what do you do to keep your relationships fresh?

[backbreaker]

I've been in one for a while now, i'm finding that while it's not impossible, becuase i'm doing it, keeping 1 woman happy for a long time, is harder than keeping 5 women happy for short spardic amounts of time.

What are some of the things you do to keep your relationships fresh?

Randomly, but often enough, usually 2-3 times a month, without telling my GF, I will pay a babysitter to watch our son overnight, almost always when she's going shopping or out, so she comes home, and we will have some drinks and just have a date. usually e don't even go anywhere. But it's one thing to sit at home with your GF and watch TV, it's another to get dressed up and spend some "time" with your GF. I usually/always throw on some nice clothes, even if we aren't going anywhere, becuase she's worth the dressing up. Throw on some nice music, if we haven't ate i'll cook, have a couple of fufu drinks and just chill. It's actually pretty fun.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Eat her pvssy from different positions and in different settings.

It works!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I wonder how many women are really contemplating about how to "keep their men happy"? Other than the occasional "sex secrets that every man wants" article in Cosmopolitan, I don't think they're overly concerned with this.

So the more interesting question would be, why is it incumbent upon a man to "keep the relationship fresh?" If a 'fresh' relationship was such a concern, what is SHE doing to keep it fresh? The cult of Oprah love to pop off with idioms like "a good relationship takes a lot of work" which is of course a social convention that begs a constant need for qualification. Essentially it perpetuates the qualification dynamic from single life over into married / LTR life.

 

[speed dawg]

I wonder how many women are really contemplating about how to "keep their men happy"? Other than the occasional "sex secrets that every man wants" article in Cosmopolitan, I don't think they're overly concerned with this.

So the more interesting question would be, why is it incumbent upon a man to "keep the relationship fresh?" If a 'fresh' relationship was such a concern, what is SHE doing to keep it fresh? The cult of Oprah love to pop off with idioms like "a good relationship takes a lot of work" which is of course a social convention that begs a constant need for qualification. Essentially it perpetuates the qualification dynamic from single life over into married / LTR life.

I agree, this very thinking is what inspires AFC-dom. If this guy was really confident in himself, he'd never ask this question. I know because I've been there.

Now, I'm all about keeping the relationship fun and stuff, but you can do that without becoming all womanfied and sh1t. Man, this crap is everywhere. Family vacations, TV, work, everywhere. People get all p1ssed off at me because I don't give a sh1t what the women in the group, whatever group it may be at the time, think.

But where they are wrong is that I do care. I consider their opinion but I also treat them like women. Not less of a person or beneath me, just simply women.

 

[backbreaker]

uh.. no. and that goes to you too rollo. I read and respect alot of your wor, but I gotta disagree here.

you live with each other for a while, yes, it IS work to keep things going. Not just on my end but her end. I get bored easily. I've been dating my GF for 2 years. Before this my longest relationshipo was all of 2 and a half months.

She does a good job showing me how much she apprciates me, even though she doesn't have to. she always makes sure she is dressed nice, even when walking around the house. she buys alot of
, she gives me massages even though I know she hates it, she does things with me that I know she would not do if I were not in the picture.

rollo, I say no, becuase that very idea i got from none other than yourself, reading one of your post about 8 months ago.

I admit, part of it is that i'm int he best shape of my life, it's easy to keep things livley when you are at the tpo of your game. but even with that said, you live with someone, and routine kicks in, you have to remind the person of why you are so into them and ikewise. it could be something as small as not being able to keep your hands off your GF or Wife or whatever when she's getting dresse din the morning. doesn't seem like alot, but it shows her that you still find her attractive. it's little **** like that, that we dont' do beucase we take what we have for granted.

today I got up at about 3am, whcih is about normal, I jump in the shower and next thing you know, my GF sneaks out of the bed, jumps in the shower, and fvcks the **** out of me, for no other reason than she wanted to. That made my freaking day, not the sex, we fvck often, but the randomness of it all.

 

[KarmaSutra]

All of us LTR guys are victims to habit. Our women are constantly seeking ways to feel energized and moist.

Once you fall into a habit that she equates sex with something earned you're headed for trouble.

Spontaneity is the spice of relationship life, not variety.

 

[KontrollerX]

Eat her pvssy from different positions and in different settings.

It works!

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The "Relationships are work" mythology is a Social Convention. How often do you hear men say these words? This has filtered into popular consciousness even with men now. For the LTR men who subscribe to this I'd also speculate that many of them are in relationships where they are "doing the work" for the women who are giving them the 'grade' so to speak. And of the single men who subscribe to this mythology, each had to be conditioned to believe this is the case in LTRs by women. As an aside, I should also add that any unattached guy I've ever heard utter this phrase was doing so to establish himself as "not like other guys" in order to qualify himself to some woman he believed would identify with the idea.

Essentially the notion that relationships require 'work' is a social contrivance with the latent purpose of serving the feminine interest. Think about it - left to his own rationale why would a relationship EVER be considered work to a man? Of course it's not 'work' if he can get laid on a regular basis and share intimacy with a woman who has a mutual respect, attraction and affinity for him. No, this myth is one sided and it serves the feminine.

