what is psychology why woman accept dates then cancel them?

nismo-4

Moderator
Joined
Jan 31, 2005
Messages
4,406
Reaction score
1,107
Location
From New Orleans, Louisiana to Atlanta, Georgia!!!
Women's interest levels are more volatile than crypto. Except the money you would've spent on the date you'd probably double if you invest in the right crypto!

This switch can flip easily if she gets a better offer. Or her ex came to town. Or Tyrone hit her up. Hiroshi may have too. Pat Mahomes may have responded to her DM. Bob may have offered to take her to Salt Bae's. John wanted to take her to Nobu. So on and so forth.

Funny how everything is good till you ask her out and it gets closer to the time, then things go south quick.

A job interview is not aced unless you were hired.

Case closed.
 

PlatoPacks23

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 23, 2023
Messages
272
Reaction score
104
in this situation I really don't think there is another guy in the picture, but she got nervous before meeting me and bailed. I also left her on read for one message (trying to play it cool) and then the text after she cancelled lol.

WHY anyone man or woman accepts things they are iffy about it in the first place makes no sense.
 

BillyPilgrim

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
4,607
Reaction score
3,631
in this situation I really don't think there is another guy in the picture, but she got nervous before meeting me and bailed. I also left her on read for one message (trying to play it cool) and then the text after she cancelled lol.

WHY anyone man or woman accepts things they are iffy about it in the first place makes no sense.
Any time talking to a chick is making you feel like you've been dragged into watching a rom-com chick flick, what you've experienced is more likely to happen.

Read up on the hopeless romantic type and learn how to spot the early warning signs.
 

We_ArE_VeNOM

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2022
Messages
1,025
Reaction score
811
Age
39
If you have a woman who sounds very excited for a date, thanks you, sends hearts, .. and then 12 hours later or 24 hours later cancels... what is that? What is going on in their heads to do that?


As a guy, if I make plans with someone and AGREE to them I am going. I am not deciding last minute in any situation depending on my mood. I doubt they do this at work either.

Like if I was a chick and I was iffy I'd just say, "I'll have to check my schedule and let you know" or something vague, NOT agree to something and continue to lead a guy on and then cancel.

So what is behind this? Is the intention always to probably end up flaking but letting a guy feel good for a day or two? Makes no sense to me.
Some things just doesn't make sense, does it?

Especially with women.

That is why you should try to get sex before a date is set.

But that is Apex level methodology.

Apex level guys are the top 5% of guys in the world.
 

PlatoPacks23

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 23, 2023
Messages
272
Reaction score
104
Any time talking to a chick is making you feel like you've been dragged into watching a rom-com chick flick, what you've experienced is more likely to happen.

Read up on the hopeless romantic type and learn how to spot the early warning signs.
not to sound off, but is there anything WRONG with the hopeless romantic type?

other than this bull****, *if she is actually just playing games because she's a "romantic" wouldn't it make for a better story long term if this goes further? like she wants to be "woo'd" and have a guy who fights for her instead of just dropping her? could come from a place of insecurity on her part..

like not everyone here just wants to hook up and have sex w a million chicks, some of us want relationships.
 

The Duke

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 4, 2008
Messages
5,376
Reaction score
7,957
Age
47
not to sound off, but is there anything WRONG with the hopeless romantic type?

other than this bull****, *if she is actually just playing games because she's a "romantic" wouldn't it make for a better story long term if this goes further? like she wants to be "woo'd" and have a guy who fights for her instead of just dropping her? could come from a place of insecurity on her part..

like not everyone here just wants to hook up and have sex w a million chicks, some of us want relationships.
Never rely on rational logic to understand such an irrational thing.
 

HaleyBaron

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 25, 2021
Messages
2,324
Reaction score
2,001
I don't like asking women out. I hang out with people when it's appropriate. Asking for dates is basically saying:

"I want to try to court you so I can possibly get a kiss and sex out of you."

Cause women know this as the reality, they are going to get anxious regardless. It's much more natural to get them in a normal scenario or happenstance, then convert to intimacy. I've said it before, there's a reason musicians and artists get women without having to do any of this dating crap. They swoon them and manipulate their emotions.

In OP's case, I would have met up right then and there while the iron was hot to strike. Or even better, say "I am coming over." This is an example cause you might not know her that way, but you have to give that energy of "I know what I want."
 

RangerMIke

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
4,600
Reaction score
7,478
Location
USA, Louisiana
In my experience, women accepting dates then later cancelling never really wanted to meet up. She just didn't know how to tell you no when you asked. Why do they do this? Simple, they do not want to get into any uncomfortable discussion with a dude as to 'why' she doesn't want to meet up. Many men act like butt hurt little bitches when a woman rejects them... and they don't want to deal with that.

So they hope that when they do this too you, you take the hint and stop asking. It's just another version of "No, I am not interested, and you are not my type."

A woman that is attracted to a man and is interested will not just cancel. They will try to set something else up if something really comes up.

So what can a man do about this?... nothing... it is a woman acting like a woman. Take the hint, delete her number and move on. Don't get mad... in fact you should be grateful that you are not wasting time or money on a woman you do not have a shot with.
 

