What is the correlation between "hot" and "BPD"?

[skinnyguy]

There have been a lot of threads in recent years about BPD women. And my heart goes out to those guys. My best friend just got burned by one last year.

The girl that my friend was dating was mega hot - like HB 9.5 material and I'm extremely picky. She wasn't like that at first - only started to appear bout 4 months into their relationship.

It seems that more often than not, the guy dates the woman based on her attractiveness, and then her BPD qualities come out after.

Here's my hypothesis: plenty of hot women are not BPD, but most BPD women are hot.

I could be wrong. There could be plenty of uglies out there who are BPD. But as I observe, it seems like guys are getting hooked by the woman's looks and then they use manipulation tactics after the guys get hooked. Are some women actually BPD and need medical attention? Probably. But I also think that BPD can be a form of manipulation. We all know that hot girls get what they want pretty easily, and can act in any way they want while still attracting men. Just look at all the betas swooning over girls' instagram photos. They would line up to get manipulated by women they see on social media.

Hot women have more abundance than a large majority of men do, even the players, they can get away with a lot.

 

[Infern0]

Nobody pays any attention to ugly crazy chicks.

So only the hot ones are relevant

 

[Billtx49]

Many cluster B's were sexually molested or raped earlier in life. The cute to hot ones get more of that type of illicit action. Who rapes an ugly chick?

 

[bigneil]

Whether she is still attracted.

 

[Serenity]

My mother was extremely attractive in her 20's. She has that typical behavior pattern where she's very nice in the beginning, but after a little while she becomes a completely manipulative and abusive bitch. Even the childhood sexual abuse and daddy issues are there. There is no doubt in my mind that she played her looks to her advantage, it's funny now because her reckless lifestyle and complete lack of responsibility has made her ugly as fuck. A little bit fat, teeth rotting away, really bad posture and wrinkles all over the place. It's her own doing, she deserved it. She's become a lot more humble now, a person who's genuinely nicer to be with. Her confidence was shallow all along.

I've had more time and proximity studying a BPD woman than I'd like, but I at least learned to spot them from miles away. I'd agree that most BPD women are indeed hot or they at least firmly believe they're hot. Most hot women aren't BPD though.

 

[bigneil]

I've heard so many people say BPD here, but I never heard anyone explain why it happened and what the solution is.

Example. Consider the story of my last girl, twice officially diagnosed with BPD. Her story took me a long time to figure out.

She grew up with a rich father who came from a rich family and she adored him. She was absolutely beautiful at age 13. Then her dad divorced her mom at age 13, and her mom blamed her, and made her feel guilty about having tried to seduce him. Her mother's brother (or a family member on her side) repeatedly abused her, but her dad wasn't there to protect her. She left home at 14 and married at 18 and became a stripper at 20 to make ends meet.

She had four complexes:

1) Being stalked.
2) Being abandoned.
3) Feeling guilty about loving older men.
4) Being abused by older men (from the club).

See how easily women get damaged?

Because of these diametrically opposed issues, when I triggered fears of her childhood abuse (one of my photo shoots happened upon a similarity, and I'm the age her abuser was then), she feared me both stalking her and abandoning her, so she held me at arm's length. I broke up with her in January but regretted it, but she said she thought it was my idea and that really hurt her feelings. She therefore thought I abandoned her, however she knew I wouldn't stalk her. Then later that month I promised not to push her away again and she knew I wouldn't abandon her. That was when she started gushing and the next time I saw her she was the first one (in the whole relationship) to say "I love you", and she meant it, at least for the next 4 months (pending). Then she no longer felt guilty about loving an older man (she had another man my age try to rape her after she fell for him).

By helping her heal these issues, I got her back with her dad and she was never happier. She then divorced her husband who had been there the whole time. I had to let her go and I hope she comes back someday.

So she never did anything crazy, she just had issues that make sense when you understand them.

 

[The Duke]

I've heard so many people say BPD here, but I never heard anyone explain why it happened and what the solution is.

Example. Consider the story of my last girl, twice officially diagnosed with BPD. Her story took me a long time to figure out.