What would the best method be to get a man to live up to the idealizations a woman has as her perfect mate (however twisted and convoluted this may have been defined for her)? Women love the 'fixer upper'. "He'd be such a great guy if only he would,..." or she'll say "I'm working on him." It's when the conditioning goes from "I'm working on him" to "We're working on our relationship" that he has now internalized her frame control. This is where the mythology of Relationships-as-Work is derived from. How often is it the woman who needs the 'work' in the relationship? And if it is her, the terminology of the relationship and the associations change. 'Work' implies a man better conforming his identity to her ideal relationship. And what better way to initiate this than to psychologically condition him to want to embody her ideal - even before he's involved in a relationship.

I have heard (and read) 14 y.o. boys repeat this exact phrase, "Relationships take a lot of work." These are adolescent boys who've never been in ANY relationship, much less a mature adult one. Where does this come from? Western popular culture is saturated in mythologies like this; mythologies with the latent purpose of conditioning young men to desire to "live up" to the expectations that are idealized by women and serve to make their seletion process more comfortably in their control. Ergo, the boy that hears this often enough and repeats this often enough is pre-set to expect it into adulthood from the women who've also heard it and repeated it often enough to make it seem like a means for better identifying with a woman who's intimacy they seek.

And here's the truth,..

I've been married for 12.5 years now and I'm happy with my marriage, my family and the conditions in my household. In this time I have NEVER heard my wife tell me our relationship needed work, nor have I EVER thought that we might. She respects my identity and I respect hers. I have never asked her to change her personality to accommodate my expectations, nor would I since I know this would never be a genuine change. In turn I have never tried to change my identity to better accommodate her and in fact the surest way I could turn her off would be to do this.

The honest truth to this myth is:
Good relationships are effortless when both partners have a mutual respect for each other's identities and appreciate the relationship they share.

The tragedy in all of this is that this simple truth doesn't sell self-help books; the "how to change him" feminine psychology is self-prepetuating and self-defeating. The relationships-are-work crowd ultimately push away people who would otherwise be good mates or else change the character of the person so drastically that they cease to be the man they were attracted to in the beginning.

 

[Mr. Me]

Having been in several LTRs myself, I'd have to agree with Rollo that they don't need a lot of effort - if they're a good relationship. The ones that require "hard work" are like roads that require repairs all the time; something's wrong there. This boils down to savvy selection of partner and correctly nurturing the relationship. The relationship is a living thing, and like all living things, it needs to be fed and nourished.

Regarding nurturing the relationship, women will get turned off if they feel neglected and taken for granted. And lots of guys see snagging the girl as the end-all of it, instead of seeing the ensuing relationship as an on-going journey. Then they get too comfortable, prone to routine and habit, let down their guard and become boring, thinking, "oh she loves me. It's okay". But her love isn't unconditional. So, you have to keep her emotionally feeling good about you (and herself) by surprising the gal from time to time, and continue "dating" her.

Why does this responsibility fall on the guy? Because there are two people in a relationship and we do our part. And this is partly what women need to get from a relationship. This has nothing to do with whether she does her part or not, but if she doesn't meet your needs, you should get out of that relationship. Likewise, she'll likely look elsewhere or exit the relationship if these emotional needs of hers aren't being met.

Doing this is not "work". It should be fun, and an enhancement to your life.

 

[Bible_Belt]

what do you do to keep your relationships fresh?

make some porn

 

[samspade]

I think this thread is wrongly creating a false dichotomy, between "relationships should be easy" and "relationships take a lot of work."

No, they shouldn't be "work." But that doesn't mean you're allowed to slip into a complacent mindset.

As Mr. Me said, going the occasional extra mile isn't work if you're getting out of the relationship what YOU want. But whenever I've done these things, it's because I wanted to do them, not because I felt obligated to or needed to save anything.

And yeah, to the OP, make a porn or take some pics. Haha.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

My best advise.....

Give each other A LOT of space.

 

[STR8UP]

I always say that I go to work in the daytime....the last thing I'm going to do is come home at night to a second job.

Oh yea, and i enjoy my days off too. As soon as a relationship becomes "work" I QUIT.

 

[STR8UP]

double

 

[Heretolearn]

The "Relationships are work" mythology is a Social Convention. How often do you hear men say these words? This has filtered into popular consciousness even with men now. For the LTR men who subscribe to this I'd also speculate that many of them are in relationships where they are "doing the work" for the women who are giving them the 'grade' so to speak. And of the single men who subscribe to this mythology, each had to be conditioned to believe this is the case in LTRs by women. As an aside, I should also add that any unattached guy I've ever heard utter this phrase was doing so to establish himself as "not like other guys" in order to qualify himself to some woman he believed would identify with the idea.

Essentially the notion that relationships require 'work' is a social contrivance with the latent purpose of serving the feminine interest. Think about it - left to his own rationale why would a relationship EVER be considered work to a man? Of course it's not 'work' if he can get laid on a regular basis and share intimacy with a woman who has a mutual respect, attraction and affinity for him. No, this myth is one sided and it serves the feminine.

