What do you guys think of this situation?

[AdamJ]

Hey guys, long time lurker.

So I’ve been going out with this girl for a few months and for the most part she’s great, but tonight she did something that really annoyed me.

Here’s the situation.

I work a 9 - 7 office job during the week and then I wait tables at a bar through most of Saturday so Sundays is my only free night right now really.

She says she wants to see me so I agree and we go somewhere for dinner (which I pay for) tonight.

As we get ready to leave she says she has to head back home now because her aunt doesn’t like her coming back late. This seems weak since her house is a 10 minute walk from mine.

Now, this p*sses me off because I feel like I’ve wasted my one free evening and I’m not even getting sex.

And it puts me in a difficult position.

I can’t come out and say “you had your needs met by being able to see me, now I should have my needs met by being able to fvck you!”

Put she should know better than that right?

I feel like I can’t talk about this to her without sounding weak and outcome dependent but at the same time I want to send the message that what she did really isn’t ok in my books. I know she probably isn’t on her period because we had sex on Friday.

Is going ghost on your girlfriend overkill though??

Am I over-reacting or am I in the right here?

 

[AdamJ]

Bump...

 

[TheException]

She says she wants to see me so I agree and we go somewhere for dinner (which I pay for) tonight.

As we get ready to leave she says she has to head back home now because her aunt doesn’t like her coming back late. This seems weak since her house is a 10 minute walk from mine.

Now, this p*sses me off because I feel like I’ve wasted my one free evening and I’m not even getting sex.

Ahhhh the classic beta chump move of expecting sex in exchange for "buying something".

You feel as if you are entitled to get laid because you bought dinner? Congratulations so do the majority of men, and thats why the modern man is a goddamn vag1na. You are ENTITLED TO NOTHING. You dont make a woman want to fvck you by buying dinner.....you make her want to fvck you by being attractive. Whining and pouting because you didnt get sex is pathetic.

I can’t come out and say “you had your needs met by being able to see me, now I should have my needs met by being able to fvck you!”

Put she should know better than that right?

She might not know better....but her hypergamous nature(and her subconscious) certainly do. Theoretically if she can get her need for attention met without giving up sex.....shes going to do that. I would say this is a great period for growth. There are probably some things that you are doing wrong in your time away from your girlfriend, assuming she is a high quality woman. If I had your crazy work schedule and my girlfriend could only see me once a week.......she would be begging to have sex.

Is going ghost on your girlfriend overkill though??

Am I over-reacting or am I in the right here?

You dont go ghost on a girlfriend.

You're only "over reacting" because your p1ssed about not getting sex. Like I said....think about the principles we teach here and see if you have been applying them to your life. Its not the end of the world.....but I sure as he11 wouldnt want to see my girlfriend once a week and NOT have sex with her. Clean up the act...

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Have her meet you at your place and bang her before dinner.

That is, if getting the sex is your major priority.

If you are wondering if she is just using you for dinner (i.e., resources), then you need to physically and verbally escalate sexually during your date.

You call her your "girlfriend", so she's used to you touching her. Apply a little touch, like brushing her hair back, stroking her arm briefly while looking her in the eye while you talk. Tell her she looks hot in her attire and even hotter out of it...that you can't wait to ravish her like a horny sailor. Whatever.

Get her worked up. And then if she doesn't go for sex after dinner, you have your answer.

Just don't apply the kino/escalation so think it repels her. Push/pull, tease, and get her home. Bang her.

 

[AdamJ]

Ahhhh the classic beta chump move of expecting sex in exchange for "buying something".

You feel as if you are entitled to get laid because you bought dinner? Congratulations so do the majority of men, and thats why the modern man is a goddamn vag1na. You are ENTITLED TO NOTHING. You dont make a woman want to fvck you by buying dinner.....you make her want to fvck you by being attractive. Whining and pouting because you didnt get sex is pathetic.


She might not know better....but her hypergamous nature(and her subconscious) certainly do. Theoretically if she can get her need for attention met without giving up sex.....shes going to do that. I would say this is a great period for growth. There are probably some things that you are doing wrong in your time away from your girlfriend, assuming she is a high quality woman. If I had your crazy work schedule and my girlfriend could only see me once a week.......she would be begging to have sex.


You dont go ghost on a girlfriend.

