What to do after going NC with an Ex?

[mmk]

Hey guys I need some good advice. I was with my ex for 2 yrs, she moved to my city, things were great, etc etc. I admittedly slipped, made myself too available and you know how it goes, she lost interest and left me. I don't want to bore everyone with the details. So I've been doing the NC thing for a few weeks, she tries contacting me on aim or chat from time to time but I either ignore or am short. Last night she texts my phone saying that I seem relieved that she isn't in my life any longer. She also mentioned how I never contact her and how it's nice to hear from me. I didn't respond as I'm not sure how to proceed. Any tips/insight from the community? We were truly happy and I DO want her back, but need to make changes in my own life first, and not put her life ahead of my own. I guess my question is how do I handle the questions about whether or not I am relieved not to be with her, it seems like a loaded question, and how does one pull out of NC successfully??

Thanks

 

[katatonia]

Don't reply at all, you're doing good so far. Keep going no contact until she starts getting desperate for your attention and begs to come see you, then you can bang her.

 

[mmk]

thanks Katatonia, encouragement is much appreciated. If I want to eventually rekindle this relationship, is that still the best route? When is it ok to eventually stop with the NC. I know there has to be a balance of fostering desire/longing and pushing away... and how to interpret this relieved comment? It seems like a test or she is trying to massage her ego...

 

[King Turi]

If yous were "truly happy" as you say, you'd still be together.

You can either cave in, try and fail with her again..

..or move on completely and find someone else somewhere down the line.

If I was to respond at all, I'd just tell her you have your own life now, and pretty much leave it at that.

 

[TizZle]

chicks don't like it when you cut all ties with them, i probably wouldn't commit to her again for a while if you allow her to come back into your life. I only see another chance working if you've made some changes in your mindset and your life.

 

[beatoven]

Don't reply at all, you're doing good so far. Keep going no contact until she starts getting desperate for your attention and begs to come see you, then you can bang her.

I pulled this off with a girl that I thought permanently friendzoned me. No contact for 2 months, then I randomly texted her. She was completely different, and now my ass was the one being kissed.

I hit it a few days later, and if I wasn't currently in a relationship, I'd be with her.

NC is extremely powerful.

 

[mmk]

well I guess that's part of the key, that you truly moved on. I do in fact need to "get my own house in order", and at the very least this has been a bit of a wake up for me. I saw this coming and didn't make the appropriate changes given some extenuating circumstances (living together, family issues, etc), and definitely put her life before mine. The fact is that I'm not 100% sure I WANT to get back together at this point, like I said I need to work on myself/goals, but I also don't want to blow any chances with this one. I've already gone out with a couple different girls, maybe its too soon but it's just not the same.
*edit- I became supplicating because she moved away from friends/family to be with me, and at times it felt like the right thing to do, or "the least I could do"

 

[katatonia]

thanks Katatonia, encouragement is much appreciated. If I want to eventually rekindle this relationship, is that still the best route? When is it ok to eventually stop with the NC. I know there has to be a balance of fostering desire/longing and pushing away... and how to interpret this relieved comment? It seems like a test or she is trying to massage her ego...

It's the ONLY route. Don't even bother writing little messages on AIM, just block her.

Her comment was just a bait for you to say "oh no I really miss you blah blah" then her ego would be validated and she would no longer feel the obsessive need to contact you.

Read this:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155594

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Get that job.
Start that Business.
Get in the gym.
Jump out of airplanes.

Bring in the Spring with a new life.

 

[horaholic]

If you want to keep her interested, block 2 out of 3 attempts to contact you. Then, on that 3rd one, be nice and sweet. Then, the next two, either ignore, or be cold. It will keep her interest. It works rather well with girls that lose interest in you.

I give you this advice with the assumption that you KNOW its a bad idea to get back together with her at all, but you are probably going to go for it anyway, so I'll help you out. The better option of course, would be to move on, and pursue new prospects, and if she comes crawling back after you've improved yourself, AND you still want her, then go for it.

Also, if it works, you need to keep her on her toes at all times, so keep up the hot cold forever.

 

[mmk]

damn it seems like more trouble then its worth! Seems like in ANY LTR you need to keep the hot and cold up indefinitely. Also, does all this apply across cultures? She's spanish idk if that makes a difference, or is the basic premise the same with all girls...

 

[Serg897]

NC is not about ultimately getting the ex back. NC is about making changes in your own life and mindset and forgetting about her.

I am slowly learning this lesson. All this time I thought that if I want her back, I can simply initiate NC and she will eventually come. This, I think, is a gimmick. You are deluding yourself and it is not a good road to happyness and contentment with yourself, in my opinion, because you STILL want her in your mind and it will constantly plague you.

You must be able to be happy as a single man. You must milk the past relationship for the lessons, and know that there will be others in the future that you can apply them to. But first and foremost you must be content with YOURSELF. Having a woman does not make you a man. Having the correct mindset, being mindful and controlling your negative thoughts, and looking at things from a critical perspective does.

Trust me, I am where you are in a lot of ways. I am trying to apply my own advice right now. I miss my ex, but I DONT NEED HER. Its time to let go.

I have recently started meditation as a way of controlling my reality and my mindset. I recommend it.

 

[mrRuckus]

What to do after going NC with an Ex?

Punch yourself in the balls for going back on it like a non-committal pu55y.

 

[mmk]

I don't really know that I want her back right now. I'm not sure I want her back at all, just looking for the best route to take to have the most options. I am using this time to finally take care of myself and my own goals as opposed to putting another person first. It's liberating. I know I don't need her, and rarely miss her. I guess its all part of the process. Ill only look for something serious again once my own life/business is in order and on track...