She grew up with a rich father who came from a rich family and she adored him. She was absolutely beautiful at age 13. Then her dad divorced her mom at age 13, and her mom blamed her, and made her feel guilty about having tried to seduce him. Her mother's brother (or a family member on her side) repeatedly abused her, but her dad wasn't there to protect her. She left home at 14 and married at 18 and became a stripper at 20 to make ends meet.

She had four complexes:

1) Being stalked.
2) Being abandoned.
3) Feeling guilty about loving older men.
4) Being abused by older men (from the club).

See how easily women get damaged?

Because of these diametrically opposed issues, when I triggered fears of her childhood abuse (one of my photo shoots happened upon a similarity, and I'm the age her abuser was then), she feared me both stalking her and abandoning her, so she held me at arm's length. I broke up with her in January but regretted it, but she said she thought it was my idea and that really hurt her feelings. She therefore thought I abandoned her, however she knew I wouldn't stalk her. Then later that month I promised not to push her away again and she knew I wouldn't abandon her. That was when she started gushing and the next time I saw her she was the first one (in the whole relationship) to say "I love you", and she meant it, at least for the next 4 months (pending). Then she no longer felt guilty about loving an older man (she had another man my age try to rape her after she fell for him).

By helping her heal these issues, I got her back with her dad and she was never happier. She then divorced her husband who had been there the whole time. I had to let her go and I hope she comes back someday.

So she never did anything crazy, she just had issues that make sense when you understand them.

BigNeil, do you think she just never took the crazy out on you? I'm not sure how close you guys were? I recall reading something about how you two would go several days between phone calls/seeing each other. If that's the case then I am not surprised she didn't show you her crazy side.

I'm glad you could help her get some closure with other issues in her life.

 

[The Duke]

One thing I've seen over the years is attractive women always get their way. They get better deals, more opportunity, more attention, and don't have to work as hard. As a result they become spoiled, entitled, selfish, and are never forced to develop skills that help produce a well adjusted individual that's at peace with themselves. Its like a child that never got any discipline and got whatever they wanted, they grow up to be monsters and have a hard time handling life and personal relationships.

I don't know if these women all have cluster B issues, but they for sure have some sort of mental issue or a lack of skills to properly handle what life throws at them. One thing I am convinced of is there are for more women with personality disorders than are officially diagnosed! There are far too many women using sleeping pills and anti-anxiety meds.

It all goes back to how you were raised and there is too much divorce and dysfunction that has created messed up children that grow into messed up adults. The hardest part for me is there are still good things about these people, yet the 10% of bad in them defines who they are.

 

[fastlife]

She had four complexes:

1) Being stalked.
2) Being abandoned.
3) Feeling guilty about loving older men.
4) Being abused by older men (from the club).

By helping her heal these issues, I got her back with her dad and she was never happier. She then divorced her husband who had been there the whole time. I had to let her go and I hope she comes back someday.

So she never did anything crazy, she just had issues that make sense when you understand them.

Except that even if you & she both understand her triggers, the narrative plays out the same way. She doesn't want to be healed; that would be a threat to her entire experience of reality.

BPD is a structural condition in the brain; it shows up on MRI's. The latest research posits that it's highly heritable--as opposed to prior views that it was based on childhood environment. So a mom with BPD is more likely to have a BPD daughter; a daughter with a BPD mom is more likely to be abandoned by her father (who would eventually reach the end of his rope); a daughter with a BPD mom would be more likely to grow up in an environment where sexual abuse would take place; a person with BPD would be more likely to fabricate abuses from her childhood, even if they never occurred.

The rabbit hole goes deep. Drop the savior schema--brain structure doesn't work that way.

http://www.futurity.org/scans-show-what-makes-a-brain-borderline/
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/scien...ened-in-borderline-personality-disorder.shtml
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct...isease&usg=AFQjCNGguLtdkZ6L6-jfF2ejhGuIU57Jwg

 

[bigneil]

I think my girl just had issues, not BPD, but it's easy to see how she could be misdiagnosed.

When I told my new date the above, she said "Oh, my God I have to tell you my story" and she told me her whole story. She knew I got it.

A great line to use on girls like this is "Promise me you won't do anything you don't want to do".

 

[devilkingx2]

there is no correlation, how it works is that most men put up with far less from unattractive girls so you'd dump her during the third date red flags and not wait until she tries to run you over with her car