What would you do?

[Epimanes]

OK .. lets say you have been with your wife for 15 years or so .. you have a few kids and love them to bits. You have a fantastic wife for the most part (sex is great, you love your wife .. dates are great .. most of the time you have a great time together except when things get heated, kids are excellent in school etc) but when things get heated up and arguments explode over seemingly simple things and brought out of proportion while both of you are blaming the other.

Each time this happens, it always seems to bring up past arguments ... like nothing gets resolved. Your kids want you to stay at home .. and be with their mom ... but your gut is saying .. your tired of the fighting and you just want to get the **** away from everyone and never come back and if you leave your the bad guy. But you do not want to leave because it will hurt the kids (they beg you not to) and for the most part the arguments with your wife are really petty in the long haul grand scheme but seem to be made into a big deal every time and are very draining.

What would you do? How would you approach this without the aid of the marriage builders tools?

How would sosuave turn this into a better marriage? Without coming out as the bad guy? Or divorcing. How would you "game" this?

I figured I would ask this .. since the forum section title states "Learn how to have a great marriage and live happily ever after." And see if there is a better plan here to make marriage long lasting.:crazy:

Epi

Edit: I would love to learn the sosuave way to have a long lasting marriage ... and add it to my arsenal of tools.

 

[zekko]

Great question, Epimanes. Women are well known for bringing up past arguments and other things you thought have been resolved. My wife went sort of batsh!t crazy toward the end of out marriage, and we started arguing a lot. It's very damaging. She was in the wrong, but of course she wouldn't accept any of the blame. We ended up divorcing.

The one thing I regret about all of that is that I let her push my buttons. I let her get me angry. If I could change one thing about all of that is that I would refuse to argue with her. Easier said than done, her behavior was beyond frustrating. But if I were you, if you can keep your emotions under control, I would tell her I don't want to argue, and keep your cool.

My current girlfriend (who I've lived with for 10 years now) and I never argue. We're both very laid back. I actually give her credit for teaching me that couples don't have to argue, now I would never accept anything less.

How would sosuave turn this into a better marriage? Without coming out as the bad guy?

Wouldn't SoSuave advise you to BE a bad guy? Lol.

 

[5string]

Make a deal with her that whenever you get into an argument, sex is mandatory immediately. If you have to, make her sign a contract to that effect.

 

[betheman]

Great question, Epimanes. Women are well known for bringing up past arguments and other things you thought have been resolved. My wife went sort of batsh!t crazy toward the end of out marriage, and we started arguing a lot. It's very damaging. She was in the wrong, but of course she wouldn't accept any of the blame. We ended up divorcing.

The one thing I regret about all of that is that I let her push my buttons. I let her get me angry. If I could change one thing about all of that is that I would refuse to argue with her...

similar thing happened with me and an ex LTR (was married previously for 21 years with hardly a cross word) , she knew which buttons to press and although Im usually laid back, she kept pushing and pushing, she was never wrong, masterful at deflection and projection, then dragging up sh!t I thought was resolved.
what can you do? as zekko says, stay incontrol of your emotions as much as possible but some women just wont let up until you blow! I went for a 3 hour walk, to calm down, she kicked off when I got back, wake the next morning, met with snidey reamrks to kick it all off again.
Im convinced its a fix for some of them, they get off on it, Im sure some DJ's would say, drag her to bed ans smash her pu$$y in as the answer, Im not sure its that simple, that to me is only feeding the bad behaviour. I couldnt be ar$ed with the stupid arguing so I ended it

 

[zekko]

similar thing happened with me and an ex LTR (was married previously for 21 years with hardly a cross word)

Wow, so you were married to this girl for 21 years with hardly a cross word, and then all of a sudden she started fighting with you? That's amazing, I didn't know there were other people who went through this aside from myself. It's kind of baffling, isn't it?

This is why I always say it doesn't matter how long you've been together, the other person can always change. I know couples who were married for 50 years and the woman filed for divorce.

 

[5string]

Wow, so you were married to this girl for 21 years with hardly a cross word, and then all of a sudden she started fighting with you? That's amazing, I didn't know there were other people who went through this aside from myself. It's kind of baffling, isn't it?

This is why I always say it doesn't matter how long you've been together, the other person can always change. I know couples who were married for 50 years and the woman filed for divorce.

I was married for 25 yrs the 1st time. She changed after menopause. Hormones got all fvcked and she dried up like a dead deer antler that had been sitting in the desert sun for 50 yrs.

Never know. :crazy:

 

[Epimanes]

Make a deal with her that whenever you get into an argument, sex is mandatory immediately. If you have to, make her sign a contract to that effect.

HAHA ... I like that ---^

I doubt she would go for it though. But who knows. Def cant hurt nothing to throw it at her and see what she says.

The thing is, in my situation .. usually her "outbursts" come when my guard is down and when i forgot to pay attention to her cycle. Its really nothing I cant handle, but at times can be very exhausting.