PlatoPacks23

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 23, 2023
Messages
272
Reaction score
104
In my experience, women accepting dates then later cancelling never really wanted to meet up. She just didn't know how to tell you no when you asked. Why do they do this? Simple, they do not want to get into any uncomfortable discussion with a dude as to 'why' she doesn't want to meet up. Many men act like butt hurt little bitches when a woman rejects them... and they don't want to deal with that.

So they hope that when they do this too you, you take the hint and stop asking. It's just another version of "No, I am not interested, and you are not my type."

A woman that is attracted to a man and is interested will not just cancel. They will try to set something else up if something really comes up.

So what can a man do about this?... nothing... it is a woman acting like a woman. Take the hint, delete her number and move on. Don't get mad... in fact you should be grateful that you are not wasting time or money on a woman you do not have a shot with.
this makes sense to me, but what's weird is that before she canceled she was saying things like, "I missed you" and "that would be perfect"... why say those things if the above is true then?

and then afterwards still texting me asking how my week was and hearting my messages and flirting... why do that if you want me to "get the hint" and move on?
 
Last edited:

Pierce Manhammer

Moderator
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Messages
4,854
Reaction score
5,883
Location
PRC
Dude you asked for guidance.

You’ve been give advice by several posters.

Now you’re wanting to argue about it.

Just shoot your shot, with her and stop giving a corpse cpr.
 

PlatoPacks23

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 23, 2023
Messages
272
Reaction score
104
Dude you asked for guidance.

You’ve been give advice by several posters.

Now you’re wanting to argue about it.

Just shoot your shot, with her and stop giving a corpse cpr.
yeah obviously im going to try again next week

in the meantime, I don't see the problem with discussing the context of it until then. that's not arguing.
 

Pierce Manhammer

Moderator
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Messages
4,854
Reaction score
5,883
Location
PRC
You're well beyond overthinking this one...good luck
 

Bingo-Player

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 10, 2014
Messages
3,174
Reaction score
3,505
Location
uk
what's your theory on #3? Do women who enjoy playing games actually end up meeting up with guys or it's all just a game to them?
women are extremely emotionally reactive and situational

what seems like a good idea to her in the moment , may not seem like such a good ideal in 24 hours etc

But most modern women also have true abundance mindset because they have so many options

I went to a language exchange last week met a Colombian chick took her home and fvcked her , afterwards I'm not really bothered about her anymore I probably wouldn't bend over backwards to see her again depends if Its convenient or I am horny

Women are the same except for they get a nice buzz just from having male attention

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it all boils down to what options you have

Zero options and someone gives you attention your going to be highly receptive to that person

Lot of options and someone gives you attention you can start picking and choosing
 

sangheilios

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2018
Messages
2,632
Reaction score
2,687
Age
34
@PlatoPacks23

I think you need to be looking at the context of each of these interactions to get a better idea of what happened.

IF a woman agreed to go out on a date after you ask her out in person, you would normally exchange numbers. However, IF she then did not respond then she was doing this as a non face to face rejection. This is basically what @RangerMIke was talking about and I honestly wouldn't even concern myself over this.

However, I think what you are getting at probably doesn't go like this and is something very different.

Let's say you meet a woman in person, exchange numbers, she responds and you both start making arrangements to set up a date. IF she then proceeds to flake/cancel but with no real explanation or just ghosts you then that is very odd. There could be a million different things going on that made her flake out, many of which have nothing to you.

I've had a few experiences of women agreeing to dates, giving me their number, responding and then ghosting later. I've specifically had one particular incident where a woman I talked to later approached ME, we proceeded to talk about what we liked to do, exchanged numbers but only for her to later ghost me. These women were a total waste of my time.

There are way too many women out there that readily lead men on for no reason, don't let them waste your time.
 
Last edited:

BillyPilgrim

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
4,607
Reaction score
3,631
not to sound off, but is there anything WRONG with the hopeless romantic type?

other than this bull****, *if she is actually just playing games because she's a "romantic" wouldn't it make for a better story long term if this goes further? like she wants to be "woo'd" and have a guy who fights for her instead of just dropping her? could come from a place of insecurity on her part..

like not everyone here just wants to hook up and have sex w a million chicks, some of us want relationships.
There wasn't in 1954, but there certainly is in 2024. Hopeless Romantics want to move far too slow for the multitude of options they have available.

If you want a relationship, you are better off trying to *avoid* this type. Just go for a normal girl who is open to an LTR.

The problem with hopeless romantic chicks these days is that they get curious at some point, ride the c0ck carousel and get badly burned. Now they want other men to heal them. I suspect this chick was in the "wanting to heal" stage, which explains both the love-bombing and pronounced skittishness. It definitely sounds like insecurity, and if this is the case this chick has no business thinking of dating at all right now.

So to best avoid this, you need to look for signs of "love bombing" and avoid women who display this. Since *you* are a romantic yourself, this crap will sting more for you than it will most dudes. You also want to avoid overly sensitive women as well, as they're more likely to be insecure.

OP, did you meet this girl online?
 