You're only "over reacting" because your p1ssed about not getting sex. Like I said....think about the principles we teach here and see if you have been applying them to your life. Its not the end of the world.....but I sure as he11 wouldnt want to see my girlfriend once a week and NOT have sex with her. Clean up the act...

You're missing the point. I didn't buy dinner to get into her pants. I bought dinner as a courtesy...the woman is my gf after all...but if she isn't willing to fulfill her end of the bargain why am I wasting my time in a relationship at all???

I didn't throw a tantrum or anything but just turned away when she tried to kiss me and walked off.

Got a text this morning.

Her: Hey babe, sorry for yesterday. I hope you have a good start to the week the week. I'll miss you xxx

Me: Don't worry about it. I don't have much free time so tell me in advance if you have to leave early next time. Thanks...How are you anyway...

Her: I'm okay. Maybe a bit disappointed as I feel like if we're not having sex it's a waste of time for you to see me? x

(I felt a bit sorry for her at this point so backed off)

Me: Noooo. I meant it would have been better to have had more time.

Her: I feel the same! My auntie just been really moody about me getting back late at times.You having a good day at work? x

Me: Not bad. Managed to get an early night from my manager this Wednesday

Her: oh that's great! So let's do something together xx

Think we're ok for now, but no way I'm putting up with that again.

 

[AdamJ]

Have her meet you at your place and bang her before dinner.

That is, if getting the sex is your major priority.

Good advice. I guess I'll just have to start doing this now.

It's unromantic, not to her tastes and she'll probably pull me up on it but I don't care - she brought this on herself.

The sad thing is I actually like dates with gfs. To me sex is the complete package of a good night - the icing on the cake. But she ruined that for herself...

I swear women are the architects of their own misery.

 

[AdamJ]

There are probably some things that you are doing wrong in your time away from your girlfriend, assuming she is a high quality woman.

What do you mean by this (both parts)?

You dont go ghost on a girlfriend.

Why not?

 

[joker79]

Her: I'm okay. Maybe a bit disappointed as I feel like if we're not having sex it's a waste of time for you to see me? x

Me: Noooo. I meant it would have been better to have had more time.

you backed off and was a good way to show that you're in control. Dangerous shyt test from her anyway

Next time, sex should happen, any excuse ->she's out.

 

[Ace9]

Smashing your girlfriend should not be an equation.
If you aren't...when you please...something bigger is at play.

 

[TheException]

Me: Don't worry about it. I don't have much free time so tell me in advance if you have to leave early next time. Thanks...How are you anyway...

Her: I'm okay. Maybe a bit disappointed as I feel like if we're not having sex it's a waste of time for you to see me? x

(I felt a bit sorry for her at this point so backed off)

Me: Noooo. I meant it would have been better to have had more time.

I completely disagree with Joker.....this is nothing more than being butthurt and crying about it. Its under the guise of "putting my foot down" but it comes off like a total chump move. You back off as soon as you get called out and rightfully so after you realized that you were wrong.

I didn't throw a tantrum or anything but just turned away when she tried to kiss me and walked off

More pouting....one word for ya.....UNATTRACTIVE

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheException

You dont go ghost on a girlfriend.

Why not?

Its obvious.....this is not some random plate that you are spinning. This is your girlfriend....if something comes up that you dont like there are ways to handle it. But to avoid talking to your girlfriend on purpose for not having sex with you(on one night by the way, you havent mentioned if this is a reoccuring theme) is absurd and pathetic. Its still pouting and you act as if you care too much. You might as well just dump her if you think so low of her to resort to ignoring because you didnt get you way...

 

[rascal99v]

Chicks want sex. This was never an issue with her before. This chick is depriving you sex. The relationship will go down hill from here. Expect more with holding of sex.

 

[foreverAFC]

you sound like another nutcase, you didnt get sex from your gf one time and you're flipping out

 

[AdamJ]

I completely disagree with Joker.....this is nothing more than being butthurt and crying about it. Its under the guise of "putting my foot down" but it comes off like a total chump move. You back off as soon as you get called out and rightfully so after you realized that you were wrong.

I backed off because I felt sorry for her, but I wish I hadn't now because she needs to know what she did was wrong.

Its obvious.....this is not some random plate that you are spinning. This is your girlfriend....if something comes up that you dont like there are ways to handle it.