@ zekko .. yeah man ... the trick is to not let it get to me and walk away. Usually what I do. But every once in a while i end up being sucked into it and say and do **** I regret later which then DOES make me the bad guy, as I can DEF get far more out of hand than she does if i let myself get caught up in her outburst and take it personally. When that happens... I apologize once .. and leave it at that and if she carries on .. I just withdraw from her for a while .. or a few days til she gets over it and realizes I am not interested in fueling her will to fight about stupid ****.

Epi

 

[Epimanes]

Im convinced its a fix for some of them, they get off on it, Im sure some DJ's would say, drag her to bed ans smash her pu$$y in as the answer, Im not sure its that simple, that to me is only feeding the bad behaviour.

Your right .. its not that simple. I tried that. Got me no where really. So i just wait out the storm and stop feeding it usually ... but sometimes that wait fvcking sucks. So I will go chill with my kids usually. They are often better company anyways when the wife is being bat sh!t crazy.

Speaking of bat Sh1t crazy .. lol.. I am in one of those today! Started last night ... I was horse playing with my wife and I accidently bent her thumb back really far when i blocked a shot from her coming at me. It bruised her pretty bad right through both sides of her wrist. Not intentional of course. So she flys off the handle like I did it on purpose... lol .. whatever she can go be mad at the world all she wants

At least there is Hockey on tonight. Both my wife and I are Hockey fans so I will get her all drunk tonight (numb her wrist some too) and see if i cant smash her ***** after i get a few drinks into her and after the kids go to bed... haha. Wish me luck!

 

[samspade]

The best way to end an argument with a woman is to stop arguing with her.

 

[Waive]

Had a reply but lost my train of thought. Here's something thats better anyway: https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/09/14/amused-mastery/

 

[betheman]

Wow, so you were married to this girl for 21 years with hardly a cross word, and then all of a sudden she started fighting with you? That's amazing, I didn't know there were other people who went through this aside from myself. It's kind of baffling, isn't it?

This is why I always say it doesn't matter how long you've been together, the other person can always change. I know couples who were married for 50 years and the woman filed for divorce.

No, maybe I confused it, I wa smarried for 21 years, no cross words, divorced then with another woman in an LTR, she would argue and be a complete b!tch at times, not often but when she did, it was horrible and without a trace of logic

 

[evan12]

Make a deal with her that whenever you get into an argument, sex is mandatory immediately. If you have to, make her sign a contract to that effect.

it would be illegal contact and it may work against him in divorce court

OP : women argue because they are angry from some thing but they talk about some thing else , for example she could be angry because she want you to make more money or to have sex with her but she argue with you of why you forget to get a milk

 

[Epimanes]

@ waive .. thanks for that link. There is a wealth of info over there to read up on.

@ evan12 .. Yes .. I agree .. I have seen that many times. Its too bad women cant just come right out and respectfully state what their beef is... instead of making us try and guess lol.

Example of a situation for me.

Yesterday on my way home from work i texted my wife to come get me. She arrives .. brings a coffee with her and waits in the parking lot for me to show up. When i get in the truck she asks me how my day was, however I was not in the mood to discuss it so i said "fine" and left it at that. I picked up the coffee she brought and had a sip out of it, fired up the truck and went to head home. I then said to her

me :"Thanks for bringing a coffee, it tastes really good" .. she turns to me and says

Her : "Of course it is, I actually check to see if its too sweet or not. Unlike you, who doesn't even care to check those simple things."

So i look over at her and she has this contempted look on her face like shes expecting me to say some snide comment back to be baited into an argument of some kind. I say to her. "You know .. all you had to do was say thank you when I complimented you on the coffee" and then i began to drive home.

She started spewing off after that with a bunch of stuff that was just more like .. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH (shes had a bad week as she has been attempting to bait me into a few fights all week) and i just ignored it, couldnt even tell you what she said after that since my mind set didnt alow me to "hear it".

When we arrived home .. she walked off ahead of me and went into the house before i got my sh!t out of the truck. I Went inside .. gave my kids some affection (they were quite happy i was home) and ignored my wife some more. She then came around and started to kino me a bit as i didnt play into her sh!t test. I ignored that too and just did whatever i felt like. Went to bed and then woke up this morning and headed off to work.

SO get this ... She calls me this morning saying sorry for her bad attitude yesterday and that she was a bit upset i gave my kids some affection and not her. So I tell her.. "Honey .. why would I reward your disrespectful behavior? That would be like giving a dog a treat for pissing on the floor!"

She shut up... said sorry to me again. We said our good byes and then she headed off to work.

I didn't feed into her BS ... stayed in my own mind set... BOOM .. she eventually brings her own state up to match mine (took almost an entire day to do it) instead of Allowing her mind state to bring me down.

You need this sosuave stuff to get through those PS weeks ... when her rational mind is gone. HOwever, when she is rational .. the Marriagebuilders stuff works .. but when she is not rational, i find myself needing the "pook" approach.

Well there ya have it, my past few days of my wifes PMS week lol. Would you have done anything here differently?