspade]

You say you picture yourself at 95 on your death bed... if you didn't have children would you feel regret?

Difficult to say - I guess I won't know unless I get there. My girlfriend and I just broke up and she's given me all the usual lines about me getting older, dying alone, it's not normal not to want to be with someone, etc. Maybe she's right but I know I didn't want to settle down with her, anyway. Perhaps one day I'll marry and even have kids. But the thought of not having freedom depresses me, at least right now.

 

[Reyaj]

Difficult to say - I guess I won't know unless I get there. My girlfriend and I just broke up and she's given me all the usual lines about me getting older, dying alone, it's not normal not to want to be with someone, etc. Maybe she's right but I know I didn't want to settle down with her, anyway. Perhaps one day I'll marry and even have kids. But the thought of not having freedom depresses me, at least right now.

How are you holding up Sam? Can you elaborate on the break up if you don't mind. And trust me I feel the same as you regarding the freedom, this is why I haven't settled down and started a family. It's tough... both have their pros and cons but not having freedom sucks!

 

[samspade]

How are you holding up Sam? Can you elaborate on the break up if you don't mind. And trust me I feel the same as you regarding the freedom, this is why I haven't settled down and started a family. It's tough... both have their pros and cons but not having freedom sucks!

Well today was not good, lol. I broke up with her on Monday. We've had a couple of days of relative quiet, her processing it etc. Today she is begging for me back. She's trying to get me to stay over this weekend, telling me it's not the right time and all that. I'm being resolute and explaining things without hurting her too hard. I guess begging/bargaining is a stage, she'll move through it. But right now it really sucks.

 

[Bigsmilez]

I'm 46 and after two LTR back to back (was single about a year in between). I'm in a good place. I don't have children. So it is just about me. I've been able to date some younger women. Dated some single mom's with children under 18. Seem to prefer woman my age with children over 18 that work-out.
My goal is to find a woman who has her own place and money that can travel and hang out with me. I have a couple plates spinning that match that description and single mom and one younger with no kids. However,
Not sure what to think about the 54 yr old who has a decent body and lots of assets (house, boat, 2nd house in the mountains, multiple cars). Just the eight yr. difference. When I'm 52 and she's 60. Plus I work-out and keep pretty low body fat, she doesn't work-out. Worried the attraction will fade with the body. Guess I'll just spin the plate for now.

 

[BeTheChange]

This is the mature man forum right? What is the goal here... Are we trying to find a girl in her 20's and wife her up? Are you trying to spin plates and get laid into your 50s?

I want to hear what each of your long term plans are regarding women.

Open to an LTR. The ideal would be finding a stunning woman in her early 20s, vetting her thoroughly and if she passess the test, building a life together - house, kids, etc.

I think finding the right LTR, spouse, baby momma, etc is one of the most important decisions a man can make...ever.

 

[Reyaj]

Well today was not good, lol. I broke up with her on Monday. We've had a couple of days of relative quiet, her processing it etc. Today she is begging for me back. She's trying to get me to stay over this weekend, telling me it's not the right time and all that. I'm being resolute and explaining things without hurting her too hard. I guess begging/bargaining is a stage, she'll move through it. But right now it really sucks.

oh you broke up with her.. I thought she got frustrated and ended it my bad.. So you must be doing fine then and she is the one that is hurting. At what point to do you realize you should break up with someone? I tend to commit myself and stick things out through unhappy times (not sure if this is wise or not).

 

[Reyaj]

I'm 46 and after two LTR back to back (was single about a year in between). I'm in a good place. I don't have children. So it is just about me. I've been able to date some younger women. Dated some single mom's with children under 18. Seem to prefer woman my age with children over 18 that work-out.
My goal is to find a woman who has her own place and money that can travel and hang out with me. I have a couple plates spinning that match that description and single mom and one younger with no kids. However,
Not sure what to think about the 54 yr old who has a decent body and lots of assets (house, boat, 2nd house in the mountains, multiple cars). Just the eight yr. difference. When I'm 52 and she's 60. Plus I work-out and keep pretty low body fat, she doesn't work-out. Worried the attraction will fade with the body. Guess I'll just spin the plate for now.

How's your sex drive? Do you want children of your own one day?

 

[samspade]

oh you broke up with her.. I thought she got frustrated and ended it my bad.. So you must be doing fine then and she is the one that is hurting. At what point to do you realize you should break up with someone? I tend to commit myself and stick things out through unhappy times (not sure if this is wise or not).

She is definitely hurting. I'm just hating the begging and crying. Yesterday she asked if we could just scale back the relationship - not exactly simply fukk buddies, but I think she realized it was dominating our lives and suffocating me. So I'm going to think about that. She and I both know that long term, our goals are different, so she also probably just doesn't want to be alone.

Anyway, at what point do I realize it? I just have a stirring in my gut. That is how I know. Sticking out things when you're unhappy is never good. Now, there may be something you can fix or adjust, and if you identify that then perhaps it's prudent to work on it first. But otherwise, short term turbulence is better than long term unhappiness.

 

[Reykhel]

I tend not to think long term with women. It can be an exercise in futility given the fickle nature of women.

I think it's best to always have a long term perspective with regards to your goals: career, financial, fitness, personal
development, hobbies etc

But with women it's best to think in the present tense. In fact, to make a connection with any human being the two of you
must be alert and attentive in the present moment. So many times we are distracted and not fully present and later when we
look back, be it at an ex or even a dead partner or relative, it seems like it was just a dream. Well if you were not fully present, it was in
fact, just a dream....

.......but yeah, you've got to decide what is your sexual strategy.......