What's wrong with me?

[Just a Shot Away]

Just got back from a pretty busy club with a friend of mine. He managed to start dancing with a few chicks at which point I bolted for the restroom for fear that the girls would see me standing by myself texting and I would be invited to start dancing as well. When we found each other again, my friend (much better-looking and taller I might add) informed me that one of the girls was asking where I was since she evidently wanted me to join in the dancing. At that point I promptly felt a sudden dip in my heart since I already knew that I would not be able to make it to the dance floor in a million years and could only think of ways to make a quick exit.

Why is it that when I receive an invitation such as this that I immediately feel pain, anguish and depression instead of a sense of validation and happiness? Instead of going to dance with this cute brunette Romanian girl, I chose to hide and pretend to text until my friend was ready to leave. I cannot help but wonder why a girl would ever want to dance with a piece of trash like me when there's a hundred other guys around that would be a much better partner. Does anyone know how I can fix this and learn to just let go and go up to these girls to have "a good time" and dance? I'm willing to try anything at this point, and am especially receptive if anyone knows of a way that I can eliminate or drastically reduce my sex drive through anaphrodisiacs or other means so I don't have to worry about females anymore. Everything I have to offer are things that women don't care about, and everything that women care about are things that I lack. I just need a way to let go.

 

[Mike32ct]

Welcome back JASA. Were you sober that night at the club? A drink or two can really help. Some guys in the Community will call that a crutch or a cop-out, but it's quite difficult to vibe with drunk people in a club when you haven't had anything to drink yourself. I've gone out sober many times, and I felt like I was on a totally different wavelength than everybody else. Finally, a little buzz can make you less self-conscious on the dance floor. That's how 80% of the people there are able to "dance."

It's also important to warm up. Did you talk to any girls earlier that night or were you keeping to yourself and your buddy most of the night? Warm up is CRITICAL in this game. Talk to some girls or the staff or anybody really, joke around a bit, and get into a fun, light-hearted mood. Then going to the dance floor is a more natural extension of your "fun." But if you've been quiet and withdrawn early on, I agree, getting on the dance floor feels nearly impossible.

I had a different problem when a wingman would try to pull me on the dance floor. My ego wouldn't let me. I was thinking, "I SHOULD be able to get girls myself. I don't need his or their charity. He's hitting it off with a girl. But him and the other girls just feel sorry for me so they invited me to join." In other words, I didn't want to dance unless it was with girls I APPROACHED and hit it off with. I didn't want to join in for "sloppy seconds." It's a terrible mindset, but I used to think that way.

As far as ways to learn to dance, I'll defer to the other guys. My dancing skills are still so so.

Finally, I don't know your personality and don't want to jump to conclusions, but if you are an introvert like me, clubs really aren't your optimal environment. You might do MUCH better in a laid back bar or lounge.

Finally, I'll address this point you made: "Everything I have to offer are things that women don't care about, and everything that women care about are things that I lack. I just need a way to let go."

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm going to give you the cruel reality. Generally speaking, most women DON'T give two sh*ts about what you have to offer unless it's specifically what THEY are looking for. For example, I'm taking classes towards a masters in electrical engineering. I also like to travel a few times a year (mostly in US or Canada when classes aren't going on), exercise, study French, and a few other things. But most women aren't interested because I'm a not a lawyer, I don't travel to "exotic places," or rock climb or bungee jump or anything that might be attractive/exciting to THEM. I say, "Too F-ing bad."

At the end of the day, women are either interested or they aren't. Most times when I meet women, I hardly talk about myself at all. If she's interested, she can ask about me. Otherwise, what I'm into is my business.

 

[luckster]

I cannot help but wonder why a girl would ever want to dance with a piece of trash like me when there's a hundred other guys around that would be a much better partner. Does anyone know how I can fix this and learn to just let go and go up to these girls to have "a good time" and dance?

Why do you feel this way? Why do you think you are a piece of trash? With that mentality, of course you are going to get depressed. I understand that you are asking how to "fix this" but to fix it, you have to know why the problem is there... If you think you are trash, so will others (eventually, anyway). Find out what makes you feel this way.

Secondly, you have to know what you want. The reason you get scared is because you don't know what you want. You see an opportunity to be with a girl and you shy away because you are unsure of where it is you want it to go, so you take the safe road of running away so you don't have to deal with it.

Think back to that night and ask yourself: what would have happened if you hadn't *****ed out?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

You need to get off this forum and get some therapy if that's how you feel.

 

[hexx]

You need to get off this forum and get some therapy if that's how you feel.

Yeah, except that having a quack listen to you and give you Freudian psychoanalysis or Zanax isn't going to do much in the short run and NOTHING in the long run.

Stop giving half a shiiet.

 

[Korrupt]

Just got back from a pretty busy club with a friend of mine. He managed to start dancing with a few chicks at which point I bolted for the restroom for fear that the girls would see me standing by myself texting and I would be invited to start dancing as well. When we found each other again, my friend (much better-looking and taller I might add) informed me that one of the girls was asking where I was since she evidently wanted me to join in the dancing. At that point I promptly felt a sudden dip in my heart since I already knew that I would not be able to make it to the dance floor in a million years and could only think of ways to make a quick exit.