BillyPilgrim

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
4,607
Reaction score
3,631
So to answer the question in the OP, this is a case of neediness combined with insecurity, not attention wh0ring.
 

BeExcellent

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2015
Messages
4,695
Reaction score
6,586
Age
55
in this situation I really don't think there is another guy in the picture, but she got nervous before meeting me and bailed. I also left her on read for one message (trying to play it cool) and then the text after she cancelled lol.

WHY anyone man or woman accepts things they are iffy about it in the first place makes no sense.
Advice from the old lady:

1. She is Low Interest (be happy you aren't going out with a Low Interest chick.)

2. She is conflict averse. She wasn't honest about her Low Interest and didn't want to disappoint you....but she doesn't want to go out with you. So you get a lame excuse that you cannot argue with & she can tell herself she told you a little white lie to preserve your ego/not hurt your feelings.

Move on & be glad.
 

PlatoPacks23

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 23, 2023
Messages
272
Reaction score
104
There wasn't in 1954, but there certainly is in 2024. Hopeless Romantics want to move far too slow for the multitude of options they have available.

If you want a relationship, you are better off trying to *avoid* this type. Just go for a normal girl who is open to an LTR.

The problem with hopeless romantic chicks these days is that they get curious at some point, ride the c0ck carousel and get badly burned. Now they want other men to heal them. I suspect this chick was in the "wanting to heal" stage, which explains both the love-bombing and pronounced skittishness. It definitely sounds like insecurity, and if this is the case this chick has no business thinking of dating at all right now.

So to best avoid this, you need to look for signs of "love bombing" and avoid women who display this. Since *you* are a romantic yourself, this crap will sting more for you than it will most dudes. You also want to avoid overly sensitive women as well, as they're more likely to be insecure.

OP, did you meet this girl online?
what if you don't want a relationship?
 

SW15

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 31, 2020
Messages
12,449
Reaction score
10,661
There wasn't in 1954, but there certainly is in 2024. Hopeless Romantics want to move far too slow for the multitude of options they have available.

If you want a relationship, you are better off trying to *avoid* this type. Just go for a normal girl who is open to an LTR.

The problem with hopeless romantic chicks these days is that they get curious at some point, ride the c0ck carousel and get badly burned.
A woman in 1954, 1974, or even 1994 would not be able to create the multitude of options that they have today.

Tech-based dating methods are the easiest way for a woman to get more options.

There are cases where if a woman solely met men in real life, she might get asked out on a date 3 times in 6 months. And that would only happen with a strong day-to-day routine including going to bars and events around her city. If she sat at home in her leisure time, she could far exceed 3 first dates in a 6 month period. I know a mid-30s, very average looking hopeless romantic who fits the description I wrote above. She rarely ever gets asked out in-person (her day-to-day routine is crap) but she can arrange multiple first dates on swipe apps in a week. Where's her motivation to fix her lousy day-to-day routine if she's getting a lot of first dates sitting at home and swiping?

Hopeless romantics have so many options now that they ride the penis carousel nearly as much as more women who have a more natural

Simple: she got a better offer…
This is true. She got an offer that she perceived as better.

I think there are useful tactics to reduce flaking on 1st or 2nd dates (the early stage, pre-sex flakes).

For 1st dates, try to reduce the window of time between the initial interaction and the time of the date. Try to get her on a date within 48-72 dates. Instantaneous dates from non-bar approaches are the best but instantaneous dates are rare.

Women who use swipe apps are more prone to flaking. I would recommend not using swipe apps as a means to reduce flake rate. It's possible (and even somewhat probable) that a woman approached in real life uses a swipe app if she's single and looking. A real life approach is still more valuable than a swipe app interaction. In a given week, a woman might get hundreds of men in her swipe queue, possibly dozens more in her social media DMs across platforms, and but only a small number of in-person approaches. That small number of in-person approaches gets smaller if she's not going out to bars too much. She's more likely to value the in-person approach if it's done in a way she perceives as non-creepy.

A woman that is attracted to a man and is interested will not just cancel. They will try to set something else up if something really comes up.
This is true.

In my experience, women accepting dates then later cancelling never really wanted to meet up. She just didn't know how to tell you no when you asked. Why do they do this? Simple, they do not want to get into any uncomfortable discussion with a dude as to 'why' she doesn't want to meet up. Many men act like butt hurt little bitches when a woman rejects them... and they don't want to deal with that.
This is true. I perceive this as a bigger problem in the younger generations (Millennials & Gen Z). Millennials and Gen Z are non-confrontational generations in dating. Technology has replaced a lot of human interactions and the most difficult conversations are often avoided.

what can a man do about this?... nothing... it is a woman acting like a woman. Take the hint, delete her number and move on. Don't get mad... in fact you should be grateful that you are not wasting time or money on a woman you do not have a shot with.
When the flake actually happens, there isn't anything men can do at that point except what you mention.

I think there are tactical and strategic means to reduce early stage flaking in general.

1. Shorten the window of time between initial approach and first date
2. Avoid swipe apps
3. Get her invested in the interaction fast
4. Self-improve to the point where you are likely to be a superior offering
 
Top