What are people talking about?

[SayWhat]

Hi all

First, I'm new to this forum and I hope I place this thread in the right section.

To summarize, I recently went on a trip with a girl. She liked me, I liked her, but because of my lack of self confidence nothing happened because I wasn't being my plain old self. This resulted in very much quiet moments, just because I was constantly thinking what to do to make her laugh and to have a good time together. And she was not saying anything because she simply didn't understand why I was acting like that.

But this isn't why I'm here. After this experience I started to feel dreadful as one would imagine. I lost a great girl and I realized I really had to do something about my lack of confidence.

But today I feel empty, lost, alone. I don't know how to really explain what I feel, but it's a feeling that everyone has a good life besides me, everyone is happy besides me, everyone can talk to other persons and instantly make them laugh (besides me...). I live in this world, just to live in it and not meaning anything, that's basically how I feel and I simply don't like it.
The fact I'm already 24 years old, doesn't help either. I simply don't know where to find any girls anymore and the thought of staying alone for the rest of my life is the most horrific I have at the moment.

My head is constantly full of thoughts, making me feel like I only slept 3 hours. I'm reading books on self confidence, The Game, body language, how to gain new friends,... But I simply feel I can not become the person I want to be, because it's not in my nature or something like that.

To explain: last night I went out, I saw everyone having a good time but I was constantly thinking what I can do to make my company laugh, what I can do to make a good impression, what I can do to be like all the others who are laughing and having a good time. You can say just enjoy the moment and be yourself. I tried this, but if you don't feel it, you show it.

When I looked around I saw girls talking and laughing with guys and was wondering, what are they saying? It's the same when I know a guy is texting a girl, what is he saying to her? I simply have the feeling I have nothing interesting to say...

So I think after this story of many different situations and feelings, my main concern at the moment is the fact I'm already 24, but also what do other people say and talk about?

Thanks for anyone reading this and pointing me to a helpful thread or providing me with tips.

 

[5string]

Develop an " I don't care" attitude, be yourself and you will exude confidence. Then, the chickies will come.

You're overthinking brother.

 

[The Gambler]

Develop an " I don't care" attitude, be yourself and you will exude confidence. Then, the chickies will come.

You're overthinking brother.

^^^ Very true.

Keep in mind that women can sense insecurity from a mile away. The way you battle insecurity is by developing more self-worth... getting in better physical shape, dressing and grooming yourself better, and educating yourself on how the female (and male) mind works -- which you have already started doing, because you are here and reading books on the subject.

"The Game" is a fun read, but is not necessarily practical for the average guy... It just kinda is what it is. But, I think you'll see that the common denominator in all these books/posts lead back to what 5string and I are saying -- you need to be convinced of your own value before others will see it too... And a few SIMPLE changes will go a long way.

The Gambler

 

[PRMoon]

Don't worry about what every one esle is "talking about" find something that interest you and talk about that. Spouting stuff that doesn't interest you will always lack conviction and innovative thought. Those are to key elements of your personality.

 

[Quiksilver]

A lot of people derive brain chemical reward merely from the act of talking and illiciting positive reaction from whomever is listening.

Therefore, they may be talking simply for the sake of talking.

I refer to it as "jibbering", pointless talking.


It isn't necessarily bad, but it is pointless unless your goal is brain chemical balance via endorphins release from talking to a receptive person.


IMO, whenever you open your mouth there should be a purpose. Whether its from going through the tedious motions of building a close relationship with someone via confidential jibbering, or solving a problem whereby the solution will improve the quality of your life and get you closer to your goals. The purpose may even be to acquire endorphins if thats your thing.

unfortunately, in todays dating landscape, you have to be good at jibbering to a girl to build her perception of comfort with you. and often, that includes jibbering with other effeminate males as a prerequisite to friendship, which also tends to increase female perception of comfort.


cliffs:

pointless talking builds comfort level, which increases your chances of getting laid.

 

[SayWhat]

But can I be sure that if I keep on reading and apply the stuff I learned in real life, I can become who I want to be? Like those who know what to say etc...

 

[goundra]

make some money in some way, get some karate lessons going. Offer to work for the master, etc. in return for lessons. after you have real ability, you can teach to make money, and she will value you for what you can do, or at least, many other girls will do so. Beware oneitus, espeically at a young age.

 

[JohnChops]

Develop an " I don't care" attitude, be yourself and you will exude confidence. Then, the chickies will come.

You're overthinking brother.

is there a point where you care to less? or no?

 

[NobodyCares1]

OP I've been in the same situation as you are, just go out with friends, you don't have to talk much, just listen to them talking and soon you'll be talking too. Trust me I used to be always silent but after a while I became much more talkative, I'm still not as talkative as some other people but I can maintain a good conversation.

Don't push yourself too much, it only makes things worse, just spend your time with other people and you'll learn to be more social.