Why is it that when I receive an invitation such as this that I immediately feel pain, anguish and depression instead of a sense of validation and happiness? Instead of going to dance with this cute brunette Romanian girl, I chose to hide and pretend to text until my friend was ready to leave. I cannot help but wonder why a girl would ever want to dance with a piece of trash like me when there's a hundred other guys around that would be a much better partner. Does anyone know how I can fix this and learn to just let go and go up to these girls to have "a good time" and dance? I'm willing to try anything at this point, and am especially receptive if anyone knows of a way that I can eliminate or drastically reduce my sex drive through anaphrodisiacs or other means so I don't have to worry about females anymore. Everything I have to offer are things that women don't care about, and everything that women care about are things that I lack. I just need a way to let go.

Dude.. Wtf? Why the insanely low self-esteem?

Firstly, it seems like you care WAAAAAY too much about what others think of you. One thing you should know is this.. Nobody actually gives a phuck about what you're doing, especially if you're dancing at a club. Most people are worried about themselves (like you lmao). Just go and dance. All you have to do is move to the beat. It's just like d!ck size, a girl won't give a phuck if you look like you're having fun and seem to know what you're doing with what you've got.

For the second part of your post I refer you here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdHTnpgpLDc&feature=related

We've all been there. Down in the dumps and don't want to have to worry about it anymore, but that's not possible. There's no on/off switch for your sex drive. Next time you're in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable, just go with it. Break out of your comfort zone. You'll feel better, I guarantee it.

 

[JustLurk]

having a quack listen to you and give you Freudian psychoanalysis or Zanax

!=therapy

You can try to self-improve out of it, but if you find this difficult, a good and capable therapist may help. Note I said good and capable, not a quack.

 

[Just a Shot Away]

Welcome back JASA. Were you sober that night at the club? Did you talk to any girls earlier that night or were you keeping to yourself and your buddy most of the night?

Finally, I don't know your personality and don't want to jump to conclusions, but if you are an introvert like me, clubs really aren't your optimal environment.

Yeah, I'd been drinking that night. When I get drunk, 90% of the time I get extremely depressed (moreso than usual) and will do anything to avoid women and the other 10% I will not give a s.hit about anything and try to approach chicks or chat them up. I went with my friend which didn't help matters much since as I said before he's much better-looking, taller, and more outgoing than I am so he gets all the attention anyway. He's still sort of clueless with chicks though so he doesn't mop them up the way he has the potential to do, but he's still young.

I guess I'm just trying to figure out why I have the opposite reactions to women that most guys do. When I see a hot woman coming towards me on the sidewalk or crosswalk, I immediately shift all the way to the edge of the curb to increase distance so she won't notice me and hide at work if I can if I see a hottie come in. I'm always the first one to look away if I make eye contact with one from across the room, and if they smile before I can look away I reflexively begin looking for a way to get away as quickly as possible. I'm not sure why I do this, but if I did I think it would shed some light on the subject.

Why do you feel this way? Why do you think you are a piece of trash?

I'm not quite sure. I've always felt this way and never felt the joy that other people seem to get from being alive. I often pass homeless people on the street rummaging through the garbage and am honestly baffled why I'm not right there next to them. Even in my greatest moments in life I still would much rather just get off this planet than continue living. My view is that even when I feel spectacular after achieving something great or just soaking up the sun on the beach or listening to my favorite song or kissing a beautiful woman it still pales in comparison to the idea of checking out of here for good. I'm not suicidal at all for many reasons, but I welcome any opportunity to die. The pathetic part is that I think a good part of this is because of my massive failings with women and other people pointing out how much fun other people could have in my body. That's why I'm so anxious to try to get this problem at least manageable instead of haunting me every second.

 

[runner83]

Dude, sounds like you need therapy big time.

Go get it, for your own sake.

Mental illness is no joke, just get help as soon as you can from a qualified professional.

 

[Hobbs]

Try seeing a therapist.
My friend who weighed 312lbs and lost down to 232lbs
still has teh self esteem of a 312lb person. No doubt.
He's 6'5 so it also, as you can imagine gives him a stalky appearance.

Anyways, he seen a therapist got diagnosed with mental anxiety disorder.
was given beta blockers, which did wonders to his self esteem. however he became dependent on the drug.
He also would take mdma on occasion which would change him into a completely different person. He'd talk to every person in site, hit on girls and dance non stop haha.
Not advising any of this but this is what he did/ is still doing somewhat.
he says mdma helped him the most showing him the worst that can happen if a girl isnt into you. She will just turn and walk away.

He's still a shy guy, and has low self esteem, but he's definitely been changing since the drugs, (I understand how bad that sounds) but Idk, works for him.
What I would suggest is set a goal for yourself. Take risks, you only live once man.

 

[Just a Shot Away]

Thanks for the advice guys...I do plan on getting therapy as soon as I can afford it, for the record. But I don't think my medical insurance covers it.