Herb
Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2016
- Messages
- 78
- Reaction score
- 18
- Age
- 34
I've always had trouble when trying to set up dates with girls in situations where the timing is just unfortunately not quite right. We hit it off in our initial interaction quite well (whether it be in person or by text) and she seems very enthusiastic to meet up. Only problem is, she has, say, an upcoming business trip or some kind of family obligation or has to study/cram for final exams or something that prevents her from being able to meet up for almost two weeks or so. And I'm fairly positive that none of these reasons are BS excuses to begin with, judging by the way they were acting beforehand and the fact that in many cases, they gave me their number and told me to contact them, on their own volition. And a lot of times the reasons they give are specific and verifiable and not just generic.
My question is, how do you handle this and maintain their interest throughout that time period? Should you set up a date before she leaves for the week she gets back? Should you defer that till later? And the big question: how much should you text and/or talk to her on the phone in the meantime? In some cases, I may have overtexted because I wanted to ensure that she remembered who I was and to maintain attraction, and that may have actually instead turned her off, especially as she is busy doing something else. In other cases, following the advice on many relationship/dating advice sites like Corey Wayne, I tried keeping contact with her to a bare minimum, so I don't come across as needy. But instead, the initial spark probably just naturally sizzled out due to a relatively long period of no interaction (combined with a relatively short period of initial interaction and the fact that she was doing her thing in another country and distracted by all kinds of new stimuli and such). In this case, it makes sense that she just kinda lost interest and didn't feel the need to try to re-connect after she came back and just stopped responding.
I don't know if the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" thing applies when you only just met them, without a very deep connection. I guess you just have to hope that you made a good and memorable enough impression on them in the first place and that's it.
So in these situations, should you pretty much just accept that it's probably not meant to be and that there's not much you can do about it, and just keep on looking elsewhere? I do try to have multiple prospects at once, but some of these girls I know for a fact would otherwise do very well with me, so I don't want to just give up that easily. These aren't just plates for hook-ups but I want them to be something potentially more.
Recently, something similar happened to me where a girl who was super cool and almost like a female version of myself, with very similar unique interests, had to go on a business trip overseas in Europe for a conference (and I knew it was real since I used to be in her field and checked the web for it), but I think it may be something that I said or did before that screwed it up. We connected quite well at first and she was very eager to do something with me, pretty much begging me to hit her up. But then when texting a bit later, after I initially tried setting something up for two nights later, she said she would be super busy preparing for the conference the next three nights and then it would last a week, so she told me that we can set something up the week she gets back.
Here's where I may have gone wrong: I made some joke, via text, where I said something like, "aw, but you're gonna forget who I am by then" with one of those worried or sighing emojis, just for fun. I thought she would have interpreted it as obvious sarcasm/joking, as in I'm just playing the role of a wimpy needy guy for a sec but am actually the opposite. Thought she would've been like "aw don't worry how could I forget you" or something cheesy like that, or "wait who are you again
" as a joke of her own. I also followed up immediately by giving her a firm time and place to meet up, for the day after she got back, along with a silly exaggerated hypothetical plan of what we could do on the date (which usually works very well with girls). But since then I never heard back from her. Three days later when she would be leaving for her flight, I sent her a quick good luck and safe travels, along with another little inside joke based on the convo we had, but I got no response. Finally, a day after she got back a week later, I called her but she didn't pick up.
I should mention that she is foreign and from a rather traditional culture, so maybe she misunderstood my joking or misinterpreted it as being serious for some reason. Thinking back on it, her country is full of men who are very macho and alpha, so maybe that wasn't well-received on her part, and I remember her mentioning she likes men who take the lead. Also, could it have been that me trying to set up the date before she left for the day after she got back was a mistake? Sigh, these situations can be tricky; it's most convenient when you can set something up ASAP.
My question is, how do you handle this and maintain their interest throughout that time period? Should you set up a date before she leaves for the week she gets back? Should you defer that till later? And the big question: how much should you text and/or talk to her on the phone in the meantime? In some cases, I may have overtexted because I wanted to ensure that she remembered who I was and to maintain attraction, and that may have actually instead turned her off, especially as she is busy doing something else. In other cases, following the advice on many relationship/dating advice sites like Corey Wayne, I tried keeping contact with her to a bare minimum, so I don't come across as needy. But instead, the initial spark probably just naturally sizzled out due to a relatively long period of no interaction (combined with a relatively short period of initial interaction and the fact that she was doing her thing in another country and distracted by all kinds of new stimuli and such). In this case, it makes sense that she just kinda lost interest and didn't feel the need to try to re-connect after she came back and just stopped responding.
I don't know if the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" thing applies when you only just met them, without a very deep connection. I guess you just have to hope that you made a good and memorable enough impression on them in the first place and that's it.
So in these situations, should you pretty much just accept that it's probably not meant to be and that there's not much you can do about it, and just keep on looking elsewhere? I do try to have multiple prospects at once, but some of these girls I know for a fact would otherwise do very well with me, so I don't want to just give up that easily. These aren't just plates for hook-ups but I want them to be something potentially more.
Recently, something similar happened to me where a girl who was super cool and almost like a female version of myself, with very similar unique interests, had to go on a business trip overseas in Europe for a conference (and I knew it was real since I used to be in her field and checked the web for it), but I think it may be something that I said or did before that screwed it up. We connected quite well at first and she was very eager to do something with me, pretty much begging me to hit her up. But then when texting a bit later, after I initially tried setting something up for two nights later, she said she would be super busy preparing for the conference the next three nights and then it would last a week, so she told me that we can set something up the week she gets back.
Here's where I may have gone wrong: I made some joke, via text, where I said something like, "aw, but you're gonna forget who I am by then" with one of those worried or sighing emojis, just for fun. I thought she would have interpreted it as obvious sarcasm/joking, as in I'm just playing the role of a wimpy needy guy for a sec but am actually the opposite. Thought she would've been like "aw don't worry how could I forget you" or something cheesy like that, or "wait who are you again
" as a joke of her own. I also followed up immediately by giving her a firm time and place to meet up, for the day after she got back, along with a silly exaggerated hypothetical plan of what we could do on the date (which usually works very well with girls). But since then I never heard back from her. Three days later when she would be leaving for her flight, I sent her a quick good luck and safe travels, along with another little inside joke based on the convo we had, but I got no response. Finally, a day after she got back a week later, I called her but she didn't pick up.I should mention that she is foreign and from a rather traditional culture, so maybe she misunderstood my joking or misinterpreted it as being serious for some reason. Thinking back on it, her country is full of men who are very macho and alpha, so maybe that wasn't well-received on her part, and I remember her mentioning she likes men who take the lead. Also, could it have been that me trying to set up the date before she left for the day after she got back was a mistake? Sigh, these situations can be tricky; it's most convenient when you can set something up ASAP.