Like how?

But to avoid talking to your girlfriend on purpose for not having sex with you(on one night by the way, you havent mentioned if this is a reoccuring theme) is absurd and pathetic. Its still pouting and you act as if you care too much. You might as well just dump her if you think so low of her to resort to ignoring because you didnt get you way...

Of course I care…she wasted my one free night a week and as my gf she’s only the person I can have sex with. She knows this and is taken advantage.

Why shouldn't I be angry? She used to complain when we'd only have sex and never go anywhere. So she should know better than to do the same thing to me but the other way round.

I was so irritated that I reinstalled Tinder on my phone , which I deleted once we were official. I already have a girl’s number from it after 2 days. If we meet I’m going to dump my gf first, since I’ve never cheated. Her fault, not mine.

Maybe then she'll get the message. It's a shame to do this but there's no other way.

 

[AdamJ]

Chicks want sex. This was never an issue with her before. This chick is depriving you sex. The relationship will go down hill from here. Expect more with holding of sex.

Well EVERY time before we meet up I'm going to ask her if she has to leave early. And if she says yes then I'll say I'm busy. At least then she can't use that excuse.

And if she deprives me of sex again I'm just going to dump her.

 

[backseatjuan]

My take on this is the following. You already met with her for some considerable amount of time, now it's time for the next step, to live together. Ask her to move in with you if you like her.

 

[Yewki]

Regardless of how right (or wrong) you are, it's unattractive to get butt hurt over something simple like this. Stop making extreme statements and ultimatums, it makes it seem like you're throwing a tantrum. You should express your disatisfaction more maturely and upfront, but more importantly try not to let something little like this get to you as much. Perhaps stop expecting to always have sex when you meet with your girlfriend, or at least be OK with it not happening. Also... if your schedule is so packed that you literally cannot meet with her to bang Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, or Fri... you're doing too much.

 

[Turuwal]

AdamJ, you are very lucky, for you have learned a valuable lesson for only the price of a dinner. The other posters are right, it appears (to her emotional centre, which is what matters) that you have attempted to exchange provisions for sex.

In the future, you could try something similar to what I did with my favorite FB back home to set the frame properly from the beginning. On our day3, I had her naked and at third base, but a hesitation in the escalation or similar mistake meant that I didn't have sex with her. As she was leaving my place, I lined up the day4 something like so:

Me: What do you think about dinner on day4?

Her: Sounds great!

Me: Cool! What are you gonna cook for me?

Har. Har. Har. Funny stuff, but it worked a damned treat! She cooked me dinner at her place and then we had sex for the first time. See the report at http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=207147

 

[papawapa]

you are being a selfish jacka$$. you expect her to put out on the one day a week you have time for her. if you want to get some you have to get her kitten purring. hanging out having dinner isnt going to do that. teasing, touching, innuendo will.

 

[Epimanes]

Just because you bought her dinner doesn't automaticly mean you get sex.. Geesh. You gotta work her up some.

Women can feel your motives if you try too hard. Be yourself and adjust your "game" with some of the advice here but no set of words or actions or just buying dinner will get you laid every time because every woman is different. Just be with her and have fun. The rest will fall into place when its time. If you try too hard and have hidden expectations that's a sure fire way to NOT GET LAID.

So stop TRYING so hard and acting desperate to get laid and you likely will.

Have you read "kill your desperation" by pook? If not. Soak it in.

Epi

 

[LorenzoVonM]

I'm confused, are you guys exclusive? If not then call another girl.

After 3 months if you are gf/bf and not seeing each other for a week you should be boning in the every bush, alley, doorwell, and underpass you find. This might not be the right girl for you. Low sex drive.

If she's not low sex-drive, then not wanting to even get a quickie with her new boyfriend is weird. It would have taken 5-10 minutes in the back of a car. Might this have been a test based on how your relationship started? She wants to see if you really like her for her.

The reason I bring it up is because she says stuff like:

Her: I'm okay. Maybe a bit disappointed as I feel like if we're not having sex it's a waste of time for you to see me? x

This is a double-bind by the way. Any answer you give screws you so you have to ignore it. Say its not a waste of time and she'll feel obliged to pull this sh*t again. Say you expect sex everytime you meet and she will get pissed off and maybe move on to someone more providerish.