Meisterman
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2014
- Messages
- 327
- Reaction score
- 41
Nice guys finish last. Bishes love the a**holes. We've all heard it over and over again. But what does it really mean to say someone's "Nice"?
I feel like the word Nice has developed such a negative connotation in the dating world simply because it is associated with negative character traits. However I don't think being Nice is in and of itself a problem. More so it's the behavior someone conveys, which can be translated into as "being nice" as a broad blanket term which can mean infinite number of things.
The nice I am talking about, and the nice you definitely DO want to avoid, is this nice:
N - Needy
I- Insecure
C - Codependent
E - Emotionally Attached
Instead what you should be striving for is:
N - Natural
I - Independent
C - Confident
E - Experienced
Notice how none of the adjectives in the second listing contradict the definition of "being nice." And also how none of the adjectives in the first listing fit the definition of being nice.
So really what it comes down to is not so much being nice at all. Rather it's AFC chump behaviors that convey neediness, insecurity, codependency, and emotional attachment that are translated into what women (and guys) perceive as being nice.
These character traits don't spawn from nice gestures as much as they do from social approval, validation and acceptance from the girl. In other words, insecurity.
But here's the catch: If you're constantly seeking approval, validation, and acceptance, it's another way of saying you don't believe you have it. On a subconscious level, you don't believe you are worthy of acceptance or approval. You don't believe you're good enough. So you look "out there" for someone else to give you the approval for you. But as long as you keep looking "out there" it just further reinforces that you don't have it, because if you did, you wouldn't be looking for it.
That is why so many "Nice guys" fall victim to the same circumstances over and over and over and over again. Because whatever emotions and beliefs you hold inside will be reflected out wards to you like a mirror until you can fix those problems yourself.
It's not "out there" that's the problem. It's you. And a broad generalization of different character traits has been coveted with the blanket term "Nice" when in reality it's not nice at all. If it were nice it would be done without expecting anything in return, and with confidence. In the classic "Nice Guy" scenario, 99% of the time the guy is simply Needy, Insecure, Codependent, and Emotionally Attached. Throw these out the window and all of a sudden you have a lot less "Nice guys."
Women don't want "nice guys", because who would? The only women who would want to stay with a guy who clings to her like super glue and calls her everyday is the type of women who is equally as fu*ked up and desperate for attention as he is.
Real women want real men, and that starts with actually BEING A REAL MAN. And real men don't convey those 4 nice guy character traits listed. I used to blame being nice on my relationship fails and think I was permanently stuck there. Now I realize that was wrong, and I can still be a nice person without conveying neediness or insecurity.
I've shedded the layers to its core in finding out what it is about nice guys that makes them so unappealing, and I came to the conclusion being nice isn't the problem. So check yourself before you wreck yourself. And next time you think you are falling victim to the 'nice guy scenario' ask yourself "Am I being at all needy, insecure, codependent, or emotionally attached?" If the answer is yes, change course immediately. If the answer is no, you're probably alright (for now).
I feel like the word Nice has developed such a negative connotation in the dating world simply because it is associated with negative character traits. However I don't think being Nice is in and of itself a problem. More so it's the behavior someone conveys, which can be translated into as "being nice" as a broad blanket term which can mean infinite number of things.
The nice I am talking about, and the nice you definitely DO want to avoid, is this nice:
N - Needy
I- Insecure
C - Codependent
E - Emotionally Attached
Instead what you should be striving for is:
N - Natural
I - Independent
C - Confident
E - Experienced
Notice how none of the adjectives in the second listing contradict the definition of "being nice." And also how none of the adjectives in the first listing fit the definition of being nice.
So really what it comes down to is not so much being nice at all. Rather it's AFC chump behaviors that convey neediness, insecurity, codependency, and emotional attachment that are translated into what women (and guys) perceive as being nice.
These character traits don't spawn from nice gestures as much as they do from social approval, validation and acceptance from the girl. In other words, insecurity.
But here's the catch: If you're constantly seeking approval, validation, and acceptance, it's another way of saying you don't believe you have it. On a subconscious level, you don't believe you are worthy of acceptance or approval. You don't believe you're good enough. So you look "out there" for someone else to give you the approval for you. But as long as you keep looking "out there" it just further reinforces that you don't have it, because if you did, you wouldn't be looking for it.
That is why so many "Nice guys" fall victim to the same circumstances over and over and over and over again. Because whatever emotions and beliefs you hold inside will be reflected out wards to you like a mirror until you can fix those problems yourself.
It's not "out there" that's the problem. It's you. And a broad generalization of different character traits has been coveted with the blanket term "Nice" when in reality it's not nice at all. If it were nice it would be done without expecting anything in return, and with confidence. In the classic "Nice Guy" scenario, 99% of the time the guy is simply Needy, Insecure, Codependent, and Emotionally Attached. Throw these out the window and all of a sudden you have a lot less "Nice guys."
Women don't want "nice guys", because who would? The only women who would want to stay with a guy who clings to her like super glue and calls her everyday is the type of women who is equally as fu*ked up and desperate for attention as he is.
Real women want real men, and that starts with actually BEING A REAL MAN. And real men don't convey those 4 nice guy character traits listed. I used to blame being nice on my relationship fails and think I was permanently stuck there. Now I realize that was wrong, and I can still be a nice person without conveying neediness or insecurity.
I've shedded the layers to its core in finding out what it is about nice guys that makes them so unappealing, and I came to the conclusion being nice isn't the problem. So check yourself before you wreck yourself. And next time you think you are falling victim to the 'nice guy scenario' ask yourself "Am I being at all needy, insecure, codependent, or emotionally attached?" If the answer is yes, change course immediately. If the answer is no, you're probably alright (for now).