What would the best method be to get a man to live up to the idealizations a woman has as her perfect mate (however twisted and convoluted this may have been defined for her)? Women love the 'fixer upper'. "He'd be such a great guy if only he would,..." or she'll say "I'm working on him." It's when the conditioning goes from "I'm working on him" to "We're working on our relationship" that he has now internalized her frame control. This is where the mythology of Relationships-as-Work is derived from. How often is it the woman who needs the 'work' in the relationship? And if it is her, the terminology of the relationship and the associations change. 'Work' implies a man better conforming his identity to her ideal relationship. And what better way to initiate this than to psychologically condition him to want to embody her ideal - even before he's involved in a relationship.

I have heard (and read) 14 y.o. boys repeat this exact phrase, "Relationships take a lot of work." These are adolescent boys who've never been in ANY relationship, much less a mature adult one. Where does this come from? Western popular culture is saturated in mythologies like this; mythologies with the latent purpose of conditioning young men to desire to "live up" to the expectations that are idealized by women and serve to make their seletion process more comfortably in their control. Ergo, the boy that hears this often enough and repeats this often enough is pre-set to expect it into adulthood from the women who've also heard it and repeated it often enough to make it seem like a means for better identifying with a woman who's intimacy they seek.

And here's the truth,..

I've been married for 12.5 years now and I'm happy with my marriage, my family and the conditions in my household. In this time I have NEVER heard my wife tell me our relationship needed work, nor have I EVER thought that we might. She respects my identity and I respect hers. I have never asked her to change her personality to accommodate my expectations, nor would I since I know this would never be a genuine change. In turn I have never tried to change my identity to better accommodate her and in fact the surest way I could turn her off would be to do this.

The honest truth to this myth is:
Good relationships are effortless when both partners have a mutual respect for each other's identities and appreciate the relationship they share.

The tragedy in all of this is that this simple truth doesn't sell self-help books; the "how to change him" feminine psychology is self-prepetuating and self-defeating. The relationships-are-work crowd ultimately push away people who would otherwise be good mates or else change the character of the person so drastically that they cease to be the man they were attracted to in the beginning.

Great post!

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Backbreaker,
All relationships like yoghurt have a use by date,to extend it maybe three fold don't cohabit....To live together is the kiss of death to a don Juan.

 

[Interceptor]

I think when a couple is living together, and the relationship is getting 'boring' 9 times out of 10, youve got people with very short attention spans, who want constant stimulation and instant gratification, and have NOTHING going on with their life outside of their relationship.
Ive seen it time and time again.

its often the people who have no hobbies, interests, pursuits, passions and ambitions who get 'bored'.

And with our generation growing up brainwashed into constant ego gratification, intense over stimulation, and instant gratification, you are going to get people who dont know what to do with themselves.
And people who are basically boring underneath all the superficial stuff.
Most people cannot stand being alone with themselves. They have no hobbies.
No plans for the future. And no ambition to do something about their lives.
Combine that with low self esteem, and the need for ego validation, and you get codependent couples staying together for no other reason other than to not be alone, since they feel trapped, and have no options, and feel they dont deserve anything better.


When there is a lack of depth. There WILL be a limit to bonding, and thus, an actual limit to Intimacy.
So neither partner will feel 'fulfilled' with the other, since they are both LACKING.

This is why I strongly believe making sure you are keeping up with your hobbies, pursuits,and passions outside of your relationship is CRITICAL.
I feel it is the life blood of the relationship.
If you have nothing to give, share, or add, there's nothing new or fresh coming into the relationship.
And with all the opportunities we have here on this planet to experience, I find it hard to believe people can actually become bored when in fact the world is one's 'oyster', within reason of course.

Take advantage of having a partner. Go and do things that are fun, challenging, stimulating, exciting, new, fresh, and passionate.

Most guys DREAM of having a GF to share with.
And when they finally do get someone, they dont know what the fvck to do with her. Never mind that these guys never concerned themselves with building a better life, and creating a satisfying, fulfilling lifestyle before, during, and after a relationship.
THAT is our number one priority.
Because WITHOUT that, you have precious little to give her anyway....

 

[Mr. Me]

I think when a couple is living together, and the relationship is getting 'boring' 9 times out of 10, youve got people with very short attention spans, who want constant stimulation and instant gratification, and have NOTHING going on with their life outside of their relationship.

That is a really excellent point.

Having time apart from each other in which to indulge in one's particular passions, interest and hobbies, gives you new stuff to bring back into the relationship to share. Plus, the time apart gives both partners an opportunity to "miss" the other a bit, so as to look forward to being together again.

what do you do to keep your relationships fresh?

How about: Change girlfriends periodically.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Most guys DREAM of having a GF to share with.
And when they finally do get someone, they dont know what the fvck to do with her. Never mind that these guys never concerned themselves with building a better life, and creating a satisfying, fulfilling lifestyle before, during, and after a relationship.
THAT is our number one priority.
Because WITHOUT that, you have precious little to give her anyway....

Nothing ever need be said regarding this issue after this.

Interceptor, when we finally meet, the first round of drinks and sushi are on me. That's a promise.

Outstanding.

 

[LoneSilver]

Interceptor you need to write a book.

LoneSilver